Monday, September 5, 2022

The Lost Tribe, Deranged Mutant Ewoks

What do you get when you breed an Ewok with Predator?  Right!  You ever notice when something that has been lost since the beginning of time is found, it is always uncovered by idiots?  Today we look at 2010's "The Lost Tribe," directed by Roel Reine.  We'll have a nice cheese and beef factor in this one as well as a whole lot of smelly and vicious creatures.  Oh yes, we'll also have Lance Henriksen as an assassin/Catholic a role that was just waiting for him.

A babe anthropologist finds the missing link on an uncharted Caribbean island.  Not good for the Catholic church, so they send assassin Father Gallo (Henriksen) down there to wipe out the team. Alas, the babe anthropologist (Maxine Bahns) is tortured and murdered by Gallo...but she was not as unlucky as the rest on her team. Fast forward, a luxury sailboat crashes and the castaways are now on this island.  Two bikini babes brighten our mood, Anna (Emily Baldoni) and Alexis (Brianna Brown).  Anna is almost engaged to the hunk Tom (Nick Mannell) and Anna is the trophy of millionaire Joe (Marc Bacher).  The proverbial fifth wheel is also there, the hunk Chris (Hadley Fraser).  Uh oh...the castaways are being watched...and eventually stalked by a mysterious horde of creatures who move around in the trees.

Uh oh, again...Father Gallo is still on the island and he is under orders to murder everyone who has seen the missing link.  His employers don't want the masses to know God did not create man.  More bad news...the missing link is not just a skull found in the is a predator like species who likes to eat humans.  One by one...the castaways meet bloody fates at the hands of the creatures and Father Gallo.  Anna mans up and sets off into the inland jungle to look for her missing hunk, Tom.  What she finds is horrifying but not as horrifying at what finds her and what it wants to do to her.  You'll see.  

Can ugly Ewok-Predator things find love with bikini babes?  Doesn't the Catholic church have more pressing and local problems than the emergence of missing links?  Just what do the ugly and smelly creatures want to do with the nubile bikini babes?  This one gets very lurid and gory.  Our hunks and babes will sweat a lot and roll around in the mud which our creatures will enjoy...and us, too.  For a vicious and sometimes hard to watch horror film, see "The Lost Tribe."      

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