Friday, September 23, 2022

Deadly Descent: The Abominable Snowman, Hunks and Babes Shredded by Monster

First off...kudos to Zara Dimitrova.  She plays the sultry Vera the bartender in today's feature.  Of all the babes in this film...she comes in first.  Sadly, Vera the bartender has little to do with the plot, thus we will not mention her again. Picture a Coors Lite commercial that wants to be a monster movie.  With gratuitous skiing and snowboarding scenes through the Rocky Mountains, a little blood (a lot, actually) will flow.  Today's movie is 2013's "Deadly Descent: The Abominable Snowman," directed by Marko Makilaakso.

As our film begins, the abominable snowman eats Pete (Jesse Steele).  Yawn.  Brian (Chuck Campbell) is sad his buddy was eaten and goes back up the mountain with a gun to murder the monster.  His sister, the babe Nina (Lauren O'Neil), is worried and hires Mark (Adrian Paul) to helicopter her up the mountain.  Uh oh...all of Brian's buddies want to go along and they are all from the same army unit that served in Afghanistan...together.  Rick (Nicholas Boulton) was their commander and he is a grouch and yells at everyone (he must have been a big hit with the Taliban).  Nina loves him...though she could do a lot better.  Also going along are newlyweds (and also from their army unit), the beautiful Stacey (Elizabeth Croft) and Jon (Sam Cassidy)...and the PTSD ridden Erlander (Sean Teale).

The former army unit gets dropped up the mountain and Rick yells at everyone.  The monster attacks right away and eventually they find Brian.  Brian is not happy to see them...and we can understand why.  Rick yells at Brian and Nina continues making goo-goo eyes at him.  One by one the monster eats the group.  Now the hunters become the hunted and everything Rick suggests fails miserably.  As we hope the monster will eat Rick, we also desire the babes survive and find better men to start their families with.

In a perfect world, Vera the bartender would have led the mission up the mountain and Rick would have been left behind.  He could have yelled at bar patrons.  Will anyone survive the wrath of the abominable snowman?  If Brian could have gotten to first base with Vera, would he have been so eager to undertake a monster hunting suicide mission?  If Rick survives will he be sent to The Ukraine to yell at the Russian army?  CGI fun to the max filled with good cheese and beef...see "Deadly Descent: The Abominable Snowman."       

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