Sunday, June 20, 2021

Beaks, Eyeball Eating Pigeons

They just couldn't leave Hitchcock's "The Birds" alone.  Nope...exploitation cinema from Mexico had to weigh in.  This is actually a good thing.  Picture "The Birds" with Michelle Johnson doing a gratuitous bathtub scene.  Hitchcock eat your heart out!  Thanks to Rene Cardona, Jr., we have 1987's "Beaks."  Bloodier than the Tippi Hedren classic and more gratuitous in the gore and nudity department.

TV info-babe, Vanessa (Johnson) is sent to cover a story of a farmer attacked by his chickens.  Joining is her cameraman and lover, Peter (Christopher Atkins).  The two will have pre-marital sex and baths as they come across more instances of birds attacking people in Spain, Italy, Puerto Rico, and Mexico.  Now airplanes approaching airports are divebombed by the fiends and so are hang gliders, making out teens, and children's birthday parties.  Pigeons (okay, so they call them doves in this flick) are the main culprits.  As survivors worldwide, which includes a bikini babe, a sultry nurse in white, and other assorted hunks and babes, take shelter, the birds plan further attacks.

Our info-babe takes charge.  Her and "The Blue Lagoon" hunk commandeer a passenger train for some unknown reason.  Now the train speeds to...well, somewhere.  As the pigeons divebomb the express, Vanessa yells at everyone to move to the front...don't ask why, but she looks so great doing it.  War will take place on the train as mothers worldwide lead frightened children to safety, interrupting annoying birthday parties.  The pigeons continue feeding on eyeballs and a sultry nurse in white will be a heartbreaking casualty.  

Will Vanessa and Peter put off pre-marital sex and baths long enough to figure out how to combat the bird invasion?  If Vanessa worked for CNN, would that bumbling network actually find some viewers?  Will a info-babe with a proclivity for nude scenes have a better chance against the flying menaces than a catatonic Tippi Hedren?  Gory and gratuitous, this film went places where Hitchcock would not go...the bath tub.  For some neat gratuitous fun from Mexico, see "Beaks."

1 comment:

  1. Hitchcock hitchng his wacker in a bathtub, i'd pay for front seat