Monday, October 7, 2019

Witchouse, Babes, Hunks, and a Witch

The beautiful and the handsome will die so horribly in this tale of witchery and revenge. They'll get decapitated, ravaged in the shower, and possessed to where they are no longer beautiful. But will any survive the wrath of a creature emanating from the depths of Hell? I know...we can all ask ourselves that same question and apply the answer to our daily existences. Hence a Full Moon feature, directed by David DeCoteau, 1999's "Witchouse."
Alas, the fates of hunk Bob (jason Faunt) and Margaret (Kimberly Pullis)! They die horribly even before the plot gets going. The great looking duo are the first to arrive at an old castle for Elizabeth's (Ashley McKinney Taylor) weird party. Instead, Elizabeth is nowhere to be found, so Bob and Margaret find the basement (satanic temple) and engage in pre-marital sex. Yep...they both will die horribly. Enter the other guests, who don't know Elizabeth is descended from witches. College chums get chummy real fast as Maria (Marissa Tait) and Scott (Dane Northcutt) will find a bedroom and also engage in pre-marital sex and a gratuitous shower scene...their fate will be worse than death.
Okay, as the two lovebirds are'll see...Elizabeth makes an appearance. Her most notable friends are Jack (Matt Raftery), an electronics nerd, Jennifer (Monica Serene Garnich), a nerd beauty, and the tough but kinky Janet (Brooke Mueller). As hunks and babes continue to die horribly, this trio emerge as a fighting force. Ah, but wait! Why have these guests been chosen? Now Elizabeth conjures up a millennium old demon, Lilith (Ariauna Albright), and she is bent on revenge for the witch trials of 1698...yep, the dame holds grudges. As Lilith and Elizabeth stalk the remaining hunks and beauties, the two nerds, and possible virgins, Jack and Jennifer use their brains and science to repel the evil duo and secure Janet arms herself with a'll see.
Just what do Lilith and Elizabeth have planned for their hunk and babe guests, and why were these classmates chosen? Will the tough Janet survive and be the inspiration for anti-heroine character in a series of graphic novels? Can Jack and Jennifer survive and de-virginize each other? You gals will love the beefcake and you guys will love the cheesecake in this tale of bloody revenge and carnal behavior. For an inspirational 90 minutes during this Halloween season, enjoy "Witchouse."


  1. I really need to watch Whore.. I mean Witchouse, what an interesting review, the grudges go back to the, Come on Pilgrams!

  2. This is such a classic for me.
    Ahhh the 90's. Great review Chris!!!

  3. I'm all about the cheesecake, bloody revenge and carnal behavior in Horror movies! Re-watching today. Great review, Sir!