Saturday, October 19, 2019

Razorteeth, Piranhas Eat Pennsylvania

It happens. Secret U.S.-Russian experiments get lost and all of a sudden mutant wildlife preys on good Americans. Yep, we all have our. taking-a-walk-when-suddenly-a-long-tooth-mutant-jumps-on-us-and-tries-to-eat-our-face-stories. Thanks to John and Mark Polonia we have 2005's "Razorteeth." This C grade film tells a pertinent story which is so familiar to all of us.
A secret government plane crashes in a Pennsylvania lake releasing mutant piranhas. The fish were headed to the weapons division at probably the NSA. It's a well known fact the NSA is experimenting with piranhas and cell phones. Okay, the things of course attack immediately. Agent Dawson (Brice Kennedy) sends Agent Fields there to clean things up. Clean-up includes eliminating anyone who knows about the fish. There won't be many as most will be eaten. Bikini clad Lira is one of the first in the classic bikini babe in the water eaten by toothy fish scene.
The piranhas show an ability to jump out of the water and eat many schmucks standing on the beach. Even better, they swim to outhouses and travel up rectums and burst out through stomachs...yes! Agent Fields meets a schmuck looking for Lira...the essential government employee then pulls out an Uzi and empties a clip into him. Uh oh for the fish, Agent Fields has also been equipped with a piranha killing bomb and he will be ordered to detonate it in the lake. This might not be so easy as the piranhas are getting smarter and in films like these, nothing is easy.
Will the sadistic Agent Fields get what he deserves at the hands of the piranhas? If this were a B grade film instead of a C grade film, would the bikini victims have been skinny-dipping victims? As the acid rain hoax died down, is this film a move by the environmentalist movement to scare people away from lake resorts? This one is a lot of fun and probably a lot more realistic and believable than any of the silly "Captain Marvel" or "Avengers" trash. See "Razorteeth" and learn that it doesn't cost $250 million to make good entertainment.

1 comment:

  1. ooo back to basics, can the piranhas deactivate a bomb, they seem that smart, thanks for making my saturday!