Thursday, September 6, 2018

Kill Cruise, A Salt and Two Skanks

A boat skipper and two party girls walk into a bar...which one is the lunatic? This question is actually pertinent to all of us. Put yourself in any group of three or four...I guarantee you, one of you will be a lunatic. Sure, exactly which one may be a mystery, at least for a little while, but as time goes by, the real lunatic will rear his (...or her), crazy head. Hence 1990's "Kill Cruise" (aka "Der Skipper").
The Skipper (Jurgen Prochnow) captains a nice not a U Boat. Uh oh, the cops in Gibraltar believe he killed his wife's lover...but can't prove it. Enter two party girls in Gibraltar as lounge singers (...and sometimes strippers). Su (Patsy Kensit) and Lou (Elizabeth Hurley). For some mysterious reason they need to get out of Dodge and see the pathetic Skipper as their means to do so. Now a hopeless drunkard, and maybe a junkie, our two beauties seduce the guy to sail them to Barbados. Wearing party dresses, bikinis, some smart one-piece swimsuits, or nothing at all, our girls seem home free. The Skipper, well, he'll make out as well. But these two party-girls have the maturity of a sorority social director, and when the Skipper starts showing favoritism to Lou, Su begins a sorority girl who has been jilted. Nudity and sex await the Skipper, thanks to Lou, and a pouting Su will not take this laying down, at least by herself.
As the boat sails across the Atlantic, the trio become unglued. Su, based on some shoddy detective work, believes the Skipper is a murderer who intends to kill her and Lou. Lou wants a lot of sex with the Skipper. The Skipper starts thinking he should throw Su overboard. Then Su starts displaying behavior that indicates she is a homicidal lunatic, and Lou must decide between her and the Skipper. Or does she? As the film races to the final credits, it is obvious it will not end well...but for who?
Will The Skipper have to share Lou with Su? Or...will they gravitate to a threesome? Will a spear gun prove to be the demise of any of these three possible lunatics? Ms. Kensit and Ms. Hurley are both incredibly seductive in everything they do in this film. The three characters have a lot of unanswered questions about their past which indicate any of the three may be a homicidal lunatic..I guess we can also say that about ourselves. For some seductive fun and alluring mystery, check out "Kill Cruise," directed by Peter Keglevic.


  1. When you strip the film down to three characters and send them off on a long boat voyage, you could also put them in a space ship to Mars, would work just well, I'm pulling up this vid now, great review, as per usual!

  2. This is a very fun film filled with babes,debauchery & madness! I rated it a 7/10 on #IMDb.Uneven but watchable for sure. Thanks Christopher.