Sunday, March 12, 2023

Shark Waters, Great Whites vs. Humans

Oh yes!  You know we have to do this film on this blog.  The Asylum makes a shark we're there. The Asylum used to make movies for they do it for TubiTV. So you go "To Kill a Mockingbird," or "The King's Speech," excuse me while I yawn.  We're going to opt for The Asylum's shark film. Thank goodness for these us movies we want to watch instead of the ones the elites in academia and media tell us to watch.  Today we look at 2022's "Shark Waters," directed by Jadon Cal.

First...we meet a great looking couple jet skiing...they get eaten by great whites.  Bummer.  Then we meet bikini babe, Lucia (Meghan Carrasquillo).  We like her...she is after all...wearing a bikini. Her dad (Jim Fitzpatrick) gives her a gift.  Dad has paid for her to go on a chartered vessel to go fishing.  She'll arrive and meet the burly captain, Banning (Mike Rae Anderson) and his burly first mate, Shatto (Jonathan Shores).  We like them, too.  Two other passengers on the charter are sultry bikini babe, Donna (Tara Phillips) and her fiancé, Wyatt (Brandon Laabs).  We like them because they look great in swimsuits...however, these two are sixth and seventh in the credits which mean they will get eaten early on...and they do.

Okay, as the party begins catching fish a dozen great white sharks attack the charter.  Wyatt and Donna don't last long, sadly...though no one else seems to mind their gruesome demises.  Now the sharks keep ramming the boat and disable it at sea. Now Lucia, Shatto, and Banning are looks as if the sharks will sink the boat.  The trio come up with some pretty bad ideas.  If Lucia did not look so good in a bikini, we'd be pulling for the fish.  The boat begins sinking and the trio enact some of the worst ideas in film history.  Before you criticize them, remember, they probably get their smarts from watching the news and the commentators on TV.  Or maybe they watch C-SPAN.  Either way, help is on the way.  The help?  Not the most with-it peeps in the fact, very low energy.

Will anyone on this boat survive the attacking great whites? Will the fact that Lucia looks great in a bikini put a spark in her rescuers efforts to get to the sinking boat? Would this film be a blockbuster if Donna survived and engaged in gratuitous catfights with Lucia?  If you want to impress the elites, who will never like you, go ahead and watch "The English Patient."  However, if you want bikini babes and great white sharks...see "Shark Waters," a made for TubiTV spectacular.  

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