Tuesday, March 14, 2023

Sewer Gators, The Redneck Jaws

A long time ago I lived in Louisiana.  I remember only one thing about Thibodaux.  Yep...a billboard by the highway advertising Pizza Hut.  The billboard showed spaghetti and meatballs and a lot of folks claimed to have seen an image of Jesus in it.  Really.  Don't laugh.  This was a lot more plausible than the idiocy at Asbury University in Kentucky masquerading as a "revival."  The spaghetti on the billboard actually looked appetizing.  The idiotic coeds trying to sing without ever having developed a third chord at the sanctuary at Asbury is not appetizing in any way.  Today we look at 2022's "Sewer Gators," a film made by Paul Dale.

In Thibodaux, Louisiana, redneck Frank gets his a** eaten of while doing the #2 on his toilet.  We then meet Sheriff Mitchell (Kenny Bellau)...think Brody.  He always has a Miller Lite in his hand which he refers to as Thibodaux Coffee.  He wants to close down the upcoming Gator Fest.  Uh oh...Mayor Bobby (Sean Phelan)...think Mayor Vaughn...insists it remain open.  Help arrives in the form of a scientist from the Louisiana Ecological Wetlands Department (LEWD) in the form of the sultry Laura (Manon Pages)...think Hooper. She tells the sheriff and mayor they have a gator problem.  The gators keep coming through drains, washing machines, toilets, kitchen sinks, etc. and eat townspeople.  Again, more plausible than the hocus pocus occurring at Asbury.

The townsfolk want the gators killed before the festival.  Shane (Austin Naulty)...think Quint...arrives but wants way more money to kill the gators than the town has budgeted.  I should mention Gladyis (Sophia Brazda).  She'll be your favorite character in this whole film.  She'll have to fend off dozens of baby alligators trying to eat her inside her own kitchen.  She's a babe and ready for carnage.  Laura and Mitchell work on Shane and get him to agree to hunt the fiends.  Equipped with dynamite, beer, and chewing tobacco, our trio is ready for the hunt. 

Will Mitchell, Laura the LEWD woman, and Shane kill all the alligators in the Thibodaux sewers?  Will Gladyis be able to avoid having her face eaten off?  It is such a nice face.  Can the monotone coeds and dweebs of Asbury University just move on from their current folly and maybe take up gator hunting? Go gators!  This movie is maybe the hardest hitting social commentary ever put onto the silver screen. Grab a Miller Lite, chew some tobacco, throw some dynamite into a pond...and enjoy "Sewer Gators."    

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