Monday, November 15, 2021

Great White, Sharks Eat Aussies

Okay!  This movie is going to run into critical buzz saws.  The last half hour is brilliant...not stupid and unrealistic.  May I remind you the ending to "Jaws" was totally unrealistic.  In fact, we know the rifle round fired by Brody could not have penetrated the SCUBA tank and blown up the shark.  So there! You want realistic?  Fine!  Go renew your drivers license at the Department of Motor Vehicles...or even better, go get a colonoscopy.  Today we look at 2021's (a Shudder exclusive) "Great White," directed by Martin Wilson.

Australians used to be lovable and endearing...what happened?  As our film begins a very nice looking couple (Jason Wilder and Tatjana Marjanovic) are eaten by a great white shark.  Enter Kaz (Katrina Bowden) and Charlie (Aaron Jakubenko).  She's quite the babe and he is quote the hunk.  After some pre-marital sex the two discuss their failing airplane touring business.  Enter a rich Japanese couple, the arrogant  hunk Joji (Tim Kano) and his beautiful wife Michelle (Kimie Tsukakoshi).  They want an excursion to Hell's Reef so she can drop her grandfather's ashes over some shipwreck.  Also along is the cook, Benny (Te Kohe Tuhakae).  Cook?  I know...but he is the proverbial fifth wheel...can you guess who gets eaten first?

They fly to an island and find the remains of the aforementioned couple.  This puts a damper on things.  While flying out, they investigate the boat which was sunk by the shark.  Now the shark attacks Charlie's plane and sinks it.  The five great looking hunks and babes are now in a small life raft being followed by a 15 foot shark.  Joji ticks everyone off and everyone else looks kind of sad.  Mercifully, the shark begins its attack.  Now the bickering enhances and Charlie comes up with some halfwit ideas for survival.  As their chances of survival look bleak, heroism makes an appearance...but is it too late.  The two gals look great and there will be a gratuitous underwear scene.  The guys?  They grunt a lot.  Then the last half hour of this film...and it is ambitious and life changing.

Will anyone survive the carnage that the great white menace brings?  Will the bickering include a cat fight between Michelle and Kaz?  Is Kaz's pre-marital sex with Charlie an indication of her chances at survival?  Shark movie fans will enjoy this film and fans of babes all wet and in peril accompanied by hunks grunting type films will really enjoy this film.  As the winter nears, enjoy a film from Down Under, "Great White."

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