Friday, November 5, 2021

Bloody Murder, Camp Counselors Shredded

Okay...Buster Keaton and Abbott and Costello would be proud. The 2000 slasher film "Bloody Murder" has, hands down, the best bloody corpses falling out of a tree scene ever put on film. Yes even better than the one in "Terms of Endearment." This movie may not get a lot of love but we have bikini clad camp counselors dying horribly, hunk camp counselors dying horribly, teens having pre-marital sex dying horribly, and Jessica Morris running for her life through woods and lakes. Poetry.

Teen camp counselors show up early at Placid Pines Camp to get it ready for the summer campers. Jewels (Morris) is one of the new counselors and she arrives with her boyfriend, Jason (Justin Ross Martin). Jason will immediately have pre-marital sex with bikini clad Whitney (Tracey Pacheco). Can you guess Whitney's fate? Yep. A killer, wearing a hockey mask has beset the camp and is now killing the counselors. The nubile and hunk counselors are clueless as the fiend gets rid of the bodies. Jewels, now without a boyfriend, must undergo the sexual harassment of all the other hormone heavy jocks who seek pre-marital sex with her. The murders continue as Tobe (Patrick Cavenaugh), a geek counselor, pleads with Jewels to have pre-marital sex with him...she is a good sport about this.

Now several babes and hunks are missing and the cops arrive. They suspect Jason because he has the same name as that guy from "Friday the 13th." Jewels also finds friendship with another babe counselor, Drew (Crystalle Ford). Drew has anger issues and deep psychological problems...not that this is something for Jewels to be concerned about. one seeks pre-marital sex with Drew...just with Jewels...just saying. Bows and arrows will fell hunks, knives will fell babes...axes will fell both. As Jewels is chased through the woods and lake, clad in some nice camp counselor shorts, our killer seems to have an agenda that may date back twenty years.

Will anyone get to have pre-marital sex with the very lovely Jewels? Will Jewels or the slasher end up killing the two-timing Jason? Will Drew's anger management fail as every hunk counselor wants sex with Jewels and not her? "Bloody Murder" is a perfect film for 1980s slasher fans even though it was made in 2000. For some camp counselor carnage, babes in bikinis, and hunks acting brutish...see "Bloody Murder," directed by Ralph E. Portillo.

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