Thursday, June 20, 2024

Martian Massacre, Space War comes to Virginia

Forget that "Star Wars" idiocy! Forget "ET"!  Forget anything Spielberg! We have the greatest scifi film ever, or at least the greatest scifi film ever filmed in Danville, Virginia. Get this!  The alien asks Duke to take her to his leader. Duke refuses saying, "No way, I have warrants!"  ET should have met this guy! Perhaps a C movie, not a B movie, but still a lot more fun than this "Acolyte" garbage. Our film today is the epic from 2021, "Martian Massacre." Grab a Pabst, bend your best gal over your knee, burp a few times, and enjoy this James B. Thomasson film. After watching it you will never refer to Danville again as Lynchburg without the glitter.

Sultry space-babe Virago (Crystal Cleveland) witnesses her planet being destroyed by Martians. Her queen (Tamara Jones) gives her a box containing...well, you'll see...and ordering her to save herself, go to Earth, and start her life there with what's in the box. Virago obeys and comes to New, Danville, with the box. She'll meet pseudo redneck Duke (Bryan Matthew Ward) and ask to be taken to his leader. Duke laughs and takes her home. At home, Duke's niece Liane (Angel Nichole Bradford) is excited to meet the alien babe. She convinces Duke to help her. Uh oh!  The Martians want Virago dead and the box. They send the lizard-like guy Zeet (Shon Johnson) to earth to kill her and retrieve the box.  He arrives shortly after Virago with his laser gun.

Now on the run, Zeet seems to be gaining on them. Laser gun fights ensue. Earthlings are vaporized. Then Duke brings Virago to his friend Betty's (Heidi C. Cass) house. She's a dominatrix and will square off against Zeet wearing a leather outfit and boots. How will this go? in "To Kill a Mockingbird" with Gregory Peck, dominatrix' die awful deaths. Virago must survive as she is the only one left of her world.  With orders to start life anew on Earth, she begins getting attracted to Duke. Zeet gets closer and a showdown is imminent between Virago and Zeet in which the fate of humankind will be in balance. 

Just what is in the box Virago is protecting?  Will Virago be able to fight off Zeet and romance Duke? Do we need more movies about dominatrix' squaring off against lizard-type aliens or was 1980's "Ordinary People" the be all-end all of those films? Have yourself a lot of fun and watch a film made by people who know what we want in our scifi films.  See "Martian Massacre" today and shove some more pork rinds down your throat as you wash them down with a six-pack of Pabst.  

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