Sunday, January 29, 2023

Memorial Valley Massacre, Cave Man Murders Campers

The 1980s, as many of us think, may be the golden decade of slasher films.  This era began in the late 70s, actually, and continued through the mid-80s.  By 1988 or 1989 the quality of the films decreased.  Sure, comparing some of the offerings from 1988 or 1989 to "The Burning," or "My Bloody Valentine," is almost unfair.  Trying to find some new plot line after hundreds of slasher films came before was not easy.  With Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Halloween already taken in plots, trying to be semi-original caused movie makers to pick another Memorial Day!"  Hence today's feature, from 1989, "Memorial Valley Massacre" (aka "Valley of Death"), directed by Robert Hughes.

Ah!  Memorial Day weekend has rolled around.  The campsite in Memorial Valley is prepping for a deluge of campers.  Ranger Webster (John Kerry) has a lot to do as someone seems to have sabotaged the running water and killed a construction worker.  He'll have help, Mr. Sangster (Cameron Mitchell), who owns the campgrounds, assigns his hunk son David (Mark Mears) to assist Webster.  David is a college boy and Webster does not like college boys.  The campers arrive by the hundreds.  Of note is a babe named Cheryl (Lesa Lee).  She's pretty irrelevant to the plot but does have pre-marital sex with David and looks really good.  Biker gangs, obnoxious families, horny teens, and a battle tested army general (William Smith) will be a sampling of the campers.

Uh oh...a caveman (Mark Caso) who does not like noise feels as if his turf has been invaded.  He'll kill to protect his land...and kill...and kill...and kill.  In fact, this film has one of the highest death counts of any film from the 80s.  The biker gang and their scooter trash will all be decimated.  Our caveman sets up bloody booby-traps and hunts any nubile lass giving off pheromones.  David continues to annoy Webster, and Cheryl loosens up nicely but says nothing intelligent.  Big explosions, wooden spikes, hunting daggers, and spears will help our caveman murder just about everyone.  Uh oh...Webster seems hesitant about calling the cops or putting together a hunting party to snare this fiend.  David soon realizes Webster knows more about the homicidal lunatic than he is letting on.

What does Ranger Webster know about the caveman?  Other than pre-marital sex in a tent, will Cheryl do anything worthy of advancing the plot of this film?  Will the caveman spare at least one nubile camper and...actually...never mind...the question was going in a prurient direction.  For a massive kill count and hunks and babes galore...see "Memorial Valley Massacre."   

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