Fury of the Wolfman, Paul Naschy and Euro-Babes

From Spain, another Paul Naschy film.  Spain's greatest horror actor always pleases and shreds Euro-babes as he does.  However beset Mr. Naschy is with some Tibetan curse, he can take heart in knowing sultry chicks will always be near.  Directed by Jose Maria Zabalza, we will look at 1972's "Fury of the Wolfman," today.  Perhaps lost in dubbing, the cohesion of this film isn't strong, but we don't need it to enjoy the carnage, the monster, and the Euro-babes.

Oh no!  Waldemar's (Naschy) Tibetan expedition is wiped out by an avalanche and he is the only survivor.  Still, Waldemar was not unscathed...he was bitten by a Yeti before being rescues.  Now he is home and nursed by his sultry wife, Erika (Pilar Zerilla).  He'll report back to work at the university where he is lusted after by two major-league Euro-babes...sultry professor of brain science, Ilona (Perla Cristal) and a hot grad student she has a spell over, Karin (Veronica Lujan).  Ilona seems to control Karin and there are hints at a lesbian relationship.  Now Ilona, who secretly loves Waldemar, seeks to control him.  Uh oh...the Yeti bite makes Waldemar a werewolf during the full moon and Erika and her lover are the first two victims...so sad. 

Now the plot thickens.  Waldemar seems to get killed fleeing the murder scene.  His body is dug up and Ilona brings it to her weird laboratory castle.  After Waldemar is revived, Karin also falls in love with him.  Bad news...Ilona is a mad scientist with no intention of ever releasing Karin or Waldemar.  The castle is filled with insane mutants (failed experiments), and they love pawing and strangling Euro-babes.  Now Waldemar seeks freedom as Ilona shows a proclivity to control him even when he changes into a wolfman.  Eek...Ilona has quite the terrifying surprise for Waldemar which might see Karin ripped to shreds.  Ilona's fiendish plot is insane and to make matters worse, the insane mutants rebel.

Just what is Ilona's surprise for Waldemar and Karin?  Does Karin have a shot at surviving until the end credits?  Will there be an epic catfight between Ilona and Karin (and maybe throw in some babe mutants) over Waldemar's affections?  Prurient, erotic, and campy...this werewolf film from Spain is a lot of fun.  For a great Friday night creature feature, take in "Fury of the Wolfman."   

Revenge of the Lost, Dinosaurs Conquer

Many great filmmakers have dispensed this advice to youngsters desiring to also become great filmmakers, "Get out there and start making movies!"  Hurray for Erik Franklin.  Spartan perhaps.  Low budget, sure.  Corny?  Maybe.  Still 2017's "Revenge of the Lost" (aka "Jurrasic Vengeance") is a lot of fun and action packed...with lots of monsters.  You won't have to watch too closely to see similarities in this work to "The Mist," "The Walking Dead," and "Jurassic Park."

No one knows where they came from...millions of dinosaurs!  The world is now enduring an apocalypse due to these reptilian monsters.  Two cops, the hunk Ray (Franklin) and babe Michelle (Ivey Bronwen) have survived and are trying to stay uneaten.  This is difficult as the T-Rex's, Raptors, Pterodactyls, Triceratops, stegosaurus, and brontosaurus are running amok.  Emergency broadcasts beckon them to two surviving army posts within a days drive.  To get there they will have to battle monsters and psycho-survivalists.

Captain Knight (Erika Chang), the sultry Asian-babe commander of one post supervises the mad scientist Dr. Winston (Jay G. Hill).  Working with the nubile Dr. Jenna Price (Grace Xie), Winston is creating a chemical bomb that will spread a deadly virus to the dinosaurs...thereby saving mankind.  Uh oh...it will also wipe out the surviving humanity.  Ray and Michelle reach the base and witness the pretty Jenna being murdered by Winston.  Now Winston is determined to set off the bomb while keeping the antidote to himself.  Now our two cops must convince the sultry Knight to believe all this...but it may be too late.  Winston is determined.  As the dinosaurs manage to get into the bases, Winston is now working fast.

Sick of the "Jurassic Park" franchise?  I have been for many years.  This Erik Franklin film is fun and shows how to entertain with a horror film made on a shoestring budget.  Great looking characters and cheesy dinosaur f/x will surely please.  For some bargain basement dinosaur thrills, babes and hunks, and a mad scientist...give "Revenge of the Lost" a chance.      

Restart the Earth, Humanity Eating Plants

Nature turns on humans.  Classic theme of horror films.  Today, from China, we have one of these movies. The plot may be predictable but the plant/monster effects are cool, and the commandos are hunks, except for two.  Those two are commando babes.  With humanity facing extinction, the Chinese commandos are our only hope.  Today we take a look at 2021's "Restart the Earth," directed by Zhenzhao Lin.  By the way...don't be fooled by the awful title, this is a wild monster movie.

Plants rebel.  They develop a conscious and get ticked at humans.  This causes them to grow to gargantuan sizes and strangle the Earth.  They strangle skyscrapers, whole cities, cars, people, and roads.  Humankind seems extinct as our film begins with a scientist dad, Yung How (Mickey He) trying to keep his cute little girl, Yung Yung (Mi Luo) alive.  The duo live in a makeshift fortress protected by UV lights.  The plants get in and drag Yung Yung away.  Yung How chases after the green things and follows them to a giant plant infested laboratory.  Now the plants want to eat Yung Yung and capture her dad, too.  Just as all looks hopeless, out of nowhere, commandos barge in to save the day.

A babe lieutenant commando (Michelle Ye) chops away the tentacle-type roots with her katana sword as her mates bring in the firepower to include a flamethrower.  It is an epic battle and now the commandos and the two they rescued are on the run.  Now we find out Earth only has a couple of days before the miles deep root systems pull it apart.  A central command is calling the shots and they have a plan.  Uh oh...the plan won't work, says scientist Yung How.  Now he must get the military to listen to him and alter it.  Meanwhile, the massive plants chase after them and pull down skyscrapers beside them.  Now the babe commando and Yung How make goo goo eyes at each other as Yung Yung detects that a new mom may be imminent.  Uh oh...Yung How's plan won't work either...but never fear, help will come in unexpected places.

Massive in scope, and plenty of plant monsters that will remind you of the creatures in "Deep Rising," will make this film very satisfying.  The Chinese spared no expense and who can argue with a babe commando wielding a katana sword as a plot device.  For an epic monster movie with no PC Hollywood themes, see "Restart the Earth."   

Project 'Gemini,' Where We Go When Earth Loses Oxygen

Elon Musk and a few other scientists are bent on making Mars sustainable.  Yep, Earth's days are numbered and the population keeps growing.  We humans need a new planet to build strip malls and strip clubs on.  From Russia, a movie that may give us an inkling on how this will all take place.  Today we look at 2022's "Project 'Gemini'," directed by Serik Beyseu.  So get ready for tentacled slimy creatures and cosmonauts with no personalities, and let's go exploring through the universe.

A virus has hit Earth's plants.  The green things are dying and the oxygen levels on our planet are plummeting.  We'll all suffocate soon unless we can find a new planet to colonize.  This is Russia, so Elon Musk isn't on their speed dial...but Dr. Steve Ross (Egor Koreshkov) is.  He has invented a sphere that will act as a terraform device and produce atmosphere and plants on a dead planet.  One such planet is found and he assembles a crew to go there and create a new place to live.  To do this, he will have to leave his babe wife, Amy (Alyona Konstantinova), who is working on a vaccine for the plants.  A special spaceship is invented that can tap into worm holes and do warp speed.  Boom!  The crew is on their way.

Uh oh!  Something goes wrong.  A "critical error," as the computer terms it.  Now the spaceship pops up in an unknown portion of the universe at the wrong planet.  Uh oh again...something else tagged along.  Something mean, slimy, homicidal, and with tentacles.  The crew lands on the planet, figuring one dead planet is as good as another dead planet, and activate the sphere.  Uh oh again...it does create life...not the kind of life first imagined.  Now the crew is on the defense against this slimy and evolving creature.  Wait!  Indications are Steve is a mad scientist who knows more than he is letting on.  The creature is bent on murdering the crew and destroying the spaceship...or is it?  Yep!  Twists abound.  Remember Amy?  The babe back on Earth?  She'll pop up again in this plot.

Is Dr. Steve really an evil mad scientist or is he onto something too complicated for his crew to understand?  Is the tentacled creature really bent on murdering everyone or does it plan on doing something with the lone female cosmonaut (Carlyle DePriest)?  Are our cosmonauts really lost or is their ship right where it needs to be?  Corny and sappy at some points, an "Alien" rip-off at others, "Project 'Gemini,'" is a neat Russian scifi film which Elon Musk should take a look at.    

Vivid, The Little Blue Pill and Carnage

Ah, that little blue pill. Wait, no...not that one. The potency pharmaceutical many use to enhance...well, you know, might be the subject of a great film, but today we will talk about another pill, also blue. A pill that will allow us to live in our dreams. Sound good! If you're a loser, you can now manipulate your dreams so that you are a winner, and stay in those dreams. What could go wrong? Hence we look at 2011's "Vivid" (aka "Wonderland"), directed by Brandon Slagle.

We start off with a couple of losers of life's lottery. Two schmucks going nowhere but down. Ethan (Keith Kraft), a call-center employee and Rosa (Devanny Pinn), an addict. Rosa will die of an O.D. soon and Ethan will probably commit suicide. Wait! There is also Alice (Deneen Melody), a suicidal soap opera actress who may have been abducted by a serial killer. The serial killer? Let's just call him The Man of Sin (Slagle). He indeed has our actress. The Man of Sin is into these little blue pills in which he can control his dreams. There's more! He can control the dreams and realities of those he abducts. He can give them everything they want and aspire to. Fame! Glamour! Wild sex! Importance! You name it, and The Man of Sin enjoys playing God.

There is a big problem here...he's also a serial killer. A serial killer who seeks to be God tends to be a problem...especially if he decides to focus on you. Our two losers are transformed after he abducts them. Rosa is now a stunning babe and Ethan is an important bloke driving expensive cars. Being magnanimous to losers isn't The Man of Sin's ultimate goal. Killing and gutting losers is easy, but transforming them into their ultimate dreams...and then offing them...well, that's more fun for him. Now Rosa and Ethan will meet and both realize their present existences can't be real. They better be careful because The Man of Sin is their god in this dream state and he has some demented plans for the duo. Oh yeah, that soap opera actress? Well, that won't be a pretty plot device, I'm afraid.

Will Rosa and Ethan be able to join forces and battle The Man of Sin? Is the Man of Sin also a serial killer in the actual world, or just in this weird wonderland? Is the little blue pill in this film a relevant metaphor for the one pushed on us by "Big Pharmaceutical." Ms. Pinn does a fantastic job and plays to the camera very well...especially in the dream state. For some suspended reality fun and arousal, enjoy "Vivid."

Van Helsing, Vampires and Cenobites Hunt Babes

I guess they are some kind of mix between cenobites and vampires.  Either way...evil things.  Okay, this is not the Hugh Jackman/Kate Beckinsale film of the same name, which is good news.  The 2004 "Van Helsing" was pretty bad except for the fact that Kate Beckinsale's portrayal of Anna Valerious was stunning!  Today we look at 2022's Jagged Edge Productions "Van Helsing" (aka "Wrath of Van Helsing") directed by Soner Metin.  English babes in much peril from creatures of the undead...and the anti-hero that may end up loving them...Bran Stoker would be proud (okay, maybe not).

You have to love Ellie (Antonia Willhans).  Clad in a short leather skirt and fishnets, she meets three of her babe friends for a hike.  The semi-Goth babes are just as inappropriately clad. Briony (Elspeth Foster) wears latex hooker boots...hey, why not?  The two blondes are Alex (Beatrice Fletcher) and Shauna (Abi Casson Thompson).  Oh yes, Van Helsing (Michael Hoad)!  He makes a bargain with the devil to be immortal in order to hunt the monsters that ate his family.  I'm not sure what the devil gets out of this bargain.  Briony leads her babe friends to some World War 2 ruins in the English countryside which now is used by Satan as a gateway to Hell.  There, the four babes are hunted by cenobites and vampires.

With Ellie now missing, her parents enlist the help of a weird priest, Igor (Darrell Griggs) and the grouchy and ineffective Van Helsing.  The duo take their time getting to the ruins and as a result Ellie's friends are bitten and turn into vampire brides...not good for Ellie.  Now the head cenobite/vampire captures Ellie for some assumed ungodly purpose.  Van Helsing and Igor finally arrive and do a mediocre job battling the monsters.  Ellie looks real good running through underground ruins in fishnets and leather.  She'll put up a decent fight against the monsters and we hope Van Helsing and his weird colleague will find their A-game.

Will Van Helsing and Igor ever figure out they are monster hunters and stop acting like assistant inventory managers at a mid-size plumbing supply company?  Will Ellie's fishnets and leather skirt put some passion and personality into the world's most famous monster hunter?  Will Van Helsing's lack of personality drive the nubile Ellie into the arms of the cenobite/vampire leader?  This is a fun one, as all Jagged Edge productions are.  For a good monster and babe film, see "Van Helsing."  

 

Devil Story, Lingerie Clad Babe vs. Monsters

A sultry blonde clad in a white shiny and very kinky piece of lingerie will grace our blog today.  The babe, delusional and helpless, will be chased by a mutant Nazi, the Nazi's mom, a mummy, a babe zombie, a ghost ship out of "Tombs of the Blind Dead," and a demon possessed horse.  Yep, today we will look at a French film, 1986's "Devil Story," directed by Bernard Launois.

As this fine cinematic jaunt begins a mutant Nazi (Pascal Simon) shreds a couple of campers and a couple who break down at the side of the road.  The killings will be followed by spurting blood.  Enter our nice looking couple (Veronique Renaud and Marcel Portier) and their Mercedes Benz.  Now they break down and are fortunate enough to make it to a huge castle/hotel run by two weird locals.  The rain begins and a demon possessed black horse torments the people inside the castle.  The old guy who runs the place grabs his shotgun, goes outside and shoots at the horse for the next 24 hours, never getting anywhere close to hitting it.  This is not an exaggeration.  Our blonde babe puts on her nice piece of lingerie and follows the old guy outside into the storm.

The husband?  He's useless, like all men, and we won't mention him again.  Now the Nazi mutant drags coffins to his farm where he lives with his mom.  They both see the lingerie babe being chased by the horse and try to capture her.  The mom wants to murder the beauty but she gets away.  Bad news, a mummy arrives and resurrects a babe.  The old guy continues shooting at the horse.  Uh oh!  A ghost ship rises out of the sand to torment all involved.  Our babe is chased by the Nazi and looks fine in her lingerie, jiggling appropriately.  Uh oh for the Nazi...the horse kicks half his head off...he's none the less because of it.  Now our babe sees the old guy has bad aim and commandeers his shotgun...LINGERIE BABE WITH A SHOTGUN!!!  That's another film, I'm sure.

Where does this all lead to?  Oh, come on?  Non-consensus plot lines was a concept first theorized by Guy de Maupassant a long time ago (okay, I just made that up).  But, hey!  Well built blonde in shiny lingerie, chased by monsters, jiggling nicely, and eventually grabbing a shotgun...you want a storyline?!  Please!  For a really alluring movie watching experience, watch "Devil Story."