Tuesday, December 20, 2022

They Crawl Beneath, Toothy Worms

Ah!  The fabulous Dr. Wu (Gar-Ye Lee).  She's Asian and a babe.  For those of you who don't know, Asian is Hollywood's way of telling us she's a brainiac. Genius she is.  She is the only one in our movie today who knows what is going on and how to combat it.  She figures it all out in just a few minutes.  Alas, this sultry Asian scientist will be eaten by a giant worm and only appear in the film for a few minutes.  Now, her demise is not as colorful as Taaffe O'Connell's erotic demise in "Galaxy of Terror," but whenever a babe is decimated by a worm, we pay attention.  Today we look at 2022's They Crawl Beneath," directed by Dale Fabrigar.

Danny (Joseph Almani) is a cop...not a very good one.  He hangs out with his Uncle Bill (Michael Pare).  Bill was a cop...not a very good one.  Gwen (Karlee Eldridge) is an anthropologist...not a very good one...but she is quite the babe and Danny's estranged girlfriend.  Gwen also is not a very good GF as she yells at Danny a lot.  Earthquake!  Now a hole opens up in Bill's garage and killer worms come out.  Initially, they're small ones and bite Bill in the leg.  A sample is sent to the genius babe, Dr. Wu.  Very sad.  The little worm will grow and eat the good doctor.  Gwen yells at Danny some more and we wonder what he sees in her...though she is quite good looking.

Subplots abound, we'll ignore them.  The worms grow.  Another earthquake hits, trapping Danny and Uncle Bill in the garage.  Danny is mad at Bill, and so is Gwen.  Appears Bill barfed on Gwen's mom as he was hitting on her.  Gwen needs to learn to be less judgmental.  Bill will succumb to worm venom and become a worm nest.  Danny will try to stay alive while the python sized worms invade the garage again and try to eat him.  Gwen has no clue and appears content to be perpetually mad.  This is a mystery as her mom has probably had enough time to clean herself off after Uncle Bill blew chow on her.  Now Danny is wounded and the worms are getting more hungry. 

If this film had a bigger budget would Dr. Wu have suffered the same fate as Taaffe O'Connell?  Even though Gwen is a real babe, is she worth it?  Is Gwen's mom's lack of a sense of humor the cause of all the trouble in this film?  Alas, Dr. Wu...we hardly knew her.  Do yourself a favor, skip the new "Avatar" monstrosity and see "They Crawl Beneath."  

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