Yep! We have the director's cut version. All two hours and 35 minutes of it. We have the magnum opus of Kalassu! What do you mean...who's Kalassu? She's only the...well...she's the...let's just say she'll wear see through lingerie well and frolic with other bikini babes, some of which will have their faces explode. Yep, today we look at 1982's "Boardinghouse," directed by John Wintergate. It also stars a whole lot of babes who frolic in bikinis, take gratuitous showers, have pre-marital sex, catfights in hot tubs, and sometimes have their faces blow up.
Plot? Seriously? Fine...if you must, here goes. Playboy gadabout Jim (Wintergate) inherits a big house in Los Angeles. The house was originally owned by two scientists who took telekinesis to a whole new level and died horribly. To afford the house, Jim opens up a boarding house for sultry babes. Ten move in including aspiring singer Victoria (Kalassu). Jim is happy...his tenants prance around in their lingerie, swimsuits, or nothing. They shower with him and have pre-marital sex with him. Then Debbie (Lindsay Freeman) moves in. Also moving in late is Pam (Cindy Warren). Oh yes, while in see through lingerie, Jim convinces Victoria to practice mind control and telekinesis.
Uh oh for Pam...she begins moving in on Victoria's agent and gets some nice contracts. Pam's face won't survive this indiscretion, you'll see. Oh yes, eventually, the beauties begin having gruesome accidents that include impalement and sharp edges. Very gory. Then, they'll begin dying mysteriously. Cat fights in hot tubs and gratuitous sex will fill much of this film (after all, an hour of extra footage was added for the director's cut). Now Victoria gets pretty good at mind control and the babes who have annoyed her are getting seriously hurt. There will also be a pie fight and some embarrassing yogurt explosions...resulting in gratuitous shower scenes. A showdown emerges when it is apparent Debbie may be an escaped lunatic with some acute telekinetic power.
Enough. Get it? The important thing is the lingerie clad, or swimsuit clad, or nude babes frolicking, having pre-marital sex, or cat fights in hot tubs. Sure...not all will stay beautiful, but that's fine with us. Every inch of this film will include lingerie or nudity...perhaps not doing this is where "Jupiter Ascending" went wrong. Forget about dumb Hallmark Christmas films this month and enthusiastically turn on "Boardinghouse," all two hours and 35 minutes of it.
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