Tuesday, September 26, 2023

Phoenix, WWE Meets the MMA

Oh wow!  Finally something we've yearned for...for years! A hot and bloody catfight fight between WWE's Eva Marie and Bai Ling!  Yes!  Throw in MMA's Randy Couture, machineguns, bombs. explosions, knives, stilettos, and slinky evening gowns!  A made for Tubi original is our feature today, 2023's "Phoenix," directed by Daniel Zirilli.  Whatever is in this film, the mere fact we get to see a professional wrestling babe in a slinky gown murder a goon with one of her stilettos...well, do we need anything else.

We got our behinds kicked in Afghanistan.  Just before pulling out, Fiona (Natalie Eva Marie) is called home.  She trains the troops on combat fighting.  The babe can beat up any soldier.  Sadly, her dad (Couture) has been murdered by the syndicate boss, Maxim (Oleg Prudius).  Maxim and his main henchwoman, Scavenger (Ling), murder and extort throughout Miami.  Now Fiona swears bloody revenge.  She dons a slinky gown and stilettos (I know, I keep mentioning this) and shows up at Maxim's nightclub and kills a lot of his men.  Now Maxim wants Fiona dead.  Scavenger will get a shot at Fiona.  Bai Ling looks great in those tight satin pants...but Fiona and her will have a catfight to the death.  Guess who wins?

Now Maxim sends a lot of death squads after Fiona.  Fiona hooks up with her dad's former bodyguard, the hunk Artemis (Jonathan Camp).  He is a good fighter and shoots a machinegun well.  The two will become chummy.  More machinegun fights will occur, more things will blow up, and more of Maxim's men will get shredded.  Oh yes, a final showdown beckons.  Before that, there will be another catfight and even more machinegun fights, explosions, and stabbings.  Fiona is determined.  Oh!  Did I mention that Bai Ling burns the Mayor of Miami to death?  Not a very significant scene, but worth noting no one seems to be saddened by that.

Will Fiona and Artemis engage in pre-marital sex during their war with Maxim and his heavies?  Will the Florida Democratic Party blame President Trump for the death of the Miami mayor?  With Fiona in Afghanistan, how did we ever lose to the Taliban?  See "Phoenix," it is exciting, refreshing, and the beef and cheese factors are off the charts.  

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