Saturday, September 16, 2023

Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse, The Meg vs. Oil Rig

Fooling around with Mother Nature rarely turns out well.  Unless you have successfully bought off the EPA...which many have.  Bribe the EPA and give the right congressman and senators enough bribes and you can pollute all you want and still get the Greta Thunberg Friend of the Earth Award! Alas, big prehistoric sharks are not as corrupt as the Greta Thunbergs or Al Gores of the world.  Nope...the megs that have creeped back into our consciousness are ticked off at what we're doing to the oceans.  Hence a gem, directed by Mark Polonia, 2021's "Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse."

Okay...first of must commend the cheese in this Polonia Brothers film.  Bikini babes are a big part of it.  A meg eating a bikini babe is even a bigger part of this film. As the film opens, some nice gratuitous cheesecake is served in the person of bikini babe Kate Farber...she's eaten.  Alas, an oil rig off shore is drilling deeper than any rig ever has drilled.  The EPA is upset, probably because their kickbacks aren't as big as they'd like.  Roy (James Carolus) and Duncan (Jeff Kirkendall) are two schmuck rig workers pondering the existence of a prehistoric megalodon. Meanwhile, two nice kids, Barry (Nico Bryant) and Mill (James Kelly) figure on finding stolen artwork. The megalodon will have something to say about this, unfortunately.

Okay!  Corrupt oil execs, like Nina Boswell (Kathryn Sue Young) are determined to keep the activities of the rig secret from government oversight.  Her two henchmen, Dodds (Tim Hatch) and Parks (Jamie Morgan) are assigned to do whatever it takes to keep the public from finding out the rig's activities may be inspiring the meg to eat bikini beauties.  Oh yes, the big shark will continue eating bikini babes throughout this film, not before some gratuitous bikini action is put on the silver screen.  Now the meg attacks the rig and everything else.  Duncan and Roy survive, but Dodds and Parks find them.  Realizing the two rig workers know too much, the two henchmen figure on using the two schmucks for bait to attract the shark.

Will Duncan and Roy escape the evil plans of Big Oil and end up landing their own uneaten bikini babes?  Will Mill and Barry find their stolen art or will the meg find them first?  Is the big prehistoric shark a metaphor for an increasingly suspicious public, ready to spring at and take down Big Oil and corrupt politicians?  Great cheese and cheesy gore f/x make this a very entertaining film. See "Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse" today.

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