Meatcleaver Massacre, Mass Murder and its Downside

Based on the title alone, 1977's "Meatcleaver Massacre" is a definite for this blog.  Even its original title, "Hollywood Meat Cleaver Massacre," is a winner.  Starring Christopher Lee!  Sure, there are problems with this film.  Christopher Lee is not in it...either are there meat cleavers...and there is no glimpse of Hollywood.  I think we are all big enough to look beyond those deceptions.  After all, we ignore deception when we vote every November.  Dismissing Christopher Lee, even though he is top billed, and the meat cleavers, we will look at this Evan Lee film. 

The Destroyer of Destroyers, the Gaelic demon Morock!  Hey, if you can't get Christopher Lee, Morock is a close second.  Professor Cantrell (James Habif) lectures on Gaelic demons to his college class.  Four of his rudest students confront him after class and he tells them off.  The druggie quartet then seek revenge and pile into a van and go to his home.  There they sneak into his house, club the professor on the head (believing they killed him), murder his lovely wife, just out of the shower beautiful daughter, and hungry son.  Cantrell is now paralyzed from the neck down, and in a coma and on life-support in the hospital.

Now the four thugs think they have gotten away with murder.  Cantrell taps into his subconsciousness and even in a coma is able to summon Morock, the Destroyer of Destroyers.  Once summoned, Morock is relentless and never fails.  Mason (Larry Justin) is the meanest of the thugs and Dirk (Doug Senior) seems to be his number two.  One by one, Morock pays visits to our evil quartet and the results will be pretty gory.  J. Arthur Craig plays the detective investigating the crime and he does a pretty good job...though not as good as Morock.  Morock's wrath will be bloody, but there may be hope to break the curse...maybe.

Will any of our four thugs survive the wrath of Professor Cantrell/Morock?  Will his coma or newfound friend from Gaelic mythology affect Professor Cantrell's tenure?  Is this bloody saga a twisted metaphor for how America's inferior university system is murdering the intellectual ability of American youngsters?  Bloody and ominous.  If you can get over that the top-billed Christopher Lee is not in this film, you will enjoy "Meatcleaver Massacre."  

Note:  Some IMDb research has indicated Christopher Lee does appear in some cuts of this film as the narrator. 

The Eerie Midnight Horror Show, The Italian Exorcist

Who cut the cheese?  The grouchy exorcist guy!  I could not resist, but this happens an hour into this film. This film?  An "The Exorcist" rip-off from Italy. In fact, the plot is the same one as William Friedkin's film. Okay, it is a Euro-trash film so we have more prurient sex.  Oh yes, the girl?  Not a 13 year old but a nubile and sultry college student.  This film came out in 1974, the same year as "The Exorcist" so the movie makers jumped on the crucifix while it was still hot.  Today we look at "The Eerie Midnight Horror Show" (aka "Enter the Devil"), directed by Mario Gariazzo.

Danila (Stella Carnacina) is an art student.  She convinces her department to buy a statue of an evil looking hunk crucified on a cross.  Then the prurient weirdness begins.  That night she attends a party at her parents' place.  She witnesses her mom, Luisa (Lucretia Love), having vicious sex with a hunk.  Luisa likes to be whipped and bloodied during the dirty deed.  Danila, upset, goes back to the art department and paints.  While paining, the statue comes alive, rips her clothes off, and has mad pre-marital sex with her. Kind of liking it, Danila calls her boyfriend (Gianrico Tendinelli).  He's useless, like all men, so we will not mention him again.

Now Danila is possessed by Satan, who is the being in the statue.  Her parents bring her into the country for R&R only to breakdown in front of an ancient Temple of Baal (this is Italy, no Love's Truck stops around).  She explores and finds Satan waiting for her.  She'll witness some demon babes sacrificing nude virgins as Satan claims her.  Now Danila is all sexed out and tries to rape her dad.  Things get worse and the Catholic church gets involved after the medical experts are baffled.  Enter Father Xeno (Luigi Pistilli). After Xeno cuts the cheese, he is ready to exorcize Danila.  Oh yeah, Satan's defense against Xeno?  Danila is tasked to seduce the old priest and claim his soul.

Will Father Xeno succeed and free Danila from Satan's grasp?  Will Luisa get tied to an altar, stripped, whipped, and raped by demonic nuns?  Okay, maybe that is another film.  Either way, "The Eerie Midnight Horror Show" is a prurient Euro-trash entry from Italy you will enjoy. 

The Vampires Night Orgy, Euro-Trash from Spain

Euro-Trash!  Gotta love it.  Throw in vampires, a town full of them and a sultry European actress beset with much danger.  We all love these weak and helpless Euro-babes...all they do is get undressed and brush their hair before bed.  They scream...cry...and keep undressing.  Of course, this all makes sense.  The men in these movies, unlike modern Hollywood, were men.  Today we look at 1973's "The Vampires Night Orgy," directed by Leon Klimovsky.  A creepy one from Spain.

A bus full of grouchy and boring passengers from the big city breaks down after the bus driver mysteriously dies (probably got the Pfizer vaccine)...happens.  The passengers manage to get the bus over to a small town that seems deserted.  They decide to stay...mistake.  Also in town is the hunk Luis (Jack Taylor).  He globs right on to the babe passenger, Alma ( Dyanik Zurakowska).  Everyone takes advantage of the abandoned inn and finds rooms to spend the night...another mistake.  Luis' room is next to Alma's and he finds a peephole.  Now Luis watches Alma undress and brush her hair.  In Europe, this is admirable behavior.  The next morning, at breakfast, the townspeople miraculously appear.  The Major (Jose Guardiola) seems to be their leader.  He apologizes to the passengers and claims everyone in town was attending a night ceremony at the cemetery when they arrived.

Okay, let's leave out a lot...but rest assured, it is really creepy.  Now The Countess (Helga Line) enters the plot.  She's a babe...and queen vampire.  She convinces the passengers to stay a few days...they accept...mistake.  Now the feeding begins.  The Countess picks the youngest and swarthiest adult man and invites him to her mansion for passion and feeding.  Other passengers fall as the hordes of vampires converge on them when they are lured out of the inn.  Alma and Luis kiss a lot as he continues to watch her undress.  Now Alma has reason to scream, you'll see why.  All the other passengers be damned, Luis figures out that something is wrong and is determined to get him and Alma out of the town.  The vampires are always one step ahead and we wonder what The Countess' plans for Alma and Luis might be.  

This is a creepy one with a few taboo plot lines, you'll see.  Will Alma get in a nifty catfight with the toothy Countess?  Will Luis forget about the peephole and barge into Alma's room for some pre-marital sex?  Is the town  of vampires a wise foreshadowing of the hopelessness the creation of the European Union wrought upon Europe?  Erotic and creepy..."The Vampires Night Orgy" is a must see for Euro-trash fans.   

   

Death Count, Dark Web Reality

Today's film is for true hardcore horror fans.  Even for you guys, the carnage in 2022's "Death Count" may make you, yes, even you, wince and avert your eyes. No PG 13 horror here.  Nothing in this film will appeal to the Hallmark Channel softies.  Gore aplenty!  Blood...boobs...sustained pain and torture...this Michael Su film may be the best dark web horror film ever, and the goriest film of the past five years.  So, go ahead, watch a Kate Winslet bore-a-thon if you must.  For those of you with testosterone (or you females with a slightly deviant side), I give you "Death Count."

A bunch of very related schmucks are abducted and wake in mysterious cells.  They are chained and bloodied.  Upon waking, they are greeted by an evil "warden" (Costas Mandylor).  Quickly, he lets them all in on the deal.  A dark web reality show in which on-line maniacs will have the power to give it likes.  To win the game, accumulate the most likes.  We grab right onto the beauty Rachel (Sarah French).  She is initially obedient, but some of her fellow inmates show sass and will die horribly with much gore (think exploding heads and similar carnage).  Now the warden has their attention.  The participants will be given likes based on their proclivity to complete tasks...which always seem to focus on self mutilation.

To what extent will your average schmuck inflict bloody carnage upon his/her own body in order to survive?  An open question.  The warden has proved his credibility and following his orders is the only option...sadly, a few will die horribly when they try to test this.  Pliers, hammers, daggers, whips, and boxcutters will all be utilized.  Mustard gas, acid, and electricity will be used by the warden.  Oh yes...Selena (Devanny Pinn) will have a very gratuitous and heartbreaking role in this film.  Uh oh, the cops are on their way, led by Detective Casey (Michael Madsen).  As the poor contestants go up in flames, heads explode, or have their eyes shot out, Rachel and her cohorts are left to mar themselves and try to figure out who is doing this to them and find a means of escape.

Just what is the bond between these contestants?  Who is the warden and what does he have against these seemingly harmless peeps?  Will the sultry Devanny Pinn and ravishing Sarah French stay sultry and ravishing for the end credits?  Ominous in its gore and subject matter, "Death Count" is also ominous in showing us an increasingly impersonal society and the awful depths a collective deviance will sink and permeate western culture.  Not for the squeamish, "Death Count" is a must see for hardcore horror fans.

Note:  "Death Count" is due out in North America on July 31, 2022.      

Miner's Massacre, Pick-Axe in your Chest

A classic tale of greed and disembowelment graces this blog today. Throw in a cannibalistic 49er, resurrected by a Satanic ritual, and several hunks and babes and we have 2002's "Miner's Massacre" ("Curse of the Forty-Niner"). Oh yes...Karen Black, Martin Kove, Richard Lynch and John Phillip Law are in this one...okay, they will all die horribly, but they provide some neat moments of gore and horror.

Schmuck Jared (Shadrach Smith) discovers gold in an abandoned mine. Uh oh, there is a reason the mine is abandoned and Jared's discovery works to resurrect a cursed miner 49er (Brad H. Arden). The fiend pick-axes Jared but not before he notifies his perky and lovely sister Claire (Carrie Bradac) of the find. Claire grabs her goofy hubby Nick (Sean Hines) and four really stupid nymphomaniac friends, and the group heads to the mine. Tori (Sangi) and Axl (Steve Wastell) bicker a lot, but they are great looking, ignore Richard Lynch's warning. You know, that proverbial "Turn back now or you will all die warning." Also, Rox Ann (Elina Madison), who will do stripteases and have lot's of sex with her boyfriend Hayden (Ricj Majeske) also head to the mine.

The six arrive and are really horny. As they look at Jared's map the sultry Eve (Alexandra Ford) arrives. Don't get too attached to her as she will die from a pick-axe to the torso wound after she steals Axl from Tori. As the group finds the mine, our 49er monster begins hunting them down. The lovely Tori and Rox Ann will lose their heads in horrible fashion. Then Karen Black bursts onto the scene with the backstory of the cursed miner and it is a horrible one...almost as horrible as her imminent demise. Now the perky Claire, stooge Nick, and other survivors are scrambling to end the curse and stop the 49er from pursuing them.

Decapitations...pick-axes to torsos...shovels through the face...its all quite beautiful. As the sultry die horribly and their dweeb boyfriends do as well, our cursed miner 49er seems to be having all the fun. Will the perky Claire survive and be fortunate enough to have her goofy husband not survive? Oh why oh why did the sultry Eve have to die so quickly? Is this film, which appeared on the Syfy Channel, a sad foretelling of the the anti-climactic and very mediocre fate of 49er quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo during his choke performance against the Chiefs? With many terrific kills and some really nice cheesecake, "Miner's Massacre," directed by John Carl Buechler, is a terrific horror film to watch on a boring Friday night.

So Sweet... So Perverse, French Giallo

Beautiful Euro-Babes behaving badly.  Murder will ensue and not all the sultry Euro-Babes will survive. Not all will be guiltless, either.  There will be so much nudity, pre-marital sex, extra-marital sex, and some lesbian love...Euro-Trash at its best.  Murder too! Who murders who and who falls is a big question that won't be answered until the end credits.  Today we look at "So Sweet... So Perverse," directed by Umberto Lenzi.

Wealthy Euro-Hunk Jean (Jean-Louis Trintignant) is in an unloving marriage to the ravishing Danielle (Erika Blanc). As the movie begins he is having extra-marital sex with Euro-babe Helene (Helga Line). Danielle knows and she hates him.  Then Jean spies Nicole (Carroll Baker) move into the flat upstairs from he and Danielle. From below he hears her beat up and tortured by her boyfriend Klaus (Horst Frank). He rushes up to save her and chases the fiend away. Now a torrid love affair begins between Jean and Nicole...which Danielle hears much of the hanky-panky in the downstairs flat. Uh oh...Nicole has a confession to make, and it is quite a game changer.

Nothing Nicole can tell Jean will disperse his infatuation with her.  Plots are revealed and murder seems imminent. Jean presses the issue and invites Nicole to a party in his flat so she can meet Danielle.  The party is an erotic one with sex games and naughtiness. Danielle is humiliated and cries as Jean tells her he wants a divorce. Double uh-oh...Klaus isn't going away and may desire to murder Jean.  Who else would want to murder Jean? Sex, of every kind  (okay, not EVERY kind) follow and nudity and violence will fill up much of the film. Then murder...but who and by who? The dreaded twist will again change the complexion of this Giallo film.

Just who loves who and who gets all nude and sweaty with who in this Euro-Trash production? Could the beautiful blonde Nicole be up to something more than stealing Danielle's husband?  Who is Klaus and what is he capable of?  I won't even ask who gets murdered as Umberto Lenzi has some fun with this story.  For a deviant Euro-Trash film with naked Euro-Babes and deviant sex (pre-marital and extra-marital) see "So Sweet... So Perverse."

Reality Check, Babes and Hunks Shredded, Really!

I guess it has been about 25 years since the plethora of reality shows has hit television.  Are we better for this?  Nah!  However, this trend has given way to some nice horror films.  Today's film, 2002's "Reality Check," directed by Rafal Zielinski (no, not the Ukranian idiot), boasts a great looking cast.  The women are babes, the guys are hunks, and we'll love seeing them get murdered...kind of like the casts of real reality shows. 

The premise of this reality show.  Not sure, exactly.  Seven contestants are brought to an out of the way mansion where a massacre took place a few years before.  To do what?  Survive, I guess.  Even before anyone is voted off...the murders begin.  First, we are introduced to some wonderful characters.  Mei-Ling (Kym Hoy) is adept at the Karma Sutra...sex in weird positions.  Charlotte (Bourtney Peldon) is either a virgin or a stripper...er, excuse me, exotic dancer.  Gar (Nate Dushku) is a weird Goth. Swope (Khalil Kane) is a hunk determined to have lots of pre-marital sex.  Isabel (Vanessa Cambpell) is a sultry blonde psychotic.  Serendipity (Natalie Cigliuti) is a ravishing realist who will stop at nothing to win.  Oh yes!  Crash (Timothy Lee DePriest) is a lunatic rapper.  When they begin dying...it is such a beautiful thing.

There will be a lot of kills in mysterious fashion.  Of course, the cell phones will not work in this mansion.  Creepy caretaker (Morgan Langley) loves spying on the dames as they undress.  Brock (Sticky Fingaz), the director/producer, films it all.  Then the camera gals are brutally murdered by a caped figure.  Then one by one...the cast gets it.  Stun guns and syringes are used by the maniac...but why?  Yes, Mei-Ling will do the Karma Sutra with another guest and lip lock with one of the other female characters.  The beautiful and handsome will die so horribly.  Everyone is a suspect.  Pick your favorite...mine was Kym Hoy as Mei-Ling...clad in leather pants and willing to do pre-marital sex with everyone.  What do you think her chances of survival are?

Who is killing off the deviant cross-culture sample of American society?  Is it a bad thing that we cheer on these brutal murders?  Who, or will, there be a final girl or hunk?  Erotic, steamy, vicious, and very deviant...see "Reality Check" and find out why your faith in the American experiment has waned over the last 25 years.