Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Army of the Dead, Gold Rush to Death

Fans of Discovery Channel's Gold Rush will know that Parker and his hot Australian GF have parted ways. No worries, I have a perfect replacement...beautiful actress Audrey Anderson. Perhaps a minor character in 2008's "Army of the Dead," Ms. Anderson brings allure and lingerie to the search for gold. Sadly, Ms. Anderson's character will bring a satin-lace camisole and the art of seduction to a war against the undead army of skeletons in the Mexican desert...her fate will be tortuous (after all, she is listed sixth in the credits).
Four hot couples head to the desert in Mexico for some off-road racing in VW bugs. Yep, the sultry Amy (Stefani Marchesi) has surprised her hunk BF, John (Ross Kelly) with this birthday present. Also along is the aforementioned Jenny (Anderson), who used to date John. Also along is the professor (Miguel Martinez). This professor has an ulterior motive...find the lost city of gold...El Dorado. He does this in quick fashion but awakens DeGama's army of conquistadors in the process. This army is now made up of skeletons with shields, helmets and swords. They guard the treasure and see the racers as invaders. The army attacks and does away with some of the professor's thug pals.
As Jenny ends up in John's sleeping bag with some nice Victoria's Secret get-up...Amy complains (what a prude!). Uh oh, the professor is missing and the search for him bring our couples to the city of gold, and most of them will not fare well. Say what you want about the skank Jenny, her demise will be heroic...if not elongated and humiliating. Fortunately for John, Amy also gave him a magic ancient sword as a birthday gift. Now John's task is to save his friends, convince Amy his tryst with Jenny was not what it seemed (No! It never is), and defeat an army of demon skeletons.
Can John defeat an army of 5000 demon skeletons? At $1200 and ounce for gold, are the undead conquistadors likely to allow anyone to survive? Will Jenny emerge in the newest season of "Gold Rush" now that Parker Schnabel needs a new main squeeze? Okay, the gore effects are laughable, but it is good to laugh. This film received a 2.9/10 rating on IMDB which means it is better than any Mila Kunis film. For a great time with lots of battles and death, see "Army of the Dead," directed by Joseph Conti.


  1. 'This film received a 2.9/10 rating on IMDB which means it is better than any Mila Kunis film.' Really good point, this is Pirate of the Caribean for grown ups , with real themes, loved it, thanks, very indepth, light, fun and rewarding!!!

  2. I love anything with skeleton men in it. Gonna check this out.