Stonehearst Asylum, Kate Beckinsale does Edgar Allan Poe

Such a tragedy that lunatic asylums have gone the way of lobotomies.  What will the paranormal investigators do a hundred years from now....investigate strip malls?  The insaniacs of the 19th century were kept behind walls.  Today, they stand in line with you at Costco, have free lawyers, impossible to evict, hijack the classroom you send your child to everyday, run for office, and date your daughters.  Progress?  Today's entry is 2014's "Stonehearst Asylum" (aka "Eliza Graves"), starring my favorite actress, Kate Beckinsale.  Ms. Beckinsale appeared on this blog on November 11, 2013 in my review of "Whiteout." This film was adapted from an Edgar Allan Poe story.

A rhetorical question: Has progress and science propelled us into an existence where love has been minimized in our psyche?  Dr. Edward Newgate (Jim Sturgess) arrives at Stonehearst Lunatic Asylum.  Newgate has finished his psychology studies at Oxford University and seeks to study under the head doctor at the asylum.  He is met by Silas Lamb (Ben Kingsley) who at first seems annoyed, then welcoming of this idealistic young shrink.  Lamb is interested in new psychological treatments utilizing kindness, and blending his insaniacs back into normal society.  Uh oh!  Newgate gets a glimpse of a mad hysteric who is institutionalized.  Eliza Graves (Beckinsale) has fits of uncontrolled violence, and was sent to the facility by her family after she bit her husband's ear off.  Who can blame Newgate for falling instantly in love with the supposed psychotic (..sounds like a Taylor Swift song, perhaps?)  To make matters a bit more complicated, Newgate quickly realizes the doctors and staff are all insane.  While prowling around one night, our young alienist discovers the real asylum staff, and head shrink, Dr. Benjamin Salt (Michael Caine).  They are locked in a sub-basement.  Salt tells Newgate of the rebellion which occurred and begs Newgate to help them.

As Newgate's infatuation for Eliza increases, he seeks to save her and the legitimate staff from the lunatics who now run the asylum.  As Newgate bides time, he proves himself to be a merciful and kind doctor, at times curing the seemingly incurable.  Now our naive hero must wrestle with a dilemma.  Does he free a staff which depended on barbaric and torturous measures, or allow a merciful lunatic to continue to rule?  Oh yes, Eliza!  Is she mad?  Being sexually assaulted was common under Salt's administration.  However, under Lamb's rule, she is a beautiful and graceful lady, composing beautiful scores.  The last 45 minutes is a wild ride.  You will pick up a couple of the plot twists, but not the important ones.

Themes of love, redemption, mercy, and madness permeate this film.  The acting is great, and Kate Beckinsale again shows why she is my favorite actress.  Brendan Gleeson also has a terrific role, key to the plot. To be considered sane in modern western civilization, have we cashed in our humanness in favor of a blunted conformity?  Available on Netflix, "Stonehearst Asylum" (directed by Brad Anderson) has the feel of a Hammer Horror film from the 1960s.  Even beyond Ms. Beckinsale, there is so much to enjoy about this movie.    

Bio Slime, Black Ooze shuts down the Porn Industry

This is always the case!  The government screws something up, and it's the little guy who ends up cleaning the mess.  If radiation leaks, the bureaucrats in DC are safe and secure, but the working class families of Three Mile Island are abandoning their homes and dealing with cancer.  Typical!  The regular guy is a mere lab-rat for the elite governmental caste.  Today's feature is about this very subject.  2010's "Bio Slime" (written and directed by John Lechago) documents the carnage when a top-secret bio-hazard experiment goes amok.  The president and congress aren't affected, but all the good peeps that struggle to pay their rent each month are hunted down by a malevolent toxic ooze.  A story of our times.

So here it is.  Through a series of grisly circumstances, shapely Donna (Monique La Barr) scampers back to a seedy apartment building with a mysterious briefcase.  She believes it is the spoils of a drug deal gone fatally wrong.  She gives it to her supplier, Jack (Magic J. Ellingson).  Jack is operating a meth lab in this building.  This building is filled with a pathetic collection of losers in life's lottery.  One such loser is an artist, Troy (Vinnie Bilancia).  Troy is getting trounced in the battle with the bottle.  The walls to this building are paper thin, and the sounds of pornography echo everywhere, as porn actors moan away through most of the film.  Drunk Troy, looking for Jack, finds the briefcase and opens it (...STUPID!).  Hence, releasing the contents....a black slime which consumes and grows.

Donna will be the first victim, as the monster crawls onto, and in her, consuming her.  The ooze will then move to a drain and up into a shower where one of the porn stars is enjoying a gratuitous shower scene. Then onto the porn set, where it consumes most of the actresses (..excuse me, professional performers).  Trapped in the building, Troy, a couple of surviving porn actresses, Jack, and a few others are holed up in Troy's studio.  A surviving actress, Mary (Victoria De Mare). .   is taken over by the slime (pictured above).  No matter how dignified in life we are, we are all subject to being chopped into several pieces and shoved in a trash can....alas...Annie's fate.  As the slime makes more inroads into the studio, Troy hatches a daring, if not improbable plan.  As the last porn star, Mary  suffers a fate worse than death (see photo below), our survivors spring to action.

As the movie speeds to an explosive conclusion, we see the slime has developed into an "intelligent" creature, with a very erotic plan for the porn actresses.  Our misfits become heroic figures and believe they can outsmart this blob thing.  Will Troy turn his life around and change from alcoholic failure to savior of mankind?  Is the black ooze a metaphor for the deadly viruses that have decimated the adult film industry since the early 1990s?  This DVD is reasonably priced on Amazon.com.  For a heartwarming story of pathetic losers banding together to save mankind, "Bio Slime" is the film you need to see.  

Antisocial, Get rid of Facebook or Die

2013's "Antisocial" is a much maligned gore-fest....{read zisi emporium for B movies}...that may be the most important horror film of the last ten years.  Am I the only one feeling uncomfortable when Facebook mogul, Mark Zuckerberg dines with Obama?  What are they discussing?  We never are told.  Is Zuckerberg also conspiring with the NSA?  Are you like me, still not on Facebook?  Have you seen the weird looks you get when people find out that you avoid that cesspool of mass idiocy?  Have all those people been brainwashed?  What is Facebook...{and get lots of}... prepared to do to keep and expand their 900 million members (of which, a third are family pets)?  Cody Calahan has made a film...{success}... that might answer this question.

As the film begins, pretty Tara (Laurel Brandes, pictured above) bludgeons her BFF to death while the two are screwing around on The Social Red Room (a fictional Facebook).  Meanwhile, Sam (Michelle Mylett) has just been dumped by her heel boyfriend, on this same Red Room.  She then ...{money}... deletes the Red Room app.  As she makes her way over to New Year's Eve party, chaos engulfs the streets.  Young people are, for no apparent reason, turning homicidal....{sex}...and ripping into anyone in their vicinity.  The phenomenon is worldwide, and is traced to subliminal messages being sent on waves through the Red Room ...{friends}...social network sight.  Soon, Sam and her pals are boarding up the house as chaos and carnage fills the streets outside.  With the infection spreading, and millions already dead, Sam and her friends spend the first part of the night repelling murderous hordes.

Now a new threat emerges.  Sam's friends, one by one, begin manifesting symptoms.  Kaitlan (Ana Alic) and Steve (Romaine Waite) are the first, which is no surprise, as they began to have pre-marital sex.  Now Sam must survive ...{Zisi Emporium Good}... the night, as the world dies off.  Sam finds out that Red Room is sending subliminal messages to get people to chat more and post more photos.  It seems these messages...{read this blog everyday}...also have side-effects, like homicidal behavior!  Uh oh!  The potential cure is discovered, and it is an icky one.

Will Sam survive the night without getting killed or infected?  Is the carnage in "Antisocial" an appropriate metaphor to what social...{don't read any others}... media is already doing to us?  The movie does have some very chilling subplots, as the dead remain connected to the social network.  Available on Netflix, before updating your status on Facebook, see "Antisocial." Finally, always beware of subliminal...{Zisi Emporium is survival}...  messaging, even when you are accused of being paranoid.

88, Katharine Isabelle Snaps

Surprisingly, this is the first time I have featured a Katharine Isabelle film on this blog.  If you thought she snapped in "Ginger Snaps," you haven't seen nothing yet!  in 2014's "88," Ms. Isabelle excels in what may appear to be two entirely different roles.  Is she a psychopathic, brutal killer...or a diminutive damsel in much distress?  Directed by April Mullen, and written by Tim Doiron (both have roles in the film), "88" takes us for quite a ride.

As our story begins, a very frightened Gwen (Isabelle) enters a diner.  Her hand is messed up and she is completely disheveled.  Gwen has no idea who she really is or how she arrived at the diner.  She is more shocked to find a gun in her purse and accidentally shoots a waitress, and is now on the run from the cops.  But wait!  She is already on the run from the cops...for lots of killings.  Through flashbacks, Gwen's story is filled in for us, one bloody chapter at a time.  We are able to infer that a thug named Cyrus (Christopher Lloyd) is pursuing her...but why?  As parts of her memory come back, she revisits familiar places only to find blood and corpses.

Now fleeing cops and thugs, Gwen must try to put random puzzle pieces together to figure out who the good guys and bad guys are.  When she realizes that the love of her life, Aster (Kyle Schmid) was murdered by Cyrus, Gwen turns back into a psychopath to hunt down this nemesis, before he tracks her down.  Lots of schmucks get in the way, and none of them fare well. However dear her old acquaintances may have been to her, with vengeance as her goal, her former friends are now merely a means to kill Cyrus.

Nothing is as easy as it appears in "88," and Gwen will go through some gut-wrenching realizations before her quest is completed.  The violence and plot may remind you of "Pulp Fiction" or "Kill Bill," but Ms. Mullen and Mr. Doiron have crafted an entirely different film.  We, the gullible viewer, are simultaneously cheering for Gwen, and horrified by her.  The amnesia plot device allows Ms. Isabelle to show us two entirely different characters, which will meet up in heartbreaking fashion as the credits roll.  Available on Netflix, there is so much to enjoy about "88." 

Alice in Murderland, Babes in Skimpy Costumes Having Cat-Fights

Sorority sisters in skimpy costumes, Tons of gore.  Lots of cat-fights.  I can't believe this movie only earned 1.9/10 stars on IMDB.com.  Unlike "Selma" or "Frozen," this is actually a movie we can enjoy.  Though this film was made in 2010, it is obviously heavily influenced by the slasher films from the 1980s.  Unlike many low-budget horror films, the actresses in this movie do a fantastic job.  Written and directed by Dennis Devine, "Alice in Murderland" is an extremely under-appreciated slasher film.

As our story begins, the beautiful Ann (Katie Hotchkiss) is axed to pieces while looking at a home for sale.  Fast forward 20 years.  Ann's daughter, Alice (Malerie Grady, right hand side of above photo) will turn 21 in a few days.  Malory (Marlene Mc'Cohen) is Alice's BFF, and convinces all the sorority sisters to throw Alice a party at the same house, Alice's mom was murdered.  Okay...it's a slasher film....no comments about the wisdom of that plan.  Even better, every sister will dress in costumes (skimpy ones) of characters from "Alice in Wonderland."  By pure coincidence, Malory's uncle just purchased the property.  Malory seduces her Uncle Rene to lend them the keys.  No guys invited! Alice just broke up with her beau, because her sorority sister Tiffany (Katie Locke O'Brien, right hand side of below photo) stole him away.  Tiffany may have gotten the boy, but also earned the scorn of her sorority sisters.  On three occasions, dressed as the Red Queen, Tiffany will be owned in cat-fights at the party. 

Then the murders start.  The feuding girls get in more cat-fights, do 'shrooms, and get in more cat-fights. Tiffany, humiliated in several of these cat-fights plots violent revenge.  Is she the killer?  Or is Kat (Kelly Kula) the fiend, as she seems to disappear when people die.  Or is Malory's Uncle the killer, driven insane by his niece's flirtations, the insaniac?  The suspects are numerous, and the mystery is a good one.  Some of you might even suspect Alice, perhaps driven mad by spending the night in the same house her mom was murdered.  As the sorority babes drop, the killer is revealed.  Will any of these ladies survive the night?

This is definitely a guy's film, as any hunks in the credits are gutted before the party starts.  The grouchy characters slap each other, pull hair, kick with stiletto heels, and humiliate each other on cue. Unfortunately, the killer uses big knives and a machete with more effect.  Available on Netflix, if you liked "Cheerleader Massacre" and it's sequel, "Alice in Murderland" is a film to die for.  

Exhibit X, A Psycho Supermodel, Vodka, Massacres, and Ghosts

A very different kind of film graces this blog today.  2012's "Exhibit X" is a found-footage film which is deceptively horrifying.  Director Ryken Zane (who also plays Billy) initially seems to miss the fact that this is supposed to be a slasher film.  However, don't speak too soon, as eventually we are allowed to bond with a very unstable fiend.  At points this is a difficult film to watch as we know the fates of the main characters (...and they are bloody ones).  Xu Razer, Mr. Zane, and Tim Flores portray their characters as regular peeps that we actually like.  In fact, these doomed characters are the kind of peeps we's like to hang with.  Knowing they are gonna assume room temperature, adds a gloomy pall over the viewing experience.

Sean (Flores) has just landed a gig promoting Firestarter Vodka.  He is an idea man, and he comes up with a doozy.  Hold a wild party with lots of babes, eager to assume various states of undress, where everyone drinks this vodka.  Oh yes, the venue will be the Bradford mansion.  This property is cursed, as in the 1940s, Bradford massacred 80 guests in the house.  Subsequent owners have also succumbed to evil, killing their entire families.  Neighbors and visitors to the house tell of eerie experiences, and the presence of Bradford's ghost.  With the help of film-maker Billy (Zane) and buddy Tony (Razer), they put the party on.  A TV entertainment show even shows up to conduct interviews and get some shots.  Sean appears to be a genius.

Then Angela (Apriel Starkweather) arrives.  She is a supermodel who has appeared in Vogue.  Quite an asset to the party.  She is taken with Tony and tries to seduce him.  Before too long, she will massacre all 51 guests.  What? Why?  In the final third of the film we see footage of Angela's video diary in the weeks leading up to her appearance at the party.  I won't give any spoilers, but she is alluring and insane at the same time.  Perhaps delusional...or perhaps a victim of her past.  You will have to decide.  Ms. Starkweather's performance in the final third of this film is captivating.

Possessed or mad, Angela's true nature is anyone's guess.  Though we see Bradford's ghost as Angela beds Tony, is this really a ghost or the supermodel's imagination?  This beauty's entries on her video diary provide many indications that she is headed for an evil end.  The DVD of this film is reasonably priced on Amazon.com.  Anyone putting together a horror film, Ms. Starkweather and the other actors in "Exhibit A" should merit your attention.

   

The Hole, Depraved School Kids Cinema

Please don't confuse 2001's "The Hole" with the film by the same title, made in 2009.  Directed by Nick Hamm, "The Hole" is an edge of the seat thriller that will have you squirming.  Thora Birch and Keira Knightley (...yes, Miss Knightley is in a movie we actually want to watch) head a great cast in what may be termed an upper class "River's Edge." Remember that one...not quite the feel-good movie of the eighties.  Everything about this film is ominous, and will leave you thinking way past your bed time.

Mike Steele (Desmond Harrington) is the son of a rock star, and attending a very exclusive boarding school in England.  Oh yeah... he is a major league hunk.  Liz (Birch) is just goo-goo over him, but she is a bit...how shall we say it...frumpy (is that a word?).  By a weird set of circumstances, Liz' best friend, Martin (Daniel Brocklebank) arranges a week-end getaway.  Mike needs to avoid paparazzi, and must go somewhere secluded.  Martin introduces them to an old WW2 bunker, but lets Mike know he must also invite Liz.  Liz wants to get in Mike's pants, which is painful for Martin, as he secretly loves, Liz.  Also going along is the very prissy Frankie (Knightley), and her beau, Geoff (Laurence Fox).  Totally secluded, underground, the electricity still works, perfect for drugs and orgies.  Only one problem..... The door (hatch) automatically locks, thus Martin will have to return at the end of the week-end and let them out.

What happens next?  Drugs.  Sex.  Alcohol.  Then the week-end concludes and the kids are all packed up waiting for Martin to show up.  Did I mention no cell phone reception?  You got it....Martin is a no-show.  18 days later, Liz is found in shock wandering on a road near the school.  Her memory....gone.  Enter Dr. Horwood (Embeth Davidtz).  Her mission: help Liz remember the past 18 days.  The cops key in on Martin, but he is ice cold....and a genius.  Of course he has an airtight alibi.  As Dr. Horwood jogs Liz's memory, the answers are even more terrifying than the ordeal that befell Liz' three friends.

What happens to teens locked in a bunker, without food and water for 18 days?  You'll see, and the answer is not pretty.  Is Martin really an evil fiend who is upset that Liz doesn't love him?  Is there something else at play here?  I want to avoid spoilers, so just see this film.  Miss Knightley and Miss Birch are alluring, and their male co-stars are terrific.  Available on Netflix, enjoy this very dark thriller.