War Wolves, Adrienne Barbeau is in it!

Adrienne Barbeau is in this movie! Yes! Thank heavens Bea Arthur is not! Oh, guess what! John Saxon is in it...so is Tim Thomerson, Art LaFleur, and Marin Kove! This movie features babe she-wolves (not Ilsa), two hot lesbian motel managers, a dysfunctional AA group, and the most awkward and embarrassing werewolf f/x ever put on camera. But...Adrienne Barbeau is in it. Today we look at 2009's "War Wolves," directed by and starring Michael Worth.  A good film? Infinitely better than any Oscar nominated piece of garbage with 16 nominations.

Let's skip the plot and just discuss a few things. First, Gail (Barbeau) is a fantastic character. The lady who gets Jake (Worth) to start coming to AA meetings would have been considered a conspiracy theorist-loon when this film was made in 2009. Today, she is the voice of wisdom. The three she-wolves (Natasha Alam, Kristi Clainos, and Siri Baruc) are gorgeous...and deadly. They seek Jake who is supposed to be their alpha-wolf, but like many of us, he desires to be a zeta-wolf...no ambition. Enter Tony (Saxon) and Frank (Thomerson) who are our monster hunters. They seek the army company that was turned into monsters in Iraq...and now the fiends feast on small California towns. 

I should pause here and remind you that Adrienne Barbeau is in this movie, which is a film a hundred times better than "Avatar."  The sultry she-wolf trio, who are battling PMS and PTSD, seek Jake... mostly because Erika, head she-wolf, loves him. Eventually the other two she-wolves get jealous and she-wolf catfights loom...find a scene like that in "Sinners"! Jake? He's cool and fighting what he has become. The AA meetings? You will need a drink after seeing them in this movie. There are fangs.  There are snouts.  You may be thinking you are watching the Broadway hit "Cats." Still...the monsters are sultry, Jake is a hunk, and John Saxon as a monster hunter is something movie audiences have been demanding since "Blood Beach."

Will we get the she-wolf catfight?  Will Jake have pre-marital sex with Erika or murder her? Will you need to go to AA after seeing this film? Remember, the babe from "Swamp Thing" is in this movie. So resist the garbage the Academy Awards would push on you, as most people of the world will, and see a prescient film from 2009, "War Wolves."

The Creeper, Sultry Dames in Catfights

What better plot for catfights than when you have two sultry dames, jealous of one another, and one turns into a...cat-monster! There are two sultry actresses in this film, June Vincent as a laboratory assistant, and Janis Wilson as the nubile daughter of a mad scientist. Even in 1948, a catfight between the two of them would have been great cinema.  Even if one turns into a huge cat creature. Today we have a tale of mad scientists, their secret serums, an annoying hunk who loves both dames, and...a cat creature.  Let us look at 1948's "The Creeper," directed by Jean Yarbrough.

Dr. Lester Cavigny (Ralph Morgan) and his lovely assistant, Gwen (Vincent) are sad because the crates with their serums have been destroyed.  They invented a serum to cure death or something during their experiments in the West Indies. During those experiments, Lester's sultry daughter Nora (Wilson) got sick, delirious, and may have changed into a cat creature and shredded some natives...today we call this PMS. Apparently, Lester's partner, Dr. Bordon (Onslow Stevens) wants to steal the serum and take full credit. Oh, across the hall are two rival scientists, the weird Dr. Van Glock (Eduardo Ciannelli) and Dr. John Reade (John Baragrey), an annoying hunk. Initially John loves Gwen, but when she becomes "distant," he instantly moves in on Nora, who may be insane and a cat monster...as many babes are.

Now people begin being shredded in and around the lab.  Nora has black-outs and exhibits symptoms of schizophrenia.  Gwen is all to eager to point this out in an attempt to win John back.  Now the cops are interested in Nora as a suspect in the murders around the lab.  Uh oh...the cat creature's carnage enters the lab and cast members begin dying horribly.  Nora is found unconscious near the crime scenes and the cops are looking at her closely.  Now Gwen makes a bigger play for John and the dolt that he is, he seems receptive.  Even worse, Dr. Bordon is hounding Nora for her dad's notes, but Nora refuses to give them up, distrusting her dad's partner. Oh, did I mention, Nora's dad was the first victim of the cat thing? Fear not, there will be plenty more.

Is Nora the cat creature?  Just what is this serum, and did this serum cause Nora to change into the cat monster? Even if Nora is not the monster, will there still be a catfight between Gwen and her? This is a creepy, atmospheric one that also serves as a good mystery.  For some caddy babes and probably catfights, see "The Creeper."   

The Evil Eye, No One Believes Her

I have to say, the final 30 seconds of this film is classic!  Maybe the best last 30 seconds ever put on film! We can thank Mario Bava for that. Is it a horrific ending or a hilarious ending.  I laughed, though I do have a twisted sense of humor. We have an Italian Giallo offering today filmed in Rome. A sultry dame, and she is uber-sultry, is in great peril and no one believes her accounts of what she has seen. Today we look at Mario Bava's 1963 quirky thriller, "The Evil Eye."

Sultry dame Nora (Leticia Roman) arrives in Rome to visit an elderly family friend. The flight over is filled with intrigue, but we won't discuss that here. The elderly family friend? She dies of heart failure sending Nora running in horror looking for a doctor, Dr. Marcello Bissa (John Saxon). On the way to the hospital, a storm rages, her purse is stolen by a mugger, she falls unconscious, and when she wakes, she sees some guy stab a beautiful woman in the back...then Nora passes out again. When she wakes, her doctor tells her that like most beautiful women, she is a liar, subject to drama, and probably drunk. Marcello shows up and kind of believes her, but he is in love with her, and she with him. The two will make goo-goo eyes at one another until a gratuitous beach scene where Nora is in a bikini, Marcello in a swimsuit, they kiss, roll around in the surf, and swap spit for quite a while. 

Back to the murder mystery. Nora, with Marcello's help tries to prove she saw a murder. A beautiful woman, Laura (Valentina Cortese) befriends her and invites Nora to stay at her home during her stay in Rome. Nora finds out the murder she saw is a carbon copy of a murder of a babe 10 years ago...and that killer killed many girls...and has never been caught. More investigation reveals that Nora will be the next victim. Marcello tries to help her only believing half her story. Someone is following Nora, and anyone with knowledge of the killings 10 years ago are themselves killed.

Is Marcello the killer?  Is the murder of young beautiful women a foretelling of the EU's hatred for beauty and bikini-babes frolicking in the surf? Will Nora's avid reading of mystery novels help her catch the fiend who wants to kill her? For a sultry dame in great peril from a knife wielding killer story, see "The Evil Eye," and see the magnum opus of the very sultry Leticia Roman.

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Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Shark, A Poe-Like take on Jaws

What if Edgar Allan Poe did a shark story? What if Robert Louis Stevenson did a shark story? That's what we have today...Peter Benchley be damned! A film we have all demanded has finally been made...and shark cinema will never be the same. Our feature today is 2025's "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Shark," directed by Brett McCormick (aka Max Raven).

So sad is Henry Jekyll (Randy Clower) that he has dug up his wife's corpse and put it in the basement. Now only skeletal remains, Henry continues having sex with it and talks to it regularly.  The insaniac is convinced Lenore, the wife, is still alive. His best friend, Chambers (Josh Martin), comes over to convince him to seek psychological help...which Henry denies he needs.  His sister-in-law (Victoria Chaney) hires a private eye (Tom Fegan) to investigate Henry after Lenore's grave was desecrated. Along comes sultry pharmaceutical rep, Barbie (Dani Bliss). She wants sex with Henry, but he won't because he thinks he still has a wife. Barbie gives him a new product, Sharcopine...it helps lengthen his life, tally-whacker, too, and makes him more virile, vigorous, and potent. He takes one, eats Barbie's face off, then goes out on the prowl as now he is shark-man! 

The pills make him shark-man and this will not be good for his sister-in-law and a few of the town skanks. The private eye is eager to get into Henry's villa and prove that he dug his wife up from the cemetery.  Henry is sad and whenever he takes a Sharcopine pill, he eats someone's face off, usually a dame. Now as Henry gets more and more insane, the walls are closing in. His paranoia is making him see everyone as an enemy, thus driving him to take his new pills and turn into shark-man more often. The carnage increases and so does the blood and gore.

Will the Sharcopine eventually cause Henry to eat his wife's corpse?  Will this film bring grave-robbing and pining for lost loves back into cinematic fashion? Is this the story Peter Benchley wanted to write but was prevented from doing so when his publisher moved his deadline up for Jaws? See "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Shark" and enjoy true horror poetry.

Slow Burn, Debuts on RadTV exclusively on February 14

It is completed and slated for you to see beginning on Valentine's Day.  A love story? Okay, you could say that. First however, "Slow Burn" is a pioneering effort by moviemaker B. Harrison Smith. This is the first ever feature film starring a Hollywood horror icon.  In other words...real movie people made it, not some schmuck like me using Grok.  Lauren-Marie Taylor ("Friday the 13th Part 2") is very prominent in this film. What does a total AI film look like, when done well? In unscientific terms, within a few minutes you have forgotten you are watching an AI film and see what is on the screen the same way you watch terrific horror films. 

The action lines regarding AI in moviemaking are vicious, though unfounded. You have heard them...no more human talent needed.  SAG and other unions will be gone. 90% of Hollywood crews will be laid off.  The human element in films will be down the drain.  In all fairness, this last one already happens in a lot of films anyway. Now remember, we have had CGI for over 50 years and film crews still go to the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, and Petra to film movies. B. Harrison Smith will tell you that his film "...challenges misconceptions about AI cinema, presenting the technology not as a shortcut but as a new artistic tool wielded with traditional filmmaking discipline." 

More importantly, when schmucks like us see "Slow Burn," what do we see?  Do we see a terrific horror film?  Or, do we see jagged characters that kind of look natural, with a too smooth tone of the voice, and rhythmic blinking of the eyes every seven seconds?  I've seen "Slow Burn."  It is a terrific horror film...and I stress horror.  Painstaking effort has been put into it to make sure the choppy amateur AI you may see on some YouTube channels is not what we have here. We have a damsel in great peril that is quite the babe...in fact she sort of has a young Denise Richards look.  We have Michael, a good looking psycho-type, who displays uncomfortable narcissism and deviant social attributes.  We meet Ms. Taylor's character, Donna. Donna runs a greenhouse and we like her but figure there is more to her character that just a friend of Michael's. A few minutes into the film you will put your magnifying glass away, which you hoped to find uneven lines, or mis-fallen shadows, and you will enjoy this work.  The uneven lines and shadows that don't fall right have all been AI'd out of existence.

Michael, a college student, is awkward and not into having friends or social interaction. He is also obsessed with Riley, a dame out of his league. She dates the hunk Chad. Michael's obsession rules the day and now he takes aggressive action that does not go quite the way he planned...with very horrific and unnatural consequences. You'll see. You will enter Michael's fantasy world, and however alluring it is to Michael, will scare the pants off you.  You will wince at Riley's fate.  The beautiful will fall so helplessly to the evil, or so it will seem.  What happens when evil eats evil?  You'll see, and it won't give you the warm and fuzzies.

Mr. Smith advised me that "Unlike viral AI 'content,' Slow Burn was developed through a rigorous, production-driven process. Characters were designed, rendered, and built as consistent models, environments were constructed with continuity in mind, and scenes were executed with intentional camera language, blocking, and performance direction. Every frame reflects authored choices traditionally associated with live-action filmmaking." In other words, AI displaced no one.  Writers, sound guys, continuity and set people, editors, etc. were still needed to create this film. 

We should also mention more about Ms. Taylor...she is involved in this AI film as an actress and not a "digital asset."  Her talents went to drawing out the character of Donna, enhancing Donna's humanity, and appropriately showing her fear, revulsion, and caring. If Mr. Smith, at any time, presented Donna as anything she wasn't, Ms. Taylor was there to correct him. This film collaborated with the actors and actresses, with no intention of replacing them. Lauren wanted to explore new creative avenues with AI,” Smith adds. “Because of our shared horror pedigrees, we saw this as an opportunity to send a message to the industry: AI doesn't have to erase actors, writers, or directors. Used correctly, it can enhance storytelling and expand what's possible.”

Mr. Smith adds, "Lauren wanted to explore new creative avenues with AI. Because of our shared horror pedigrees, we saw this as an opportunity to send a message to the industry: AI doesn't have to erase actors, writers, or directors. Used correctly, it can enhance storytelling and expand what's possible.”

Download RadTV now and get ready to watch "Slow Burn" in a couple of weeks.  Be warned, this is a horror film with no humor and resting places.  It builds in intensity, will make you uncomfortable, delve into the taboo, make you wince and avert your eyes, shriek at some jump scares, and shock you.  Even if you are not interested in AI, you will want to see this horror film.

Hider in the House, The Lunatic and the Babe

You'll never guess!  Gary Busey plays a completely unhinged lunatic in our film today.  I know, you saw Gary Busey's name and expected to see a movie about a Supreme Court justice, or a docu-drama on King Charles III.  Nope, a certifiable crazy. Actually...these aren't my descriptions, it really is his role. Oh, even better, at least for you guys, the very attractive Mimi Rogers plays his sultry object of desire. With Mimi Rogers in great peril, Gary Busey shines in a role made for him. Our feature today is 1989's "Hider in the House," directed by Matthew Patrick.

Many years ago Tom (Busey) was tortured, tormented, and burned by his abusive lunatic parents. Then, as a child, he murdered them and has been in an insane asylum ever since. Now in his 30s, budget cuts necessitate he go free...bad idea. Tom wants to live in a nice house and sees one under construction in a ritzy neighborhood. He sneaks in and builds himself a secret room in the attic. Then the owners move in, a great looking family. Julie (Rogers) and Phil (Michael McKean) and their two cute kids. Tom rigs the intercom system so he can hear the goings on in every room. He even hears Phil being short with the lovely Julie, even denying her passion when she needs it. He is able to sneak out in the middle of the night or when everyone is out of the house for food and amusement. Poor Tom, when the family dog gets too close, he murders it.  When the pest guy gets too close, he murders him.

Now Tom finds out Phil has a slut on the side and what he does is classic.  You'll see, but Phil did have it coming.  Julie is devastated and kicks her husband out leaving her alone and vulnerable. Tom, pretending to be a good neighbor charms Julie. Being vulnerable, Julie asks few questions to Tom.  Bad judgment, as more will die horribly, and Tom sees himself moving into Phil's spot and becoming Julie's mate.  Julie begins suspecting.  Phil keeps calling and sending flowers to apologize, but Tom makes sure Julie never gets the messages or flowers. Then Tom decides to rev it up a bit and become the dominant man Julie needs.  What follows if horrific.

Mimi Rogers is beautiful in this and we wince every time Tom looks at her through his hiding places.  Julie even skinny dips, to Tom's delight, and will even sneak in the bathroom while Julie is showering. Is Julie doomed?  Is the rule about skinny-dipping and dying horribly in effect here? Is Julie too beautiful to die horribly at the hands of a lunatic?  Enjoy Mimi Rogers in a very alluring performance as a damsel in much danger, and enjoy Gary Busey in a role that is perfect for him.  See "Hider in the House" and enjoy a good suburban horror story.

The Whale God, The Japanese Moby Dick

Ephesians 4:32 tells us to "...be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." The Christian concept of forgiveness asks a lot...and demands it. Just how hard is this?  To what extreme must we go to forgive? To the nth degree, actually and if you don't believe me, read the Bible and watch a Japanese film from 1962, "The Whale God," directed by Tokuzo Tanaka. Surprisingly, the film is laced with Christian themes from the Gospels, and directly gives us a Japanese island community steeped heavily in the Christian faith. It should also be noted, Herman Melville's "Moby Dick" was steeped heavily in these themes as well.  Which came first?  I think Melville wrote the book way before "The Whale God" came out.

The Whale God is a huge whale that mauls through Japanese whalers like crap through a goose. Whalers are either killed by it or driven mad for the rest of their lives. Killing the thing is an obsession of the Catholic community on this small Japanese fishing island.  Shaki (Kojiro Hongo) has seen the grief as his grandfather, dad, and brother, on three different whaling excursions, were murdered by the beast. His life's goal is revenge...or vengeance. The island Elder, Kujiranomoshi (Takashi Shimura) has promised his wealth, land, and babe daughter Toya (Kyoko Enami) to the whaler who kills the beast. Enter the brute stranger, Kishu (Shintaro Katsu). He arrives with the intention of killing the whale, taking the wealth of the village, raping the snot out of Toya, and selling her to a brothel. Really, I'm not kidding. 

Shaki wants to murder the beast to avenge his ancestors. He does not want the Elder's spoils or his babe daughter. He loves Ei (Shiho Fujimura). Uh oh...Kishu rapes Ei and impregnates her. Nine months later, Ei is an unwed mother. Shaki, who does not know Kishu is the one who raped her, marries Ei and becomes the baby's father, giving Ei some honor back. Now the beast is back and Kishu and Shaki man harpoon boats and go hunting for the monster. What happens next is something that won't make sense from a worldly point of view. Through death there will be life, but will Shaki find this out first hand? The final 20 minutes of this film are thrilling, gory, and almost insane...and after it is over, you will have seen and heard a very important sermon.

Will Shaki ever find out that it was Kishu that raped Ei?  Why won't Shaki allow Ei to tell him who the fiend was who raped her? Does Shaki already know?  This is a heavy one and some of the imagery is haunting, divine, and crude...and the final scenes are ones that entire books can be written on.  See a Japanese monster film that is not about Godzilla, Gamera, Rodan, or Monster Zero, and really be educated about what the Bible tells us about forgiveness. "The Whale God," an unlikely film to come from Japan, but it does.  

Madhouse, Insane Twin Torments Her Sister

We have an Italian one, a Giallo, if you must. Shot in Savannah, this Italian shocker has babes in much peril, usually dying horribly.  Supposedly this film was so shocking that most European countries banned it. We should be careful with these claims. Many U.S. films, actors, and actresses claimed to have been banned, though none were.  Same in Europe. Still, the claim draws interest.  The myth of McCarthy-ism has perpetuated these claims, though finding a movie that was pulled or not made because of the so-called "Red Scare" is hard to do.  Europe is the same...but today's feature may be considered inappropriately exploitive, or some may say thoughtful.  Let us look at 1981's "Madhouse," directed by Ovidio G. Assonitis.

The sultry Julia's (Patricia Mickey) 25th birthday is coming up. She fears this day.  Growing up, her insane twin sister Mary (Allison Biggers), tortured her on this day.  She tortured her with needles, knives, a killer dog, and rocks. Eventually Mary was then put in an insane asylum.  Julia is a good soul, and her life is given to teaching deaf children.  Her BF is the hunk Sam, a doctor. Father James (Dennis Robertson) is a priest, and also is Julia's uncle.  He begs Julia to go visit her sister in the loony-bin.  After much coaxing, Julia agrees and the visit is horrific...Mary is quite insane and homicidal. Uh oh...Mary escapes and people in Julia's life begin dying horribly.  Oh, Mary's killer dog seems to be back and it mauls to death one of Julia's deaf child students...a difficult scene to watch. The kills are all gory and ominous...no one is murdered quickly.

Julia is horrified that Mary and the dog seem to be back to torment and torture her.  Fr. James tells Julia that she has nothing to fear, Mary loves her.  The priest then gives a sermon on the sin of neglecting one own sister. The bodies begin piling up and even a teacher at Julia's school, the very sultry blonde Helen (Morgan Most) will be turned un-sultry by the jaws of the killer dog...so sad.  Julia begs her BF to stay with her, but being an important doctor, he cannot.  See what's going on? A 2026 audience will figure out where this is going.

Is Mary the one murdering everyone in Julia's life?  Is Father James, and others like him 500 years ago, the reason why Martin Luther posted 95 Theses on the door of the church (insane priests would have been Theses 47)?  Will the sultry Julia stay sultry as the end credits roll?  This Giallo is filled with gore, insanity, and babes in peril.  For some twisted horror, with alluring babe characters, and complete insaniacs as villains, see "Madhouse." 

Nightmare, A Woman's Descent Into Madness

A woman going mad!  A woman going homicidal! A woman tortured by her own twisted imagination!  Which woman do I speak of? Good question.  You divorced guys out there have an answer...any woman! Our film today kind of affirms that. There will be insanity. There will be bloody murder.  There will be big knives, deceit, torment, and jealousy. Oh, we have a Hammer Film today.  Let us look at 1964's "Nightmare," directed by Freddie Francis.

Many years ago Janet's mom murdered Janet's dad on her sixth birthday. Little Janet saw the whole thing and her mom was then confined to an insane asylum. Now Janet (Jennie Linden) is 17 and at an exclusive boarding school. Her nightmares, generated by the memory of her dad's murder, send her into a screaming rage every night, so she is sent home. Her caring teacher, Mary (Brenda Bruce) brings her home and meets some very caring servants at the mansion Janet is from. She is looked over by her guardian, the handsome lawyer Henry (David Knight). By the way, he is married. Janet's doctor wants to confine her to an asylum but Henry won't go for that. Uh oh...indications are the 17 year old girl and the adult lawyer/guardian might be romantically involved. To keep Janet out of the asylum, Henry hires the beautiful nurse Grace (Moira Raymond) to watch over her.

Uh oh, again. Janet gets more and more unhinged and sees a mysterious woman with a scarred face prowling through the halls of the mansion at night. Even worse, Janet does get more insane and picks up a knife and...well, here's where it all goes weird. Janet loses it, as if she ever had any sanity. Her fate is one in which everyone had tried to avoid. Uh oh...movie isn't even half over. Madness?  Homicide?  Torment? That hasn't even really started yet. What happened to Janet? You'll see.  She got off easy compared to the fate of other women later in this film...you'll see.

Just what is the handsome, married lawyer Henry thinking by having an affair with a 17-year-old insane girl?  The pretty nurse, Grace...is she in mortal peril?  Just who is the mysterious scar-faced woman in white who prowls the mansion at night trying to drive Janet over the edge? You will see the twists coming and you will be right...but then the entire second half of the film occurs...and then you'll be shocked. See the Hammer film "Nightmare" and realize what can happen when a woman goes mad.

The Red Tide Massacre, Info-Babe vs. Red Tide Monster

Today we have the magnum opus of Susan Elle. Perhaps this isn't saying much, but she is matched up with Michael Pare and does go mano y mano with a hideous swamp creature born out of mutated algae. Take that, Scarlett Johansson! She'll even whack the thing with a frying pan a couple of times. Anyway, Info-Babes are always annoying and we always love to see them shredded, even in movies, but Miss Elle is kind of cute, so we do desire her to prevail against the monstrosity that emerges from the swamps. Our feature today is a film that demanded to be made, 2022's "The Red Tide Massacre," directed by John A. Russo.

Al (Rich Sands) is a cop killer who escapes from prison and is chased through the Florida swamps by the sheriff's department. Sheriff Fuller (Pare) shoots him a bunch and Al falls into the swamp which is laced with red tide. What is red tide? This movie won't tell you, so never mind. Yep, the red tide turns him into a twisted version of The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Rio Lee (Elle) is on the story and annoys Sheriff Fuller, even though the bait shop owner/deputy son of the sheriff, Tommy (Sam Schweikert) falls in love with her. The two romance as Tommy dumps his hot former GF, a marine biologist scientist, Kara (Gina Vitori).  Okay, Al, now a hideous creature, shreds babes in bikinis, their boyfriends, babes in short shorts, their boyfriends, county workers...well, let's juts say he murders a massive amount of Floridians in this one.

Rio Lee tries to get info for the newscast from Sheriff Fuller...who just puts her off.  The TV reporterette may have an annoying voice, but she is cute and Tommy and her get quite close as the creature kills lifeguards, wealthy couples in hot tubs...and just about anyone who lives in Florida. Sheriff Fuller continues his efforts to kill the creature.  Oh, to make matters more difficult, an old crazy guy (Duane Whitaker) is perpetuating a skunk ape (Bigfoot) prank on the community, which only throws the sheriff and Rio off track. No matter, the phony skunk ape will have an opportunity to meet the newest creature in the Florida everglades. 

Will Rio and Tommy engage in pre-marital sex, resulting in a catfight with Kara, and perhaps some skinny-dipping that lures the creature? Will Michael Pare wrestle Rio Lee away from his son, as he has more earning power?  Is there an Emmy for Rio Lee for her hard hitting reporting on skunk apes, red tide, and newly formed creatures borne out of mutant algae?  This is a fun one and if you loved those old made for Syfy-TV movies, you will love "The Red Tide Massacre."   

The Jolly Monkey, That Annoying Monkey Toy Reeks Terror

It is time we delve into the magnum opus of Courtney Fulk. I know what you're thinking, but perish the thought, even a babe who shines in a film by The Asylum is entitled to have a magnum opus.  This is no small feat, as our feature today is heavy on the gory kills, weirdness, and the taboo. To shine in a film like that is not easy, and Miss Fulk's allure keeps our eyes on her through the entire picture. Okay, the nemesis is a weird looking monkey slasher, but this is merely a metaphor for the Biden Administration, no doubt. Let us look at 2025's "The Jolly Monkey," directed by Ryan Ebert. 

The Jolly Monkey Motel, located in the middle of nowhere. The proprietors are a sweet old, but very psycho couple, Walter and Carolyn (Patrick Labyorteoux and Kathleen Turner). When a sweet family, with a sweet little girl (Aria Surrec) stop for the night, they are murdered and cut up, including the sweet little girl, Charlie. Fast forward 40 years, and the proprietors are dead and their daughters and their families converge on The Jolly Monkey Motel to...well, Debra (Jane Hajduk) wants to restore it and reopen it. Linda (Lisa Cole) wants to bulldoze it and sell the land. Debra's daughter Jenny (Fulk) and son Marshall (Neirin Winter) try to support mom but are creeped out by the place. Jenny finds old newspaper clippings about missing families back in the day and eventually will discover they all just happened to stay at the motel.

Linda an her family are eager to bulldoze the place but wouldn't you know it are one by one murdered by a big monkey who also cuts off their faces. Happens. Now Debra's family is on the run from a big monkey with bladed weapons. Uh oh, again, the ghost of that little girl, Charlie, seems to be trying to help Jenny and to tell her something.  Jenny is able to uncover the mystery of what went on when her grandparents ran the hotel and does not know how to tell Debra that her parents were serial killers. To add to the creepiness, those monkey toys with the cymbals and shit-eating grins are all over the place and all go spastic when someone talks about tearing down the motel. Jenny will  be put through the ringer and even end up tied up and at the mercy of the monkey. We get a sense early on who the killer is and it is quite the taboo plot twist.

Will the nubile Jenny have what it takes to save her family? Is the Jolly Monkey Motel somewhere where we can earn Hilton points?  Will the sweet and pure Jenny have to turn into a killer herself to save herself and her family? This is a creepy one and Miss Fulk's performance is dramatic and action-hero like. For a really creepy take on those old really creepy toys with banging cymbals, see "The Jolly Monkey." 

The Mirror, Kelly LeBrock in Silent Film Carnage

Who can ever forget the greatest quote in TV commercial history, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful." Yep, the 1986 Pantene commercial with Kelly LeBrock shampooing in the shower. She was beautiful and we did not hate her, probably because she was beautiful.  The sultry actress would soon be the first American to own a hyperbaric chamber, though the relevance of that is still debatable. So  more than 20 years after that declaration, is Kelly LeBrock still beautiful? Looking back in time is what this quirky murder mystery is all about, through the eyes of the sultry Erin Cahill...who is still beautiful. Our feature today is 2007's "The Mirror" (aka "Hidden Chambers"), directed by Stephen Eckelberry.

The lovely Nina (Cahill) is a film student, spoiled and fawned over by her seemingly wealthy movie producer dad, Nicholas Theophilus  (Thaoo Penghlis), and has been B Movie actress mom, Mary (LeBrock). The child of privilege, Nina, has a cocaine problem that has had her in rehab, and is now chronicling her life with her little movie camera. Her BF is the loser, drug pusher Paul (Devin McGinn), who gives her some bad coke in which she ODs on and dies for a moment.  Guess who saves her! Yep, pervert electrician Jeff (Shiloh Strong). Jeff, fixing the wiring in the old house, discovered secret passageways that could see into every room through two-way mirrors...and he happened to be watching when Nina overdosed. He brings her back to life with CPR and now Nina doesn't know whether to pepper spray him, or fall in love with him.

Wait!  Secret passageways behind every room with two-way mirrors? Yep, back in the 1920s, silent film star Johnny Rambova (David Zappone) put them in to film his sexual relations with starlets. Sadly, his own murder was also filmed from back there and Nina and Jeff find the old films. Poor Nina, she will also see the perversions of her mom and dad from these secret rooms...and also, more carnage. See, Nicholas is not doing well producing movies so he is making his income from a spank-o-cam, where the blonde bimbo Bambi (Sarah Farooqui) is filmed being spanked. Oh, Mary screws a phony producer, Harvey (Bryan Callen) who says he is going to put her in a softcore porn film. Nina and Jeff film it all...then...another murder.

Is there a future for the drug addicted, deviance plagued Nina and the pervert voyeur Jeff? Will Mary resurrect her B Movie film career even though she is 20 years removed from her latest "hit"?  What does the murder of Johnny Rambova have to do with the murder that will shake the Theophilus family and just who will be murdered in present day? It is so great seeing Kelly LeBrock and her and Erin Cahill play dysfunction so well.  For a quirky murder mystery with deviance and exploited vices, see "The Mirror." 

Cold Heart, Nastassja Kinski in Peril

Nastassja Kinski in peril? From a python? We all remember Nastassja Kinski in that poster from the 80s, wearing nothing but a...python. Not any babe could have pulled that one off. Then came her erotic horror thriller, "Cat People." We were all hooked after that. So today we look at a thinly veiled remake of 1979's "Tess (probably not)," the film that introduced our vixen to America.  Though our film today is actually a good one 2001's "Cold Heart," directed by Dennis Dimster.

The Callisto yell! Yep, you remember her, the blonde femme-fatale deity that Xena ended up kicking the snot out of in "Xena: Warrior Princess." That babe in the black leather gladiator outfit is in this movie! A catfight between her and Nastassja Kinski? Don't be cynical, it just may happen. Linda (Kinski) is a movie producer with a lovely assistant, Julia (Hudson Leick, the aforementioned blonde psycho-deity). Linda's husband is Phil (Jeff Fahey), a very successful psychologist. Enter psycho Sean (Josh Holloway). Sean, when we meet him has tied up and gagged the pretty Natalie (Janne Oliver Campbell), and then kicked the snot out of her and humiliated her by mashing food all over her just before trying to kill her. Fortunately for Natalie, she is saved by a miracle and Sean is sent to a prison for the criminally insane, where Phil becomes his doctor. Yep, Phil gets him out and Sean outsmarts everyone.

Now a bunch of plot points that seem just a little too improbably, until you see this entire film. Sean gets a job as one of Linda's assistants. He realizes she is in a loveless marriage and her husband is cheating on her. Now he tries to romance her and what follows is just what we want to see in erotic thrillers. A lot of scenes of deviant and wet sex between Sean and Linda. Linda feels bad about it but Sean is an expert at charming her. Linda has no idea Sean is a psycho and loves the sex she is getting from the younger man. Julia encourages this as she knows what a heel Phil is. See where this is going? No you don't. More steamy shower scenes, steamy scenes at movie screenings, steamy scenes in lady's rooms, steamy scenes in hotel rooms.  Nudity abounds! Then comes the knives, ropes, and gags, and what first looked erotic and steamy, turns to horror and surprise.

Don't be fooled, this is a 95 minute film and you will want to watch all 95 minutes.  Just who is the psycho in this one and is the blonde babe with the Callisto scream above a good catfight with her boss, the woman who wrapped a python around her?  Twists abound, and though any guy who has received mixed signals from a babe, will like Sean...to some extent. Passion, more passion, deviance, then blood will grace the silver screen, so do yourself a favor and enjoy this Nastassja Kinski erotic thriller, "Cold Heart." By the way, all three women mentioned in this review are pictured above, just so you get an understanding of Sean's misogyny.

 

Venom, Voodoo Ghoul Annihilates Hunks and Babes

Eden Sinclair was a character portrayed by Rhona Mitra in the film "Doomsday" in 2008.  In it, Eden was a British commando fighting off diseased-ridden Scots. However, Eden Sinclair first appeared in film three years earlier, then portrayed by Agnes Bruckner. Interestingly enough, these two characters, both portrayed by babes, had nothing to do with one another. Our feature today takes place in a Louisiana bayou, and concerns a resurrected tow truck driver who has souls of all the evil people ever to live in the swamp in him...or something like that. Our feature today is 2005's "Venom," directed by Jim Gillespie.

Eden (Bruckner) is a doll of a waitress who works at a diner with her babe buddies Rachel (Laura Ramsey) and Cece (Meagan Good). Okay, Ray (Rick Cramer) is a scarred and hideously looking tow truck driver that comes across Eden later on as she is telling her hunk BF Eric (Jonathan Jackson) she loves him but is not in love with him...or something like that. The old voodoo hag, Cece's grandma, speeds down the road, swerves to miss Ray's truck and Eden and Eric and crashes over the guardrail into the river. Ray tries to save granny but snakes pop out of granny's suitcase and bite him a lot. At the morgue, Ray is resurrected as a homicidal soul with snakes inside him and he goes on a murderous rampage.

Sadly, he murders babes and hunks, all of Eden's buddies, in fact. Even sadder, two of Eden's babe friends, Tammy (Bijou Phillips) and Patty (Davetta Sherwood) are slaughtered near Ray's garage. Now the ghoul, Ray, chases down more babes and hunks and Eden and Eric figure out what is going on and run to granny's house where Cece is keeping vigil.  Yep, Ray is on his way and he has it in his mind that he needs to rip Eden, Cece, Eric, Rachel, and Ricky (Pawel Szadja) frrom limb to limb. Don't worry about Ricky. Cece might know how to stop Ray using voodoo, but we know it won't work. Now Ray uses chains, crowbars, machetes, and other bladed weapons to take apart babes and hunks and Eden seems to be the only one with an attitude that can stop him.

Any chance of a third Eden Sinclair film where Ms. Bruckner and Ms. Mitra can engage in a sweaty catfight? Does Eden have a chance to rid her life of this voodoo ghoul of a tow truck driver?  Do any of Eden's buddies have a shot at surviving this film?  Ms. Bruckner and her costars do a fine job and are all fine looking.  Ray, as the snake filled ghoul, is perfect contrast to the sweaty and nubile babes and hunks he wants to murder. For some good voodoo horror, see "Venom," the other Eden Sinclair movie. 

Gobblefoot, Half Bigfoot Half Turkey

We've demanded it ever since we were little kids. Finally we have it.  A film that chronicles that horror that overtook New England 300 years ago and remains to this day.  The story of that hellion created out of witchcraft and lore, the half Bigfoot-half turkey creature.  In gripping horror, and biting reality, our film today is 2025's "Gobblefoot," directed by Matt Jaissle.

300 years ago a witch was burned at the stake in Salem's Bluff, Connecticut.  While beginning to burn, the hag cursed the town to be forever terrorized by a creature born in Hell. Now in the present day, Gobblefoot is back...half turkey, half Bigfoot. Initially he rips apart a hiker (Rogan Russell Marshall). But wait, this bloke was filming with his 8mm camera as he was being torn apart. Now the footage is mysteriously sent to a professor of New England lore, Dr. Holden (Chris Heikka). Also in the same package is a pentagram amulet. Holden gets out his map of Michigan and drives to Connecticut and Salem's Bluff...don't ask. There he meets some reluctant residents who seem hostile. Of note is Karswell (Jim Bunny Bundshuh), a trans-clown-crossdressing-weirdo (a character taken out of "All the President's Men"). Karswell steals the pentagram from Holden but offers him no information. With the pentagram, Karswell, who originally resurrected the creature, can now control it.

The big turkey monster strikes often and Holden's PTSD from some war paralyses him every time he hunts for the thing. Karswell orders pizza, Hawaiian (don't ask), and feeds more people to the bird. Now clad in high-heeled boots, a sequins sports jacket, and clown nose, Karswell does a few incantations. Holden is out in the cold as more and more residents of Salem's Bluff are torn to pieces by the thing. Where does this all lead? This is a very similar film to Kubrick's "Paths of Glory," but believe it or not, goes in a different direction at the ending. See for yourself.

Will Dr. Holden be able to keep his PTSD episodes in check long enough to successfully hunt the monster?  Is Karswell a thinly veiled metaphor for Kamala Harris?  Will Connecticut be ever cursed with the terror the Gobblefoot monster brings? A movie for our times, no doubt.  For a true understanding of the New England culture, see "Gobblefoot." 

Killer Content, Psychos and an Influencer

A sultry influencer who has millions of YouTube subscribers! She's hot! Her channel focusses on beauty, travel, inspiration, and style! I wonder if I did a blog about those four things instead of horror films, would I also have millions of subscribers. This begs the question...a sultry influencer?  If she goes against psychos...who do wee pull for?  Do we pull for the perfume, teased hair, and Botox...or do we pull for the guy with the rusty sickle and icepick? Even better...this one takes place in an isolated cabin in the woods!  Our feature today is 2025's "Killer Content," directed by Chris St. Croix.

Jexy D. (Katie Keene) is our YouTube vlogger with the millions of adoring fans. She's hot and stylish and as the film begins...well, you'll see.  Now she needs time alone to figure things out.  Off social media for more than a couple of weeks, her fans demand her back and she intends a comeback video.  Off social media?  Why?  You'll see. Uh oh...we get clues that the veil of glamour and happiness may be merely a ...veil.  Addicted to some kind of pills, and wine, Jexy D. secludes herself in a cabin and intends to film her comeback video. The sexy and stylish babe sets everything up and then a knock on the door. Jexy is not happy someone found her.  On the other side of the door is the beautiful but unhinged Megan (Casey Casmira). An adoring fan who begs Jexy to take some time with her and help her become an influencer. Jexy says no, and Megan goes psycho. A catfight later and Jexy is tied up and has her hands bound.

See where this is going?  Megan is apologetic about kicking the snot out of Jexy but desperately wants the world's foremost blogger on style and beauty to help her.  Then Kyle (Nathan Freitas) arrives...Jexy's agent/BF. He's useless, as Megan's psycho BF, Donnie (Diego Gomez) also arrives. Bloody murder ensue.  Now Donnie and Megan insist Jexy help her get a million subscribers.  There's a problem for the two fiends who killed Kyle.  Yep...Megan and Donnie are not the only bloodthirsty psychos in the cabin.  Even worse for Megan and Donnie, even though Jexy is bound and tied to the floor, she is sizing them up and waiting for a chance to...well, that's enough for now.

Just what is Jexy's real persona and why did she step away from social media for weeks?  Are Megan and Donnie psycho enough to ward off what Jexy has planned for them?  After this is all over...who will get a million more subscribers?  Catfights, blood, gore, murder, torture, and beauty secrets will come at you fast.  For terrific influencer carnage, see "Killer Content."