Prussian Army officer Karl von Clausewitz on November 15, 1831 (the day before his death) is quoted as saying, "The ultimate war will someday be fought by nubile-babes in their underwear." The esteemed strategist then downed another mead, left the public house, and shortly after midnight was killed by a horse drawn carriage riding dancing girls back to their boarding house. Okay, today we have that battle Mr. Clausewitz was speaking of. The nubile in her underwear is Carly Medina, who possesses great big... er, a great big smile. To date, this served as Ms. Medina's magnum opus. A reincarnation of one of those dancing girls in the coach back in 1831? You decide. Our feature today is 2025's "Shark Terror," directed by Christopher Nolan...wait! No, directed by Mario N. Bonassin. I always get those two confused.
Never a good idea...babes on a naval vessel. But, guess who the captain is! Yep, Michael Pare! The babes? Molly (Sarah Lieving) and her daughter, the big...the nubile with the big smile Kendall (Medina). Why are they on the USS Campbell? Clausewitz had similar questions in 1831. Three thugs bag Molly and Kendall's room for jewels, get caught by Kendall, then grab her, and all go overboard. One gets eaten by a shark immediately. Now Kendall and Brian (Javier Duran) get attacked by sharks and the shark gets Kendall's dress. Now Kendall is kept afloat by her big...er, big smile. After being wounded by a Great White, the duo make it to a sandbar that will disappear in a few hours. Brian? Never mind.
An ex-marine (her term, not mine) Molly insists on going after her daughter in a dinghy. Molly is quite the babe but will get some good looking navy SEAL types eaten. She ends up in her dinghy with one of the thugs, Oscar (Jose Maria Fernandez). Now Kendall and Brian are very hurt and bleeding and losing blood. The sharks have made it onto land and attack...don't ask. The two wounded idiots, of which one has great big...or a big smile, are zoning out with their blood loss and now the sandbar has disappeared under the waves. Molly? Yeah...you'll see.
Will Molly be able to save her daughter before the shark or blood loss gets her? Will Brian take advantage of Kendall's blood loss and reach over and...actually, I withdraw this question. Is this situation what Clausewitz had in mind when he penned On War which was published shortly after his accident with the dancing girls? Riveting and arousing. After all who doesn't like big...er, big smiles? See "Shark Terror" and enjoy a big smile and the magnum opus of Carly Medina.
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