Sunday, February 11, 2024

Land Shark, Shark Experiments Out of Control

Marine biologists. In real life...well...they don't look like they do in the movies. Remember the sultry blondes in the Miss America Pageant from Florida, Alabama, or California?  Back in the 70s they all were Marine Biology majors.  In today's woke world, the pageant has gone downhill and those same contestants are either Public Health or Broadcast Journalism majors. Oh, we pine for the days when marine biologists looked like Sarah French... Wait!  Guess what!  Sarah French as a nubile marine biologist!  What could be better. Throw in a semi-gratuitous shower scene, toothy menaces, mad scientists, and laser blasters.  There's more...this is a Polonia Brothers Entertainment film directed by Mark Polonia.  Today we will look at 2017's "Land Shark."

Sharks are coming on land and eating bikini babes, other babes, whinos, and electricians. Lucinda (French) is a marine biologist working for a bio-chemical lab. This lab injects human DNA into sharks, hence our little monsters! Dr. Foster (Peter Baldo) is Lucinda's boss and he is going further in these experiments in order to create a perfect soldier for the battlefield. Maybe something that can defeat the Taliban. Lucinda finds out and now the babe scientist is in mortal danger. Meanwhile, a shark eats Cpt. Bermuda (Jeff Kirkendall), and his mate. Very sad. The sharks get aggressive and one even visits Lucinda in her shower.  BTW...Peter Benchley based Quint on Cpt. Bermuda (embellishment).

Now Foster is ready to advance his experiments to the next stage. First, he and Lucinda, armed with laser blasters, go in search of the land sharks. Uh oh for Lucinda, Foster is charged with her elimination after the sharks are killed.  Why kill all the experimental sharks? Foster has his reasons and you will see what they are. Blood will spatter all over the silver screen as this film has a high death count. Even the lovely Elisa Dowling will be a shark. Clad in black tactical gear, Lucinda and Foster scour the countryside in search of monsters.  They will find them...or the monsters will find them.

Will Lucinda survive her semi-gratuitous shower scene?  What does Foster have planned for the lovely marine biologist?  If laser blasters existed a long time ago, would Cpt. Ahab have had one instead of a harpoon?  We are told from sources who know, this was the film Steven Spielberg wanted to make but budgetary constraints resulted in "Jaws."  Finally, decades after "Jaws," a film that demanded to be made!  See "Land Shark" and enjoy a sultry babe scientist in great peril from toothy shark monsters. 

1 comment:

  1. I enjoy this movie its just crazy fun another awesome review