Asylum Blackout, Ominous Asylum Revolt Horror

No humor in this one.  No cute diversions or relationship building plot lines.  No breaks from an increasing ominous and gory story.  It'll make you squirm right away and then rev up the squirm level with every minute that passes.  Be warned...this is a horror film that does not try to be a cute story of human plight or personal struggle.  Many will die...all horribly.  They won't just die...they will be tortured, or taken apart while still alive.  They will be mocked, or hunted, or humiliated.  Get ready for 2011's "Asylum Blackout," directed by Alexandre Courtes.

Sans Asylum in Washington state houses criminally insane deviants.  George (Rupert Evans) is the head cook there.  He works with a staff that includes the cantankerous Max (Kenny Doughty) and Ricky (Joseph Kennedy).  The cook staff also has a rock band, which probably isn't any good.  One night a storm causes a blackout.  Now big tough guard JB (Dave Legeno) needs the cook staff to help him bring the homicidal maniacs back to their cells.  Not to worry...they are all high on their meds and quite docile...not. Something is wrong. It appears the insaniacs have been spitting out their meds and are not medicated.  They also see a chance to rebel and rip apart everyone in the asylum.  Mass murderer Harry (Marcus Garvey) seems to have organized a plot to find all the guards, nurses, and cooks and torture and kill them.

The inmates are unmerciful.  They'll pummel heads, cut off digits, chew off facial features, and even turn on their own.  George, who probably should've looked for another job when he could have, now is on the run inside the asylum with his staff.  They won't fare well.  What we are treated to on the screen will turn your head.  What the homicidals will do will be quite revolting.  You will wince and cover your eyes all the way until the closing credits.  Some may term this film "torture porn."

Does George and his fellow cooks, and metal band, have a shot at making their next gig?  What could these insaniacs have done if the nurses in this film looked like the nurses in "Halloween 2"?  Does Harry, the ringleader, have a point to his rebellion and massacre?  It is scary to think that half the American population is off their meds and another 49% are in control of taking their own meds. Perhaps this film is a metaphor of a society so dependent on psyche meds and where we are going with that.  Most probably, it is merely a gory and ominous horror film.  See "Asylum Blackout" and try not to cover your eyes or turn your head.    

The Rig, Drill Baby, Drill...Then Die

I love these movies.  Isolation is a great setting.  Whether it be in deep space on a cavernous spaceship...or on an oil rig in the gulf during a hurricane.  The outside world can't get to you so if someone has a toothache...tough!  Or, if a slimy and irate creature gets aboard...tough!  Today we will look at the 2010 film, "The Rig," directed by Peter Atencio.

A hurricane is moving in and non-essential personnel are flown off the oil rig and back to mainland.  This leaves a crew of...essential personnel.  What makes them essential?  Um...well, they have some great pre-marital sex and gratuitous shower scenes.  Hey...not just anyone can do that.  Jim (William Forsythe) heads the rig and stays aboard.  Just before the storm moves in, the drill entered some cavern thousands of feet below the surface and a creature came out and boarded the rig.  No one knows this...yet.  Carey (Sarah D'Laine) is Jim's hot daughter and lover of roughneck Dobbs (Scott Martin)...he grunts a lot.  The two have steamy sex.  Meanwhile, roughneck Freddy (Stacey Hinnen) has some steamy sex in the shower with babe roughneck Rodriguez (Carmen Gloria Perez).  Oh...while this passion is going on, the storm rages, and the slimy and irate creature begins murdering essential personnel.

The creature is vicious and really dices up its victims.  Now, after passionate pre-marital sex, the essentials realize the monster is hunting all of them.  The cavernous oil rig is a perfect setting for this monster film.  The essential roughnecks will attempt to protect the babes...but they are roughnecks and grunt better than fighting monsters.  One by one the essentials are pureed.  A few plans are hatched to battle the creature...none any good.  Then the essentials get mad...except for Carey, she just cries and screams a lot...but remains looking really good.  Now its roughnecks versus creature...both sides seem mad...and both sides seem bent on annihilating their opponent.

Does the slimy creature from the depths merely want love, just like the roughnecks have on the rig?  Will gratuitous and steamy showers be interrupted by thrashing and blood spurting?  Is this film a metaphor for the carnage caused by the Obama Administration defunding safety and medical expenses for off-shore drilling?  This is a good one.  Great acting, great beef, and great cheese.  For some creature feature type entertainment, see 'The Rig."   

Forest of Death, Shapeshifter, Hunks, and Babes

A cabin in the woods.  Two hunks.  Two Babes.  Pre-marital sex.  Marijuana.  Beer.  Then...a homicidal monster.  Do you need to know any more?  Low budget horror is like pizza...hot and juicy, or cold and soggy...its all good.  Today we bundle some familiar tropes and are left with something so satisfying.  Our feature today is 2023's "Forest of Death," directed by Brendan Rudnicki.

As our film begins a great looking couple fall victim to a shape shifter. Shape shifter? It is this monster in the forest that takes you, then takes your form and goes back to your buddies and picks them off one by one in bloody fashion. Okay, Ashley (Chloe Marie Rhoades) is a blonde babe.  We like her.  She seems nice and screams well during pre-marital sex. Her and her hunk BF Tom (Tyler Miller) are going for a weekend getaway at a cabin in the woods.  Ashley is bringing her redheaded babe GF Tracy (Stephanie Kirves) and Tom is bringing his buddy Dylan (Dylan DeVane).  A set-up weekend that turns out well.  I mean, Tracy and Dylan fall in love. Then, pre-marital sex, beer drinking, and weirdness seep into the plot.

Roger (Benjamin L. Newmark) is a crude guy who crashes their party.  He tells the kids about the shape shifter and how it took the form of his wife.  Okay, I don't want any comments from you divorced guys out there. The shape shifter is real, though the quartet of babes and hunks does not believe Roger.  The thing does what shape shifter's do and bloody carnage ensue. Oh, remember the couple who got taken apart at the start of the film...well, one of them is back...or a reasonable facsimile of him is back...and not for noble purposes.  The screaming will continue though not just during pre-marital sex. 

Will any of the babes emerge as a "final girl," or will they both succumb to the creature?  How many guys out there dating babes would not really notice if their babe was all of a sudden an evil monster?  How many babes might prefer their meek BFs become a bit more evil and risqué?  This is a fun one.  Though very predictable, the cast is great looking, acting is good, and the creepiness factor is high.  See "Forest of Death," and enjoy an 80s type horror film. 

Stalked, Commando Babe vs. Invisible Man

Ah!  The Military Industrial Complex (MIS).  We are at war because the execs at those companies need to send their kids to college and live in mansions.  Gaza and The Ukraine are a mess because of them.  Afghanistan was a total embarrassment because the MIS told us that we needed to be there. Now we're being thrown out of the Middle East, out of Africa, and China and Russia are being invited in.   Despite Patriot Missile Systems, bunker busting bombs, the F-35 jet fighter...we still lose wars...badly!  Our military has been the laughing stock of the so-called international community.  Anyway, this brings us to our story today, 2019's "Stalked," directed by Justin Edgar.

Babe commando Sam (Rebecca Rogers) is abducted, chloroformed, shoved into a van, and dumped in a massive factory.  She wakes and has no idea where she is.  The British Army commando can't find a way to leave...then she is attacked.  An unseen attacker punches her and throws her about.  Her attacker is invisible.. The thug is wearing an invisibility suit created by the MIS so our soldiers can fight wars while invisible.  Yeah...that'll work.  I hear the Taliban laughing already. The important thing is the government sends billion dollar contracts to this company...winning wars?  Who cares? Now Sam must match wits and try to find a weakness in this weapons system.  If the MIS invented it...we know it has dozens of weak spots or flaws.

Uh oh for her attacker (Lawrence Saunders)...Sam is a demolitions expert.  She builds bombs.  Her bombs are low-tech and don't cost billions of dollars...so they work. Eek!  There are machinegun firing drones also after her.  Now Sam is back at a disadvantage.  She meets other gals who are victimized at this factory...they all will be gutted or murdered in other gory ways.  Then Sam catches a break.  She is smart and figures out a way to see the invisible guy.  As if the Taliban won't also find this out. Sam is smart though...General Mark Milley and Lloyd Austin are not.  Because Sam doesn't sit around pasting bogus medals on her uniform all day, like those two aforementioned losers, she has a shot at survival. 

Can a babe commando that knows how to light a match and use household cleaning products defeat the Military Industrial Complex?  Will Ukraine ever figure out that the toys of the MIS will merely get their army destroyed?  Will America's new recruitment efforts produce a military feared by everyone, or laughed at by everyone?  "Stalked" is a fun one and with a babe commando you will enjoy rooting for.  See "Stalked" and say no to the politicians and their buddies in the Military Industrial Complex.

Freak, Teens go Camping...Carnage Ensues

Yep...we have another teens go camping and die horribly story.  Yep...they seek pre-marital sex and get taken apart instead.  Morality tale.  Even worse...there might be some marijuana smoking going on.  Our film today is a brief one, just under an hour, but wow!  The gore f/x are amazing (Matthew Sorenson), and the acting is terrific.  Original plot?  Okay, maybe not, but it pulls from some of our favorite films of the 80s as opposed to "Ordinary People" or "Silkwood."  Today we look at 2020's "Freak," directed by Lucky Cerruti.

As our film opens, two campers seeking pre-marital sex are torn apart in the most gory fashion.  The titular freak, deformed and mutated, wanders into their camp with a little saw and goes to town.  Fast forward, Jenna (Sasha Van Cott) and her brother Ryan (Dorran Boucher) join Henry (Jameson Batt) and his GF Kendra (Annachristi Cordes) and the hunk Jake (Hunter Wilson) in a camping trip in the woods. We like Jake.  He seems nice and is very respectful to "loner" Jenna. Uh oh...Jake brings them to a part of the wilderness that is the subject of an urban legend.  In these parts, a deformed boy was born.  At the age of five, the boy is left in the woods by his parents and turns into a killing machine.  This freak enjoys shredding campers.  Is it true?  Most people say no.  But...it is true.

Now our freak converges on our campers.  At first he just watches them through the trees.  Uh oh, he seems to develop a crush on the loner Jenna.  Like most freaks, all he wants is a little love and understanding and perhaps Jenna would be amenable to giving it to him.  Alas, Jenna is not that weird.  The thing attacks them one by one.  His methods of murder are incredibly gory.  Where is this all going?  Fans of 1980s slasher or camping in the woods films might see where its going.  In any event, it will be incredibly gory...and our freak is grotesque.

Do any of these campers have a chance of surviving until the end credits?  Does Jenna have what it takes to be a "final girl," and if so, does our freak have special plans for her?  After those slasher films of the 1980s, why would any teen go camping in the woods?  Okay, I realize pre-marital sex and mosquitos all around is a big lure.  For a spirited and very gory 1980s type slasher film, see "Freak."    

Body Melt, Gross Oz-Sploitation

When the Aussies cross the line...well, we all cheer.  Of late, the Aussies have been too behaved and pretty boring.  In the 90s, they were grossly risqué.  Today's feature has an exploding tally-whacker, ambitious mucus, melting faces, and projectile internal organs...and much more.  Disgusting!  Revolting!  Think of a less artsy-fartsy David Cronenberg effort.  Throw in some Aussie mutant hillbillies, and mutant sex and we have one that you may wish you never put on.  For the curious among you, today we look at 1993's "Body Melt," directed by Philip Brophy.

VemuVille Health Resort is pioneering human health and stamina.  Their scientists are creating vitamins that will enable the body to reach its full potential and heighten libido.  Right!  This will go horribly wrong.  The film opens up with sweaty pre-marital sex.  Current lead scientist, the babe Shaan (Regina Gaigalas) is giving a former resort chemist Ryan (Robert Simper) mad sex.  She also gives him an injection of VimuVille vitamins.  Paul will begin melting and mutating.  Shaan has also seen to it that these vitamins are sent to a new housing development as supplements so she can see their effect on the citizenry.  This won't go well.  Pregnant Cheryl (Linda McCune) will be given some by Dr. Carrera (Ian Smith), who is her OB/GYN and a scientist for VimuVille.  What happens to Cheryl and her unborn baby is so revolting that we won't even mention it here.

After some more people melt and mutate, two cops, Sam (Gerard Kennedy) and Johnno (Andrew Daddo) trace the melting people back to the resort.  In the interim, a family of four arrives there for testing... the family will be enveloped in disgusting bodily rebellion.  Uh oh...there is another former scientist, Pud (Vincent Gil) who now oversees mutant hillbillies.  Dr. Carrera still must consult with him.  What Pud's mutant kids do to some teens is equally revolting...and then what they did to a cute kangaroo...oh, no! Projectile vomit and exploding internal organs will rule the second half of this film.  Shaan will get more ambitious about getting these vitamins out to the general population.  I could go on and on...but you are probably getting the picture.

Will Sam and Johnno reach the resort and stop Shaan from parceling out these vitamins before the entirety of Australia's population melts and explodes?  Metaphorically, has the entire population of Australia already melted and exploded due to their poor choices in national elections?  Has Shaan taken any of these vitamins and will she fall victim to an exploding tally-whacker?  How many times have you ever been asked that last question?  Don't say I didn't warn you.  Fans of body horror may appreciate the hillbilly nature of this Aussie entry.  See "Body Melt" and let this film be a warning against supplements and other stuff new at GNC.

Girl House, Porn Actress vs. the Slasher

A college babe working in porn!  Right!  I get it.  In this male dominated world, how else is a beautiful woman supposed to earn money for tuition.  The male dominated American university system, run by perverted middle-aged men, don't give a gal a chance.  Poor Kylie (Ali Cobrin).  Her mom is recently widowed and can hardly pay bills...Kylie herself can't afford tuition.  The dorm rates alone are prohibitable.  Either be a whore or...be a porn actress.  Gritty reality.  Okay, this may be baloney but because Kylie is a babe...we'll go with this premise.  Today we look at 2014's "Girl House," directed by John Knautz and Trevor Matthews.  With a high death count, oodles of blood and nudity, this may be one of the best slasher films of the 21st century.

Unable to afford college, Kylie doesn't want to drop out.  Get a job at Hooters?  No!  She accepts an offer to be a porn actress.  Recruited for 'Girl House,' the most popular porn website in the world, all she has to do is stand in front of the camera and do all sorts of naughty stuff while men pay to watch with their credit cards.  By the way...Kylie just happens to be good at it.  Also good at it are her beautiful housemates which include Alyson Bath as Devon and Chasty Ballesteros as Janet.  Naughty undergarments, bikinis, or total nudity will rule this film...then they will give way to blood and gore.  Uh oh...Loverboy (George Carroll) is a big customer.  He meets Kylie on webcam on her first day and chats with her.  He has this idea that Kylie likes him...until by some misunderstanding, he is humiliated by Kylie and the girls in the house.  Uh oh, again.  Loverboy is a computer genius.

Loverboy?  We meet him in the opening scene.  Warning!  This opening scene may be the most disturbing scene you have ever seen on film.  Now Loverboy breaches security and enters the house.  The girls... many will cease being pretty after Loverboy gets through with them.  He doesn't just want to kill them...he wants to toy with them, humiliate them, and make them suffer for a long time before killing them.  Oh...what he does to poor skank Devon...you'll wince when you see.  Every girl in this house is a sultry 10...Loverboy goes through them like crap through a goose with some extremely imaginative kills.  Uh oh for Loverboy...Kylie is a college girl.  College girls have brains.  Okay, so maybe they don't...but since Kylie is quite the babe, we'll go with that.

Will Kylie go from Cam-Girl to Final Girl.  Just what did the babes do to Loverboy and what happened to him in that tortuous opening scene?  Is this film a metaphor of what the American university system really seeks to do to sultry babes that enroll in their institutions?  This is a bloody and very disturbing one.  For those of you who like their horror brutal and misogynistic...see "Girl House."