Zombie Croc, Monster Croc and Voodoo

Picture this! Grouchy, wheelchair-ridden Mildred is celebrating a birthday.  Her sultry nurse wheels her to the table, and Mildred nearly goes hysterical because the clown has yet to arrive. On cue, a 35 foot monster croc invades the festivity, vomits the clown's head on Mildred's cake, and eats her sultry nurse.  Oh yes...this is all done in grainy, 1970s drive-in, film fashion.  The scene, of course, continues. If this appeals to you, see 2016's "Zombie Croc."  This film is so good, it has escaped the notice of IMDB.

A weird voodoo rite awakens a 35 foot zombie croc.  Our monster gets right to business, tearing a hitchhiker and her three would be rapists to pieces.  Deputy Abby Rivera (Crystal Howell) comes across the crime scene and takes charge.  The mayor wants to blame the carnage on a boating accident, but the town's backstory suggests something more lurid.  The sheriff's office is in the midst of evicting some ancestors of slaves from their swamp-side property so a developer can build a mall on the land.  Yep...that's when the carnage begins.  After a clown and the aforementioned party revelers are pureed, three scientists come to town to trap the croc.

 Abby tries to assist them and Ranger Sam (Apryl Crowell) has a pretty good plan.  Unfortunately for the pretty Sam, she will be turned into a zombie, and will team up with the croc to ruin the scientific endeavor.  Seemingly powerless to fight the voodoo fiend, Abby is graced with the appearance of the one handed, hook clad Crocodile Jack (Tony Jones). This salty croc hunter knows what they are up against and how to kill it.  Uh oh....killing the thing will not be easy as an army of human zombies are unleashed on the swamp land.  As our croc goes through deputies, scientists, and other swamp schmucks like crap through a goose, Abby and Jack make a desperate bid to end the carnage.

Will Abby and Jack be successful and create a new Cajun dish?  Does Animal Planet have a new inspiration for a prime-time TV show?  This blog loves monster crocodiles (who doesn't), and this film satisfies that love.  Nicely directed by Robert Elkins, good luck finding this one except on Amazon where the DVD is reasonably priced. By way of trivia, one of the first films ever done on the blog was "Crocodile 2: Deathswamp," in which a beautiful stewardess does battle with a 35 foot monster croc.  To see the review of that film click on this link Crocodile 2

Space Master X-7, Space Microbes Pursue Blonde Beauty

Lyn Thomas is not a household name, but during a short period over a half century ago she was a terrific B- movie actress.  Never landing a role on any Hollywood blockbuster, Ms. Thomas would appear in TV classics such as Dragnet, Border Patrol, and Wagon Train.  Today we examine her most famous film...1958's "Space Master X-7."  Filmed like a Film Noir piece, or a 1950s detective film, the beautiful blonde plays a woman on the run.  From an abusive husband?  From the police?  From a jealous beau? No!  Deadly space microbes that consume you like primordial ooze feasting on a lab rat.

Satellite, Space Master X-7, successfully returns to Earth.  On it is a canister of space microbes.  These microbes are an experiment of Dr. Pommer (Paul Frees).  Pommer's canister has captured some microscopic life form, and he unwisely brings them back to his lab.  Now we all know never to mix deadly space microbe experiments with women, but Pommer....well...he's a guy.  The cad, while feeding the microbes, fends off his latest paramour.  Laura (Thomas) has dumped the brainiac in favor of returning to her husband in Honolulu.  After a tiff, Laura runs out, but Pommer returns to his microbes, which have grown, busted out of their jars, and now dine on Pommer like Haystack Calhoun at a Western Sizzlin buffet. Uh oh....Laura didn't flee alone...she has some alien microbes joining her.

John (Bill Williams), from government security, and Private Rattigan (Robert Ellis) respond and find the liquefied Dr. Pommer, still being feasted upon by the space fungus.  They realize he had a female visitor who is now leaving these alien microbes wherever she goes.  Unbeknownst to the lovely Laura, everywhere she treads, and everyone she meets must either be burned or decontaminated.  As more saps are consumed by the deadly fungus, Laura's trek will take her to places that put millions in danger. Can John and Rattigan find her before all of Los Angeles is infected?  May this explain L.A.'s plight in the AMC hit TV show, "Fear the Walking Dead"?

A minor B scifi/horror piece from the 1950s, "Space Master X-7" is a lot of fun.  Flawed? Sure.  However, this is a much better film than the recent Christopher Nolan scifi idiocy, "Interstellar." Directed by Edward Bernds ("Return of the Fly," "The Three Stooges"), treat yourself to some good old fashioned 1950s schlock and cheesecake.
  

Zombie, Lucio Fulci does Zombie Apocalypse

In 1978 "Dawn of the Dead" was released in Italy as "Zombi."  A year later, hoping to capitalize on the success of George Romero's film, the Lucio Fulci zombie movie was released in Rome as "Zombi 2."  Quickly, this "rip-off" made its way to the U.S. and hit theaters and drive-ins as "Zombie." In 1978 I sneaked into the Rated X (NR actually) Romero classic and saw what I believed was the perfect film, with no need for elaboration.  A few years later, still a minor, my dad and I saw the Fulci classic at the drive-in...and wow!  Zombie vs. shark!  Just as good as "Dawn," was the Italian version...at least in my mind.

A derelict yacht arrives in New York Harbor. The cops who board it are attacked by a hulking zombie, which kills one of them and falls into the water.  Anne (Tisa Farrow) is summoned by the police, as the yacht belongs to her dad.  A note on the yacht, from her dad, reveals that an epidemic has hit the island of Matool. Desiring to find her dad, Anne teams up with handsome reporter, Peter (Ian McCulloch), and the two fly to the islands.  In St. Thomas, our duo team up with Brian (Al Cliver) and Susan (Auretta Gay), who have a boat, and the quartet set sail for Matool (an island the natives say is cursed).  Just shy of Matool, Susan decides to go SCUBA diving...nude!  Never a good idea. In a classic zombie film scene, while avoiding a tiger shark, a zombie appears.  The zombie and the shark then engage in a battle to the death.  No big deal, the team then continues to the cursed island.

Oh yes...on the island, Dr. Menard (Richard Johnson) is battling a zombie epidemic outbreak. Menard's hot wife (Olga Karlatos) is spooked.  She should be...as her death scene (big splinter through the eye) may be the most memorable death scenes in zombie film history.  Oh yes, this death scene will follow a gratuitous shower scene.  Uh oh...more and more zombies destroy Matool's tourism hopes, and our quartet arrive.  Anne wants to find her dad...that won't happen, and Peter wants a story for his paper...that might happen.  As the zombie population quickly grows, escape becomes the order of the day.  Can our foursome escape and make it back to New York?  Will Matool's epidemic spread?  Was Cuba's national healthcare system crafted in fear that Matool's carnage would spread?

Filmed in Rome, New York City, the Dominican Republic, and Mexico (the shark scene), "Zombie" still pleases audiences today.  Many claim Fulci is a flawed director, but so is Romero.  No matter, both are masters of the zombie in the zombie genre. Like "Dawn," "Zombie" is ambitious....even by today's standards.  With more gratuitous scenes than "Dawn," Fulci's film, to many, is the best zombie film ever made.   If you're curious, "Zombie" is available on YouTube.

Hellmouth, The Common Man vs. Hell

..okay, maybe not the common man. Our protagonist, a groundskeeper at a spooky old cemetery is hardly common.  He is a loner.  He is dying from a brain malady.  He has memorized all the residents of his cemetery. No capes, no sleek costumes, no babes in waiting....nope...Charlie (Stephen McHattie) is that weird old guy children fear, and who has spent his life avoiding other human beings.  But an epic battle will need to be fought, and guess who will be asked to fight it. Let us look at 2014's "Hellmouth."

Charlie, the cemetery groundskeeper, is retiring in a few days and moving to Florida. He will die of a disease soon, and wants human companionship in his sunset.  Not so fast. The creepy cemetery director, Fred (Boyd Banks), forces him to hang on for six more months and be the caretaker at an even creepier cemetery. Oh yes....Fred gives Charlie an old key and instructs him never to be more than 10 feet away from that key.  Suffering from a brain malady, Charlie drives to the other cemetery. On the way he meets Fay (Siobhan Murphy), a sultry and mysterious babe.  After meeting Fay, Charlie begins going through a transformation in which his terminal illness vanishes.  Fay also implores Charlie to keep close to that key.

Once at his new digs, the weirdness increases.  Through his meeting with the sheriff/demon, Charlie learns the morbid fate of the past groundskeepers.  Uh oh, after some killings, Charlie learns that Fay is captive in a netherworld (...that sounds a lot like Hell). With some vague instructions from the only love he has ever had, Charlie embarks on a quest to free the fair Fay.  He will battle demons and monsters in order to reach the arena of a final conflict that could tip the balance between Earth and Hell.  Is Fay worth it?  Is her victim status accurate, or is she a demon in disguise? Is Charlie a capable hero, or is he merely playing the poor schmuck?

Directed by John Geddes, this is a very nice looking horror/fantasy yarn. The visuals in this film are amazing.  The creatures and demons are neat, but so is the artistic look of this film.  Black and white captures Charlie's existence, but as heroism and humanness seep into Charlie's ethos, color is introduced in the frames. Mr. McHattie is terrific, and this film serves as a salute to the individual that each of us can tap into.  A bit different, and not afraid to delve into the epic and exaggerated, "Hellmouth" is a horror film you will not want to miss.

The Undying Monster, 20th Century Fox' Werewolf

From Dracula to the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Universal Studios capitalized on monsters during the 1930s, 40s, and 50s.  As these classic creatures have been revived by Universal over the past few years, it is easy to forget that Universal didn't have a monopoly on monsters.  Of course we remember Lon Chaney, Jr. as "The Wolf Man" in 1941, no one remembers 20th Century Fox' werewolf.  In 1942, that other studio released "The Undying Monster."  Ignored by modern audiences, this atmospheric horror film is action-packed and fast moving.

The Hammond family is cursed.  Ancestors were all killed by a mysterious monster.  As Oliver Hammond (John Howard) makes his way back to his mansion at midnight, he is attacked, and a female companion is killed by something.  Helga (Heather Angel) hears the howls and carnage and grabs a revolver and races to the cliffs to save her brother.  The police are immediately on it.  Christy (Heather Thatcher) is an eager detective....that is, eager to discover the supernatural.  She teams up with a scientist, Curtis (James Ellison), and they head to the mansion.

Christy knows the legend.  An ancestor sold his soul to the devil and lives in a secret room in the mansion.  But is that true?  Curtis and Christy develop many angles as to what's going on.  While Christy looks for ghosts or satanic ancestors, Curtis uses science to develop suspects.  But wait...some of Curtis' scientific discoveries defy the science we know.  Secret rooms, the family crypt, and corpses will be examined as the next frost approaches (Universal had a full moon, 20th Century Fox uses a frost to beckon the creature).  As more and more suspects appear, all signs point to the monster returning to do away with the remnants of the Hammond family.

More of a detective story than 1941's "The Wolf Man," "The Undying Monster" pleases with a genuine horror movie conclusion.  Will the fair Helga be carried away by the beast? Will Christy be able to convince Curtis to look beyond science for answers? Forgotten over the decades, this film is available in great quality on YouTube.

Nightmare Weekend, Beautiful Women turned into Monsters

IMDB was not kind to 1986's "Nightmare Weekend."  On that site, this film is described as "...a deadly turd of a film," and "....worthless pile of maggot ridden filth." Despite that harsh criticism, this is a much better flick than Mila Kunis' "Jupiter Ascending." Though the aforementioned quotes may not be inaccurate, "Nightmare Weekend" gives us a man's face eaten off by some silk panties, a woman seducing a tarantula, gratuitous pre-marital sex with bloody consequences, and a puppet trying to explain love to a beautiful woman.  This film is available on Troma's YouTube channel.

Plot?  If you insist. Julie (Debbie Laster), a mad scientist, has stolen an invention that is supposed to suppress aggression in impulsive and violent people.  The experiments have worked on animals, and now Julie desires to try it on humans....coed skanks, actually.  She invites three beautiful women to a mansion where they will be asked to seduce a trio of unsuspecting hunks. Of course, Julie will put the damsels under the control of her computer device.  Oh yes, Julie stole this machine from Jessica's (Debra Hunter) dad. Unbeknownst to Julie, Jessica's hormonal voyages are intertwined with the machine,  To Jessica, the machine is George, a puppet that guides Jessica's affairs of the heart.

 As Jessica falls in love with Julie's ex-lover, Ken (Dale Midkiff), Julie begins her experiments. The amorous babes don some sexy outfits and seduce three guys.  The consequences for the guys will be deadly, especially for the one that sniffs Linda's (Andrea Thompson) lace panties (picture the scene from "Alien").  Uh oh....the suppression of violence and mania doesn't seem to work with these babes.  They turn into homicidal monsters.  As Jessica seeks to win over Ken, Julie then attempts to do her in as well.  As Julie sends Jessica to the mansion of the experiment, the three lovely fiends are waiting for her.

Will beautiful and pure Jessica survive the trio of monsters? Will Jessica's libido, sparked by Julie's ex-lover, be her ruination? There is gratuitous pre-marital sex.  There is gratuitous nudity and gore.  There is gratuitous 1980s aerobics.  There are decapitations and exploding heads.  By all means, take the IMDB reviews seriously (this film earned a 2.6 rating on IMDB), but if those above noted elements are what float your boat, catch "Nightmare Weekend" and see a much superior film than anything Mila Kunis has done lately.
 

Fraulein Devil, The Sinful Train of Pleasures

1977's "Fraulein Devil" may be said to be a seedy remake of the great Burt Lancaster film, "The Train." After all, there is a train, there is French resistance seeking to blow it up, and a lot of German soldiers shooting machine guns.  Our feature also has a sultry, but evil SS officer and seven of the most attractive female German soldiers from WW2.  Made in France, "Fraulein Devil" teeters between a Euro-Trash piece and a campy war movie.

Elsa (Malisa Longo) is the aforementioned SS officer put in charge of a diabolical plan to raise morale of the troops and uncover Germans sympathetic to the French resistance. After a rigorous screening process, she selects seven German military babes to act as women of pleasure on a train.  The girls will provide pleasures to German officers on the front lines and also try to ascertain their loyalty to the Fuhrer.  If during pillow talk, an officer expresses non loyal sentiments to the Third Reich, he will be executed.  Liselotte (Patrizia Gori) is one of the selected babes.  Unbeknownst to Elsa, she is also a spy for the resistance.

 As our women do their jobs, traitors are weeded out and shot.  Elsa is good at her job and soon suspects one of her girls is a traitor.  Uh oh, Lisolette falls in love with Elsa's boyfriend, Major Frantz (Olivier Mathot). The pretty spy recruits Frantz to assist the resistance. With Elsa's jealousy and paranoia, it is only a mater of time until she is wise to Liselotte.  The allies are getting closer and the resistance is making great strides.  Elsa's days of evil queen over occupied France are dwindling. Sensing the end is near, Elsa is bent on inflicting excruciating torture on those betraying the father-land.

 Will the heroic Liselotte become a play toy for the sadistic Elsa?   Will the romance between Frantz and Liselotte survive the final days of German occupation? Will "Fraulein Devil" make French film audiences forget about "The Train"? Seedy and exploitative, for sure, our film today works nicely as a minor war film touching on our prurient tastes.