Camp Pleasant Lake, Brother and Sister with Big Knives

Great cast and great body count.  How many?  Dozens...maybe 40 or 50, most offed with a very big knife in this slasher epic.  Oh, a fine cast of peeps you want to see...like Michael Pare and Devanny Pinn, and standouts from Mahal Empire films like Robert LaSardo.  Nostalgic for those 80 slasher film tropes?  Here they are...set at a summer camp by the lake with counselors and stupid campers, and killers who relish in gutting them....oh yeah, Michael Pare is in it...I guess I said that. Our feature today is 2024's "Camp Pleasant Lake," directed by Thomas Walton.

22 years ago a lot of bad stuff happened, and I'm not talking about the Bush Administration.  In brief, a great looking couple, Ruby (Leila Almas Rose) and John (James Di Giacomo) are headed to a marriage counseling retreat but first need to drop their two children off at summer camp.  They barely get there after being traumatized by a weird, perverted, and sadistic family. Mom and dad will be murdered in humiliating fashion by the weird family in which Angel (LaSardo) and Lou (Mike Ferguson) will noose them. The kids?  Echo and Jasper?  Humiliation and horror await them at camp.  Present day, Echo (Kelly Lynn Reiter) and Jasper (Jonathan Lipnicki) are back...as killers that hang around that camp.  The camp? New owners!  Rick (Pare) and his wife have turned it into a horror camp themed after the horror that took place 22 years ago.  The horror that took place?  It will be replayed now, with the new campers and counselors.

Supposedly, the campers and counselors will endure the horror of the kind little Echo and Jasper endured long ago.  They don't know that those two kids are back as psycho adults, and both have big knives. Oh, remember that weird family, which included Angel and Lou?  They are still around.  The adults that need killing, in the minds of Echo and Jasper, number almost 60.  Certainly, in a 90 minute movie these two psychos won't get to all 60? Or will they?  The knives get plenty of use, as does torture, and various other slasher weapons.  A lot here, and the confluence of horrible events that occurred 22 years ago are gone into in great detail.

We should note the performance of Devanny Pinn.  Her scene toward the end of the film is classic slasher horror, and merits some sort of Oscar. Okay, the death count is high, but will Michael Pare survive this slasher onslaught?  Just what happened to Echo and Jasper over the past 22 years?  Do the counselors and campers deserve their fates?  For dozens of bloody stabbings, and twisted backstories, see "Camp Pleasant Lake."   

Obsession, A Cheating Couple Tormented

Many times one cannot blame the murderer...at least in films.  As in life, in movies, the victim so often deserved their fate.  A cheating spouse, the slick boyfriend/girlfriend of that spouse...they have it coming. We may not advocate murder, but some people just need killing.  You probably know many of them.  Our feature today is 1949's "Obsession" (aka "The Hidden Room"), directed by Edward Dmytryk and filmed at Pinewood Studios in England.

We like Clive (Robert Newton), a gentleman who smokes cigar and sips wine at a men's club in London. One night, the wealthy doctor, supposedly on a long business trip, arrives home to catch his lovely wife, Storm (Sally Gray) and her lover Bill (Phil Brown), an American. Uh oh, Clive has a gun.  Does he shoot them? That would be too easy and below what is expected of a gentleman. No...he slaps Storm, she leaves the room, and at gunpoint takes Bill away. To where and to do what with?  Kill him? Not so simple. See, Clive has it all worked out and has figured out how to commit the perfect murder. Now Clive owns the cheating Storm.  He watches her closely and she dares not cross him fearing he is a killer.  But is he?  Storm believes Clive has murdered her lover.

Well, guess what. Clive is not yet a killer...but intends to be.  The gentleman is keeping the gadabout American alive in a room in bomb out ruins in London.  No one will hear him scream and Bill is also chained.  Uh oh for Bill...Clive is an amateur mad scientist and is working on disposal of body techniques.  So why is Clive not killing Bill? The gentleman torments his wife's lover while feeding him and providing daily martinis.  Months go by and...well, Clive seems to have the perfect plan. But wait!  Inspector Finsbury (Naunton Wayne) shows up on routine inquiries.  Here is all you have to know; Insp. Finsbury is the English version of Colombo.  Enough said.

Why is Clive keeping Bill alive?  Has Clive really figured how to get away with the perfect murder?  Does Bill have any shot at escaping and surviving to the end credits?  This film is reminiscent of the old Hammer films before they switched to horror.  Clever, witty, and perhaps a lesson to all those figuring on cheating on a spouse who is smarter than you.  See "Obsession" and decide for yourself if you like the ending. 

Alien Invasion: Rise of the Phoenix, Michael Pare is in it!

Okay, a hard movie to defend.  So here it is...Michael Pare is in it!  There! We like Michael Pare.  I admit he does jump off a cliff in the Grand Canyon early on and...splat!  But how many actors can pull that off? Remember, he didn't even do that in "Eddie and the Cruisers" or "Streets of Fire."  Well, maybe not literally.  In this film, he does.  It was so magical and his form was pretty good. Also, the babe actresses in this film are infinitely better actresses than Carrie Fisher was. As far as being interesting, this film is infinitely better than that "Star Wars" Mandalorian garbage.  Our feature today is 2025's "Alien Invasion: Rise of the Phoenix," directed by Stefano Milla.

Alice (Melissa Rokuskie) is a babe geologist or anthropologist with a team in the Arizona desert.  Above, in a space-lab is her sister, the babe scientist June (Jennifer Mischiati). Both have hunks on their teams and we do wish for them to enjoy some passion with them...but back to the story. Alice and June are about to see their life work pay off...or not.  Yep, they undertake something many of us undertake in our youth... teleportation.  These experiments always go so well,  so when this one has weird side effects, the two babes will be surprised.  Back on Earth, Alice has a team member, Cory (Charles von Swayze) ogling her and he will get to work with her trying to get rid of the hordes of tree monsters and the Godzilla-sized rock monster.  Wait!  Did I fail to mention all that?

June, romances no one, and that's too bad.  She stays in a no-gravity room for much of the film and romance in one of those would have conjured up images of Roger Moore doing Lois Chiles. June must now grab a flame thrower and battle a tree monster and other slimy aliens that have invaded her space-lab.  Okay, I admit, I have left out a lot, but just given what I have told you, don't you want to see this film?  Again, June and Alice are babes.  Did I mention the Godzilla-sized rock monster heading toward Phoenix?  Oh, that dive Michael Pare did off the cliff rivals Harrison Ford's dive off the dam in "The Fugitive," except we like Michael Pare.

Will the sultry Alice forget about her rocks and plant a deep wet one on the shy Cory?  Will June and her flamethrower incinerate the tree monster and are flamethrowers a good idea on space stations? So what are the dynamics that June gets to be in space and Alice is stuck in the rocks in the desert, and are they such that a catfight may be brewing?  Monsters, Michael Pare, flamethrowers, space-babes, anthropologist babes, and Cory the hunk...all good reason to watch "Alien Invasion: Rise of the Phoenix."  

Eyes Behind the Stars, Italy's Take on Close Encounters

A year after "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" came out, Italy gave us this feature. The makers of this film let us know that we are indeed watching a true story.  One other thing the Italians have given us in this film that the Spielberg did not, and could not...Euro-Babes!  Yep, Euro-Babes in danger from government spooks, the media, UFOs and aliens, UFO experts, and a super secret society. Euro-Babes in peril.  So sad, they will get b#@&h-slapped, pummeled, possessed, have their brains drained, etc.  The misogyny the Italians seem to have for babes must stem from World War 2 when their women mocked their husbands and boyfriends who claimed to be fighting a war.  Our feature today is 1978's "Eyes Behind the Stars," directed by Mario Gariazzo (the Spielberg of Italy). 

Okay, fashion photographer, and hunk Peter (Franco Garofalo) is shooting sultry model Karin (Sherry Buchanan). Karin poses well and looks very fashionable...though she will not continue looking fashionable. No, after Peter gets abducted by ETs because he accidentally photographed them, he's brought on their spaceship, put on a slab, probed, and studied and sent back to some alien planet. Karin will also be abducted, and we can imagine what happens to her...though she'll be back. Tony (Robert Hoffman), a hunk reporter, and Perry (Victor Valente), a UFO expert, team up. Tony has Peter's pics of that fashion shoot and sees the ETs and their UFO. Tony has a smoking hot secretary, Monica (Nathalie Delon), and what happens to her will be difficult to watch, though one wonders if Tony had hidden women-issues as he pummels and tortures her...anyway, let's leave these scenes out.

Also interested in the pics of the aliens are...the aliens!  They want the pics and people with knowledge of them start dying from radiation burns.  Inspector Grant (Martin Balsam) also wants the pics, as he heads the secret police in Italy.  Oh yes, The Silencers want the pics. These Silencers keep secrets and prevent the public from finding out information that would drive them into a panic. Meanwhile Karin reappears as a drooling idiot and is sent to a psyche ward...typical woman!  Monica displeases Tony and Perry and she will have the snot kicked out of her while looking very fashionable.  The aliens get closer to Perry and Tony, who never come across as that smart.  Uh oh, all these organizations are coming together and none of them show an ability to play nice.

Will Perry and Tony sexually assault the fashionable Monica?  Will any of the aforementioned groups prevail or will they all knock-off each other?  Is some of the  plot lost in over-ambitious dubbing? For some wonderful European misogyny, and a conspiracy anthem, see "Eyes Behind the Stars." 

Blood in Them Hills, Cowboys, Gunslingers, Indians, and Monsters

The Old West! Maybe the best movie setting of all time.  Men were men, women were women, and bullets cast the final votes. A real man smoked cigars or cigarettes, and a real women knew how to please the men. Throw in some Apache, who no one liked, some cannibals, and a monster called a wendigo and we have 2025's "Blood in Them Hills," directed by Kellen Garner and Christopher Sheffield.

There is a lot in this film, as there usually is when cannibals, Apache, and wendigos are mentioned in the same description (Kubrick's "Barry Lyndon" for example), and we will not touch on most of it. Let us first talk about cowboy Joe (Garner) who heads a gang of psychos who rob a bank. A shootout occurs and him and his gang get away with gold bars. Doc (Chad Green), the town doctor is furious that the gang murdered his best friend during the robbery and sets out to find them. Joe can't quite put down a mutiny by his cousin and has to flee leaving Mack (Chris Cleveland) as head of the gang. Joe keeps the gold and is quickly taken prisoner by Doc, who wants to kill him. Leading Joe back to justice, Doc comes across a torn apart farm and finds midwife Willow (Aria Song) and the baby who survived whatever befell this farm. What did befall this farm? The wendigo!

Now the four trek back to the nearest town, Joe in handcuffs. Uh oh...wendigo monsters are not the immediate problem. Cannibals manning a trading post are. This won't end well and the four are on the run again from cannibals. The cannibals attack and are destroyed by Apache and a wendigo. The wendigo? An ugly thing with great big claws and a bovine head. The snows come and it does not look good for Doc, Joe, Willow, and the baby. The wendigo seems to want the baby and gets aggressive. Doc tries to keep the kid and Willow alive without food in the frigid woods as Joe plots escape with the gold he absconded with. Uh oh...the wendigo has a way of uniting mortals even though they don't have what it takes to fight it off. The baby cries, Doc desires justice, Joe is torn between the life of his new friends and greed, and Willow tries to be the mother of a baby she never wanted. The wendigo will decide.

Will Joe become a good guy and use his gunfighting skills to kill creatures and save babies?  Will Doc be able to bring Joe back to face a court of law and still save Willow and the baby? Are the cannibals at the trading post a bit gratuitous for this plot or are cannibals an underused plot device? This is a long film and we did not even talk about the first 45 minutes of it. For what ultimately is a terrific horror film that poses some great questions, see "Blood in Them Hills."

Monster on a Plane, Critters at 35,000 Feet

Remember "Critters" from 1986? They're back, or at least, the German version.  The little buggers are now at 35,000 feet feasting on babe coeds, sultry stewardesses, hunks, and a cockpit crew.  "Airport" from the 1970s was supposed to be this movie but Dean Martin went spastic when he found out he would have to swap spit with a toothy creature. Today we look at the greatest film ever made in Germany, 2024's "Monster on a Plane," directed by Ezra Tsegaye.

A mad scientist smuggles a suitcase on board a 747 heading to Hamburg from some island paradise. Turbulence occurs and the suitcase opens in the cargo hold. Pretty stewardess Nathalie (Eva Haberman) is on her last flight before retirement, and enjoys talking naughty things with hot young stewardess Karin (Kim Kelly Braun).  Also on board is a nerdy professor, Ben (Robin Czerny), who is returning with his students back to Germany. His students? Most notably the nympho Melanie (Isabel Dornheim) and sweet Salima (Anamika Ditta). Okay, the creature, who looks a lot like the critters in the aforementioned 80s classic, first eats pretty stewardess Karin as she has pre-marital sex with the  co-pilot Nico (Nicolas Torrez).  To make matters worse, when the monster farts, the gas gets anyone near it high and they hallucinate. 

The creature attacks after farting thus the victims see either a centerfold model approaching or some other form of seduction getting close.  The erotic hallucinations allow the little toothy bugger to get up close and bite a limb off.  The pretty coeds will be shredded and so will most of the passengers.  The death count is astronomical and we plead with the screen that at least one sultry stewardess survives.  Nathalie is the best bet to be the surviving stewardess as she grabs anything she can to fight off the predator.  Uh oh, she'll also have to fight off a serial killer, all while falling in love with Ben.  So sweet.  Okay, there's a lot more, but now you see the ingredients to make the greatest film ever out of the EU country rapidly becoming a failed state. 

Will Karin and Nico's erotic death scene be used by stewardess training academies as a case study on the perils of pre-marital sex in the lavatory?  Will anyone on this 747 survive?  Is there any truth to reported accounts that Fritz Lang wrote this screenplay before leaving Nazi Germany for the U.S. in 1934?  Sultry stewardesses, a toothy creature, hot coeds, and an astronomical death count all await you when you put on "Monster on a Plane."

The Mad Bomber, A Bert I. Gordon Crime Drama

Bert I. Gordon did not just do giant creature films, though we do love those monster films. Today we look at a gritty, twisted, and prurient crime drama in which he cast former Los Angeles Dodger and Boston Celtic star, Chuck Connors as the psycho. This early 1970s thriller has a "Dirty Harry" feel to it especially when it comes to the Andrew Robinson psycho. Even worse, the mad bomber character is not the seediest, most depraved creep in this movie.  Our feature today is 1973's "The Mad Bomber" (aka "The Police Connection"), directed by Bert I. Gordon. 

As our film begins, Dorn (Connors) puts a homemade bomb in the halls of a Los Angeles high school.  Boom!  Many children are blown to bits and we see the awful carnage.  Dorn, is a tall fanatical character who is very anal about politeness and following the law to the letter. Next up, he blows up a hospital nearby.  Many die.  Uh oh...a witness.  Here's a problem, she is mute and never saw the bad guy.  The bad guy?  No, not the bomber, but the creep who raped her.  The young woman raped was mute and can't provide Detective Minelli (Vince Edwards) any information. Minelli figures out that whoever raped the young woman in a hospital storage closet also saw the bomber.  Now Minelli is looking for a very perverted and active rapist...in order to gain his cooperation.  The rapist?  Fromley (Neville Brand).  Fromley rapes beautiful young women in nice L.A. neighborhoods in a very vicious manner.

Minelli now has to turn into a vice cop in order to get a witness who can identify the bomber.  Meanwhile, Dorn continues his carnage.  Is there a pattern to the bombings? Yep, but it won't be readily apparent to Minelli or the police psychologists.  Fromley is an easier catch and eventually Minelli busts him. With dozens of aggravated rapes under his collar, Fromley is not eager to help Minelli.  Minelli turns into Harry Callahan and finally gets somewhere.  Dorn?  He is getting more ambitious and his backstory is slowly revealed.  Even more interesting, Dorn is aware that the cops have a witness against him.

Will Fromley decide to cooperate with Det. Minelli?  Why is Dorn blowing up places filled with lots of people and is there a pattern that will help the cops know the next target?  Will Detective Minelli refrain from murdering the perverted rapist long enough to let him identify the mad bomber?  This is a gory one and Bert I. Gordon will have no qualms about showing you children blown to bits.  For a vicious police thriller, see "The Mad Bomber."