Zone Drifter, A Psychedelic Post-Apocalyptic Epic

There won't be a whole lot of love for this film. We have brutes that grunt, no babes we'd be interested in, mutants created by radiation, and a post-apocalyptic America that is a war zone.  Still...something about 2021's "Zone Drifter" is appealing.  There will be a lot of post-apocalyptic war scenes in burnt out cities and in the desert.  Corpses will litter so many landscapes.  Best of all...you can watch this and have a hallucinogenic experience without taking illegal drugs.  Directed by Charles Conkin, "Zone Drifter" will either ruin your day or freak you out.

The world as we know it is gone.  America is filled with warring factions bent on murdering everyone.  Travis (Aaron Jude) is sad...his wife was raped and murdered, his baby was shot...and he was left for dead when war came.  Now he deserts to look for the murderers of his family.  His brother, Merle (Conkin) is furious at his brother.  Now Merle is on a trek with a company of soldiers to find something in the desert. Soon, Travis finds out Merle was responsible for the murder of his family.  Hence, Travis now hunts Merle.  This brings Travis into the desert.  Mutants, cannibals, burnt out cities, and enemy soldiers all await him.  After some very mystical experiences, Travis realizes what Merle knows...something exists in the desert.  Something of great power. 

Travis makes friends along the way.  The post-apocalyptic version of the cat-lady (Kaitie Peters) globs onto him.  Travis is grouchy and grunts a lot, but in post-apocalyptic America...can't be fussy. He'll make a couple more friends.  Soon, Travis is closing in on his brother.  They are also getting close to some mystical and psychedelic power in the desert.  Merle wants to possess it.  Travis wants to murder Merle. The post-apocalyptic landscapes in this film are its strength...and they are brutal.  Still...in a weird way, our film has a spaghetti western feel to it.

What is the force in the desert that Merle so wants to possess?  In post-apocalyptic America, is a cat-lady equivalent to a super model?  Is their any hope that Merle and Travis can bury the hatchet in something other than one another's skulls?  Weird, no doubt...but interesting.  For something different, catch "Zone Drifter" as you binge watch post-apocalyptic scifi films.    

Unnatural, Monster Bear Eats a Bikini Photo Shoot

A frozen lake in Alaska for a bikini photo shoot?  What could go wrong.  You'll see.  Oh yes...Sherilyn Fenn from "Twin Peaks" as a mad scientist? Sure...after all, look who our so-called "president" is.  In the style of 1979's "Prophecy," only with a better looking cast, we have 2015's "Unnatural." A wilderness horror film complete with a big genetically created monster, bear traps, bikini babes in much peril, and gore.  Put on your parka and make sure the generator is filled with gas, and let us look at a neat creature feature type film directed by Hank Braxton.

At a secret research lab, contracted by our government, mad scientists have genetically altered a bear and now it is a monster.  Of course, it gets loose and eats two mad scientists as a third, Hanna (Fenn) escapes. Meanwhile, obnoxious photographer Brooking (Ron Carlson) arrives by plane at the Black Rabbit Lodge in Alaska's wilderness.  With him are two bikini models, Quincy (Allegra Carpenter) and Ella (Ivana Korab). Don't get too attached to these two babes.  The lodge is run by Martin (James Remar) who is aware of the reputation of the so-called research facility.  He has a very lovely cook, Lily (Q'orianka Kilcher)...we like her a lot.

Carnage ensues. Brooking brings his models to a frozen lake for the shoot.  Their bikinis are terrific but Ella will be eaten by the monster bear. Nate (Gregory Cruz), Martin's trusty assistant, will also be eaten.  Now the monster has homed in on a food source and terrorizes the lodge.  Hanna makes it to the lodge but won't be much help.  It is her experiment, and that is where her loyalties reside.  With more babes in the cabin, including Lily...who we really like, James tries to find a way to defend against the thing.  Brooking is a coward and a very shallow pervert...he'll be of no help.  With no help coming, all out war ensues.  The beautiful will die horribly and Hanna will emerge as quite the villain.

Will any of the bikini babes survive?  Okay, stupid question.  Is Lily too good to die horribly?  Will James be able to kill the monster bear...and Hanna?  This is an enjoyable and standard creature feature film.  As the winter nears, enjoy a cold weather horror film and put on "Unnatural."

Dinosaur Prison, Three Babes vs. Dinosaurs

Warning...this is a weird one.  Okay, figure this is sort of like "Jurassic Park" without the annoying kids.  Instead of a too serious scientist and a pouty blonde, we have three commando babes in tight black jumpsuits, in much peril.  Perhaps we might call this one the "Brubaker" of the new millennium.  Dinosaurs galore, I assure you...and babes in tight black jumpsuits...wait, I already mentioned that.  Today we look at one from our buddies at Jagged Edge Productions, 2023's "Dinosaur Prison," directed by Tyler James.

The three aforementioned babes?  Beth (Maria Taylor) is the leader of the trio of animal rights activists.  Sultry blondes, Liana (Ella Starbuck) and Sarah (Lauren Staerck) are her gals.  The trio believes that illegal animal experimentation is taking place at this super secret facility that used to be a prison.  They break into the prison thinking they are going to free monkeys or mice.  Instead, the babes find dinosaurs locked in the cells.  Liana chickens out and tries to leave.  Poor Liana, she'll then be eaten by a really big monster.  Alas, something has gone wrong and the creatures have all been let out of their cells.  Beth and Sarah are captured by sadistic prison guard, Cpt. Hill (Rob Kirtley).  He'll have to leave the gals when he finds out his men are being eaten by dinosaurs.  Enter mad scientist, Dr. Jahns (Marcus Massey).

Jahns looks like Willy Wonka with a hangover.  He convinces Sarah and Beth that he is on their side...but is he?  Sarah, Beth, and Jahns now appear to be trying to get out of this prison.  More guards are eaten and the trio is now hunted by all sorts of creatures.  An elite military SWAT team is dropped in.  This leads to the most amazing three minutes ever put in a dinosaur film.  One of the commandos has the Excalibur sword and he goes to battle with an invisible dinosaur.  Pure poetry is what happens next. Now Cpt. Hills and dinosaurs, including raptors and a T-Rex are after the two babes and the Willy Wonka guy.  No spoilers here, but what follows is weird, and vicious.

Will Sarah and Beth survive until the end credits?  Is Dr. Jahns really an ally of our two surviving babe commandos?  Will the elite SWAT team be able to stop the horde of monsters from busting out of the prison?  Ms. Starbuck, Ms. Staerck, and Ms. Taylor are stunning and look really great running from danger in their black get-ups.  Mr. Massey is quirky and weird as a weird and quirky mad scientist.  This is a fun one.  Enjoy a creature feature tonight and watch the dinosaur epic "Dinosaur Prison."      

That's a Wrap, Slasher Shreds a Cast

Pay close attention to the dialogue in the second half of this film between Sarah French and Monique Parent...two sultry babes, all dolled up.  Within those exchanges may be the essence of what this film is. Sure, it may be the best slasher film of the 21st century.  Sure, the talent will be a veritable buffet of cheesecake and beefcake.  Sure, its a great homage to Giallo and some great American horror.  Sure, a gorefest that will drive the squeamish out of the theater.  I suspect, thanks to the characters of Ms. French and Ms. Parent this film is a warning to aspiring talent.  Beware, you young ones in the industry of what exactly you are getting yourselves into.  A bit of "Sunset Boulevard" is also put forth in a very erotic horror film, 2023's "That's a Wrap," directed by Marcel Walz.

Cerina Vincent!  It is always so great to see her.  Who can forget her epic catfight with the former Raiderette in that Bigfoot movie? Alas, she fared better in that catfight than she would in the opening scene of this one.  Stabbed a million times whiled all dolled up. Sad.  She will be the only cast member to miss the wrap party of Mason's (Robert Donovan) slasher film. Mason, the director, hosts the party.  A sultry and beefy cast sporting grunts (guys), and cleavage and stilettos (gals). Oh, Molly (Eve Marlowe), she'll give us a gratuitous shower scene, one of the best ever...then it turns into a "Psycho" shower scene. The cast seems to get a long well...but they are actors.  Just behind their civil veneers, we detect predators, ready to stab in the back.

Lily (Parent) is an aging babe trying to hold onto her director husband. She looks marvelous and can obviously teach the younger talent a thing or two. The youngsters...they're into sex, drugs, alcohol, and gratuitous egos.  Lana (Sarah Polednak) seems like a good sort, but its always the good ones who end up being...well, you'll see. Amber (Gigi Gustin) is a babe/slut and we cheer for her to survive...stupid us. Harper (French)!  Babe and a half...and one of this blog's favorites. She is the final girl in Mason's film...but will she be one here?  One by one, the killer in Mason's film murders hunks and babes alike...in such gory ways.  Even more important than who the killer is, is some horrific wisdom gleaned from Lily and Harper.

Paying homage to some of our favorite films, "That's a Wrap" is a must see.  The glamour of the actresses in this film is off the scale and the guys will be pleasing to you babes reading this. In addition to being a vicious commentary, "That's a Wrap" is so much fun.  It'll throw an enormous body count at you and sadly, ruin many a terrific cleavage buff. For some extreme fun and scares, and pertinent instruction to young actors and actresses, see "That's a Wrap."   

Bloodthirst, A Post-Apocalyptic Vampire War

A post-apocalyptic horror tale?  Even better...a world run by vampires.  But wait!  There's more! A Van Helsing type vampire hunter with a crossbow...two babe vampire hunters with denim  short shorts (think Amy and Sally the Farmer's Daughters from GLOW)...and then, Tara Reid as the Vampire Queen!  Sonny and Michael Mahal give us 2023's "Bloodthirst," directed by Michael Su.  This is gritty, gory, and epic...but most of all it is a wild horror tale that has something for everyone...except for the squeamish.

Vampire Master (Robert LaSardo) and his minions terrorize the landscape.  Him and his vampires either kill for blood or turn humans into their kind.  Vampire Queen (Reid) and Vampire Master are getting ready to rule the world.  Uh oh...enter a vampire hunter, a man of the cloth, John (Costas Mandylor).  He'll put a ragtag group of surviving humans together to engage in a final battle (okay, maybe not final) against the Master and the Queen.  Joining him is thief Charlie (Johnny Huang), Rico the biker (Rich R. Rendon), and Brooke (Sarah French) and Elena (Elissa Dowling) in their short shorts and cleavage.  What a crew! This won't come as a surprise, John and his gang's biggest enemy may be a human psycho-militia into higher taxes.  Enter Torque (Bishop Stevens) and his psychos.

Vampire Master knows John is on his way.  John will be a problem and Master is worried.  You'll see, but Master's big concern delves into the question of 'said faith' versus 'true faith.'  John has some nice crucifix arrows for his crossbow...and now he has the two babes in their short shorts.  Did I mention the short shorts?  Sarah and Elissa have lost a lot and have attitude.  Still, the vampires are smart and vicious.  The motley gang of human survivors must deal with a conniving militia, and being outnumbered.  Fear not...any man of the cloth with a crossbow with crucifix arrows is bad a**.

Do our two blonde vampire hunting babes, the ones with the denim short shorts, have what it takes to take down Vampire Master's minions?  One wonders if they could battle Kate Beckinsale's Selena...wouldn't we love to see that catfight?!  Okay, back to our film.  Is John's faith strong enough to take on the most evil of evil vampires?  Is there any way John might be able to end up with Tara Reid?  Maybe he could turn her back.  The cast is epic and the plot is wild.  This is a roller-coaster of a post-apocalyptic horror film with some great cheese and crossbow action.  This Halloween, make sure you see "Bloodthirst."  This film will be available starting Halloween.   

Zombie Killers: Elephant Graveyard, If Romero Wrote Peyton Place

In 2015 the zombie subgenre had not yet ran out of steam.  Oddly, a very imaginative and epic zombie film sneaked in with not much notice.  A terrific cast, millions of zombies, just the right amount of social commentary, and even enough cheese and beef for pimply faced teens to grab onto. With 'Peyton Place' type drama, a warning to be cautious with our innovation, and zombie fish as a sub-plot, 2015's "Zombie Killer: Elephant Graveyard," directed by B. Harrison Smith is our feature today. 

The zombie apocalypse has occurred. Doc (Brian Anthony) is holding his makeshift town, Ellwood, together. Because of the zombie outbreak, at times he must be cruel...for the greater good of the uninfected, I suppose. You get infected...you get evicted or...well, you'll see. Seiler (Billy Zane) heads a group of youngsters charged with zombie killing. They go on scouting missions to try to thin out the zombie herds. Back at the home front, Toni (Mischa Barton) is 8 months pregnant and her baby may be infected. Oh yes, a young zombie killer, Ian (Michael Kean) is engaging in pre-marital sex with a dame out of his league, Nikki (Gabrielle Stone)...while his mom (Dee Wallace) is dying in the next room.

Uh oh...Rory (Brian Gallagher) believes he knows what caused the virus.  He takes Seiler, Ian, and a couple more to the fracking mine to confirm.  There he confirms his theory and the team meet a thousand zombies.  Even worse...his discovery grows into something far more horrific than a zombie apocalypse.  When an apocalypse is in fact something a little more than a mere apocalypse, it is time to worry.  Now weirdness, apart from zombies, creeps into the plot. Zombie bucks and zombie fish are omens of a far more sinister fate than what is at hand.  Doc is given the ominous task of making sense out of Rory's discovery.  Now we have a horror story! Oh! Remember the aforementioned thousand zombies? Ha!  That's the tip of the iceberg.  No spoilers here...but suffice to say, the word apocalypse may be too easy of a term to throw out.  What is looming is something of biblical (figurative) proportion.

Is Toni's baby infected?  Just what did Rory discover at the fracking site?  Would Ian have been able to land a babe like Nikki in a normal world?  Ambitious and epic at times, the entirety of this film poses a very important question.  However new, shiny, and perfect the perceived answers to our problems may seem...shouldn't we be cautious and err on the side of...well...err on the side of not f***ing thing up!? See "Zombie Killers: Elephant Graveyard" today and avoid thinking you're watching a zombie apocalypse film.    

Van Helsing, Monster Hunter Saves the Universe

No!  Not the one with Kate Beckinsale.  Every time I do a movie called "Van Helsing," you guys seem to want the Kate Beckinsale one.  Where is she anyway?  Anybody know?  Seems to have dropped off the face of the Earth. Anyway, this is the BC Fourteen "Van Helsing."  Kate won't be in this one...but if you're real good...you just might see Bigfoot.  Today we look at this ultra-modern work of animation...2023's "Van Helsing." 

As our film begins Jack Van Helsing (Ernesto Galan) is still on Earth.  The apocalypse has occurred.  Nuclear and biological weapons have murdered the planet.  Jack and a few survivors must scavenge for food.  Alas, mutants, zombies, and monsters kill most of the survivors and Jack escapes in a rocket ship and heads to the moon.  There he grows plants for a colony of fellow human survivors lead by Lilith (Jennifer Fourteen).  The two obviously have sexual tension between them.  Then horror, Xterminator (Edson Camacho), a terminator like AI monster, attacks and wipes out everyone. The sultry Lilith is taken prisoner and Jack is the only one who escapes. 

With Jack on the run and Lilith the prisoner of a psycho machine, Xterminator plans a final sweep to rid the universe of all human survivors.  Also adopting this quest is a cast-off earthling, Thanatos (Bob Reiff). This ghoulish figure is now King of the Zombies with a horde of the undead at his service.  Now Xterminator, Thanatos, and another god-like threat, Anubis (also Bob Reiff) are threatened by one another as to who will actually assume lordship over the entire universe.  Jack will not only scavenge for food and fuel, but also for allies.  He needs to do what his grandfather did...slay the monsters in order to save mankind.  

Can Van Helsing save the beautiful Lilith from the clutches of the machines?  Can Earth make a rebound and grow out of the burning embers of their ruins?  Given this is a BC Fourteen film, can we expect Bigfoot to trample in and save the day?  The images of a post-apocalyptic Earth are haunting and should be seen as a warning to where we all may be headed.  For something a little (okay, a lot) different, with a lot of monsters...see "Van Helsing."