Death Rink, New Mexico Slasher

A year before the epic and terrifying "Terror at Bigfoot Pond," another New Mexico horror movie was made.  Sort of a bargain basement version of "Friday the 13th," 2019's "Death Rink" traded in a summer camp for a roller skating rink.  With a great cast of hunks and babes, and unique methods of murder, our feature today is a lot of fun and will light a fire within you to visit New Mexico.  Directed by Daniel Zubiate, with plot devices fresh from Roswell, this is a goodie.

Roller King roller-skating rink is closing for the night.  The crew still has a few hours of work to do to clean it and get it ready for tomorrow.  Rachel (Katheryn McCune) is the boss over a crew of teen-agers and immature adults.  Mike (Alan Humphrey) is her security guy and he is uneasy about something.  Oh!  A weird guy keeps calling the alley and screaming "Satan!" into the phone.  Daley (Robert Posey) and French (Caedmon Holland) are her two adult workers...all they think about is pre-marital sex with any woman within 50 miles.  The babes are the three teenagers...who bicker and swear a lot.  Wendy (Meg Smith) is the blonde, Cara (Kim Johnson) operates the snack stand, and Alicia (Amanda Courtney) is Wendy's arch enemy...especially when it comes to stealing boyfriends.

Eventually, the murders begin.  Someone with an alien mask (probably a souvenir from Roswell) has descended upon the rink.  One by one he goes after the babes and hunks.  The strength of this film is the bickering between Wendy and Alicia and also the methods of the kills.  As blood and ketchup mix, the killer seems to have the advantage.  One by one the employees fall, and sex partners for French and Daley get to be an endangered species.

Is the weird caller the psycho-slasher, or is that too easy?  Is Wendy's and Alicia's feud over stolen beaus something that either one of them would murder over?  Is what is happening at this rink an experiment by an alien intelligence who is pulling all the strings from a government lab in Roswell?  Fun and low budget, "Death Rink" is a terrific film especially if you had to sit through "Moonfall."

Terror at Black Tree Forest, Babes and Hunks Shredded by Madman

Okay, the word 'terror' might be a slight exaggeration. Still, we'll go with it in this B (C possibly) horror film.  When good looking babes and hunks venture into the woods where a maniac stalks them, this blog will be there, too. Today we look at a film with one of our favorite plots, which includes our favorite themes, 2021's "Terror at Black Tree Forest," directed by Sam Mason-Bell.  This one is from the U.K.

The brutal slaughter begins immediately.  An ill fated marriage proposal during a hike in the woods ends up being more ill-fated than simple rejection. Very bloody. Now five college chums are planning a camping trip into Black Tree Forest to catch up on old times and get slaughtered. Caroline (Amanda Bourne) a perky blonde organizes this venture and is joined by weed-smoking Molly (Ella Palmer). Also joining them is introvert, Jane (Annabelle Rich). Hunks? Yep...the annoying guitar player Will (Max Pill) and the simply annoying Simon (Omar Mahmood Legares) meet the ladies.  You may not find another quintet with any less chemistry than these peeps.

Yep, the forest has a legend of a psycho-killer.  After Will tells the story, Jane freaks out and Molly smokes more weed.  Now the maniac descends on our campers.  None of them is equipped to survive in the wilderness and perhaps, we think, this is good.  The murders commence and blood will flow.  Throats will be slashed, eyeballs will fly, and the gals will keep yelling at the guys...okay, there is some realism in this film.  As the babes and hunks dwindle in number, a question is begged.  Just who is doing the murdering?

Could one of our grouchy and entitled campers be the killer?  Will either Will or Simon see any action from one of these three nubile babes?  Will there be skinny-dipping or pre-marital sex to move the plot along?  This is a fun one.  For a neat go at a slasher film from the U.K. at a plot right out of the 1980s, see "Terror at Black Tree Forest."

Frankenstein's Daughter, Creating Life Amid Partying Teens

Did Hitler really die in a Berlin bunker at the end of World War 2?  In the 1950s, this was in doubt.  The FBI and other intelligence agencies were not so sure.  All we had to go on was the word of the Soviets who said he did.  They never produced a body...and weren't a very truthful regime.  As the FBI scoured Argentina for the mad Fuhrer, under the radar Dr. Frankenstein was percolating.  Could his ancestors have come to America to carry on the great mad man's experiments?  Hence 1958's "Frankenstein's Daughter," directed by Richard D. Cunha.

Okay, Oliver Frank (Donald Murphy) is actually Frankenstein's son.  He has come to the U.S. and attached himself to the kindly old Professor Morton (Felix Locher).  Morton is trying to cure death...God bless him! Not Frank!  While Morton isn't looking, Frank is carrying on his dad's experiments and creating life. More specifically, Frank has put together a man made of body parts of dead men...and now he wants a women's brain to implant in the head.  Yep, he's way ahead of his time.  He's sweet on Morton's sultry daughter, Trudy (Sandra Knight).  As recreation, Morton drugs Trudy causing her to turn into a vicious and hideous monster.  I know...a good metaphor for sultry babes out there.  His antidote brings her back to her normal self...a PMS metaphor?

Okay, now Kent murders Trudy's best friend, Suzy (Sally Todd). Suzy is a blonde babe.  Now Suzy's teenage babe brain is put inside the monster.  Oh yes, top billing in this film is John Ashley, hunk, as Trudy's boyfriend, Johnny.  He's useless and of no consequence to the plot so we will not mention him again...typical male!  Wait!  The luau pool party!  Several minutes of a music and dance interlude...why not?  Now the monster with the blonde's brain is on the loose and murdering poor schmucks.  Frank is trying to force himself on the nubile Trudy.  The cops get involved.  Now the great looking cheesecake and beefcake in swimsuits and sundresses are dancing around Trudy's pool.  Yep...this film has everything.

Now that Frankenstein's monster is a man with a female brain, will pronouns be an issue in this 1950s setting?  Will Trudy develop a life or at least a semi-interesting idea and do more than just look good by the pool?  Now that Suzy is a babe trapped in a man's body will she still...actually, never mind...inappropriate question.  See "Frankenstein's Daughter," and really get a vivid look at 1950s America. 

Blood Games, Sweaty Baseball Babes in Much Peril

Major League Baseball has abandoned the American people.  They have aligned with leftist causes and abandoned the rule of law.  Baseball fans are now rare and the World Series is a non-event for the TV viewing audiences.  So, lets get some babes with great cleavage, short shorts, who sweat, and play baseball better than rednecks.  Sadly, we will get them in today's feature, but many will die sweaty, gang-raped, and humiliated.  Today we look at a surprisingly brutal and heartbreaking film, 1990's "Blood Games," directed by Tanya Rosenberg.

Barnstorming all-babe team, Babe and the Ballgirls storm into a redneck California team and destroy the town's  good-ole-boy baseball team.  The game gets rough.  Babe (Laura Albert) is stunning as she strikes out the guys.  The guys get rough and batter many of the gals.  The gals wear short shorts, and jerseys that display a lot of cleavage.  Babe's dad, Midnight (Ross Hagen) is the coach.  When the town, sort of run by Mino (Luke Shay), stiffs the gals of their winnings, a deadly brawl ensues.  Now the guys hunt the nubile babes, after killing Midnight.  Babe's sister, Mickey (Lisa Zambrano) and another gal are brutally raped.  Babe, to the rescue, shoots the offender.  Now the boys want blood, and more rape.

Back on the bus, a deadly chase ensues.  The gals are worried about Stoney (Julie Hall) who suffered a concussion during the game.  They should worry...this pert blonde will suffer an excruciating and humiliating demise by Mino's crossbow.  The guys trap the bus in a dead end and chase the team into the wilderness.  Gang-rape, crossbow carnage, and knives will do a messy job on the team.  What's left of the team are forced to fight back.  Many rednecks will die horribly, too.  Donna (Shelley Abblett) will set booby traps and some of the blondes will sunbathe nude to present distractions to their tormentors.  The ending will be vicious and bloody.

Despite the beating and humiliation these gals take, Babe and the Ballgirls are far more endearing to the cheaters that make up Major League Baseball today.  Are the redneck rapists a metaphor for the misogynistic atmosphere of todays major sports leagues?  Are nubile babes showing cleavage, wearing short shorts, and sweating a lot a better attraction than fat out of shape relief pitchers (which make up 50% of MLB rosters)?  Should the decreasingly talented "athletes" of Major League Baseball take a back seat to nubile babes with great cleavage...well, you get the point.  Arousing and ominous, "Blood Games" will give you more thrills than Major League Baseball on ESPN.

It Came from Below, Cave Carnage

Once again we turn to our friends at Jagged Edge Productions for a creature feature.  Cave horror can be problematic.  A lot of dark shots and never a good look at the creature.  Of course, the darkness is part of the horror and a good cave horror film will have more than just visual horror...like say...the sound of a creature chomping down on someone's femur while he is still alive.  Cave horror is a flawed subgenre but it still does work.  Today we look at 2021's "It Came from Below," directed by Dan Allen.

Jessie's dad (Stuart Packer) will die in a hospital bed as the world is convinced he is a lunatic.  He emerged from a cave with tales of a toothy creature that eats everyone.  Jessie (Megan Purvis) believes him and takes his notebook and runs back to the cave in question.  Her goal...prove her dad was not insane.  Also along for the buffet, er, adventure, I mean, are her buddies Sam (Jake Watkins), Marty (Tom Taplin), and Joanna (Georgie Banks).  As soon as they get near the cave, two rangers warn them to turn back.  Also, Marty begins hearing ghostly whispers that no one else hears.  Bickering ensues and the quartet enter the cave very ill equipped.

Uh oh...something, or someone I should say, is also down there.  Cannibalistic humans who have been driven insane by the darkness, solitude, and the predatory creature.  The quartet's quest is derailed as they find themselves under attack from the cannibals and the monster.  The deaths will be excruciating.  The creature does not stay hidden and it is a toothy beast that likes to chomp down on human flesh.  Now Jessie, who really did not have a plan in the first place, must suffer the consequences of being ill prepared.

Will Jessie or any of her buddies make it out of the cave uneaten?  Who are these cannibalistic underground humans?  Is the carnage in the cave a thinly veiled metaphor for social inequality in western civilization?  This last question was designed to make me look brilliant...we can ignore it.  For an uncomfortable and claustrophobic creature feature, see "It Came from Below."

Dire Wolf, Genetically Engineered Wolf Eats California

Okay...a genetically engineered wolf murdering tons of folks.  A film directed by Fred Olen Ray...so who are the victims?  Why not a bikini babe in the wilderness being shot for a calendar?  Gratuitous cheesecake in horror movies is always a good thing and Mr. Ray delivers.  Thank you Summer Harlow for some nice cheese before getting your organs ripped out and eaten...so sad, but also so satisfying. Mad scientists, babe scientists, a sheriff reminiscent of "Rain Man," a hunk game warden, and more babes in much peril...oh yes...blood and guts to the max...and a great creature!  Today we look at 2009's "Dire Wolf." 

The aforementioned monster escapes from his cryogenic tank at a secret military lab near a sleepy California town.  This bad news is immediate for sultry scientist (Amanda Krzys) as her and a couple security guards are shredded by the thing.  Now the wolf monster heads to Sheriff Parker's (Maxwell Caulfield) town.  Parker reminds his townsfolk of Rain Man and he can really arrange pens and pads on his desk.  His son, the hunk game warden Jim (Blake Cooper Griffin) is smarting after being dumped by the nubile Amber (Kimberly Horner).  Oh yes, Gil Gerard, playing a general, sends two secret agents (John L. Curtis and Kristen Howe) to recover the experiment alive.  But wait!  One babe scientist not harmed is Tina (Dawn Ann Billings), who seems psychically connected to the thing.

The wolf thing starts murdering townsfolk...fishermen...Amanda's new beau...rednecks...government types...and sadly, the aforementioned bikini babe.  The creature loves leaving his victims with their ribcage exposed and organs lacking.  The blood will spurt and splatter like you have never seen before.  We really feel for this bikini model as the wolf looked like it was contemplating raping her, too.  Anyway, as Sheriff Parker plans on detailing his police cruiser and polishing his badge, Jim frantically heads into the woods to rescue Amber with the government spooks in tow.

Despite the escape of their genetically engineered creature, will our government claim the experiments need to continue because Putin hid weapons of mass destruction in The Ukraine?  Is an out of control government project raping and disemboweling a nubile bikini babe an obvious metaphor for how our government has waged war on everything good and pure about our country?  Will Summer Harlow's disembowelment put an end to our chance at getting her calendar?   Bloody with lots of cheese, "Dire Wolf" needs to move to the front of your "To See" movie queue.   

Virgin Cheerleaders in Chains, Oh yes!

We have everything we need here.  Sultry cheerleaders...and yes they are chained up.  Virgins?  Well...no. But we don't need to be sticklers, here.  Even better, one is a lesbian exotic dancer.  Some will be disemboweled by a cannibal family.  They'll scream a lot and be very helpless at times.  Today we have 2018's "Virgin Cheerleaders in Chains," directed by Paulo Biscaia Filho and Gary McClain Gannaway.

Shane (Ezekiel Z. Swinford) and his girlfriend, Chloe (Kelsey Pribilski) want to make a movie.  Shane's screenplays always get rejected so he and Chloe decide to make their own film..."Virgin Cheerleaders in Chains."  Need a leading lady?  The duo go to a strip club and see Amber (Elizabeth Maxwell) do a pole dance.  Amber is excited to be cast in this low budget horror film and two more strippers, Ginger (Lindsey Lemke) and Julie (Ammie Masterson) will also be cast.  A bunch more of Chloe's and Shane's buddies will also be in the cast or crew.

The crew finds a creepy old mansion to set their film.  Uh oh...it is inhabited by a cannibal family who makes snuff films.  Now the gals, dressed as cheerleaders, but still not virgins, will be in much peril and some will lose their insides.  Chainsaws, machetes, hedge clippers, and bear traps will be used to the max as so many of the babes will die horribly.  Uh oh...Chloe is worried that Amber may be stealing her guy, Shane.  Hence a surprise and a very erotic scene is included here.  Fingers will be clipped, babes will be gutted, bear traps will clip off faces, and Dobermans will even get in the action.

Can any of the dweeb guy moviemakers save any of the babe-talent?  Does the plot or acting matter if nubile cheerleaders in much peril are in the plot?  Are virgin cheerleaders the new plot device that will take Hollywood by storm replacing annoying woman who are grouchy because they aren't paid as well as men?  Be a man...avoid any of those stupid Meryl Streep films and put on "Virgin Cheerleaders in Chains."