I Spit On Your Grave: Deja Vu, The Rape and Humiliation of a Supermodel

No one does it out loud...so I'll do it.  I LOVE 'I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE' MOVIES!!!  That was easy. Oh...by the way...there is an out...just in case you made a mistake and said it out loud.  The reason sometimes given for admiring this 'misogynistic trash' is..."Well, I just mean I love to see women eventually take charge and give the men what they deserve."  Rubbish!  We love these movies because they stoke our prurient interests and allow us to escape a PC society when we're only supposed to praise what we're told to praise.  So you losers out there...go watch "Men Don't Leave," or "Mystic Pizza," and let us real people enjoy a film for whatever reason that turns us on.  Today's feature is the 2019 Meir Zarchi film "I Spit On Your Grave: Deja Vu." 

Decades after the humiliating and vicious attack on Jennifer (Camille Keaton), she is raking in the bucks with her bestseller detailing it.  This doesn't sit well with the relations of the evil men who Jennifer murdered.  So, as Jennifer has a nice lunch with her supermodel daughter, Chrissy (Jamie Bernadette), the relatives abduct them.  What happens next will be difficult to watch.  Jennifer's fate will betray her victory many years ago...you'll see.  Chrissy will be raped, humiliated, tortured, and further beset by psycho kinfolk of Jennifer's original attackers.  Chrissy will be raped by Kevin (Jonathan Peacy) and Becky (Maria Olsen).  They should have killed her...yep, Chrissy escapes.

Naked, battered, bruised, and humiliated, Chrissy wanders the woods as the demented kinfolk hunt her.  Even the mentally challenged Herman (Jim Tavare), who tried to rape her, is after her.  Yep you guessed it.  There is a lot of mother in this ticked off daughter.  I'll spare you the details...but wait!  Chrissy does a fine job at her jaunt of revenge...too bad she didn't see what else was coming her way.  Her beat down and humiliation aren't quite over yet as she has more to fear than her original attackers.  Just like Giallo films...the beautiful die so horribly.  Not to fear, this is not an Italian film...and Chrissy does not intend to just roll over and die.  The soiled supermodel will be a worthy adversary to a force much more involved and bigger than what her mom had to fight many decades ago. 

Jamie Bernadette is sensational in a role many actresses would have not gone near.  Her performance, much of it in the nude, conveys a worldly beauty soiled and debased by the evil reality of the human condition.  Will Chrissy kill all the evil kinfolk in ways that make us wince?  Just what else lurks in these rural woods that has set it's eyes on our supermodel?  What happens to Chrissy's mom?  This film is vicious and you will need a shower after watching it.  Still, watch it...enjoy it...and you will not be compelled to tell anyone you saw it.  So if someone asks what you watched last night...keep your friends and just say "Evita" or "The English Patient."  If you want to enjoy your Friday night...see "I Spit On Your Grave: Deja Vu."

Dinosaur Hotel, Save Up Enough Points For a Reptiliian Experience

I've noticed a couple of the United States' largest hotel chains have been going down hill over the past few years.  They blame this so-called virus, but the fact is they were going down hill before 2020.  Their rates climb at a higher rate than our skyrocketing inflation, and the quality of service declines.  At least we don't have to worry about a raptor in our rooms when we check into a Marriott...not yet.  Hence our feature today, 2021's "Dinosaur Hotel," directed by Jack Peter Mundy.

Her husband has just died and Sienna (Chrissie Wunna) has no idea how she will provide for her two cute kids, Maddy and Peter.  Out of nowhere...she gets a call.  No...not from those car warranty people...but from a mysterious voice inviting her to participate in a reality show with a prize of 100,000 pounds. Uh oh...she can't find a sitter and brings her kids.  Supposedly they will stay in the hotel room at this country hotel/mansion while she competes.  Four other babes are also there to compete.  She'll meet the friendly Zara (Chelsea Greenwood), the nice Sam (Kate Sandison), the alluring Jenny (Nicole Nabi), and the pretty Laura (Sofia Lacey).  By the way...these actresses can really scream...classic screams...you'll see that as soon as the dinosaurs arrive.

The dinosaurs arrive...raptors, pterodactyls, and T-Rex.'  See, the women have been duped.  The on-line reality show will award the winning purse to the last babe to survive.  They must survive a night of being hunted by these beasts.  The hotel doors are unlocked and the raptors enter to hunt.  The T-Rex prowls the outside grounds...and the pterodactyls are above.  One by one the babes will be eaten, or picked apart and then eaten.  Oh yeah...the two kids don't stay in their room and are now also hunted by the prehistoric beasts.  Sienna must, not only survive, but find her missing kids and make sure they survive, too. 

Just who is running this macabre and sadistic competition?  As the quality of athleticism in the NFL continues to plummet, can we plan on seeing shows like this in America?  Is it possible to feed NFL players to these dinosaurs?  Leave your Siskel and Ebert wannabe friends at home and watch "Dinosaur Hotel" and enjoy babes screaming and a wonderful performance by the great Burmese actress Chrissie Wunna.

Boar, Go Pig!!!

So when did this happen?  Didn't we used to like Australians?  Paul Hogan and that whole 'Crocodile Dundee' thing? They were funny...irreverent...happy-go-lucky!  Today they are annoying and no fun to be around.  Maybe the English saw this centuries ago when they banished these blokes to the land down under.  Today's antagonist...a really big pig...will warm our hearts as he eats and rips apart these Fosters-drinking-nitwits.  Our feature today is 2017's  "Boar," a film by Chris Sun. 

Okay...fair enough...we like Sasha (Melissa Tkautz)...but that's only because she keeps the drinks coming.  Otherwise, we start cheering for the mutated pig early on.  It'll murder and eat farmers, campers, motorists, and annoying Aussies engaging in pre-marital sex.  Okay, Sheridan's (Sheridyn Fisher) is a babe we would have liked to have survived...to her credit, the boar doesn't just kill her...it tears her apart and sticks its tusk...well never mind.  Two annoying hunters come across the carnage...mercifully, they are ripped apart, as well.  Under this romantic and bubbly backdrop we meet the family and desire them to be ripped apart, as well.

Bruce (Bill Moseley) is your typical Australian nowadays...eek!  Come on pig!  Get him!  Just wait, you won't be surprised.  His GF Debbie (Simone Buchanan) may have been quite the babe 20 years ago, but like any Aussie...her shelf life expired.  Their teen-aged kids?  Yeah...we won't even go there.  Here comes the boar...the really big and drooling boar.  The only hope for this family is Uncle Bernie (Nathan Jones), a behemoth of a man.  He is big...did I mention that?  He takes his relatives on a picnic in the wilderness and there the war happens...man vs. beast.  Go beast!

Is Sheridan's gory death actually an act of mercy by the pig so she won't have to interact with Bernie, Bruce, and Debbie?  Can the Foster's serving Sasha redeem Australia's reputation as being a friendly and nice place to go?  What does it say about us as a people when we cheer as the big pig bites off Bruce's head?  Have fun with this one.  Oh yes, for you Aussies...take this film as a wake-up call...your not as loved as you once were.  "Boar," see it and learn from our tusked friends in nature.

Monsters of War, What Jurassic Park Should Have Been

Today we have Chrissie Wunna's magnum opus.  What?  Oh come on!  She's the sultriest actress ever to hail from...Burma.  If all women from Burma looked like Miss Wunna, the U.N. and the United States wouldn't be shortchanging that nation on vital assistance and aid.  Today we look at 2021's "Monsters of War," directed by Jack Peter Mundy. 

An earthquake in the UK.  May (Wunna) figures that is what it is...she will be wrong.  The sultry mother of Tim and Sue (these two kids are much more talented and watchable than those two brats in "Jurassic Park").  May is packing bags as she intends to leave her abusive husband.  On their drive out of the city a giant monster worm disables her car.  Now May rushes her two kids away from the road and meets two miners.  They're useless...one will be eaten by a T-Rex, the other picked apart by a big spider...happens.  Perhaps a metaphor of the government run health system in the UK.

Finally May finds shelter in a hostel.  The place is run by Mark (Richard Lovell) and his asthmatic mom, Lyn (Kate Sandison).  Also there are grouchy guests including a really pessimistic nun who demands everyone repent...fat chance.  Now the monsters, including icky spiders and the T-Rex converge.  The idiotic guests find reasons to venture outside and are eaten.  Now two soldiers arrive.  Mel (Chelsea Greenwood) will match May in melodramatic performances.  Mel will yell a lot and cry...and bond with May.  The two kids will be cute and make you wonder what "Jurassic Park" could have been if the two children roles were not wasted on such thin talent.  

Will May join forces with soldier Mel to lead the survivors out of safety and past the monster perimeter? Will the T-Rex do us all a favor and eat the nun?  Will the rampant corruption in the United Nations be exposed and Burma finally get their fair share of humanitarian and economic aid?  Just have fun this Friday night and put on "Monsters of War."  

Hostage, Nubile Cheerleader Turns Psycho

 I know...we don't say it in public.  However, when we find a vicious film about a high school cheerleader victimized by a home invasion lunatic...well...we turn off "The English Patient" and switch it on.  Clad in a cheerleading outfit and as deep as a half filled bathtub, the nubile lass will be tied up, tortured, and sexually assaulted...or so it appears in the first few seconds of 2021's "Hostage."  Surprise!  She's the psycho...get ready to sympathize with the brute home invader.  Directed by Eddie Augustin, "Hostage" is a vicious film that may cause you to turn your head from the screen a time or two.

Ashley (Nicole Henderson) sneaks home after breaking curfew.  The very pretty cheerleader was just out with her hunk boyfriend, Chris (Nico DeCastris) and must sneak through an open window wearing her cheerleader get-up.  Uh oh!  She walks back in during a home invasion/robbery.  Mark (Mike Cannz) is robbing the place and tries to rape Ashley...or does he?  Okay...enough of the first three minutes of this film.  Twisted plot devices and a bit of torture porn will follow after Mark regains consciousness...with a stab wound and bound to a chair.  He'll get to meet Ashley in a new light...and Ashley's twisted parents, Thomas (Daryl Marks) and Grace (Tina Trineer).

On the surface, Thomas and Grace seem typical parents...at least for the first three seconds you meet them.  They end up as psycho as Ashley.  Now the bound Mark will realize he is a prisoner and his three captors might just be serial killers seeking to hold onto some dark secrets.  The very pretty and evil Ashley, just like most psychopaths, is always thinking.  You remember her boyfriend Chris?  Good!  Don't forget about him...no spoilers here.  What makes Ashley so psycho?  You'll see...and it won't be pretty.  Now the twisted family has a "family" discussion on what they should do to Mark...and the answer won't surprise any of you...though Mark won't take it well.

Does Mark have a prayer at getting out of this alive?  Will the pretty cheerleader, Ashley, sexually attack her prisoner?  Just who are Thomas and Grace and are they really Ashley's parents?  Miss Henderson's performance is terrifying and alluring.  She emits 'psychopath' nicely and we have no trouble believing she is capable of the stuff she actually does in this film.  For a fast-paced thriller with allure, torture, and bloodshed...see "Hostage."    

The Curse of Humpty Dumpty, The Horror of Dementia

Not the feel good movie of this decade...no way.  Any of you who have been thrust in the position of being the caregiver for a loved one diagnosed with dementia may have to watch out for PTSD when viewing this film.  Even without the horror elements, 2021's "The Curse of Humpty Dumpty" will shock those who are not familiar with the dastardly effects of dementia, and cause those who are familiar to revisit painful episodes in their past.  Be very afraid, there will be other horror, and very bloody, elements thrown in.  Directed by Scott Jeffrey, "The Curse of Humpty Dumpty" is our feature today. 

A painful opening scene.  A loving daughter, Liz (Sian Altman) accompanies her mother,  Wendy (Nicola Wright), to the neurologist.  The prognosis is obvious...dementia.  Wendy will not be able to live alone anymore with her memory issues.  Liz and her younger sister Hazel (Antonia Whillans) will move Wendy back to the country home where she raised a family.  Dad?  Uh oh...you'll find out.  Now the memory issues play havoc as Wendy has weird memories shooting out of her subconscious.  What kind of memories?  From the pieces of them that we see, horrible ones that suggest...well, you'll see.

As Liz ands Hazel come to grips with losing their mom, Wendy finds an old menacing looking doll of Humpty Dumpty in a curiosity shop.  Wendy remembers the doll in their house as she raised the two girls...the girls have no such memory.  The doll is evil and seems to be alive at times.  Uh oh, Wendy's sister-in-law Beryl (Daniella Scott) visits and she wants to know what happened to her brother.  Wendy is hardly in a position to know but the doll may have something to say.  As Hazel dips further into the abyss of dementia her weird memories from the past indicate that she is not the innocent victim of fate that most dementia patients are.  The blood will splatter and the weirdness of who Wendy really is will cascade home.  Now Hazel and Liz will find themselves in mortal danger and so will anyone else who begins asking questions about Wendy's past.

What is the doll's connection to Wendy?  What are the macabre secrets bubbling to the surface of Wendy's subconscious?  Just what did happen to Wendy's husband and why is Beryl in mortal danger for trying to find out?  Depressing and without any humor, this film will play havoc with anyone currently going through the dementia process with a loved one.  See "The Curse of Humpty Dumpty" and then fight the temptation of drinking several adult beverages afterwards.  

Companion, An Ominous Frolic through the Apocalypse

Apocalyptic wasteland films are some of my favorites.  I don't even demand originality from them.  Nevertheless, on occasion we do get these films with some sobering originality.  Today we have a grim and horrific jaunt through post-apocalyptic Texas.  Ominous, heartbreaking, gory, and perhaps convicting is 2021's "Companion."  Written and directed by John Darbonne, this is a shocker and without humor or let-up.  No spoilers here, but Christine Nguyen fans will be jolted by her performance in the second half of this film.

It all began in 2024...they arrived...or appeared.  Companions...ghostly apparitions that have a zombie look to them.  The dead have returned and by 2027, the world is gone.  The dead become companions haunting and murdering the areas they died in when they were human.  The few survivors must battle and escape them.  Gus (Marcus Anthony) and his wife Ella (Anna Flynn) are foragers/survivors.  They reach a farmhouse and hope it will provide them shelter.  It won't.  Companions are there, and so is something much worse...you'll see.  As Gus reminds Ella, even more dangerous than these ghoulish companions are survivors. 

The Preacher (Eric Hanson) arrives with a small homicidal gang.  They are all quite insane.  Carnage follows and an apparent savior also arrives, Abner the cowboy (Russell Shealy).  Abner and Preacher are mortal enemies and you will find out why.  Ella and Gus are already in the crossfire between these two but quirks of fate will really play havoc with our young couple.  Oh yeah, these companions?  People who have died?  Well, it is not that simple and now Ella and Gus must also survive the truth of who or what these companions actually are.  Sorry, nothing here about Christine Nguyen's riveting performance, but trust me...it won't be easy to watch.

To survive will Gus and Ella have to figure out a way to kill the companions or the survivors?  In this apocalypse, are the companions merely arbiters of fate and deliverers of some grim news from the other side?  All right...so sue me for asking...any chance that we see Miss Nguyen frolicking in a bikini here? For those who love their horror ominous and grim, enjoy this highly original post apocalyptic tale of the extinction of humanity and man's fleeting attempt to hold onto it.  See "Companion," and be prepared to be discussing it for days afterward.