In a good metaphor for what New York City has become, we have a gory film today. Picture "The Taking of Pelham One Two Three" meshed with "C.H.U.D." Throw in some babes and hunks...and machete wielding cannibals who want to eat them, and we have poetry. Sure, not too original and tropes are ever present. However, if you were forced to watch a Stanley Kubrick film or a Meryl Streep bore-a-thon in recent days, take this film as therapy. Our feature today is 2008's "Stag Night," directed by Peter A. Dowling.
She's sultry. Covered in sweat and blood. The blood is probably a mix of hers and her now eaten boyfriend's. Alas, this formerly perky blonde, in a shredded party dress, is dragged back into the subway tunnels to be eaten and raped. This is a heartbreaking opening scene. Okay, Mike (Kip Pardue) is out on the town with his buddies. He's getting married and this is his stag party. His worthless and troublemaking brother Tony (Breckin Meyer) is with him as are two other hunk friends. After getting thrown out of a strip joint, they team up with the sultry Brita (Vinessa Shaw) and her buddy Michele (Sarah Barrand). Yep, Michele is sixth in the credits, so when they inevitably all end up in the subway tunnels, don't ask how, she and one of the hunks will be hacked up and eaten first. Now all the others are on the run from machete wielding cannibal brutes...a foreshadowing of Governor Kathy Hochul and Mayor Adams and their sanctuary city policies?
The fiends have the advantage and pick off the good looking twenty-somethings one by one. Brita and Mike step up and try to lead the survivors to a non-abandoned station. Soon they realize they will have to fight the beasts. The fiends are hungry and mad at any one showing privilege...wokeness came to the New York underground even back in 2008. Brita is quite capable and we all hope Mike will choose her over his current fiancé. He may not get a chance to make this choice as the monsters have their eyes on Brita as breeding stock.
Will Mike, Brita, and anyone else get out of these forbidden subway tunnels alive? Do these twenty-somethings have it coming, being stupid enough to ride the New York City subways at night? Has anything good ever happened to hunks and babes in these films after they come out of strip clubs? See "Stag Night" and keep out of New York City. You have been warned.
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