Ape vs. Monster, The Ultimate Fight

Good news!  The giant Gila monster in this film looks like Godzilla.  The bad news!  Its the Godzilla from that Matthew Broderick movie from the 90s.  The giant creature is supposed to be the villain, but we cheer for it.  See, all the characters in this 2021 film are incompetent, stupid, waste-oids of government employees.  The exact employees Elon Musk and DOGE are trying to save us from.  Our feature today is "Ape vs. Monster," directed by Daniel Lusko.

A joint venture between Vladimir Putin and George W, Bush sends a space capsule into...well, space. Aboard is Abraham, a chimpanzee.  The capsule gets lost. No big deal, its not like it cost trillions in taxpayer funds...oh, wait!  Well, back to the plot. 15 years later the capsule crashes into New Mexico with a green space ooze on it. The ooze causes Abraham to grow to the size of King Kong.  A Gila monster comes along and sips some of the ooze and now it is the size of Godzilla. NASA, or NSA (they go back and forth as to which agency it is) agent Linda (Arianna Reneee) is an angry young woman who is mad at everything and everybody except the monsters.  The ape is captured and she gives it a stuffed bear. It escapes and heads to Washington, DC...probably looking for USAID money.

Guess what!  After eating army men, the giant Gila monster heads to DC.  Oh, Eric Roberts is the director of NASA, or is it NSA, and he is the only person in this film with brains. Oh, you'll like this, the Russians send Eva (Katie Sereika) to help out.  She has a helicopter gunship which she loves firing.  She is also an old friend of Linda's from Oxford. The fact that these two babes got into Oxford shows us DEI was alive and well, up until a month ago.  The two bicker and Eva keeps shooting missiles that don't work against the Gila monster.  Linda keeps trying to get her bosses to spare the ape and communicate with it. There is a very humorous scene at the 82 minute mark of the film when Eric Roberts asks, "Where is my simian?"  So as not to go against any social media community standards, I will not describe it...you can see for yourself. 

Will Eva and Linda end up in a shower together, or will they square off in a catfight?  Will the Gila monster and the ape end up in a final battle to the death?  Is that scene that begins at the 82 minute mark the reason why this film was never released to major audiences?  See "Ape vs. Monster" and enjoy a film, that if made 40 years ago, would have appeared on MST3K.