The Raking, The Beast of Joshua Tree

Can't blame him.  A young Teaching Assistant (TA) at a university banging a sultry blonde coed.  Why else become a TA?  These unbalanced relationships always work out so well.  Both parties benefit.  The TA gets a nubile dame out of his league.  The ditzy coed gets an A.  Win-win!  Throw in a monster, and you might get something else...a morality tale.  Today we look at 2017's monster film, "The Raking," directed by Bryan Brewer.

 After a vicious opening scene when a young couple is shredded by a monster in the desert of Joshua Tree, we meet Kennedy (Cree Kelly).  She is in the throes of passion in her dorm room with TA Mr. Cooper (Brewer). She is quite a bit younger but we are sure she is mature for her age even though this is not readily apparent in this film.  Still...she is quite the babe. Kennedy and her roomie, Jade (Allie Rivera Quinonez) are in the same class.  Jade is a witch...as are many coeds on campuses today. The babe duo have a third member of their small group, Noah (Thatcher Robinson).  The group project needs one more...Mr. Cooper, the TA, is brought in.  Ha!  Think Kennedy will get an A?  The project? You guessed it. Find an urban legend, go into the field, and investigate it.  The legend chosen is the creature roaming the desert near Joshua Tree. The team will go there and investigate.  This won't go well.

Also along is a stowaway in the back of Cooper's car, Jade's sister Kelly (Marisa Davila).  She'll be eaten first, so let us not mention her again.  Minutes after arrival in the desert, the creature attacks, eats Kelly... no great loss... and necessitate an old weird guy to save them. Enter James (Marshal Hilton), he knows about the creature.  It is driven off by light and only comes out once a year.  He and the group must survive until sunrise.  The creature is getting smart, and not all will survive.  Noah develops a crush on Jade.  Jade soon forgets about her annoying sister and yells at everyone.  Cooper drools over Kennedy...so do we.  Kennedy tries to further seduce Cooper.  James rethinks his respect for the American higher education system.  The creature closes in...and it is hungry.

Will Jade and Noah also get an A on this project?  Will  the monster want to get in on the action Cooper is getting from Kennedy?  Will Jade do anything useful and cast some spell on the invading monster?  This is a good one with a nice cheese factor.  Ultimately a morality tale, see "The Raking" and rethink going to college if you don't have what it takes to seduce a TA. 

Stag Night, Cannibals in the Subway Tunnels

In a good metaphor for what New York City has become, we have a gory film today.  Picture "The Taking of Pelham One Two Three" meshed with "C.H.U.D." Throw in some babes and hunks...and machete wielding cannibals who want to eat them, and we have poetry.  Sure, not too original and tropes are ever present.  However, if you were forced to watch a Stanley Kubrick film or a Meryl Streep bore-a-thon in recent days, take this film as therapy.  Our feature today is 2008's "Stag Night," directed by Peter A. Dowling.

She's sultry.  Covered in sweat and blood.  The blood is probably a mix of hers and her now eaten boyfriend's.  Alas, this formerly perky blonde, in a shredded party dress, is dragged back into the subway tunnels to be eaten and raped.  This is a heartbreaking opening scene.  Okay, Mike (Kip Pardue) is out on the town with his buddies.  He's getting married and this is his stag party. His worthless and troublemaking brother Tony (Breckin Meyer) is with him as are two other hunk friends. After getting thrown out of a strip joint, they team up with the sultry Brita (Vinessa Shaw) and her buddy Michele (Sarah Barrand). Yep, Michele is sixth in the credits, so when they inevitably all end up in the subway tunnels, don't ask how, she and one of the hunks will be hacked up and eaten first.  Now all the others are on the run from machete wielding cannibal brutes...a foreshadowing of Governor Kathy Hochul and Mayor Adams and their sanctuary city policies?

The fiends have the advantage and pick off the good looking twenty-somethings one by one.  Brita and Mike step up and try to lead the survivors to a non-abandoned station.  Soon they realize they will have to fight the beasts.  The fiends are hungry and mad at any one showing privilege...wokeness came to the New York underground even back in 2008.  Brita is quite capable and we all hope Mike will choose her over his current fiancé. He may not get a chance to make this choice as the monsters have their eyes on Brita as breeding stock.

Will Mike, Brita, and anyone else get out of these forbidden subway tunnels alive?  Do these twenty-somethings have it coming, being stupid enough to ride the New York City subways at night? Has anything good ever happened to hunks and babes in these films after they come out of strip clubs?  See "Stag Night" and keep out of New York City.  You have been warned. 

Behave, Or Die

Alright!  Another tough one to defend.  The cheese-factor is high, and so is the deviance...so I will defend it.  Death count?  A good one, indeed. A plot centering on a psycho-slasher, and a group of 19 and 20 year old college babes and hunks being protected from him by learning manners.  Come on, an A for originality.  Putting fungus in spaghetti sauce is also original, but that does not make it desirable.  What does make it desirable are babes and hunks, engaging in prurient activities (including underage drinking, oh my!) and in peril is desirable.  Let us look at 2024's "Behave," directed by Francesco Gabriele.

The very pretty Sophie (Naomi Ost) makes out and swaps spit with her hunk BF (Jared Kaya) during a lecture. I get it...instead of fantasizing...just do it. Anyway, she is gutted and slashed walking home from the lecture...happens. A killer is on the loose, enter Polly (Georgia Viero), a hot mom with a hot French accent.  Wanting to protect Sophie's buddies, and her son Andrea (David Bourne) from the psycho, she invites them all to a retreat at a mansion that is supposedly haunted. Don't ask. This weekend has an added bonus. Podcaster Nancy (Stacy Thunes) is also invited. Billions around the world listen to her podcast on manners and etiquette.  Polly will have her spend the weekend teaching the kids about manners. This won't go well, as the almost octogenarian Nancy is a raging nymphomaniac and will seduce young Callum (Washim Abdul Gafoor). Kind of an icky scene   unless you like Depends and Geritol.

The gals! Hot lesbians India (Lauren Pepler) and Keira (Ema Kosac) are both two-timers. Keira has eyes on Andrea and India has another babe on the side. Andrea, has eyes for Keira. Oh, India's sister, the hot 16-year old Lily (Eleonora Bindi) asks too many questions and has eyes for the creepy gardener Charles (Christian Vit). Uh oh...the killer arrives.  Nancy does her best to teach the kids how to set a place setting at the dinner table. Only Callum is interested as he has a thing for octogenarians...ick! The kids find the booze.  India and Keira find a bed to snuggle in.  Polly is in awe of Nancy.  Nancy sneaks more young, brutish hunks in to bang. India keeps looking so alluring.  Then one by one...you can guess.  So sad.

Is anyone in the house the killer?  Is there a shower scene brewing between India and Keira, or, Heaven forbid, Nancy and Callum?  Is the creepy gardener going to commit statutory rape with Polly or take the hedge clippers to her? This is a fun one, and the cheese is fine.  For a non defendable good time, see "Behave."

Ape vs. Monster, The Ultimate Fight

Good news!  The giant Gila monster in this film looks like Godzilla.  The bad news!  Its the Godzilla from that Matthew Broderick movie from the 90s.  The giant creature is supposed to be the villain, but we cheer for it.  See, all the characters in this 2021 film are incompetent, stupid, waste-oids of government employees.  The exact employees Elon Musk and DOGE are trying to save us from.  Our feature today is "Ape vs. Monster," directed by Daniel Lusko.

A joint venture between Vladimir Putin and George W, Bush sends a space capsule into...well, space. Aboard is Abraham, a chimpanzee.  The capsule gets lost. No big deal, its not like it cost trillions in taxpayer funds...oh, wait!  Well, back to the plot. 15 years later the capsule crashes into New Mexico with a green space ooze on it. The ooze causes Abraham to grow to the size of King Kong.  A Gila monster comes along and sips some of the ooze and now it is the size of Godzilla. NASA, or NSA (they go back and forth as to which agency it is) agent Linda (Arianna Reneee) is an angry young woman who is mad at everything and everybody except the monsters.  The ape is captured and she gives it a stuffed bear. It escapes and heads to Washington, DC...probably looking for USAID money.

Guess what!  After eating army men, the giant Gila monster heads to DC.  Oh, Eric Roberts is the director of NASA, or is it NSA, and he is the only person in this film with brains. Oh, you'll like this, the Russians send Eva (Katie Sereika) to help out.  She has a helicopter gunship which she loves firing.  She is also an old friend of Linda's from Oxford. The fact that these two babes got into Oxford shows us DEI was alive and well, up until a month ago.  The two bicker and Eva keeps shooting missiles that don't work against the Gila monster.  Linda keeps trying to get her bosses to spare the ape and communicate with it. There is a very humorous scene at the 82 minute mark of the film when Eric Roberts asks, "Where is my simian?"  So as not to go against any social media community standards, I will not describe it...you can see for yourself. 

Will Eva and Linda end up in a shower together, or will they square off in a catfight?  Will the Gila monster and the ape end up in a final battle to the death?  Is that scene that begins at the 82 minute mark the reason why this film was never released to major audiences?  See "Ape vs. Monster" and enjoy a film, that if made 40 years ago, would have appeared on MST3K.  

Cupid, True Love Hurts

We have a good one...very gory, too, today.  When a medical school dropout runs into the room with a hacksaw determined to amputate...we know good things will follow.  Then, as far as imaginative kills, how about the lovely Lina (Kelly Juvilee)?  She'll get it with a...cookie-cutter!  Yes!  She will be made into cookies and served to her babe and hunk friends during a Valentine's Day dance.  The idiots will claim the cookies taste like chicken.  Yep, today we will look at 2020's "Cupid," directed by Scott Chambers.

As our film begins a demonic Cupid arrives. Sadly, his first kill is the noble babe, Denise (Megan Lockhurst). She'll get an arrow into her eye and through the brain. So sad. Okay, Faye (Georgina Jane) is a high school student with a crush on her teacher, Mr. Jones (Michael Owuso). She has a book of spells and puts a love curse on him which does not seem to work. She is detested by cool girl, and mega-bitch Elise (Sarah T. Cohen). Elise has a plan to humiliate Faye.  She steals Mr. Jones' phone and sends Elise erotic messages.  Faye believes she is receiving the messages from her hunk teacher. Oh, yeah. Mr. Jones and fellow teacher, and blonde bombshell Miss Drake (Abi Casson Thompson) actually do have a thing going. Now Elise posts pics, sent by Faye, and the pics go viral.  There will be a lot more, but take my word for it, Faye is humiliated in front of the entire school.

Angry and embarrassed, Faye conjures Cupid.  The now demon shows up with a bow and arrow and begins murdering all of Faye's classmates. The aforementioned Lina will get it first.  Now, on the day of the dance, Elise's buddies begin dying at the hands of the demon.  Weapons used by this fiend will include Valentine's Day cards (think papercuts to the throat), cookie cutters, arrows, etc.  Now the surviving students and teachers are locked in the school as the demon Cupid roams the halls, hunting them.  One by one, the students and teachers fall. Oh, yeah...Matt (Ali Barouti) is a classmate of Faye's who has a secret crush on her.  Unbeknownst to Faye, Cupid is also after him. Now Faye and her classmates figure out what is occurring and the mates are not happy with Faye.

Can Faye reverse the curse before Cupid gets everyone?  Is there a nice catfight brewing between Miss Drake and Faye?  Is there a very special death being saved for the evil Elise?  This is a gory one and the death count is high.  For an anti-romance, anti Valentine's Day horror epic, see "Cupid."  

Operation Blood Hunt, Werewolves of World War 2

Okay, this may be a difficult film to defend. Still, we have a lot of werewolves ripping Japanese and American GIs to shreds.  Pulling out their internal organs, backbones, swatting their heads off...good gore, in other words. Then we have a sultry South Pacific island princess who also changes into a werewolf.  Okay, stop in!  No PMS metaphors here.  Today we will look at a film directed by Louis Mandylor, 2024's "Operation Blood Hunt."

Here is the plot...not that it will help. A haunted OSS operative, Murphy (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) during World War 2 runs a bar. A Nazi vampire (Mandylor) storms in and is beaten into submission by Murphy and his two sultry, corset clad bar wenches (Emma Lund and Alejandra Norris). Then Rev (Quinton "Rampage" Jackson) arrives and skewers the vampire on his sword.  The wenches and Murphy continue to torment the Nazi. Fast forward, Rev is sent to a pacific island with a commando team of US marines. His desire is to learn of his dad and why he went there and probably died there. The island is terrorized by werewolves and the fiends have shredded all the Japanese and U.S. soldiers.

Okay, a sultry princess, Heirani (Sonia Couling) goes through a ceremony and becomes a femme werewolf. Now she and an alpha werewolf (Stratos Cristos Maygias) terrorize the Rev and the commando unit.  One by one, the GIs fall to the monsters.  Back at home, Murphy spies on the spies and figures out the OSS does not plan to extract his buddy when the mission is complete.  The GIs find gold and try to take it, but the werewolves converge.  More heads will be swatted off.  More limbs will be pulled off.  More spines will be torn out. The Rev will get to use his silver crossbow and shotgun with silver bullets.  Those weapons just about even the score.

I dare you to tell me I did not do a good job at informing you of the plot.  If you think that, watch the film.  All that aside, this is a neat werewolf film with a lot of carnage, gore, and grunting.  It also has a nice Film Noir feel to it.  For something a little different, or a lot different, see "Operation Blood Hunt."  

Bummer, A Rock Band and the Groupies They Love

Oooh!  This one won't end well.  This is hardly a spoiler.  From the outset you will see where this is headed. What makes this even more difficult is the fact that the victims will be nubile, and often nude, babes. The groupies are sultry, and often nude (did I mention that?), and so willing to perform for the "musicians" that seek their intimacy.  Our feature today is the dark exploitation film, 1973's "Bummer," directed by William Allen Castleman. 

Duke (Kip Whitman) is the lead "singer" of a band called "The Group."  Wow...how did he come up with that? Perhaps he lost a bet. He has three mates, Gary (David Buchanan), Mike (David Ankrum), and Butts (Dennis Burkley). The problem...Butts. The behemoth of a guitarist is unstable...subject to temper outbursts of violence. He has mommy issues and his mom (Kate Monahan) loves giving him sensual massages. Enter three sultry groupies.  The rich gal Barbara (Connie Strickland), Dolly (Diane Lee Hart), and Janyce (Carol Speed). They hook up with The Group. See the problem?  Hint...Four musicians...three babes. Do the math.  Butts does the math and sees himself as a fifth wheel.  Using his brawn, he grabs Barbara and Dolly, strips them, hauls them into a shower, puts on the cold water, makes them soap each other down, and whacks off to the spectacle.  Do the gals storm out after that? No!  Idiots!

Yep...the nudity, pre-marital sex, and bad music will be thrown at us.  Duke refuses to listen to his band members and see Butts as a danger.  Duke continues boinking Dolly, Mike boinks Janyce, and Gary boinks Barbara.  Butts only has the intimacy of his...mom. Butts will rape a groupie in Bakersfield, but Duke will look the other way.  Why?  Who knows? Then this all comes to a bloody and vicious head, as Butts can control himself no longer around the trio of sultry groupies.  Vicious and bloody will be the key words for the last third of the film.

Will any of these nubile, if not slutty, groupies survive the wrath of Butts?  Just why won't Duke see the light and get rid of Butts?  Has anyone suggested singing lessons to this quartet of miscreants?  See "Bummer" and be bummed out.  Not the feel good film of 1973...though was anything in 1973 "feel good"? 

Lovesick: Sick Love, A Slut and a Psycho

Perhaps there is not too much unique about this plot, but we do enjoy it. When a slut is the protagonist, the opportunity for metaphor and social commentary is just too easy. Then we have a pervert-psycho...and we kind of...get him.  Dare we say that the slut deserves the plight she is about to face?  On this blog we can have frank discussions.  In any event, our slut is quite the dish and we are sympathetic to her plight, merely because of that. Our feature today is 2004's "Lovesick: Sick Love (aka "The Chambermaid")," directed by Wolfgang Buld.

Julia (Fiona Horsey) is a babe with a worthless, rocker BF, Istvan (William Rowsey). Istvan snorts all their income and now the mob is trying to collect from him. Stupid Julia stands by him, because she is a nympho-groupie. Now its up to Julia to earn enough money to pay the mob.  By accident she realizes men will pay her for hand jobs and sex. I'm sure this idea would never have occurred to her, otherwise. She earns a lot from this but instead of paying off the mob, Istvan snorts it. Enter the pervert/creep hotel manager, Michael (Paul Conway). He employs Julia as a chambermaid and loves taking peeps at her changing into her uniform. Paul is the caretaker of his cantankerous invalid mom (Jessica Barnes). He also does online porn, a lot. When Julia is evicted she plays Michael well and now is invited to stay with him.

Michael is not the only bad guy. After he passes out at a bar, Julia brings him home and claims to have de-virginized him.  Michael is thrilled and is convinced Julia is destined to be the mother of his children. Julia is merely taking advantage of him. When Michael finds out the truth...well, Julia will be in major league danger. What follows for Julia is captivity, being drugged, being violated, bondage, chains, murder, a dank basement, and a pervert getting more and more unstable by the minute.

Will Julia break out of her chains, find her clothes, and turn the tables on Michael? Does Michael plan on keeping her chained up until she delivers a child to him?  Is this film a thinly veiled metaphor for how our civilization looks at women, or a morality lesson for loose skanks? Either way, Ms. Horsey is terrific and captivating, and Mr. Conway is creepy to the max in his portrayal. See "Lovesick: Sick Love" and learn a lesson or two.      

The Shadow, Blackmailing Murderer

There will be fog, a lot of fog.  Scotland yard will be stumped.  An old country manor well outside the city.  A group of assorted family members in which one of them is not who he or she appears. Today we have an English film from 1933 in the style of an Agatha Christie tale.  Atmospheric and ominous, the body count will be high, the damsel in distress will be sultry, and the suspects will be numerous.  Our feature today is "The Shadow, " directed by George A. Cooper.

A mysterious man, or woman, clad in dark garb and always behind the shadows, is blackmailing men of good standing.  Parliament officials, movie stars, or other wealthy upstanding members of the community.  The Shadow has always secured love letters these men have written to mistresses.  The gig is, you pay up or I publish these letters.  The men pay up, commit suicide, or are murdered. As the death count climbs, Scotland Yard is able to develop clues.  Uh oh, the detectives who develop clues are then murdered. Sir Richard (Felix Aylmar) leads Scotland Yard and is tired of seeing his detectives killed.  He takes the weekend and goes to visit his country estate where his weird family is gathered. Sir Richard's daughter, Sonia (Elizabeth Allan) is a babe.  We like her because she is a babe.  Strangely, we have indications that she knows of the identity of The Shadow.

Reggie (Henry Kendall) is also there.  He wants to marry Sonia, but she is promised to the hunk Beverly (James Raglan).  Reggie is a self-proclaimed criminologist and tells the cops and family members he can solve the case faster than they can.  Oops, two burglars arrive on a foggy night. The hunk Jim (Cyril Raymond) and his sultry evil wife Moya (Jeanne Stuart). They claim their car has broken down, but they actually intend on robbing the mansion. Enter The Shadow.  He's there.  When a detective arrives with the identity of The Shadow, he is murdered before he can tell Sir Richard. Now Sonia is in danger as she knows The Shadow's identity and also has proof.  As Moya and Jim begin robbing the place, The Shadow shoots more people, and Sonia nurses her fiancé, who has just been knocked out...The Shadow gets even more aggressive.

Why won't Sonia simply reveal the identity of the blackmailing fiend?  Is weird Reggie smarter than Scotland Yard?  Will there be a catfight between Sonia and Moya over some guy?  This is a campy and atmospheric murder mystery that proves to be quite vicious.  See "The Shadow," and enjoy a fine B movie from the era of the FDR Administration.

Wicked Ways, A Psycho Wife and a Two-Timing Husband

If a psycho is a real babe...would we like her. YES!!! The proof of that is in our feature today. Sure she's hard to live with.  Sure she sets up deadly booby traps throughout her house designed to kill.  Sure she seduces any man (UPS guy, neighbor, etc.) whenever they get within 500 feet of her house.  Sure she pulls a gun on her husband.  Sure she...well...she's totally bonkers.  Why?  Behind any crazy woman is a man who probably drove her to that.  Our feature today is 1999's "Wicked Ways" (aka "Table for One"), directed by Ron Senkowski. WARNING:  STEAMY SEX WILL BE PREVALENT IN THIS FILM.

She's sultry and quite the seductress.  Ruth (Rebecca DeMornay) is the loony wife of Matt (Michael Rooker). She is addicted to a soap opera, you'll see.  She sets booby traps throughout the house and constantly interrogates Matt about his faithfulness.  Matt assures her he is being faithful.  Ha!  All men are liars.  Matt has a double life. He's on the road more than half the time. Little does Ruth know, he also has a wife and mansion in another part of the state. There he is a successful scientist and has a couple of kids and a sultry rich wife (Lisa Zane). Ruth, the crazy wife, gets lonely and delusional when Matt is gone. A hunk moves in next door, Tom (Mark Rolston). He and his wife (Shareen Mitchell) are bickering. He has needs, and Ruth has needs.  Yep, when Matt is away, Ruth will play.

Matt and his other wife are quite the couple and make the social pages. He has been promoted and will be relocated to DC (3000 miles away).  Now he has to hope he can get Ruth to agree to leave him...fat chance.  Tom's wife leaves him.  Tom and Ruth get close and Matt finds out.  Now Matt has a plan.  Not a good one.  Ruth is losing more sanity.  We find out why Ruth is a nutcase and it is a horrific story.  Her booby traps get more imaginative.  Where is this all leading.  Surely, this has got to end bad.  But for who?

If Ruth finds out about Matt's other family will she just kill Matt or the entire other family?  Will Ruth murder Tom's wife if Tom and her stop bickering?  Just what made Ruth so insane?  Rebecca DeMornay turns in a sultry performance that will send any guy to the shower.  She is all seductress and one wonders how Michael Rooker can leave her for...well...his other wife is attractive, too...in a more sophisticated way.  Does this even matter?  Sure it does!  See "Wicked Ways" and don't worry about thinking devilish thoughts. 

Mouse of Horrors, Bride of Frankenstein in Fun-Land

Okay, let's get this over with.  That scene!  The one with the 15-foot Great White. Completely out of place.  Still...it is a 15-foot Great White in an amusement park slasher film...why not?  I mean, it wasn't like a hot air balloon scene in which two young lovers laugh in glee!  A Great White!  Irrelevant...but a Great White, nonetheless. The film we have today is a 2025 slasher film. Slasher all the way.  This may be the goriest film you see all year.  So let us get to "Mouse of Horrors," directed by Brenda Petrizzo.

Two slag lovelies (Eve Vice and Misti Taylor) in a seaside town are looking for guys to have pre-marital sex with. One will be dismembered by a man in a mouse mask (Lewis Santer), the other will be cut up later. Fun-Land, an amusement park in this town will be the center of the horror.  After a jogger is torn apart by the same mouse man, Meg (Erin Sanderson) will bring her buddies to the place. Meg works there and will sneak back in with her mates to have her buddy Chloe's (Natasha Tosini) going away party. Kim (Allie Moreno), Chloe's bestie is there with a lot more babes and hunks. Oh yes, we meet the mouse man, and his mate, the bear man (Stephen Staley). These two slashers are controlled by mad scientist Dr. Rupert (Chris Lines). Rupert sends these two monstrosities out to capture women and take their body parts. Yep, Rupert is a regular Dr. Frankenstein and is producing a bride for the mouse man, piece by piece.

The kills will be gory...very gory. The bear and mouse will cut off, or pluck out body parts of nubile babes and their hunk boyfriends and feed them to the dying unfortunate. Ick!  Rupert sees Chloe and wants her to be the head of the bride. You'll meet the unfinished bride, later.  Now the bear and mouse scavenge the closed Fun-Land hunting for babes. The hunk BFs will be in the way and will also die in gory fashion, Knives, sledgehammers, machetes, hedge clippers, and other bladed instruments will be the weapons of choice for the psychos. The trio of psychos will go through babes and hunks like crap through a goose.  Then!  The Great White shark!  Out of nowhere!  Wow!  Again...why not? Chloe has spunk and desires to save her mates, or the ones still alive, and goes to war with the psychos.

Will Chloe be the final girl, and if so will she save any of her mates?  Has Dr. Rupert received any funding from USAID, or collaborated with Dr. Fauci?  Will Bear and Mouse have a knock down drag out fight over the sultry Chloe?  This is an extremely gory one which will cause you to avert your gaze from the screen.  For a classic slasher film with real slashers, see "Mouse of Horrors."   

The House of Secrets, Lunatics, A Dame in Peril, and a Schmuck

Okay...it is really corny.  Stupid, if you must. Still, our feature today is a lot of fun.  When it came out in 1936, movie audiences probably were enthralled by this horror/mystery that was more of a madcap drama.  The Berlin Olympics were taking place. The Fuhrer would see Jesse Owens win the Gold.  A mad regime would cement its hold on the most important country in Europe and begin conquering its smaller neighbors.  There was means to escape. The movies, especially this one. Our feature today is "The House of Secrets," directed by Roland D. Reed.

Our beset protagonist is Barry (Leslie Fenton), a good bloke. He meets a sultry dame, Julie (Muriel Evans) on a ship over to England. He saves her from a brute but she decides to remain a mystery. Too bad...she's really hot. Barry pines that he has no means to find the love of his life. Uh oh...he will be played the sucker. The naive and lovelorn Barry will be notified by a lawyer that he has inherited an English manor 15 miles outside of London. Also, he will inherit great monetary wealth and a treasure hidden somewhere on its grounds.  Barry is happy and goes to this mansion, supposedly vacant for a hundred years. Surprise!  Julie is there.  She's terrified and implores Barry to depart and not return. Before meeting Julie there, hounds are released on him and Julie's dad, Dr. Kenmore (Morgan Wallace) orders him off the property at gunpoint.

Barry, valuing his life, leaves but keeps sneaking back onto his estate.  The sounds of lunatics emanate out of basement laboratories and murderous thugs keep showing up, too. The thugs threaten Julie and promise Barry they will shoot him.  Dr. Kenmore keeps showing up with a gun and keeps ordering Barry to leave.  The lunatics keep howling and it is apparent Dr. Kenmore is experimenting on them in the cellar. Uh oh, the Home Secretary (Holmes Herbert) and the police commissioner are in on the plot to keep Barry away from the grounds he just inherited.  Barry, who has met a gal completely out of his league, cannot stay away.  He wants to marry Julie.  Uh oh...to do that, he will have to stay alive and also keep Julie alive.

Just who does Barry have to protect Julie from?  What is being done to the lunatics in the basement? What do the highest reaches of the British government have at stake that they would want to keep Barry away?  Atmospheric and fun.  Ms. Evans is sultry and her relationship with Barry gives all us schmucks hope that even we can land sultry dames. See "The House of Secrets," and forget about war in Europe. 

The Book of the Witch, Mortality, Witches, and Zombies

Our own mortality.  We all will die one day. Scary?  Of course.  There is good news, maybe. Is our own mortality the key to making us vulnerable and needy?  In other words, could we form relationships, love, share, or embrace without it?  What kind of fiends would we be if our lives lasted forever and ever? Our film today explores these questions with a sensitivity and depth that will deliver a horrifying story.  The horror is not that we die...rather, the horror exists if we won't.  Today we look at 2024's "The Book of the Witch," directed by Joshua Sowden.  This film was completed in six days with a crew of two.  Yep, no caterers, drivers, or daycare professionals.  Just people who wanted to make a great horror film.

As our film begins we meet the titular witch (Ali Williams). She's grotesque.  The hag kills, drags the corpse to a pentagram, opens a book with Latin incantations (to Satan, no doubt), and steals the lifeforce from the victim.  This now gives her the food she needs to live forever.  That is, if she keeps doing it. Enter a very likable babe, Victoria (Krishna Smitha). She and August (Danny Parker-Lopes) work second shift as a security detail in an unoccupied behemoth building.  The two are both lonely and have never come close to winning life's lottery.  The two lonely souls understand one another, and care for one another.  Both have suffered incredible loss and only know that they are supposed to carry on. Wait! Victoria has a different gameplan.  We see her backstory and it is sad and scary.  She does not want to die...ever.

Internet research, always a good thing, gives her a solution. Healthy eating?  She tried, but no go. The pretty young mortal finds out there is a witch in the desert who dates back to the 17th century.  Victoria learns of the book and its powers to keep one immortal. Victoria wants the book.  To do this, she will have to venture into the desert and take it. Easy?  Nope.  August pleads with her to give up this quest, he is such a good soul also dealing with loss associated with death. His approach to coping is completely different, but Victoria's memories of her mom's death are just too powerful.  What happens next is horrific, but even in horror, perhaps Victoria has an opportunity to make it all okay...maybe.

Mr. Sowden has crafted a fine story, masterfully. Miss Smitha and Mr. Parker-Lopes were amazing and we loved their portrayals of characters that many of us can vividly relate to.  Oh yes, the witch!  Miss Williams was amazing, and this point is driven home during one of the last scenes  in the film. For a shocking horror film that will cause you to do some heavy thinking, and maybe draw a tear or two, see "The Book of the Witch."    

A Face in the Fog, A Contemporary Telling of Phantom

Can anything released in 1936 be considered "contemporary." In the eyes of history of the world, 1936 was hardly a tick of the clock ago.  In our modern worldview, 1936 is as ancient as the pyramids.  Even more ancient than 1936 is...1925! In 1925, Lon Chaney turned in a magnifecent performance in the title role of "The Phantom of the Opera." Ironically, this silent film dropped the same year as Hollywood's first talkie, "The Jazz Singer." So in 1936, with silents now belonging to a bygone era, Hollywood makes a "Phantom" themed thriller...set in L.A. Our film today is 1936's "A Face in the Fog," directed by Robert F. Hill.

The Paris Opera House? Nonsense. Our feature is set in L.A., in and around a local theater.  A local theater troupe, putting on a Peter Fortune (Lawrence Gray) play is decreasing in size. Many actors have mysteriously been murdered...but by who?  The show is about to close but fake-news reporterette, the sultry Jean (June Collyer) has an idea.  She erroneously reports that she saw the killer and can identify him, figuring this lie will draw him into the open. Bad move...the killer reads this. Now there is a dark-clothed hunchback pursuing Jean.  He will try to kill her with a weird gun, but instead misses and murders bystanders. Her lover, reporter Frank (Lloyd Hughes) is determined to protect his love and to try to identify and capture the mysterious hunchback. This won't go well.  Every plot he tries, the killer is not caught and someone else has died mysteriously. 

The killer? Apparently it is a dark hunchbacked figure. He has a gun that shoots a special type of bullet.  The bullet does not leave a mark or a wound but instead spreads a poison on his victim.  Now he is trying to murder Frank and Jean...and anyone else who has a relationship to the theater troupe performing the Peter Fortune play. Stepping up to help is the star of the show, Reardon (Jack Mulhall).  He has some ideas and claims he knows a guy who would have the know how to commit murders in this manner.  Too helpful?  Maybe, but this is just too easy.  As the theater is on the verge of closing down and ending the Peter Fortune drama, Frank comes up with his own theories.

Why is our hunchbacked killer so intent to destroy the theater and this drama?  Where did Jean learn to lie and pas sit off as journalism?  Probably the Columbia University School of Journalism...just like today.  Will our killer improve his aim and finally be able to take out the fake news?  This is a good atmospheric one and a nice tribute to "The Phantom of the Opera."  See "A Face in the Fog," and get back in tuned with ancient times from before the Berlin Olympics.