Planet of the Sharks, Jacques Cousteau's Prophecy

I know. He was an idiot.  But!  He spoke with a French accent so people pretended he was smart.  According to Jacques Cousteau, by 1980 all the oceans would be a lifeless black goo. He said this in 1972. Ted Danson predicted the oceans would be gone by the early 1990s.  Global Warming apologists always get it wrong.  Here in 2024, people are finally dropping their belief in this junk science.  However, in 2016, as a tip of the hat to the 1968 Charlton Heston classic, "Planet of the Apes," the Asylum one-upped it with the 2016 film, "Planet of the Sharks," directed by Mark Atkins.

Okay...don't yell at me.  Really...this film has merit. Caroline Munro is in it and she swaps a lot of spit with a phony Japanese pseudo-hunk.  I'm only being a little deceptive...Caroline Munro is the name of a character played by the very lovely and charming Christia Visser. The movie?  Fine, here goes. Global warming has caused all the land masses to submerge and temperatures to rise. An alpha shark controls every shark in the ocean and begins wiping out floating cities.  The few survivors are idiots, though the female scientists are babes. Dr. Shayne Nichols (Stephanie Beran) works for Dr. Shaw (Lindsay Sullivan), and so does Dr. Munro.  The plan is to build a rocket that will blow up the sun, fire a laser past the clouds, and blow up a volcano.  Right!  Doing this, if successful, will bring land back.

As sharks eat humans in the cities, Barrick (Brandon Auret) has a boat in which he helps the babe scientists.  There are other guys in this film...but who cares.  Shayne will utilize parasailing to blow up the volcano.  Will this work?  Why wouldn't it?  Barrick will kamikaze a tsunami...who wouldn't?  Munro will swap spit with a dweeb with a Japanese name (John B. Swart).  The sharks eat a helicopter out of the air and come after the survivors.  The toothy fish should beware...the humans have harpoons.  Oh, I didn't mention D'Amato (Angie Teodora Dick)...she's a real dick, but we like her.  No matter, she'll be eaten early on after doing a weird shark dance.

If the humans survive, which male will get to repopulate with Caroline Munro?  Is this the film that should have been made instead of the slightly overrated 1968 so-called ape classic?  Is this film the legacy of the blowhard oceanographer Jacques Cousteau?  If you like films from The Asylum that appeared on Syfy, check out "Planet of the Sharks."