Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Jurassic Triangle, Dinosaurs and a Big Crab-Man Monster in the Bahamas

 Okay, today we have another film that won't get much love. Pity! It is actually better than most of those "Jurassic Park" idiocies. Realistic? About as realistic as "Jurassic Park," except without annoying kids. This one is from England where Boris Johnson, Liz Truss, and Rishi Sunak just destroyed the entire country. Sadly, Keir Starmer has taken over there and promises to destroy it even more. Even sadder, Prince Charles is now King Charles...egads! So, when a major British corporation needs to do a team building weekend, they take choppers to the Bahamas. Right...don't ask. Today we look at "Jurassic Triangle," directed by Victor De Almeida. 

Two choppers fly into the Bahamas and get sucked into a vortex to the Bermuda Triangle. Happens. Just before that some British commandos, that have lost every battle and war ever since Prince Harry played soldier in the army, there, were eaten by dinosaurs. Sadly Danielle Scott was one of them. There will be more British commandos, but they'll all be eaten. Of more relevance to our plot, Cpt. Rawson (Rob Kirtley) and Jenny (Dorothea Jones) are two inept pilots and crash land on an island. Philipa (Chrissie Wunna) is the sultry boss and we cheer for her because she has great big...eyelashes. Now the team building exercise is marooned on an island in the Bermuda Triangle infested with dinosaurs, weird gigantic bugs, and a swarm of these crab-man-scorpion monsters.  These things are actually quite cool and spit stuff on you that makes you blow up, just like the current Labour Party.

Beth (Sian Altman) loves PTSD-ridden Drew (Darrell Griggs). Her former lover, a failed-alcoholic doctor, Isaac (Toby Redpath) is also along on this trip. She can really pick them, kind of like the British voters. A few more are stranded with them. The team will not bond or build, but get eaten. The weird giant spiders, giant scorpions, pterodactyls, and a  T-Rex will hunt them. Uh oh...Drew thinks he's been there before. Uh oh, Cpt. Rawson has a motive for crashing them on the other side of this vortex. Uh oh...a big crab-man thing develops a liking for Philipa (not that we won't). Beth will yell at her current and former boyfriend, Jenny will fall in love with a cast member who will be sucked dry by a big bug, and Rawson will confess something horrible. Perhaps this film will serve as a metaphor for what Labour has in mind for England's future.

Will the lovely Chrissie Wunna survive the crush the monster has on her?  Will Beth's bad taste in men lead to her ruination?  Just what secret does Rawson harbor?  Oh...the ending?  Superb, and probably a metaphor for what England will face after Johnson, Truss, Sunak, and now Starmer did and does to them. See "Jurassic Triangle," an English film that will prove quite prescient.    

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