Monday, April 1, 2024

Mary Had a Little Lamb, Axe-Lamb

We all remember the nursey rhyme. It was written as homage to the Virgin Mary and the baby Jesus. Let a filmmaker get hold of it and we have a homage to "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," complete with a cannibalistic family, nubile babes served up on a buffet, and a monster lamb. Does this cross the line?  Did "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"?  This one is grim, gory, taboo, and without humor or wit.  A true horror film.  Today we look at either a piece of heresy or some dark horror.  Our film today is 2023's "Mary Had a Little Lamb," directed by Jason Arber.

The sultry Carla (May Kelly) hosts a cold case crime radio show.  She's about to get cancelled unless she can dig up some recent cases as opposed to hundred year old murder mysteries. She finds one...12 hikers have gone missing in the same section of forest over the past decade.  She takes her inept crew which includes the nymphomaniac Liz (Danielle Scott), and a bunch of other bait.  Most notable is our very pretty researcher, Shelley (Charlie Esquer).  Oh, those 12 hikers...captured by a weird old woman, Mary (Christine Ann Nyland) and her deformed son, the monster lamb (Gaston Alexander).  In fact, as our film begins, they have the lovely Joan (Lila Lasso) tied up at the dinner table and make her eat the remains of her just killed BF.  Charming.  Mary likes the pretty ones and we wonder if it is because she is looking for a mate for this six-foot monster lamb that is her son.

Carla and her crew start researching and find Mary's old house in the woods near the disappearances of the hikers.  They are invited in and right away figure something is weird about Mary. One by one the crew is taken apart by the lamb child.  The lamb loves pummeling with a hammer, using a chainsaw, or eating flesh directly off the warm body. Babes and nymphomaniacs will not fare well...and Mary appears to be saving Carla for something special.  Eventually, the lamb makes itself known to Carla and what it and Mary will try to do to her is right out of Tobe Hooper's classic.  

Gory and heart breaking, this is a vicious and bloody tale.  Will Carla pull herself together and be able to save herself and any of her crew?  Will the lamb decide that Carla is the gal for him/it?  Will Mary feed the crew to Carla at a final feast? For a dark and ominous horror film, see "Mary Had a Little Lamb."

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