Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Toxic Shark, Polluted Man-eater Devours Bikini Babes

In 1972 Jacques Cousteau frightened school children when he promised that by 1982 the oceans would be reduced to black goo unable to support life. 1982 came and went, and so did the grouchy oceanographer. A more scientific prediction for our oceans has been offered by Syfy's 2017 masterpiece, "Toxic Shark."
Eden and her two soon to be dead BFFs
A new resort on a Puerto Rico island where the Bodies by Reese Singles Resort has opened attracts great looking hunks and babes. Eden (Kabby Borders) and her two bikini clad friends (Christina Masterson and Christina Jayo) arrive to meet guys. We won't talk much about Eden's pals as both will die horrible deaths...in fact, most of the bikini clad cast will die horribly in this one. Also arriving are Sam (Bryce Durfee) and his two hunk buddies. Uh oh, Sam and Eden are a former item and now hate each other. Also arriving is a 30 foot menacing shark that spits green acidic goo at hunks and babes who don't wander into the water.  Reese (Eric Etebari) got the island cheap because the water around it is infested with toxic waste.
The infected Audra dines on another bikini babe
The shark doesn't waste time and begins eating swimmers, staff, beach wanderers, surfers, and yoga classes.  As Eden and Sam realize they may still have a spark, oceanographer Eden figures out that the water is polluted.  Uh oh, the toxins in the shark's acidic goo eventually turn the hunks and babes into flesh-eating tourists.  As Eden and Sam try to save their pals, not a very successful endeavor, Eden's sultry pal Audra begins feasting on other bikini babes.  With a menacing shark in the surf and flesh-eating babes and hunks on land, all looks bleak for our bickering duo and a handful of survivors.
The toxic shark
Will the very shapely Eden and her ocean knowledge figure out a way to defeat the toothy menace and their former friends?  Are bikini clad zombies, eating other bikini babes the new erotic fad in today's horror films? I'm sure this will catch on among Japanese businessmen. Could Jacques Cousteau have learned a thing or two from the Syfy channel regarding messaging social causes to school children?  The actors and actresses look great and there is lots of beef and cheese in every shot of this film...even if much of it does get eaten.  Fans of Syfy original films will love "Toxic Shark," directed by Cole Sharpe.


  1. Never trust a shark that doesn't eat yoga students. A throwback to 50s B movies. I can't wait to pen Sharknado 8. That is in my future. Good review, Christopher.

  2. Lol it has zombies as well as sharks?? I'm there for this even if it is sy fy channel, thanks for the heads up Christopher & I was way entertained by that review. (Had no idea Cousteau said that either, lol.)