Tuesday, November 3, 2015

The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence): Safer Schools, Better Roads, and Affordable Healthcare

Why do we watch "The Human Centipede" films?  I have always said, 'there's no way I'm gonna watch that.' Then, guess what...I watch.  For the biting social commentary perhaps? No.  After all, no one really watches a Romero zombie film for his dull opinions on consumerism or the horrors of the American military establishment. This question deserves an answer...so here is mine.  As we get ready to attend holiday parties, a desire to be interesting is key with someone like me.  When boring John says, "I really loved 'Bridge of Spies,' I'm sure it will win an Oscar," I can respond, "Never heard of it, I just saw 'The Human Centipede 3-Final Sequence."  Warning, what follows will offend sensibilities..do not feel compelled to read on.
Warden Bill Boss (Dieter Laser, mad doctor from HC1) runs a sadistic prison.  He tortures, mutilates, and executes prisoners at will....rapes his secretary Daisy (Brea Olson) at will (...her ultimate fate will be much more grim, I'm afraid)...eats fried clitoris (....yep, you heard me) all leading up to a final lurid act.  His accountant, Dwight (Laurence R. Harvey, the crazy from HC2), is trying to get the prison within budget.  The governor (Eric Roberts) has threatened to fire Boss unless the human rights abuses cease, and the costs are brought down.  Under the guise of fiscal responsibility, affordable health care, more money for schools and roads (....sound familiar), Dwight comes up with the perfect final solution.
Dwight and Boss bring in Tom Six, who directed all three of these movies to consult on a plan to attach all the inmates, mouth to anus.  Hence, only one meal will be required for the entire inmate population and no one will riot. Meanwhile, Boss' sadism knows no bounds, and in one scene....well...never mind, but it concerns colostomy bag carnage.  The prisoners are getting restless, and an unsuccessful riot ensues.  Though Dwight and Boss survive it, Daisy is brutally raped and beaten (her ultimate fate will be much more grim, I'm afraid....er...did I already say that?). With the rebellion put down, Boss and Dwight grab some sedative rifles and commence their ultimate social program for the good of America.  I have always believed that one can perpetuate any horror on mankind as long as he claims it is for affordable healthcare, better roads or good schools..what follows doesn't matter.
Don't be fooled by the tame pictures above, HC3 will show you everything.  Surgeries, tortures, kidney death-rape, and flying feces to name just a few plot devices. Tom Six' biting commentary about where America is headed will probably be ignored by audiences, and that is a shame.  When our grandchildren look back at 2015, will they be horrified at what we have done with this country? I hope so, the alternative is they may be even more sadistic than us.  Available on Netflix, "The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)".....you have been warned.


  1. A horrible movie. It may well be worthy of the bottom five worst of all time. In fact, it's a strong contender for the #1 spot. Not worth a minute's watch...a horror of a supposed horror movie. Some projects go straight to DVD rentals. This one should have gone straight to the nearest garbage can.

  2. I'm with Ron. This movie goes along with all the other newer "hipster-horror" garbage out there. I miss the days when directors didn't try so hard to shock the viewer with recycled material... dry clitoris? Really? It was more effective when that (sorta) premise was used 20 years ago in the Japanese film, NAKED BLOOD.
    Anyway, this one's a stinker. Stay away from directors that have cameos in their own films unless it's an old Hitchcock rerun.