Monday, October 27, 2014

Cabin Fever: Patient Zero, Get Ready for the Pandemic

Our President is determined to integrate Ebola patients into our major cities.  Our Vice President tells us we'll die if we get on an airplane.  The HHS (the masterminds behind the Veteran Affairs scandal)  and CDC (which is headed up by the soda-Nazi, who banned 16 ounce soft drinks in NYC) tell us there is absolutely no way to catch Ebola.  The military is dispatched to western Africa.  "The Walking Dead" season 5 is underway. Who are you gonna trust?  This brings us to this year's "Cabin Fever: Patient Zero."  There is absolutely no cause for worry, but perhaps we may learn something from the "Cabin Fever" movies.
The plot:  You know about that hyper-skin eating virus from the previous "Cabin Fever" films.  One man, Porter (Sean Astin, see photo above) in immune to the killer, and he is being tested at a secret CDC lab on a deserted island near the Dominican Republic.  As with most deserted islands in these B movies, they tend to get crowded pretty quickly after the opening credits.  Porter has an adversarial relationship with the mad Doctor Edwards (Currie Graham), who is charged with coming up with a cure.  Edwards has two assistants, the good Dr. Camila (Solly Duran), and the evil Dr. Bridgette (Lydia Hearst).  Through a series of events, the virus, of course, spreads through the lab facility.  Meanwhile, four pot-smoking, young adults land on the island for a bachelor's party.  Two of these revelers, Penny (Jillian Murray) and Josh (Brando Eaton) go snorkeling.  Unfortunately, a sanitation pipe from the lab dumps contaminated waste into the ocean.  Penny and Josh emerge from the surf....infected (see photo below).
As Josh and Penny start deteriorating, they decide to engage in pre-marital sex.  Pre-marital sex in these films never turns out well, and in this case produces some disgusting results.  To help these two unfortunates, Marcus (Mitch Ryan) and Dobbs (Ryan Donowho) head to the lab at the other side of the island for help.  Bad move.  The lab is overrun by the virus and our would be heroes meet up with Porter, Edwards, and his two assistants.  Each of these survivors has their own agenda, and no one can be trusted.  Does Edwards have the cure?  Is patient zero willing to sacrifice himself to prevent a pandemic?  Without giving too much away, this film features a thrilling cat-fight between a horribly disfigured Penny and an infected Bridgette , which ends when one of the women use a female-sex toy as her weapon of choice.
The gore meter never rests in this film, which may have been released at the perfect time.  The acting is good, and this work takes the "Cabin Fever" franchise to a new  So, someday in the near future, when your government tells you to report to the local elementary school (which is now a shelter), where you will be safe......remember this film before you pack up an overnight bag.  Available on Netflix, "Cabin Fever: Patient Zero" will give you the if today's headlines don't.  

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