Berserker: Hell's Warrior, Viking Love

One of my favorite actresses over the past couple of decades is Kari Wuhrer (pictured below).  I still think she stole the show in "Anaconda" despite her early demise.  She was the only reason I watched Syfy channel's "Sliders." So today, we will look at 2004's "Berserker: Hell's Warrior" where she plays Brunhilda, the love interest of both Viking god Odin, and cursed warrior Barek (Paul Johansson).  Whenever a mortal goes up against a god, especially over a woman, you can imagine the carnage.

As the movie starts two Viking brothers are feuding over who will be the next king to unite all the clans.  Barek detests his prodigal brother Boar (Craig Scheffer) who has gone to the dark side and rebelled against the family.  As they initially make an unholy alliance, their dad (the present king) reneges on their bargain, thus defying Odin.  To make matters worse, the brothers both attempt to free Brunhilda, who has been chained for eternity by Odin.  Boar nearly dies in his efforts, but Barek succeeds, winning her love for eternity...and also Odin's wrath.  All the while there is some nice Viking carnage featuring big swords, decapitations, disembowelments, and lots of grunting.  Odin has also sent his vampire women demons to make life difficult. With Odin peeved, Barek is cursed to go through eternity fending off his brother who has been made into a berserker by Odin.  Over the next several centuries, Odin keeps sending Boar to hunt Barek.

Switch to present day, incarcerated in chains at the Stockholm Neuro Incarceration Unit is Barek.  The staff believes him dangerous because he thinks he is a Viking warrior cursed by Odin and lots of ripped apart bodies are always found in his vicinity.  Sweden can be such a judgmental country.  Fortunately, Barek's new shrink is Dr. Anja Green, clad in a white lab coat, high heels, and a leather mini-skirt....oh yes...she is also a reincarnation of Brunilda.  She orders his chains (see above picture) removed and then the present day carnage begins.  Odin sends Boar and Viking demons to hunt him down.  After making minced meat of the hospital staff, Boar pursues Barek to Anja's loft.  Anja and Barek are making up for lost time and become very intimate in her apartment which features a luxury bathroom with copper fixtures.  As Boar and his minions raid the building, the two flee....Anja's getaway outfit includes another leather mini-skirt and stiletto heels.  Her wardrobe is probably the reason Boar captures her and uses her as bait to lure his brother (see picture below).

As the inevitable final confrontation occurs, some surprise developments reveal themselves to Barek.  Is Anja/Brunhilda really devoted to Barek for eternity?  Exactly what is Odin's curse, and is Boar really Barek's foe?  Will the Vikings overtake the Bears this season in the NFC North?  With lots of action, beautiful vampire demons, sword carnage, and the lovely Kari Wuhrer, this film is sure to please.  Some Sunday during the football season, as the Vikings are battling in a typical commercial and turn-over filled football game, switch to Netflix and enjoy "Berserker: Hell's Warrior."

The Abductors, Raunchy Sexploitation from the 1970s

The sub-genre of sexploitation has been in existence since silent movies.  In their era, these films pushed the proverbial envelope and eventually the sensibilities of either government or industry censors.  1972's "The Abductors" did just that, however, even in 2014, some accuse this movie of being pornography.  So-called social activists in the 1970s criticized these films as being demeaning to women and promoting misogyny. Cheri Caffaro, who stars as Ginger our heroine, believed that her portrayal actually empowered women.  Doing her own stunts, Caffaro's portrayal as a "female James Bond" often overpowered men, and used sex to demean the male villains.  Caffaro currently lives in L.A. and raises bees.  Shot in New Jersey, heavy on nudity, rape, torture, and carnal relations, I'll let you make up your own mind on "The Abductors."

The Abductors kidnap beautiful young women (usually beauty pageant winners and cheerleaders), break their will, then sell them as "mistresses in bondage" to very wealthy bald guys.  As the movie opens three cheerleaders (see above photo) are abducted from their car, beaten, forced to strip, and tied up.  They are brought to a house where they are humiliated and brainwashed.  Disobedience, as showed by our pageant winner, results in painful torture.  Ginger (see below photo) is put on the case.  As she starts nosing around the area where the girls were abducted, she befriends Ken, a handsome advertising executive (Richard Smedley).  Ginger realizes that all the girls had newspaper publicity just before their abductions.  A beautiful detective from L.A., Carter Winston (Laurie Rose) is then employed to act as an actress on vacation.  Ginger believes that she will then become a target of the mysterious gang.  

Unfortunately for Carter, Ginger is right.  The abductors grab her from her hotel room and get away before Ginger can help.  As Carter's will is broken, Ginger goes on the offensive and turns the tables on this gang. Ginger grabs one of the abductors and does the same to him.  Now Ginger knows all about her foes, but the abductors then grab Ginger.  Together, Carter and Ginger, are then prepped as the other victims were (see below photo).  Unfortunately for Ginger, she was betrayed by Ken, who is one of the top abductors, in a most embarrassing fashion.  Ginger escapes, but Carter is not so fortunate.  Ginger then plots a final assault on her tormentors, but can she get them before the victims and Carter are sold into humiliating bondage?

"The Abductors," degrading to women, or empowering?  Caffaro, an advocate of martial arts training for women, is adamant that this work portrays women, ultimately, in a powerful light.  Are the critics of this film sage, or prudes?  One may also argue that the treatment of women in this film is metamorphic of how our civilization views women.  The discussion points are endless, but be careful where you bring up this discussion.  The acting is good, the dialog is witty, and our female stars are captivating.  Whether you make an effort to see this work........entirely up to you.      

The Being, Always Check the Back Seat

Cardinal Rule #5 of avoiding a grisly death is "Always check the backseat before getting in the car."  In Idaho's most famous monster movie, a majority of the deaths could have been avoided by obedience to this piece of wisdom of the ages.  1983's "The Being" features a slimy humanoid creature, which used to be a young boy until a nuclear waste plant was put in Pottsville, Idaho.  As our cryptic narrator explains, "Ultimate terror has taken form and Pottsville, Idaho will never be the same."  This movie features Martin Landau, Jose Ferrer, Ruth Buzzi, and Dorothy Malone who have significant roles, not just cameos.

The plot: A young boy playing in a junk yard runs from some creature.  As he attempts to drive away, the Being emerges from the back seat and pulls the boy's head off.  Cut away to a drive-in.  Unbeknownst to an amorous teen-aged couple, the Being has sneaked into their car.  As they start displaying extreme affection toward each other, the Being emerges from the back seat and shreds them.  The Being also goes to a neighboring auto and rips the head off of a pot smoking redneck.  This is when our lazy hero shows up, Sheriff Lutz (Rexx Coltrane) and finds that a sticky green slime has been left at all of the crime scenes. Garson Jones (Landau), a government cover-up specialist arrives and assures everyone that dumping radioactive waste into the drinking water poses no threat to citizens.  He also diverts media attention to the dangers of pornography and urges everyone in town to join Ruth Buzzi's (the mayor's wife) campaign to keep smut out of Pottsville.

Sheriff Lutz, the boring, can't get the mayor (Jose Ferrer) to authorize an investigation into a radioactive-humanoid-slime-creature because the mayor does not want to jeopardize Pottsville's ability to export potatoes. Even after Lutz is almost killed by the Being in his own home, he still can't convince the mayor to buy off on a hunt.  Lutz then warns his main squeeze, a diner waitress named Laurie (Marianne Gordon) not to leave the diner before he gets there to walk her home.  She advises him that she gets off at 7:30 pm.  Unfortunately for Laurie, Lutz needs his beauty sleep and doesn't wake from his nap until midnight.  When he arrives, the two are then attacked by the Being  They both survive, and the Being escapes.  The Being then rips off Ruth Buzzi's head and shreds three anti-pornography protesters.  As Lutz joins forces with Jones, Laurie meets up with Marge (Dorothy Malone).  Marge tells Laurie that her son, who was reported missing after playing near the nuclear waste site, is the creature.

As Marge discovers the green slime in Marge's house, Lutz and Jones confront the Being, twice in the backseat of Lutz's vehicle.  The final confrontation is a bloody one with the big toothed Being always on the offense.  Will the lethargic and boring sheriff be able to generate enough oomph to fight this Being?  Is Garson Jones a metaphor for our government's desire to deceive and poison us?  Can the beautiful Laurie do any better than some bozo who shows up at a date almost five hours late?  "The Being" is fun, well acted, and the creature is cool.  Next time you eat a potato from Idaho, keep this flick in mind.  Remember, the U.S. Government claims the potatoes you eat are not radioactive.   

BloodRayne: The Third Reich, Natassia Malthe vs. the Nazis

Today's feature is the third, and most erotic, BloodRayne movie.  Check out this blog last December 12th for the first one, and the second one on May 6th.  In 2011's "BloodRayne: The Third Reich," our favorite damphere (half woman, half vampire) takes on Hitler's army at "the eastern front of the apocalypse." Filmed in Croatia, in addition to Natassia Malthe as Rayne, this film is graced with some  fine supporting performances.  Michael Pare is terrific as the evil Commandant Brand, and Clint Howard as Dr. Mangler (a Dr. Mengele figure).  Most notable is Safiya Kaygin as Svetlana, a prostitute that betrays Rayne. Also, stay tuned to the final credits to hear Safiya sing "Never Let You Down," or find her singing this on YouTube.

The plot:  A Nazi train carrying Jews to a death camp is attacked by the resistance and Rayne.  The resistance wants weapons and Rayne wants to kill Nazis.  The attack is a success, apparently.  Rayne chases Commandant Brand into a boxcar and impales him with a metal rod.  As she does this, she then drains him of blood at the same time a Nazi soldier shoots her in the back, thus allowing Brand to ingest some of her blood.  Unbeknownst to Rayne, Brand comes back to life as a Nazi damphere.  Brand earns the attention of Dr. Mangler, who is summoned by Brand to coach him through his transition to the life of a bloodsucker.  Mangler and Brand (see photo below) then realize they need to capture Rayne and bring her to Berlin, feed Hitler her blood, thus making Hitler immortal.  On the way, Brand bites lots of soldiers, creating a vampire army.

At first Rayne is hesitant to to join forces with the resistance, but she gets real sweet on Nathaniel (Brendan Fletcher), their dashing young leader.  The resistance is quite capable with a dedicated core and a genius babe named Magda (Annette Culp) who can crack German codes.....unfortunately Brand captures her and turns her into one of the undead.  Uh oh....Brand is now a damphere and his ability to hunt them down is maximized.  Rayne is hiding out as the manager of a brothel, but when a jealous prostitute, Svetlana, realizes that Rayne's presence will bring heightened awareness from the Nazis, she goes to Brand and rats her out....then Brand turns her into a vampire.  It should be pointed out that the scenes with Rayne in the brothel lead to some very erotic moments in this film.  Brand, and his undead army are able to ambush the resistance and capture Rayne and Nathaniel.  Once captured, Brand hangs Rayne up (see picture below), feasts on her blood, making him really powerful, and allows Mangler to experiment with her.

Rayne and her soon to be lover, Nathaniel, are put on a truck caravan for Berlin.  As Rayne regains consciousness, she and Nathaniel share some passion, but not before Nathaniel takes some cautionary steps. His caution may suggest that he has been intimate with vampire's before.  The erotic scenes in the brothel, and Rayne's steamy love scene with Nathaniel will probably only appear in the unrated director's cut DVD.   With a small group of resistance fighters on the Nazis tail, will Rayne and Nathaniel be able to escape and overpower the evermore powerful Brand?  If you, like me, enjoyed the first two BloodRayne flicks, this one will have you cheering.  Natassia Malthe's performance is perfect, as a beautiful damphere with attitude.  Of course the gore is maximized, especially as Mangler conducts his experiments.  If you feel like viewing an entertaining movie, don't waste your time with "World War Z," see "BloodRayne: The Third Reich."    

Intruder, Severed Limbs in Aisle Four...

Not the conventional venue for a horror film, but a supermarket is a choice setting for scares.  Sharp devices in the deli or butcher shop, endless aisles to get lost in, psycho moms with toddlers, and ever increasing prices are real concerns that can keep us up at night.  Unlike the freelance writer who lives in a NYC loft, the Tarot card reader, or the paranormal investigator, supermarket employees are real.  They work hard, struggle to make ends meet, often are taking university classes at night, and have to deal with an ungrateful public.  As protagonists, we can identify and sympathize with them. Thus 1989's "Intruder" gives us gory horror in an all too familiar setting.  Also, with product placement, "Intruder" serves as a scary commercial for Meister Brau beer.

Jennifer, played by Elizabeth Cox and pictured above ("Night of the Creeps") is a cashier at the Walnut Lake Market.  She needs her job and has an ex-boyfriend who just got released from prison for a killing.  Craig, the ex-con comes into the market at closing and accosts our fair cashier and slaps her around a bit.  He is thrown out by the staff, but vows to return.  At closing, the store manager and owner advises that they have sold the business and all the employees would need to find another job next month.  Craig meanwhile returns and attempts to break into the market, and eventually does gain access.  Craig is a known commodity as one employee recounts a story of when Craig attempted to kill him using a blender as a weapon.  As the employees shut the market down for the night, the gruesome murders begin.

Linda (Renee Estevez), Jennifer's friend and fellow cashier, is the first to get it.  On her way to her car, a huge knife penetrates her sternum.  The general manager is pushed face first into a spike which penetrates his brain through his eye.  Then Randy the butcher (Sam Raimi) gets a machete in the back of his cranium (see above picture).  If these aren't gory enough, that is not even half of them, and they do get gorier.  The corpses are not found, and Jennifer has no clue that a murderer is stalking her until the final third of the film.  In true 1980s style, our beautiful damsel in peril is then chased through the back corridors of the market, and through huge refrigerators, finding severed body parts along the way (many of them hanging on meat hooks).  Deli saws, trash compactors, hooks, and severed heads are all utilized as weapons by our psycho.

Is Craig the killer (you slasher movie fans know that would be too easy)?  The surprise ending will not disappoint as the dark reason for the carnage is revealed.  Watch closely for a cameo from Bruce Campbell as a cop.  Those of us who have worked in supermarkets will recognize the murder weapons as familiar tools of the grocery industry.  Those of you who have never worked in a supermarket will never view them the same way again after watching "Intruder."  

 

The Shock Labyrinth, More Creepiness from Japan

Being a huge fan of Japanese horror ensures that I will never get bored on Netflix.  That genre has terrific sub-genres.  This blog has featured exploitation horror from Japan (see this bolg's entry on "Mutant Girls Squad" on May 26) and creepy Japanese horror (see "Infection" on April 6).  Today's feature, in 3D, is of the creepy sort.  2009's "The Shock Labyrinth" features similarities to "Infection" such as dark and scary hospitals, and past sins causing angst and horror later on in life.  The acting and direction is fantastic, and Misako Renbutsu is terrific as the mysterious Yuki (see photo below).

What would a horror movie be without breaking one of my cardinal rules of staying alive: If you saw him/her die earlier...don't let them in when they knock on your door later.  Rin (Ai Maeda) is blind and alone in her apartment waiting for Mikoto (Ryo Katsuji) to bring Ken (Yuya Yagira) home.  When Rin goes to her door to answer a knock, she sees a weird image of someone on the other side....this spells trouble if one is blind.  It's Yuki!  Big problem with that, Yuki died ten years ago.  Mikoto and Ken arrive home to this "surprise" and are discomforted.  Apparently something happened ten years ago while, as children, they all went to an amusement park.  Whatever happened necessitated Yuki's apparent death and caused Ken to move away.  In utter confusion, our trio bring Yuki home to an equally perplexed sister, Miyu (Erina Mizuno), pictured below.  The now quartet then brings Yuki, who is acting strange (....to say the least), to a hospital.  The hospital is deserted and strange becomes downright eerie.  Of course, the hospital is deserted and strange sights begin to appear.

 As the quartet begins to wander the deserted and unsettling hospital corridors, the building begins to resemble a "house of horrors" they visited ten years ago when whatever happened..happened. Flashbacks start filling us in on what that event was.  Gradually our protagonists realize that Yuki is a threat, and not someone they want to find.  The occurrence ten years ago begins to merge with the present, and unbeknownst to, the now teens, both segments in history begin to influence the other.

Our quartet comes face to face with a horrific episode which they had been trying to forget.  Is Yuki's return an omen of doom, or a chance for redemption?  This type of movie succeeds because all of us have instances in our childhoods which we try to forget, and are not proud of.  As adults, we don't even tell our friends about them, but they still haunt us.  In "The Shock Labyrinth," these haunts become real, not just subconscious, and pose a very real threat to safety, life and limb.

My Bloody Valentine, Scariest Beer Commercial of All-Time

In the early 1980s, slasher films were coming out weekly.  Blogs and the internet were not in existence, so movie reviews were monopolized by the arrogant and so-called intellectual.  Snobs like Gene Siskel, Roger Ebert, and Rex Reed bluffed film goers into believing they actually knew what they were talking about.  Slasher films were always met with hostility by these brainiacs who were trying to get us to fork over our hard-earned income to see dreadful idiocy like "Ordinary People."  1981's "My Bloody Valentine" is a terrific movie.  It has scares, gore, suspense, mystery, surprises and better acting than the critically acclaimed films of that same period.  It also has product placement, lots of it.  Made in Canada (set in Nova Scotia, and filmed in mines) "My Bloody Valentine" is also a terrific commercial for Moosehead Beer.

20 years ago, a mine collapse trapped five miners.  Their supervisors left the mine early that day so the miners could not be rescued immediately.  The supervisors departed so they could attend Valentine Bluffs annual Valentine's Day dance.  When finally rescued, only Harry Warden was alive, as he survived by eating his fellow miners.  Warden was sent to an insane asylum and the town ended their tradition of the dance.  Present day, Valentine Bluffs is going to resume this Valentine's Day tradition.  Uh oh.....murders start occurring.  The corpses have their hearts dug out and a Valentine's Day card inserted warning the town not to go through with the dance.  After Mabel is found in a dryer at a laundromat, heartless, the mayor cancels the dance.  The miners and their really hot girlfriends decide to have a dance anyway in the mine.....this has brilliant idea written all over it.  Two miners, Axel (Neil Affleck) and TJ (Paul Kelman) are vying for the same girl, Sarah (Lori Hallier). For some strange reason, TJ left Valentine Bluffs for a year and never wrote, and Axel moved in.  Now TJ is back, and it is easy to see Sarah still is keen on him.  

As the miners and their babes down a bunch of Moosehead, they start dying.  The carnage is of the pick-ax sort, mostly, but also shower-heads, boiling water, a nail gun, and a large drill are in play.  As the corpses mount, our protagonists realize Harry Warden has returned (...or has he?).  Uh oh...Sarah and her friend Patti played by Cynthia Dale ("Heavenly Bodies") have gone on an informal tour of the mine without Sarah's dueling beaus.  Both Axel and TJ put their differences aside (..or do they?) and rush into the mine to save the damsels from the psycho.  No problem, the party has run out of Moosehead and the revelers are now settling for Schlitz.  As the sheriff gets some shocking news from the looney bin about Harry, he races toward the mines to join Axel and TJ.  The final 25 minutes of this slasher classic, actually shot in a mine, will not disappoint, and delivers some neat surprises and revelations.

Is Harry really the killer?  Will Sarah realize that she is smart and beautiful and leave Valentine Bluffs for the big city, and land an investment banker or lawyer?  The 2009 "My Bloody Valentine" (shot in 3D) is another fine movie which stands on it's own, and will be reviewed on this blog sometime this year.  In 1981 we were suffering through the Major League Baseball strike, and the wedding of Charles and Diana.  Thankfully, "My Bloody Valentine" provided some fun entertainment in what could have been such a sub-par year.