Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Varsity Blood, Cheerleaders and Jocks Die Horribly

Beautiful cheerleaders die horribly, but not before providing gratuitous shower scenes, gratuitous strip scenes, gratuitous scenes in pink undies. Hunk jocks die horribly, but not before some gratuitous ab shots, gratuitous grunt shots, and after groping and feeling up the aforementioned soon-to-be-dead cheerleaders. In 2014's "Varsity Blood," director Jake Helgren brings us back to classic themes and plot devices from 1980s slasher films. Today we look at this morality tale that show us what could happen to you handsome and pretty youngsters if you drink alcohol, do drugs, and engage in pre-marital sex...or take a probing shower in front of the camera.
The nubile and perky Hannah (Lexi Giovagnoli) arrives in town after the horrible death of her dad. She immediately makes the cheer squad at high school. Her backstory isn't the only sad one. A year earlier the beautiful cheerleader Ginny (Chloe Evans) was killed, and the other cheerleaders may have been responsible. Uh oh...Hannah doesn't know this and when Ginny's boyfriend escapes from a lunatic asylum, he heads back to town. The pretty Diane (Elle LaMont) will be the first to go as she showers in the locker room. A tomahawk wielding Aztec priest finds her and offs her. Okay, Tina (Natalie Peyton), the head cheerleader arranges a Halloween party at a secluded abandoned house...bad idea.
Beer and drugs will be supplied by the football jocks and Hannah must disobey her weird mom (Debbie Rochon) to attend. Hannah's boyfriend Blaine (Blair Jackson) is a two-timer and Hannah will dump him at the party, enabling the seemingly clean cut Jeff (Wesley Scott) to move in. Also moving in is that Aztec priest. The fiend also has a bow and arrow and as Vickie (Taylor Moessinger) and Peter (Manuel Chapa) have pre-marital sex in the bed of a pick-up, he slaughters them. As beer and drugs permeate the party our Aztec priest goes through cheerleaders like crap through a goose, and jocks too. Pretty Heather (Elyse Bigler) will have the most heartbreaking death. The pretty blonde will get a pitchfork in the gut after varsity heroics. As Hannah and Jeff team up to save their pals, the Aztec priest seems unstoppable.
Who is this Aztec priest and what connection does he have to the cheerleading squad? What tragedy befell Ginny last year, and are the rest of the cheerleaders doomed to fall to someone's twisted revenge?  Will there be a final cheerleader or is no one too beautiful to die? There is plenty of cheesecake and beefcake in this one, and most of them will die horribly. With much gratuitous cheerleader scenes, illegal drinking and drug use, and beautiful teens behaving badly, the Aztec guy may be an angel of morality...or not. For a terrific slasher film, see "Varsity Blood."

1 comment:

  1. Back to the 80s, had no idea they were such fun times!!

    ReplyDelete