Project Ithaca, A Slimy Bio-Mechanized Tentacled Monster

"Project Ithaca" may be the worst name for a film this century. A better name for this one would be "The Slimy Tentacled Bio-Mechanized Creature Goes Berserk." See, that has a ring to it. Don't listen to me though, go ahead, go with "Project Ithaca."  See how many people actually watch your film. Well, because we have a slimy tentacled bio-mechanized creature, we do at least have a worthwhile film.  Our feature today is 2019's "Project Ithaca," directed by Nicholas Humphries.

Okay, we begin at a top secret mountain laboratory, focusing on ETs and UFO contact.  A little girl Sera (Deragh Campbell) seems to have a psychic connection to an alien intelligence. The kind and benign John (James Gallanders) oversees the project and watches out for Sera as his higher-ups see her as a potential weapon for the defense department. We'll skip the backstory, though it is fascinating and telling. Sera goes missing...and a week later, so does John. Yep, they are pulled into an alien ship with a half dozen other unrelated schmucks.  They are all secured by slimy tentacles that get tighter when they struggle.  Here are a couple of kickers, as they say.  The peeps are from different times in history.  Also, the spaceship seems to fuel itself on their fear, thus the tentacled creature appears and scares them.

Now the poor schmucks need to work together to survive and escape. There is Zack (Alex Woods) a rock star.  There is Perry (Daniel Fathers) a hardened convict. Rhonda (Konima Parkinson-Jones), a teacher.  Then there is Alex (Caroline Raynaud), a heroin whore. Sera tries to guide all of them to survival and with Sera and John, we find out more about the creature, the ship, and its motive.  We find out that the ship is built on nano-technology and Sera is in the aliens plans for conquest and procreation. Now the creature must get more aggressive as it may not be in as much control as it would like to be.  However diminutive Sera might appear, she definitely spooks her captors, too.  Now the survival of John and the fellow captives, and maybe that of mankind, depends on Sera's ability to battle the tentacled menace and get her and her new buddies off the ship.

Does the alien force desire to conquer the Earth or take over human bodies?  Can John and Sera outsmart this thing?  Will any of the other captives be at all useful in repelling the menace from other worlds?  The strength of this film is the slimy tentacled creature that prides itself on inducing fear.  For some nice slimy, tentacled, bio-mechanized creature horror, see "Project Ithaca" and try to work around that awful title.    

Terror at Tenkiller, A Perfect 1980s Slasher Film

The gush of slasher films began waning in 1986.  The 80s were the Golden Era of slasher films, though most of the famous ones emanated from the earlier part of the decade.  Sadly, our feature today was an easy one to miss.  With a straight-to-VHS feel to it, it came out way before the straight-to-VHS craze prevalent in the 1990s.  All the great tropes that endear us to this slasher sub-genre are here.  Two nubile, often nude damsels in peril.  A moralistic slasher.  Immoral sultry dames looking for pre-marital sex and finding death, instead. A big knife.  An Indian legend...etc.  Our feature today is 1986's "Terror at Tenkiller," directed by Ken Meyer.

What a first few minutes! The pretty waitress Denise (Jill Holmes) is dragged into the woods by moralistic hunk Tor (Michael Shamus Wiles). He slits her throat and disposes of her body in the middle of the lake, just as he has done to several babes already. Next, the lovely blonde Leslie (Stacey Logan) swims in the pool at her college, climbs out all wet and sexy, heads up to the locker room for a gratuitous shower, and meets her bestie, the lovely Janna (Michele Merchant) in the locker room. Leslie is sad because the only BF she has had is getting abusive.  Josh (Kevin Meyer) is very possessive and is almost at the point of physical abuse to the nubile blonde. Janna convinces Leslie to go to Tenkiller Lake with her this summer for some recreation, safety away from Josh, and waitressing at a diner.  They go and both get jobs as waitresses at the diner where they meet the weird hunk Tor.

Debbie (Debbie Killian) is the current waitress at the diner and when she gets all dolled up for a date, Tor sees her. When Debbie gets home, Tor invades the hot tub she is in, and decimates her with a big knife. Tor is driven even more mad as he admires Leslie's beauty.  Leslie and Janna will have many nude scenes and gratuitous bikini scenes.  Now Tor's hormones are spiking as is his murderous libido. He'll kill more but we know that soon Janna and Leslie will have to deal with him.

Will Janna and or Leslie be skewered by the puritanical Tor?  Is Tor right, that all the hussies are asking for their fate?  Will Tor have pre-marital sex with them before or after killing them, and will they be nude or in bikinis when he attacks?  Okay, that last question was slightly gratuitous. For a moralistic and vicious slasher film from the 80s, see "Terror at Tenkiller."

The Last Breath, A Nordic Shark Film

We don't look to Belgium nor Sweden for our shark films. Nevertheless, we have one.  A good one.  A very good one. Gory and claustrophobic, this low-budget film does not look low-budget. Set in the British Virgin Islands, our sharks are vicious, big, and they will feast well.  Do not fact check this film as the ship in question may never have been anywhere near the Caribbean, but who cares...the US schools don't even teach history anymore (at least, true history). Our feature today is 2024's "The Last Breath," directed by Joachim Heden.  Of note, this was the last film made by Julian Sands.

Back in WW2, a U-Boat sinks the USS Charlotte in the Caribbean.  There are survivors but sharks eat them.  80 years later, two shipwreck hunters find the elusive ship.  Hunk Noah (Jack Parr) and his mentor Levi (Sands) have been looking for the wreck forever.  Now, after a hurricane shifts the sands, the boat is spotted 90% under those sands. Noah, back on the island meets up with old friends.  There is Wall Street rich guy Brett (Alexander Arnold), blonde babe Riley (Erin Mullen), dweeb Logan (Arlo Carter), and of more note, the babe Sam (Kim Spearman). Sam and Noah used to be lovers but Sam decided to go to New York and be a doctor as Noah decided to stay on the sea and hunt wrecks. Now the two look to rekindle. Uh oh, Levi is going to lose his boat as he owes creditors $36,000, but Brett offers to bail them out if they will take him and the gang on a dive of the Charlotte.  Hesitantly, Noah and Levi agree.

The five divers go down to the ocean floor and into the wreck. Noah is cautious but when the sharks come, it won't matter. Logan gets a chunk bitten out of his thigh and his GF Riley panics using up all her air.  Air pockets in the wreck are found but the crew is now lost inside the cavernous ship.  They do all they can to save Logan and Sam the doctor even finds a 1944 operating room with 80 year old anesthetics. You can imagine this won't go well as Logan's femoral artery is bitten through. Riley panics some more, and Brett is quick to blame Noah.  Sam falls more in love with Noah, though Brett is kind of right to blame him.  Oh, the shark?  More sharks arrive as the smell of blood is now intense.  Levi?  He can't dive anymore because of past injuries.  Air?  Running out too fast.

Will any in this cast survive?  Is there anything Levi can do for them from topside?  Will Noah fall as in love with Sam as Sam is with him?  Noah needs to stay brave and rational as all around him are either dying or panicking.  Self-sacrifice will rule the day and the sea creatures will eat well.  For a fantastic shark film from an unusual source, see "The Last Breath." 

 

Seclusion, Babe Shrink in Peril

I need to say this straight off...you may not like this one. Think of this film as Hallmark tries to make a thriller. Still, this one has some nice appeal. Dominique Swain is in it! Any movie she's in, I enjoy. Also, the psychiatrist in this film is quite a dish, and played by Nicky Whelan. With shrinks looking like her, I say 'bring on the mental illness!' Also, for a film called "Seclusion," Ms. Whelan is never alone in her perils. Let us look at 2025's "Seclusion," directed by Tom DeNucci. I should also point out, this director has made a lot of good movies.

Poor Madeline (Whelan). The sultry but capable shrink has almost cured psycho-David (Michael S. Messier, Jr.) when he leaps off the couch and strangles the babe. He's upset she does not love him...who wouldn't be? Now she needs seclusion to write her next bestseller.  Arriving in Rhode Island to her dad's (Fred Sullivan) beach house, she begins writing. Her loving sister Kelly (Swain) is happy to see her and she works for her dad fixing up the properties he owns. Madeline is now the sultriest dame in Rhode Island. Okay, that's not saying much, but trust me, she's a major league babe. The new book? Yep, she wants to show the world the perils of bi-polar disorder and with permission from her patient Heather (Amy Wade), she will put her therapy sessions with her in the book. Uh oh, Heather may be a real psycho...as Kelly points out.

While in Rhode Island, Madeline gets hot for a local guy, Tony (Michael Copon) who is all too eager to help her with stuff around the house. Then the weird stuff begins. An intruder at night puts Madeline on edge, to say the least. Also, Heather gets too curious about her during therapy sessions and shows up in town and at Kelly's birthday party. Madeline is mad and confronts the maybe-psycho Heather and this doesn't go well.  Heather is manipulative and seems adepts at controlling Madeline. Madeline, looking to attract the hunk Tony, dons a steamy red, slightly tight party gown, and emanates pheromones. Now we see a grand plot to ruin and probably murder Madeline is unfolding and she is powerless to detect it or stop it. 

The movie is flawed but on a damsel in peril level, this is a nice one. Ms. Whelan is uber-attractive and there are more than a few characters in this one who could be more psycho than Heather. Is it possible Heather, the psycho, is not the tormentor?  Is Madeline in danger from a psycho lesbian that wants her for her own?  This is my preference.  Or is Tony just too good and upset that she never paid any attention to him in high school?  For some great cheese and two great actresses looking so good, see "Seclusion."   

Snow White: A Deadly Summer, Maureen McCormick, Eric Roberts, and That Demon Gal

Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! Yep, Maureen McCormick is in this one.  So is Eric Roberts! Both have big roles, not just cameos. Also, remember the demon in "The Exorcist"? Pessuto or something like that? She's in it...Eileen Dietz!  Even better, Marcia Brady's character is named Eve! Yep, the lunatic has multiple personalities in this film. Of course, there are hunks and babes who play delinquent teens...most will be murdered by...well, you'll see. Our feature today is 2012's "Snow White: A Deadly Summer," directed by David DeCoteau. Please ignore IMDB's rating of this film (2.3/10).

Snow (Shanley Caswell) is Grant's (Roberts) daughter. She hates her new stepmother, Eve (McCormick). Early on we see Eve is suffering from multiple personality disorder. Eve wants Snow out of the way because she wants all of Grant's attention. Snow is caught in a stolen car and Eve arranges for her to be sent to a juvenile boot camp for rehabilitation. The camp is run by a former Navy SEAL, Hunter (Tim Abell). She gets there with seven others, all babes or hunks. Hunter is a hard-a** and punishes them through labor, jumping jacks, and sneers. Uh oh...legend has it, 25 years ago, a female camper was murdered at this camp by another camper. The murderer camper ran into the woods and has never been seen again.  

Snow has weird dreams/visions about past events of murders and future murders.  The ones she has about future murders manifest and slowly the group of eight diminishes. Snow starts liking a hunk camper named Cole (Chase Bennett), and her b****y female cohorts begin dying or just become missing. One of the campers is a pure-bred psychopath (Aaron Jaeger). What's more, Hunter seems to be hiding something and he makes sure dead bodies disappear without a trace.  Uh oh...a weird woman emerges from the woods (Dietz) with knowledge of what happened 25 years ago. Uh oh again, you will never guess who was a juvenile delinquent at the camp 25 years ago...or who else was. Now the killer has Snow in his or her sights...and has a big knife.

Just who is murdering the hunk and babe juvenile delinquents?  Is the fact that Marcia-Marcia-Marcia had Dual Identity Disorder make her a suspect?  Did Cole come on to Snow too quickly for him to be for real? This is a fun one with one of those endings that many will hate, but worry not, it is still a messed up ending. For some "Brady Bunch" meets "The Exorcist" fun, see "Snow White: A Deadly Summer."

The Cleansing Hour, An Exorcist Reality Show

A buddy of mine, who is in the industry, told me that there is nothing on reality shows that is...real! Everything is altered, scripted, or just made up out of the blue. Whether it is Mormon wives, or truckers driving on ice, or even gruff brutes on crab boats...don't believe it. So no surprise when a reality show featuring exorcisms every week is found to be a fraud...until its not.  Our feature today is 2019's "The Cleansing Hour," directed by Damien LeVeck.

Father Max  (Ryan Guzman) is a hunk priest...okay, he isn't really a priest but don't tell his subscribers. He is a self proclaimed exorcist who has an on-line show in which he exorcizes a different poor schmuck every week. The poor schmuck, of course, is an actor.  His buddy Drew (Kyle Gallner) is his director, and Drew's pretty GF Lane hangs around them. We see the exorcisms and they are well done.  Special f/x, weird lighting, and cheap carnival tricks makes them look real. The bad news, the show has plateaued as far as subscribers and views. Max, Drew, and the producer Tommy (Daniel Hoffmann) rack their brains on how to get to the next level. Riley (Emma Holzer) and the boom guy Chris (Chris Lew Kum Hoi) round out the cast. I know, we have all heard, you should not fool around with the subject of possession or exorcism...but Max and crew are making livings doing just that.

Uh oh...all goes to Hell (kind of literally). With the actor who was supposed to play the possessed murdered by demons, Lane is pressed into the role at the last minute. Lane is a fine actress but soon, she will not be acting.  A demon really possesses her and all Hell breaks out on set (literally). Her voice changes, objects go flying across the room, demons appear, and the 50,000 viewers will rise into the several millions of viewers level. Gore and body-horror ensue and poor Riley, she will be impaled in the back of the head with a prop on the set. Now Max is drawn into an exorcism with a real demon and he has no clue.  The demon has the upper hand and Max' only prayer is if can remember the stuff he faked over the previous episodes.

This ends up being an ambitious horror film that all of you who read Revelation at the same time as news headlines will love.  It'll get gory and weird.  Lane, the pretty girlfriend, will spend most of the film hideous and disgusting.  For some nice possession horror and some nice lampooning of reality shows, see "The Cleansing Hour."    

The Neanderthal Man, Pre-Historic Horrors for California Babes

Beverly Garland!  Her and Veronica Lake are my two favorite actresses from yesteryear. Today we look at a film that will be difficult to watch for all of us Beverly Garland fans. A horror film. Brutal. Misogynistic. Unmerciful. See, Ms. Garland plays Nola, a sultry but friendly waitress at a local diner in a small town in the High Sierras. She, to earn a few extra bucks, moonlights as a swimsuit model. While posing in a sultry swimsuit in the California mountains, she'll be chased down by a neanderthal man, dragged into a cave, and raped by that creature. Eek! Our feature today is 1953's "The Neanderthal Man," directed by E.A. DuPont.

Mad scientist, Prof. Groves (Robert Shayne) has created a serum that makes housecats into sabretooth tigers. The insaniac is upset that the scientific community laughs at him...and now he ploughs further into madness. After some local hunters are ripped to pieces by the pre-historic creature, a hunk scientist from the big city arrives to see what is going on. Dr. Ross Harkness sees the evidence and concludes the monster does exist. The townsfolk are upset as their cattle are being shredded. Poor waitress, Nola (Garland), her fate is described above and will cause us all to wince and shed a tear. Now, with the violation of a local bathing beauty, it is apparent that a monster lurks. Here comes the nubile Ruth (Doris Merrick)! She's a babe and engaged to the mad scientist...and she's way out of his league. Instead of being grateful, he goes madder...and keeps injecting himself.

Now Prof. Groves is a neanderthal man and also murdering...and raping. Ross finally figures this all out.  Uh oh, seems Prof. Groves has also injected other people. Groves dumps the nubile Ruth, but she still wants him. Nola is a mess. Now Groves' daughter Jan (Joyce Terry) figures out her dad is a mad scientist and a creature. All this is heading to a wild and gory ending in which sabretooth tigers are on the rampage and Professor Groves is also on the rampage, especially for beautiful dames.

Is the neanderthal man merely behaving like a California college fraternity hunk venturing to a neighboring sorority house?  How does Jan feel about her dad being engaged to a woman her same age? Will Ross get a clue and plant a big wet one on the unattached and nubile Jan? This is a vicious one for a 1950's B-Movie.  For some great cheese in peril, and a neat gorilla-man type monster, see "The Neanderthal Man."