Snake Creek, Bigger and Toothier than an Anaconda

The Chattahoochee River in Tennessee is the setting for a vicious one featuring a serpent that is 29 feet long and very toothy.  It's venom is deadly, and does not like tourists.  Our feature today is sort of a mesh between "Deliverance" and "Anaconda."  When city boys wearing tube socks and sandals go canoeing in the Tennessee wilderness, bad things are bound to happen.  Let us look at 2025's "Snake Creek," directed by Charlie Steeds.

Our four city boys are kind of annoying but nice enough. Bill (Adam Bash) has the makings of a final-guy. Sadly, the only babe in this one is eaten early on.  He annoys his buddies, Patrick (Paul Ogletree), Kevin (Lukas John), and James (Tristan Green). The four of them annoy the creepy general store crossbred, Woody (Scot Scurlock). This will be unfortunate for the city boys as Woody seems to have control over a 29 foot serpent, which we will get the backstory on. Willow (Faith McCoy), a city babe is hunted down and eaten by the serpent...sad. Now after an unproductive episode with Woody, the four tube sock gents will be hunted.  Along comes the big snake.  As the quartet, in two canoes, paddle down the Chattahoochee, the thing attacks.

James is dragged away and dissolved by acidic venom, but Kevin merely has his face bitten.  Now Bill and Patrick have to contend with a dying friend as their canoes are lost in the river.  The snake is mean and has all the advantages against the sandal clad city slickers.  Woody and his brothers grab machetes and other bladed weapons and also hit the wilderness to dissect the strangers.  Woody proves to be a maven at torture and dismemberment, and the snake is aggressive and hungry.  One wonders if this film will have a Ned Beatty squealing type scene, but happily, it will not. The monster is brilliant!  No CGI or AI...a rubber thing with big teeth played very well by the f/x guys.  

Will any of the city slickers survive?  Could this film have benefitted if instead of guys in tube socks, we got babes in bikinis? Okay, dumb question. Should more monster movies bring back rubber puppets and shelve the CGI?  This is a good one and because the monster is so cool, this is a very enjoyable horror film.  Treat yourself to the best monster snake film of the decade and see "Snake Creek." 

The Monolith Monsters, Unscary Horror

As a wee lad in Boston, I used to turn into WLVI-TV, Channel 56, every Saturday afternoon for "Creature Double Feature."  Godzilla films!  Vampire films!  Werewolf films! Frankenstein films!  Et cetera! I loved them all, except for two movies.  "The Magnetic Monster" and our feature today just did not do it for me.  Not scary and no monster...not really.  Though as an adult, I see the horror in these films were more horrific than the ants in "Them," or the creature in "Creature from the Black Lagoon." Still...can't blame a kid for wanting something slithery, toothy, or clawed.  Our feature today is 1957's "The Monolith Monsters."

A meteor falls to Earth near San Angelo, California. A small town. Ben (Phil Harvey), a geologist with the Dept. of the Interior, takes a piece of the meteor, brings it back to the office, and accidentally gets it wet and...  Well, the trouble begins. The next day Dave (Grant Williams) arrives at the office to find it in shambles, a bunch of black rocks strewn about, and Ben turned to stone. Uh oh!  Okay, the one babe in this film, Cathy (Lola Albright) takes her class on a field trip to the desert and little Jenny picks up a rock and brings it home. Yep, the rock gets wet and the next we see of Jenny's place, it is in shambles, covered in rocks, and both of the girl's parents have turned to stone and Jenny is in the process of turning to stone. Dave, the geologist is worried as is his babe GF Cathy. Jenny is brought to a LA hospital and rock scientist Arthur Flanders (Trevor Burdette) arrives to offer expertise.

Yep, Flanders and Dave find out the meteor rocks will grow and multiply when it gets wet.  Yep, a rainstorm arrives and now the rocks are growing and spreading from the desert to the town.  If more rain arrives, or the rocks hit a nearby lake, the entire country could become The Rockies.  Dave, Cathy, and Flanders work tirelessly to find out how to stop the meteor rocks, and how to save Jenny before she becomes all stone.  More victims of the rocks turn to stone and now the town readies to evacuate.  

Will Dave and Cathy swap any spit in this film or will the film be as void of romance as it is void of scares?  If the rocks had been replaced by slimy tentacle things, would this film have been a B Movie classic we all would own on DVD?  Will Flanders come up with an idea that will save humanity? Not scary, but fun to watch.  Dave is a hunk and Cathy is a babe, and the story is fairly compelling.  The special f/x are fantastic.  For some B Movie fun, see "The Monolith Monsters" and see it as a double feature with "The Magnetic Monster."

The Descent, Revelation 9

Are you a Pre-Tribulation Rapture guy...or a Post-Tribulation Rapture guy? If you said..."huh?...well you could find yourself in the same position as all the characters in today's movie. This one earned 2.5 out of 10 stars on IMDB which only goes to show no one who rated this film read the Bible. Eschatology is fascinating, and excuse me for using big words...I love looking somewhat smart. The study of the end times. Believe in the rapture or not, or just don't know, we can still enjoy a horror film about it. Read Revelation 9 and find out about those scorpion monsters...or watch today's film, 2023's "The Descent," directed by Matt Green...no, not the babes in a cave film.

Something happened three years ago and everyone who is left on Earth refers to it as Red Friday. Yep, most of the people on the planet were taken by...monsters? Scorpion monsters who walk on two legs. The survivors seem happy and are all into unity. In fact, they are so into unity that you can scan a QR code and sign up for a lifestyle and mindset of...unity. Important to be united, after all. The smart talking professor, Charles (Dan Sachoff), can sell anyone on unity and positive thinking. He will have a tough sell as one student in his class did not scan the QR code and everyone noticed. Wyatt (Jamie Alexander).  He has issues from his past and being united with everyone is not a priority of his. His GF, Zoey (Eva Craw), desperately wants him to join Unity...I guess so they can have pre-marital sex.

Let's skip a lot of the unity seduction and go right to the scorpion monsters. They came three years ago and they're back. One by one they haul people away...but these unfortunates seem to reappear. What's going on? Enter Markus (Jubilant Sykes).  Three years ago he was sitting at his kitchen table when his wife vanished. Now Markus has figured it all out. Unlike Charles, Markus helps Wyatt figure out why he is traumatized by his past.  Wyatt keeps his head about him as the scorpion things drag all his friends away. We cheer when Charles is decimated by the monster and hauled away. We boo when Charles and his unity mindset return. Markus can save them all, if only they will listen. Unfortunately, the unity people scoff at Markus, even though he is unharmed by the things.

Confused? Read Revelation 9...though this may confuse you more. Whatever you feel about the rapture or pre or post tribulation, this is a fun one. All you unity people out there...you will hate this film. Even with scorpion creatures running about, the real villains will be the "we all need to work together and be unified" crowd emerges as the real villains.  See "The Descent" and if you do read Revelation because of it, please do it with an eye toward the Old Testament.
 

Trivial, Game Show Carnage

Game shows! I think they used to be fun.  "Match Game," "Family Feud," "Hollywood Squares," and even "The Gong Show." Now, I don't know...I have no interest.  Never saw "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." You know what would might make them interesting? Right! Torture and carnage. Perhaps there are some of these on the Dark Web.  Our feature today is just one of those game shows.  Let us look at 2024's "Trivial," directed by James L. Edwards.

Contestants have been abducted, drugged, and manacled to chairs in a garage setting where they will participate in a game show of sorts. The host is the lovely and perky Laurel Edmonds (Sasha Graham). As the film opens, Dean (Edwards) is squaring off against Chris (Adam Scott Clevenger). These two contestants are reprobates, as we see in the film. Answer a question correctly and go to next round. Answer the trivia question incorrectly, and Laurel carves your face up. Miss three questions and Laurel hammers a spike into the top of your head. What we see unfolding before us will please the torture porn fans. It gets bloody. Each contestant is a social reprobate and their crimes are disgusting. Laurel seems to see herself as some moral avenger. 

One episode at a time, a reprobate is maimed and murdered. Web designer Brian (Drew Fortier) seems to have staying power.  What is his crime? You'll see, but it is the most personal of crimes as far as Laurel is concerned. Laurel's remaining sanity goes out the window as she gets more and more unstable.  Then, we get Janet (Shianne Daye)! She's a babe and her story pulls all the unanswered questions together and answers them.  Will Laurel maim a pretty blonde? Sure, it might be hard for us to watch, but Laurel is a brunette.

Just what do these contestants have to do with Laurel's plight?  Just who is Janet and what relation is she to Laurel?  Will the winner of this game get Turtle Wax, be set free, or merely a quick death?  This is a tough one to watch but those nostalgic for the old game shows will find this a worthwhile watch. See "Trivial" for a great Sasha Graham performance and some horror that will cause you to avert your glance. 

Candy Stripers, Babe Nurses in White Kissing Sultry Nubile Candy Stripers

Where has this film been all my life? Nurse-sploitation (if you also count young nubile candy stripers) galore! They are hot!  They are in need!  They French kiss one another, but for a good reason. See, they are, deep down, slimy aliens seeking to reproduce and conquer Earth. Yep, a story for our time. There will be gratuitous nudity, lesbian deep kissing, useless men castrated, and slimy things eating cocoon wrapped doctors from the inside.  No, not "We Are Marshall," but 2006's "Candy Stripers," directed by Kate Robbins.

The sultry Tammy (Sarah McGuire) has been brought into the hospital after a car crash. Janine (Deanna Brooks) is the hot candy striper left to stay with her in her room. Tammy awakes and implores Janine to give her a passionate kiss.   Janine does and a slimy alien moves out of Tammy's mouth into Janine. Janine lesbian French kisses her fellow candy stripers and even some hot nurses.  Meanwhile, three hunk high school basketball players are brought to the hospital after a brawl. Matt (Brian Lloyd) has a broken leg and his GF, cheerleader, the shallow Krystal (Nicole Rayburn) follows him there. Also following him there is babe Cherie (Tori White) who desperately wants to be Matt's GF. While at the hospital, Janine and her minions seduce doctors, attack, and wrap them in webs.  Now the doctors are being eaten from the inside by alien fiends.

Cherie and Matt figure out what is going on and figure they need to escape.  The candy stripers seduce with nudity, passion, and French kissing.  Now catfighting occurs between Cherie and Krystal, and the hot candy stripers.  The candy stripers feed solely on sugar, and love licking...lollypops.  More catfighting occurs as Cherie figures out a way to kill them, but by now, there are too many.  Realizing the babes plan world conquest, our trio realize that they must kill all of them and scrap the idea of escaping. 

Will Janine have passion with cheerleader Krystal or babe Cherie before trying to turn them?  Will Krystal and Cherie engage in a catfight over the hunk Matt? If nude candy stripers and hot nurses in white in heat were a plot device in the newest "Star Wars" movie, would that have revived that dying franchise?  This one is so gratuitous and will serve as a guilty and prurient pleasure.  For some steamy movie viewing elation, see "Candy Stripers."  

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Panic Button, Social Media War at 35,000 feet

I know!  I know!  Social media is evil.  This movie will point that out. Okay, allow me to put forth an unpopular view.  It is not evil!  Without social media we would all believe the government.  We'd believe the mad scientist known as Dr. Fauci. We would all have been poisoned by the jab.  We'd actually think Lester Holt was a smart man. We'd have elected Hillary Clinton. Nope! I'm not playing. You sheep can parrot the "social media is evil" propaganda, but not me. Give me X (Twitter) any day over Fox News, CNN, or ABC. Okay, our feature today is the social-media-is-evil film, 2011's "Panic Button," directed by Chris Crow.

Four lucky Londoners have won! Yep, a social media network has selected them for an all expense paid vacation to New York City on board a luxury charter jet. Single-mother Jo (Scarlett Alice Johnson) is sad because she will have to leave her daughter with her mom. She doesn't know this but shortly after she heads to the airport, her mom is murdered and her daughter is abducted. The other babe in the group is Gwen (Elen Rhys), a slut-wannabe.  The hunk Max (Jack Gordon) is there, but proves to be a bit of a mystery. Then the creepy Dave (Michael Jibson) rounds up the quartet.  He looks like a pervert... and is! The airplane takes off and the four are given champagne and asked to play an on-line game for expensive prizes.

The games begin.  The shock also begins as each is asked to answer questions about things they are not proud of. Yep, all have social media profiles that are hardly true, Jo is a manipulative alcoholic, Gwen is a virgin, David like vicious porn, and Max...well, he may not be Max. Uh oh, when the quartet try lying about who they are or what they have done, one of their on-line "friends" is murdered and the murders are all broadcast on livestream. More lies result in family members being tortured and cut-up into little pieces. Now the on-line master of the game has a secret task for each of the contestants.  Yep, you can probably guess what those tasks are. Uh oh...Jo figures out the chartered jet is not heading to New York City.

Who is controlling this game and what does that entity have against these four schmucks? With Jo's mom murdered, what fate will her daughter succumb to? Just where is this jet going? Oh, the ending?  Yep, then the true horror arrives as it will be a most unsettling one. So all you who hate social media, go ahead and keep believing the NFL is pure sport and good for this country while all us on social media have understood for the past 20 years that it is rigged. See "Panic Button" and ask yourself if social media is the true culprit. 

The Return of Doctor X, Humphrey Bogart Does Horror

Not a private eye.  Not a G.I. in the war.  Not a hoodlum.  Nope, Humphrey Bogart as a zombie like being, brought back from the grave, and seeking human blood. Yep, it is Humphrey Bogart as you have never seen him before.  White, pasty, and creepy looking. He is so creepy that he will never get a Lauren Becall, Katherine Hepburn, Ingrid Bergman or Mary Astor.  Let us take a peek at a really creepy film from 1939, "The Return of Doctor X," directed by Vincent Sherman.

Yep, after experimenting on babies, he starved them to death (probably a protege of Margaret Sanger), Doctor Xavier, aka Doctor X (Bogart), is executed in the chair.  Okay, an aggressive society reporter, Walter (Wayne Morris), lines up an interview with the international stage star, the beautiful Angela Merrova (Lya Lys). When he arrives at her hotel suite, she has been murdered, stabbed in the heart. Eek, by the time the police arrive, her corpse vanishes. Even worse, Walter insists he saw her dead, even though she shows up at his newspaper the next day wondering where the story came from. Uh oh, the sultry Merrova is looking pale. Walter is fired and he goes to see a buddy of his, the handsome blood specialist, Dr. Rhodes (Dennis Morgan).

Rhodes and Walter investigate and through their toil, Rhodes finds a blood sample. The sample is of a weird type and the duo soon figure out it is a synthetic blood invented by Dr. Flegg (John Litel). Flegg, just by chance, has a new assistant...yep, the pale Doctor X. Flegg brought him back from the dead after the execution and now the evil X controls Flegg. Even worse, X cannot survive long on the synthetic blood and needs human blood.  Now a pretty nurse (Rosemary Lane) is in peril as she has the same rare blood that X needs.

Will the pretty nurse be X's latest blood donor?  Just what are Doctor X's plans after his resurrection? Will the internationally renown Angela Merrova make a comeback and perform at Carnegie Hall?  This is a creepy one and even though Bogie received awful reviews from the critics for his role as Doctor X, he did a fine job and maximized the creepy factor for this film.  For a weird way to see Humphrey Bogart, and for a unsettling horror flick, see 'The Return of Doctor X."