Reborn, Junkyard Body-Horror

Body horror? What is it? Watch this film and find out.  Sure, David Cronenberg had a nice career doing it. It is the type of horror that easily gets us to turn our heads or wince. Today we have one that is body horror to the max. Oh, what the fiend will do to so many nubile babes...and some hunks. This is not an easy one to watch and many of you won't make it to the halfway point. Let us look at 2009's "Reborn" (aka "Machined Reborn"), directed by Craig McMahon.

Cade (Jimmy Flowers) buys a junkyard...and moves his pretty wife Jess (Davina Joy) there with him. Mistake. She sweats a lot, gets nude, and has steamy sweaty sex with him. She'll be abducted as she admires her nude self by...well, a serial killer named Dan (David C. Hayes). Dan cuts her legs and arms off, screws things into her, tortures her with straps that tighten, and nails her to a chair. Yep...most of you will have turned this film off by now. Now Cade is forced by Dan to kill anyone who steps into the junkyard or he will murder Jess.  Sad...Jess is no way surviving this ordeal. Uh oh...Dan is also a machinist and screws some metal onto Cade to make him an iron killer. Cade is also fitted with spikes so he won't be easy to tackle. 

Trespassers and other assorted folks come onto the junkyard. Dan has the place rigged with surveillance cameras and insists Cade do his killings in front of the cameras.  Cade complies.  If he doesn't, Dan will tighten the straps on the nude and not entirely whole Jess.  Poor Jess. More will die as they step onto the grounds of the junkyard. Then Teresa (Kathleen Benner arrives). This babe is a realtor that insisted this property not be sold. Behind her back, the junkyard property was sold to Cade. See, Teresa's sister was murdered by a serial killer on this land and she is terrified of it.  With two other realtors she invades the junkyard with the hopes of warning Cade and Jess...but this won't go well.

What will be Teresa's fate as she tries to avenge the murder of her sister?  Will the machine-fitted Cade have any humanity left in him after he kills a dozen times or so? Just who is this Dan guy and will he ever do any of the killings himself? Gory and revolting...if you make it through the entire film, you will not be able to ever forget some of the imagery.  For a real horror shocker, see "Reborn."

Apology, An Apologetic Serial Killer

Wow! What an ending.  Sure, in this 1980s slasher film, we have to endure an uber awkward sex scene between Peter Weller and Lesley Ann Warren.  Sure, as twisted as these two look while doing the scene, it is not unpleasant to view on the small screen. Small screen? Yep, an HBO Productions movie, and later distributed by both HBO and Cannon. Oh, but what an ending...hardly a low-budget one. This gritty New York police thriller from 1986 is "Apology," directed by Robert Bierman.

Wow! Lily (Warren) is a sultry sculptor of modern art. This is her weird project.  Lily sets up an answering machine and advertises a phone number to call and confess your awful crimes as an apology. Weirdos call.  With these recordings of the weird apologies, Lily will use them as inspiration for her colossal steel sculpture that looks like the set of an epic spaceship movie. An artist in New York, most of Lily's male friends are homosexual. Yep, a serial killer is chopping up homosexuals and cutting off their schlongs (the movie's term, not mine). Uh oh...the killer, Claude (Jimmie Ray Weeks) calls the apology line and apologizes. Now Lily has a serial killer calling her line. Enter Detective Rad Hungate (Weller). Rad is instantly attracted to Lily. Lily plays hard to get but we know she wants him.

The weird duo end up rolling in the sack together as Claude keeps killing homosexuals, including associates of Lily. Now Rad and Lily fall in love...though they really look awkward together. Claude begins calling Lily all the time, killing more people she knows, and is now surveilling her. Rad works tirelessly to catch Claude.  Uh oh...Claude feels betrayed that Lily is sleeping with the police and not sympathetic to his plight. Lily now has more of a reason to be afraid.  Claude decides to kill someone very special to her.

Will Rad be able to protect Lily, in and out of the sack?  Will Lily's sculpture ever reach completion, and will it be used as a prop in one of Ridley Scott's "Alien" movies?  Really, you should see this thing.  Could HBO have hired an intimacy coordinator to work with both Ms. Warren and Mr. Weller regarding their love scenes?  Not that those scenes were unpleasant, but they were...weird! See "Apology" and see Peter Weller and Lesley Ann Warren like you never have.

Too Scared to Scream, Nubile Babes Knifed in Apartment Building

Giallo!  This plot is so Giallo!  Not Giallo, though.  This is a New York movie through and through. But, gotta love the tip of the hat to the subgenre of Giallo. Nubile babes, in throes of eroticism, nude and sweaty, in hot tubs or in intimates...knifed by a puritanical killer with a great big knife. In a terrific apartment building slasher film, enjoy an all-star cast, in 1984's "Too Scared to Scream," directed by Tony Lo Bianco.

Cynthia (Victoria Bass), a sultry babe returns home to the Royal Arms, a fancy NY apartment building. She, in her slinky evening gown, catches the eye of the classy doorman, Vincent (Ian McShane). She goes up to her apartment, strips, takes a very gratuitous shower, then is knifed to death by Vincent. Sad. So pretty and died so viciously. Vincent? Lives in a mansion with his invalid mother (Maureen O'Sullivan). Detective Alex (Mike Connors) is on the case. So is his partner, Frank (Leon Isaac Kennedy). Alex suspects Vincent, but Vincent is smooth. Then an old lady who comes onto Vincent is cut to little pieces in her apartment.  Seems any female who comes onto Vincent is soon murdered. Then we find out Vincent is a homosexual, but seems genuinely aroused by the babes of the Royal Arms. Then fashion model Nadine (Karen Rushmore), after sweating nude in the sauna, a gratuitous shower, and donning some silky intimates, has her throat cut.  She also came onto Vincent.

Knowing Vincent is the killer, Alex uses his girlfriend Kate (Anne Archer), undercover. Kate is a policewoman and will move into the building and flirt with Alex.  Vincent is smart and Kate gets to know him...and his invalid mother. Uh oh...Alex and Frank figure out Vincent's backstory and the backstory of the invalid mother. Now they know Kate is in peril. More killings with the big knife.  As Anne puts on some nice tight leotards and practices some dance, Vincent acts.

Wait!  If this is a Giallo-like movie, is this too easy?  Or is there a surprise ending? If Vincent is a homosexual, why would he be turned on and threatened by sultry dames flirting with him? How about Maureen O'Sullivan? Is she really an invalid? This is heavy on eroticism, sweaty and nude babes, Mike Connors grunting, and the slaughter of the beautiful. For a vicious slasher film with a decided Italian flare to it, see "Too Scared to Scream."   

The Stay Awake, Catholic High School Girls in Trouble

I remember going to the drive-in in the 70s. My dad took me to see a double feature, "The Boob Tube" and "Kentucky Fried Movie." My dad wasn't into Disney, and yes the films were inappropriate for children, but I loved it. I forget in which film, but one of the skits had a spoof of an exploitation film trailer called "Catholic High School Girls in Trouble." In it, sultry dames , in Catholic high school garb, were attacked, stripped, pulled into the shower, and...well...you can imagine. Today we have the closest thing we can find to the fulfilment of that skit, a 1988 South African horror film, "The Stay Awake," directed by John Bernard.

In 1969, 11 Catholic high school girls were brutally raped and murdered by William John Brown (Lindsay Reardon) at a Catholic girls high school...in America. Brown is executed in the gas chamber, but is in cahoots with the devil, so he will emerge 20 years later at St. Mary's Catholic High School for girls...in Europe. At the school, over the weekend, eight or nine girls are doing a stay awake to raise money for it. The chaperone is the sultry teacher, Trish (Shirley Jane Harris). As we meet the girls, Samantha (Tanya Gordon) is a nubile babe in a hot shiny aerobics outfit, leading her classmates in gratuitous and thrusting exercises. Then the ghost of Brown returns and manifests as a demon or slithery tentacle things. One by one he hunts these girls in the dark hallways, captures them, and readies them to be the brides of Satan. Happens. Oh, four boys from the local college, aware of the stay awake, sneak into the school but are summarily taken apart by a big bug-eyed demon.

One by one the girls misbehave, and some even smoke a cigarette, and go off on their own. Mistake. Now Trish tries to find the missing girls, and realizes she is battling a demon and the ghost of Brown. The demon wants Trish bad, but the cross she wears keeps it at bay. Samantha, the aerobics instructor, our favorite of the girls, screams really well and looks so helpless.  The demon sends tentacles out to capture the babes, and to...to...well, use your imagination. Now Trish realizes she must battle the ghost of Brown, kill the demon, and save the remaining nubiles.

Will the Catholic High School babes engage in catfights over boys or for who the demon will want most?  What is Trish' connection to Brown that makes her so wanted by his ghost? Is this film made by Lutherans who seek to confuse and corrupt Catholic babes? You will be waiting for the demon to screech, "THE POPE CAN'T HELP YOU NOW, HUSSIES!" This is a good and gratuitous one that most of us missed back in the 80s. For a nubile babes in peril film, see "The Stay Awake."

A Breed Apart, The Dog Version of Jurassic Park

Have you wondered where Hayden Panettiere has gone? Wonder no more! Found her!  Hopefully thousands of rabid digs looking for humans meet will not find her. Or more pertinently, hopefully those wild dogs will be able to elude her. We finally have a Hayden Panettiere film where she is equipped with an attack helicopter, grenades, rocket launchers, and a good script. Okay, maybe not a great script, but a better script than "Heroes." If you liked "Jurassic Park," you will love this one...or maybe not. Let us look at the babe and hunk heavy "A Breed Apart" from 2025, directed by Griff Furst and Nathan Furst.

Hayden Hearst (Panettiere) is filming an action film on a tropical island about a pack of wild dogs eating the tourists...then the tamed dogs get bitten by bats and really become rabid.  Cast and crew must flee the tropical paradise movie set leaving the entire island to the dogs. 13 years later, Vince Ventura (Joey Bragg), the #1 Influencer/content creator in the world has built a mansion on the island but has one problem. The rabid dogs reign...and there are thousands of them. Idea! Invite five of the most popular influencers in the world to come clean it up. The one who kills the most dogs wins a fortune. So here come the sultry Violet (Grace Caroline Currey), her brother Collins (Zack Steiner), the evil Mason (Troy Gentile), the beautiful Queen (Riele Downs), and our favorite, Farmer Jay (Page Kennedy). Oh, Vince's GF Thalia (Virginia Gardner) is a Twizzler chewing babe bad-ass, who drives the helicopter to the island. We like her a lot!

Now the influencers are told why they are there, and they are not happy. Vince insists on demonstrating the dogs are docile but this results in him being torn to shreds. Now the influencers are scrambling and running for their lives. The dogs are determined and even get to the top of the cell tower.  The influencers bicker and show their selfishness but finally agree to work together. This won't go too well, as they are also really stupid. Thalia emerges as our favorite as she is hot, and has some cool weapons...sadly, they are for paintball and flares...none are fatal. The dogs are mangy, ferocious, and monstrous. What's worse, Collins accidentally ODs on hallucinogens and now Violet and the troops must babysit him as they evade the fangs. Oh, get ready, a Great White shark will make an appearance as the dogs swim well. Just when all looks lost...here comes Hayden Hearst, 13 years after the ill-fated movie shoot on this same island.

Will Thalia and Violet engage in either a catfight or a steamy shower scene with dogs barking in the background?  Will the dogs find a lawyer to rip apart as he uses the port-o-potty? Will Thalia get to use any of Hayden's real weapons? This is a gratuitous one that is action-packed. A cross between "Jurassic Park" and "Cujo" perhaps, the nice f/x and the cheese and beef factors will make this a pleasurable watch. See "A Breed Apart" and fall in love with Hayden Panettiere all over again.  

Raw Nerve, Sandahl Bergman and Traci Lords

Wait! Sandahl Bergman teamed up with Traci Lords? Now, that's a combo! First, however, we need to talk about the men in this thriller.  Glenn Ford teamed up with...Jan-Michael Vincent? Yep.  I must say when these two heavyweights of cinema are on the screen together, the phrase that comes to mind is..."painful rectal itch."  It ain't pretty.  You think that ain't pretty! Well, Randall 'Tex' Cobb is also in this. Let's get back to the pretty, Traci Lords in tight halter tops, long shiny red high heels, bare legs, and vulnerable.  Sandahl Bergman...yeah, her, too! Let us look at 1991's "Raw Nerve," directed by David A. Prior.

Two sultry twins (Mary and Donna Willard), in party dresses and red high-heels, are slaughtered at a carnival funhouse by...by...well, therein lies the mystery. Racecar driver Jimmy (Ted Prior) wipes out taking a turn on the racetrack when he has visions of the murders that occurred the night before. He goes home to his skank sister, Gina (Lords). Gina is a high school senior accepted into a pre-med program...and she is all slut. She dresses like a whore but older brother Jimmy acts as a dad and takes care of her. Blake (Cobb) is Jimmy's uncle and also mechanic and worries about the racer.  Jimmy is also worried when he reads about the murders he witnessed in his visions in the newspaper. Now Jimmy goes to the cops and is thrown out of the station by Detective Bruce Ellis (Vincent) and his captain, the grouchy Gavin (Ford). 

Uh oh, sultry reporter Gloria (Bergman) was at the police station and overhears Jimmy's story of visions and she ends up believing him. Now Gloria falls in love with Jimmy and instantly has pre-marital sex with him when Jimmy's next visions take them to the high school where another murder has occurred. Gloria actually goes to the scene in her lingerie. There, Gina, in a tight red party gown is in tears as her bestie was shotgunned by the killer. Now the cops begin suspecting Jimmy, but Gloria believes Jimmy and his visions. Uh oh...Jimmy sees the face of the killer in his visions and yells out his name.  Uh oh again, this film takes some sordid and taboo twists that you won't believe. Gloria will fit into a nice blue party gown that screams "I WANT SEX!"  The cops will re-focus their investigation.  Gina will be put in more peril.  Jimmy...well...you'll see.

Will Sandahl Bergman and Gina, all dolled up in tight party gowns and red high heels, engage in a vicious and erotic catfight over Jimmy?  Just who's face did Jimmy see in his vision as the killer?  Will Glenn Ford and/or Jan-Michael Vincent do anything in this film but grunt and sneer? This is a good one and the ending, or final reveal will be shocking. See "Raw Nerve" and enjoy the cheese provided by Traci Lords and Sandahl Bergman. 

Patient Killer, Victoria Pratt in a Bikini

We all saw "Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep" and drooled when the bikini clad marine biologist, played by Victoria Pratt, went on and on about squids.  Ms. Pratt has starred in many monster movies including "Mongolian Death Worm," and has always been very pleasing to the eye. Many of you remember her from the gratuitous TV show "Cleopatra 2525." So today, we have her in a film that is largely set in offices and more offices, so will we get Victoria Pratt in gratuitous bikini scenes?  YES!!! A sensual bath scene, some cleavage friendly beachwear, some smart but form fitting office wear, and more bikinis? Do bikinis advance the plot? Honestly, I don't understand that question. Let us look at the 2014 hypnotherapy thriller, "Patient Killer," directed by Casper Van Dien! Yep, that Casper Van Dien.

Eek! The film begins with a well dressed guy, Dylan (David Chokachi), committing suicide. Blows his own brains out. Relevant? Yes! See, he was the patient of Dr. Victoria Wrightmar (Pratt), a renown psychologist and hypnotist. Yep, she used hypnotherapy on Dylan even after her mentor Dr. Sylvan (Richard Burgi) warned her against it. Victoria felt bad about it but is in denial that hypnotherapy may be dangerous. She just wrote a book called Mental Control Food and is doing book signings. The book is about hypnotherapy and her success stories. Sure, this tome would sell better if it were called Slave Vixens of the Tentacled Beasts, but that would be gratuitous. Enter another patient, the obsessive compulsive Derek (Patrick Muldoon). Who can blame him, he falls in love with Victoria...though she doesn't with him. Victoria has a beau, Jason (Van Dien)...and he gets to paw her as she wears bikinis...lucky sap.

Uh oh...a mysterious new patient, the beautiful Blaire (Barbie Castro). She is not sleeping because of mysterious nightmares and Victoria hypnotizes her. Does she get better? Apparently. Now someone is terrorizing Victoria, bagging her office, stealing files, and busting into her luxury apartment. Derek becomes bolder and is fixated on conquering Victoria and making her his love slave. Blaire apparently is getting better.  Mental Control Food is selling well (though not as well as it would if it had my aforementioned title). So what's the problem? Derek, who had been getting better is now all psycho and Jason is pummeled nearly to death. Even worse the cops on the cases are centering their investigations on Victoria. More mysterious deaths occur.

Is Victoria coming unwound, and is she the real psycho here? How about Blaire, is she really getting better? Mental Control Food...seriously?  What lunatic thought up that title. Gratuitous and thrilling.  The mystery presents itself as everyone in the film is a suspect.  Fear not, there will not be a drought of scenes featuring Victoria Pratt in a bikini or demonstrating some impressive cleavage. See "Patient Killer," and just hope they change the title of this film to "Dr. Bikini and the Nympho-Psychos."