The Cleansing Hour, An Exorcist Reality Show

A buddy of mine, who is in the industry, told me that there is nothing on reality shows that is...real! Everything is altered, scripted, or just made up out of the blue. Whether it is Mormon wives, or truckers driving on ice, or even gruff brutes on crab boats...don't believe it. So no surprise when a reality show featuring exorcisms every week is found to be a fraud...until its not.  Our feature today is 2019's "The Cleansing Hour," directed by Damien LeVeck.

Father Max  (Ryan Guzman) is a hunk priest...okay, he isn't really a priest but don't tell his subscribers. He is a self proclaimed exorcist who has an on-line show in which he exorcizes a different poor schmuck every week. The poor schmuck, of course, is an actor.  His buddy Drew (Kyle Gallner) is his director, and Drew's pretty GF Lane hangs around them. We see the exorcisms and they are well done.  Special f/x, weird lighting, and cheap carnival tricks makes them look real. The bad news, the show has plateaued as far as subscribers and views. Max, Drew, and the producer Tommy (Daniel Hoffmann) rack their brains on how to get to the next level. Riley (Emma Holzer) and the boom guy Chris (Chris Lew Kum Hoi) round out the cast. I know, we have all heard, you should not fool around with the subject of possession or exorcism...but Max and crew are making livings doing just that.

Uh oh...all goes to Hell (kind of literally). With the actor who was supposed to play the possessed murdered by demons, Lane is pressed into the role at the last minute. Lane is a fine actress but soon, she will not be acting.  A demon really possesses her and all Hell breaks out on set (literally). Her voice changes, objects go flying across the room, demons appear, and the 50,000 viewers will rise into the several millions of viewers level. Gore and body-horror ensue and poor Riley, she will be impaled in the back of the head with a prop on the set. Now Max is drawn into an exorcism with a real demon and he has no clue.  The demon has the upper hand and Max' only prayer is if can remember the stuff he faked over the previous episodes.

This ends up being an ambitious horror film that all of you who read Revelation at the same time as news headlines will love.  It'll get gory and weird.  Lane, the pretty girlfriend, will spend most of the film hideous and disgusting.  For some nice possession horror and some nice lampooning of reality shows, see "The Cleansing Hour."    

The Neanderthal Man, Pre-Historic Horrors for California Babes

Beverly Garland!  Her and Veronica Lake are my two favorite actresses from yesteryear. Today we look at a film that will be difficult to watch for all of us Beverly Garland fans. A horror film. Brutal. Misogynistic. Unmerciful. See, Ms. Garland plays Nola, a sultry but friendly waitress at a local diner in a small town in the High Sierras. She, to earn a few extra bucks, moonlights as a swimsuit model. While posing in a sultry swimsuit in the California mountains, she'll be chased down by a neanderthal man, dragged into a cave, and raped by that creature. Eek! Our feature today is 1953's "The Neanderthal Man," directed by E.A. DuPont.

Mad scientist, Prof. Groves (Robert Shayne) has created a serum that makes housecats into sabretooth tigers. The insaniac is upset that the scientific community laughs at him...and now he ploughs further into madness. After some local hunters are ripped to pieces by the pre-historic creature, a hunk scientist from the big city arrives to see what is going on. Dr. Ross Harkness sees the evidence and concludes the monster does exist. The townsfolk are upset as their cattle are being shredded. Poor waitress, Nola (Garland), her fate is described above and will cause us all to wince and shed a tear. Now, with the violation of a local bathing beauty, it is apparent that a monster lurks. Here comes the nubile Ruth (Doris Merrick)! She's a babe and engaged to the mad scientist...and she's way out of his league. Instead of being grateful, he goes madder...and keeps injecting himself.

Now Prof. Groves is a neanderthal man and also murdering...and raping. Ross finally figures this all out.  Uh oh, seems Prof. Groves has also injected other people. Groves dumps the nubile Ruth, but she still wants him. Nola is a mess. Now Groves' daughter Jan (Joyce Terry) figures out her dad is a mad scientist and a creature. All this is heading to a wild and gory ending in which sabretooth tigers are on the rampage and Professor Groves is also on the rampage, especially for beautiful dames.

Is the neanderthal man merely behaving like a California college fraternity hunk venturing to a neighboring sorority house?  How does Jan feel about her dad being engaged to a woman her same age? Will Ross get a clue and plant a big wet one on the unattached and nubile Jan? This is a vicious one for a 1950's B-Movie.  For some great cheese in peril, and a neat gorilla-man type monster, see "The Neanderthal Man."

Neverknock, Teens Shredded by Fear

Oh, those playful horror films when teens are shredded except for the virgin. We love that trope, but what if the monster is not familiar with that trope.  Today we have a brutal one with a lot of high school babes who will not stay babes.  A dark film that will stay dark, so be warned. With a great looking cast, a slimy monster, and tons of gore, impalements, and burning, a Syfy original is our feature today.  Let us look at 2017's "Neverknock," directed by Sheldon Wilson. 

Eliana Jones is a sultry actress and she is in this clad in a cheerleaders costume.  Uh oh, she is sixth in the credits meaning she will die a most gory death. Sadly she will be first to go...impaled by a myriad of needles...the monster did not like cheerleaders. So sad. Okay, legend has it if one knocks on the door of this old abandoned house on Halloween, the monster inside will pull you in and murder you.  The creature will kill you by what you fear the most.  For the lovely Grace (Dominique Provost-Chalkley) fire is her poison.  Her mom burned to death in a car wreck one year ago.  She is looking after her little fearless sister Jenna (Lola Flanery) when her new buddy, and potential lesbian lover, the lovely Leah (Jodelle Ferland) comes to get her to go trick-or-treating.  Along for the night is the sultry Amy (Kiana Madeira), the hunk Gavin (Varun Saranga), and the aforementioned cheerleader Sydney.

Jenna knocks on the door and the horror begins.  Yep, the sultry Sydney is impaled by needles.  She is the first.  Her mates have fears, too.  Bugs, fire, blood, etc.  Jenna, the little sister is not afraid of anything.  See where this is going?  You are part right.  When Jenna is taken by the house early on, Grace swears she will find her.  Leah, who wants to get into Grace's pants helps.  The others?  Monster bait!  They'll be hunted by their own fears.  So, the brave will prevail?  Nope.  The monster is loose on the town and lures the surviving babes back to it.  Then, what happens will be even more horrifying.

Will Leah and Grace survive and have a make-out session?  Will the fearless Jenna reemerge and slay the monster who kills with fear?  Was it a mistake to kill Sydney the cheerleader off so early, as she was the sultriest of the sultry in this one?  For those of you who like their horror films horrific and dark, see "Neverknock."     

Fear the Night, Maggie Q as Deadly as Ever

Many years removed from her Nikita role, Maggie Q still looks fabulous.  She can also kill just as competently as she did over a decade ago.  Now, there isn't anyone in this movie we like, which is good, because most will die horribly, but Maggie Q is Maggie Q, and that earns her our favor. As b#@$hy as she is in this one...she looks really good even without smiling and being generally grouchy.  In fact, in this one, her friends don't even like her...but, of course, they don't look like Maggie Q.  Our blood fest today is 2023's "Fear the Night," directed by Neil LaBute.

She's back from Iraq all messed up. Tess (Maggie Q) has PTSD, addictions, grouchiness, PMS, and generally a rotten demeanor. Even worse, she's headed to a bachelorette party for her giggly sister Rose (HighDee Kuan), put on by another grouchy and giggly sister Beth (Kat Foster). They will meet a half dozen giggly annoying girlfriends at their family homestead in the desert. Party games?  Cackling? A male stripper (KeiLyn Durrel)? Yep, all of the above.  Fortunately the beautiful but annoying Rose will get impaled by a crossbow arrow early on, and so will the stripper.  By who? A group of evil good ole boys led by Perry (Travis Hammer).  Why? Who cares.  Now the PTSD and depression and addiction ridden Tess is back in her element.  Back at war.  She turns back into a killer.

The war will be a bloody one as Tess tries to protect her sister Beth and their buddies from the evil invading force.  The death count will be high, and even though some of the victims are sultry dames, we're not sad to see them go.  Tess, on the other hand?  We are cheering for her, mostly because she is Maggie Q.  I even pulled for Maggie Q's Mia in that "Die Hard" film...the gal that got the SUV up the a**...remember?  The men with crossbows and knives are relentless, and so is Tess. Babes will fall in bloody fashion.  Brutes will fall in bloody fashion. All in all, this works as a bloody kill-fest...not as a character study, or morality tale.

Just how many will Tess kill?  Just how many cackling bachelorette party goers will be skewered?  Will Tess really snap and off some of the cacklng party-goers, too?  Maggie Q fans need to see this film, just turn it off before the annoying epilogue begins.  For a bloody good time, see "Fear the Night."  

The Murder Clinic, Euro-Babes Slashed

Giallo!  Euro-Trash!  Yep, gotta love those Italian slasher-fests with sultry babes, in states of undress, fresh from fits of passion, and in mortal peril.  What could be better?  How about if the slasher is a hideous freak of an old hag who resents beauty and relishes in mutilating Euro-babes just fresh from carnal passion!  Kind of a metaphor for woke America and its view of beauty.  Fortunately, here, wokeness is dying.  Our feature today is 1966's "The Murder Clinic," directed by Elio Scardamaglia and Lionello De Felice.

Sultry nurses, in states of undress, and fresh from carnal passion, are slashed by a hooded figure wielding a razor.  I should point out the setting...an asylum for the criminally insane.  The asylum is run by the handsome Dr. Robert Vance (William Berger). He lives there with his sultry wife, Lizabeth (Mary Young). A new nurse, to replace a slashed up one, arrives, the sultry blonde Mary (Barbara Wilson). She's gentle and caring. Uh oh...someone is living in a locked room in the attic. She paces at night driving the schizophrenic patients into a frenzy. Lizabeth is suspicious as Mary is quite beautiful and it looks like Robert and her are on the outs as far as their marriage goes. Uh oh...homicidal liar Gisele (Francoise Prevost) murders her carriage driver and is found wandering in the woods by Robert. He brings her back to the asylum as a guest. Lizabeth is not happy about having another floozy distracting Robert.

Okay, Gisele, smelling an opportunity for blackmail, sneaks into that forbidden room in the attic and finds a hideously marred woman (Delfi Mauro).  Laura is this woman and she is Lizabeth's sister...who fell into a lime pit long ago. Now Laura resents beauty. Gisele faints and is revived by Robert and she lets him know that his secret is safe with her for the sum of 50,000 pounds. Uh oh...Robert seems to be taking a liking to Nurse Mary.  Uh oh, the hooded figure in the cloak is on the prowl with his or her razor.  Uh oh, the beautiful keep being ripped apart.  Uh oh...Giselle wants Robert and knows Mary may emerge as a rival.  Uh oh, a few criminally insane insaniacs escape from their cells.

Will Mary remain in one piece by the time the end credits roll?  Just what is Laura's backstory and is she as homicidal as she is hideous?  Will any nubile nurse survive the razor?  This is a good one with a shocking ending.  For some fine European cheesecake, and nubile babes in great peril, see "The Murder Clinic." 

The Correction Unit, A Clockwork Orange in an AI World

AI.  Good or bad?  The answer is...Yes! It may help cure all sorts of pediatric cancer.  It may allow you affordable college education from any university in the world (all from your own living room). It may easily identify your Golden Retriever's ailment. It, also, may make the distribution and creation of child porn a lot easier.  It will help your government (aka Big Brother) to control your bank accounts and spending habits. It may also replace your need for a woman, or a man, and provide you something that won't talk back or report you for sexual harassment.  All will be done under the guise of making our world a better place.  Our feature today is 2025's "The Correction Unit," directed by Derry Shillitto.  This film is from the U.K.

Miserable teenagers...juvenile delinquents.  All of the ones in this film are hopeless cases, and chronic offenders.  Gangsters. Drug pushers and addicts. Thieves. Now a bunch of them have been transferred from a youth prison to a special facility called nTrac.  nTrac? Yep, AI will be used to rehab all of these kids in three months.  Three months? Yep, that is what the government contract calls for. We meet Shawn (Sonny Middleton), who is from a bad neighborhood and had to fight to protect his disabled mom and worthless brother. Now he's at nTrac.  His mate, the tough Tish (Elleese Bradshaw) is there with him and is associated with numerous pushers. Through Virtual Reality (VR) and AI, they all have been assessed, evaluated, and a treatment plan has been personalized. Yvonne (Kirsty Smedley) seems to head the operation and her motives are pure and personal. 

Some neat meditation devices allow the kids to experience nature and pleasant surroundings. Uh oh.  The engineers on this project are worried.  They are forbidden access to the inmates/patients.  AI is the only counselor/doctor allowed to work on the teens. Short term success can't be denied...short term. The kids seem to be responding, for the most part.  Now, how to make it permanent.  Clones, mind control chips (think Elon Musk's Trans-humanism), and certain punishment.  Now the kids are being turned into something other than who they were. Also, nTrac needs to show results in 90 days, and if the kids aren't improving that fast...well, the technicians are told to rush it. Yvonne offers objections and she is taken care of.

Just what will nTrac produce after 90 days?  Will the teens in the program keep their humanity?  If an AI machine is given total control, what will it consider "cured" or "improved"?  We saw this in "A Clockwork Orange," but that did not have the use of AI.  The subliminal tactics are present in both these films, though modern AI has made them easier to deliver.  For a scary look at how "wonderful" AI can be for at risk teens, see "The Correction Unit."  

The House by the Cemetery, Listed by Lucio Fulci

Whether by the cemetery or by the mall, if Lucio Fulci is making a movie about a house...don't go in. Though largely shot in Massachusetts, this horror yarn is Italian in it's cast and mood. This 1981 film came out three years after Fulci's classic "Zombie." (To see that review click on this link ZOMBIE ). However, as far as drive-in theaters went, this Fulci film was usually matched up with either "The Last House on the Left" or "The House that Vanished." (For that review, click on this link VANISHED ). Either way, we have a Fulci film...filled with ominous gore.

After Dr. Peterson's murder suicide, Dr. Norman Boyle (Paolo Malco) is tapped to take over his research. To do this, he takes his wife Lucy (Catriona MacColl) and son Bob (Giovanni Frezzo) to a house by the cemetery near Boston where he can have some seclusion while he researches.  A couple of uh-ohs here: First, Bob has visions of a ghostly girl telling him not to come, Second, this is the same house that Peterson murdered his mistress (Daniela Doria) before his suicide.  Oh yes, how can I forget, the tomb of Dr. Freudstein (Giovanni De Nava) is planted in the front hallway of this mansion.

As the ghostly girl (Silvia Collatina) adopts Bob as a playmate, the beautiful Lucy hires the sultry Ann (Ania Pieroni) as his babysitter.  Wouldn't you know it, Bob had a vision of Ann's decapitated body earlier in the film.  It might be a beautiful head, but yes, Ann will be separated from it soon. Oh! The cellar is locked and when Norman unlocks it he is feasted on by a vampire bat in an elongated and bloody scene.  He survives, but wouldn't you know it, the dimwit won't leave the house. As something in the basement starts killing people and dragging their bodies in the cellar, Norman begins to find out the history of the house and Dr. Freudstein.  Now he is convinced they need to leave, but is it too late?

Lurid and heavy, "The House by the Cemetery" is a neat horror film.  The themes may be classic but the over-the-top gore makes this a genuine Fulci film. Two years previous, the underwhelming "The Amityville Horror" was released to disappointed audiences who yawned instead of winced. However this film would have given those same audiences some neat nightmares.  Available on YouTube, enjoy "The House by the Cemetery."