Gobblefoot, Half Bigfoot Half Turkey

We've demanded it ever since we were little kids. Finally we have it.  A film that chronicles that horror that overtook New England 300 years ago and remains to this day.  The story of that hellion created out of witchcraft and lore, the half Bigfoot-half turkey creature.  In gripping horror, and biting reality, our film today is 2025's "Gobblefoot," directed by Matt Jaissle.

300 years ago a witch was burned at the stake in Salem's Bluff, Connecticut.  While beginning to burn, the hag cursed the town to be forever terrorized by a creature born in Hell. Now in the present day, Gobblefoot is back...half turkey, half Bigfoot. Initially he rips apart a hiker (Rogan Russell Marshall). But wait, this bloke was filming with his 8mm camera as he was being torn apart. Now the footage is mysteriously sent to a professor of New England lore, Dr. Holden (Chris Heikka). Also in the same package is a pentagram amulet. Holden gets out his map of Michigan and drives to Connecticut and Salem's Bluff...don't ask. There he meets some reluctant residents who seem hostile. Of note is Karswell (Jim Bunny Bundshuh), a trans-clown-crossdressing-weirdo (a character taken out of "All the President's Men"). Karswell steals the pentagram from Holden but offers him no information. With the pentagram, Karswell, who originally resurrected the creature, can now control it.

The big turkey monster strikes often and Holden's PTSD from some war paralyses him every time he hunts for the thing. Karswell orders pizza, Hawaiian (don't ask), and feeds more people to the bird. Now clad in high-heeled boots, a sequins sports jacket, and clown nose, Karswell does a few incantations. Holden is out in the cold as more and more residents of Salem's Bluff are torn to pieces by the thing. Where does this all lead? This is a very similar film to Kubrick's "Paths of Glory," but believe it or not, goes in a different direction at the ending. See for yourself.

Will Dr. Holden be able to keep his PTSD episodes in check long enough to successfully hunt the monster?  Is Karswell a thinly veiled metaphor for Kamala Harris?  Will Connecticut be ever cursed with the terror the Gobblefoot monster brings? A movie for our times, no doubt.  For a true understanding of the New England culture, see "Gobblefoot." 

Killer Content, Psychos and an Influencer

A sultry influencer who has millions of YouTube subscribers! She's hot! Her channel focusses on beauty, travel, inspiration, and style! I wonder if I did a blog about those four things instead of horror films, would I also have millions of subscribers. This begs the question...a sultry influencer?  If she goes against psychos...who do wee pull for?  Do we pull for the perfume, teased hair, and Botox...or do we pull for the guy with the rusty sickle and icepick? Even better...this one takes place in an isolated cabin in the woods!  Our feature today is 2025's "Killer Content," directed by Chris St. Croix.

Jexy D. (Katie Keene) is our YouTube vlogger with the millions of adoring fans. She's hot and stylish and as the film begins...well, you'll see.  Now she needs time alone to figure things out.  Off social media for more than a couple of weeks, her fans demand her back and she intends a comeback video.  Off social media?  Why?  You'll see. Uh oh...we get clues that the veil of glamour and happiness may be merely a ...veil.  Addicted to some kind of pills, and wine, Jexy D. secludes herself in a cabin and intends to film her comeback video. The sexy and stylish babe sets everything up and then a knock on the door. Jexy is not happy someone found her.  On the other side of the door is the beautiful but unhinged Megan (Casey Casmira). An adoring fan who begs Jexy to take some time with her and help her become an influencer. Jexy says no, and Megan goes psycho. A catfight later and Jexy is tied up and has her hands bound.

See where this is going?  Megan is apologetic about kicking the snot out of Jexy but desperately wants the world's foremost blogger on style and beauty to help her.  Then Kyle (Nathan Freitas) arrives...Jexy's agent/BF. He's useless, as Megan's psycho BF, Donnie (Diego Gomez) also arrives. Bloody murder ensue.  Now Donnie and Megan insist Jexy help her get a million subscribers.  There's a problem for the two fiends who killed Kyle.  Yep...Megan and Donnie are not the only bloodthirsty psychos in the cabin.  Even worse for Megan and Donnie, even though Jexy is bound and tied to the floor, she is sizing them up and waiting for a chance to...well, that's enough for now.

Just what is Jexy's real persona and why did she step away from social media for weeks?  Are Megan and Donnie psycho enough to ward off what Jexy has planned for them?  After this is all over...who will get a million more subscribers?  Catfights, blood, gore, murder, torture, and beauty secrets will come at you fast.  For terrific influencer carnage, see "Killer Content."

 

Mutilator 2, Back to that old Fishing Closet

A sequel to 1984's "The Mutilator"? Kind of. Many of the original stars from the first one are in this one, and director Buddy Cooper makes a cameo. Like the first one, the final third of the film will turn your stomach.  The gory deaths will be almost too imaginative and in this new one, it will be shocking to see the sultry Eva Hamilton have her entire front scraped off by...barnacles!  I will say the attraction and allure of this second 'Mutilator' film isn't the plot but the gory kills. Yep, there will be fishing hooks, harpoons, meat hooks, fish gutting knives, etc. Today we look at 2023's "Mutilator 2," directed by Buddy Cooper.

Don't be scared off by the initial description of this plot. A movie crew assembles at that same North Carolina beach and same motel, the original "Mutilator" film was made. They are remaking the film. Also occurring, at the Oceanana Motel is a reunion/convention of the original cast of "The Mutilator." Yep, as the new crew wraps up filming, gory death occurs. Jon, the director, (Mark Francis) will be cut up by an industrial accident (not an accident) with a light. Oh, the new star, Olivia (Hamilton) looks great in a bikini, sadly, until her barnacle demise, she will not be in the film much. Of the new crew, we like the prop babe Sandy (Cody Renee Cameron). Rebuffing the advances of obnoxious producer Henry (Carl J. Grasso), she superglues the prop of a severed head to the pig's tally-whacker, where it will remain for the duration of the film. This plot device taken directly out of  James Cameron's "Avatar."

Okay, the film does wrap up and a wrap party occurs with adoring fans at the motel. Now the killer uses all sorts of fishing devices to pick apart fans and cast members one by one. Oh, incidentally, when I say cast, I mean casts from both original and remake. Sandy? It's not if she gets it, its when she gets it. Not a whole lot will survive the fishing shack carnage. Remember that classic meat hook from the first one? I'm afraid so. So who is the killer?  Could it be the killer form the first one?  That was Jack Chatham, which is played by Terry Kiser in this one. Lovelies who try to seduce him will all be pulled apart in horrible ways, as if there are non-horrible ways to be pulled apart.

A cacophony of gore awaits if you put this one on.  Stars from the 80s and present day will not fare well.  Deviant and pre-marital sex will be punished severely, a staple of these slasher films.  For a nostalgic mood, put on "Mutilator 2," and be patient...you will be rewarded by some revolting kills.

Unboxed, Influencers Humiliated and Tortured

I know, they're sultry, but we always cheer for the demise of sorority babes in films.  Why?  Who knows?  Maybe guys are reminded of former shallow girlfriends.  Today we also cheer for the demise of sultry influencers.  Those nubile babes who seem so happy hocking the cosmetics of their sponsors just seem to awaken homicidal urges in all of us. Why?  Who knows!  Maybe shallowness has a limit to what we ultimately tolerate.  Today we have a good one where the sultry babes are going to be humiliated, tortured, and ultimately murdered.  But will we be cheering at the end?  Our feature today is 2022's "Unboxed," directed by David Becerra and Eddie del Carmen.

As our story begins, the uber popular influencer is doing a live segment on her Vlog. She's demonstrating cosmetics from her sponsors when she pops a gummy into her mouth. Sent to her by a presumed sponsor, Ria (Paulina Sofia) is poisoned and dies in front of millions while frothing at the mouth. Okay, Halloween, the million-subscriber influencer Laura (Katherine Bury) will do a live segment in which she hocks the cosmetics of her sponsors this evening. She's a sultry redhead with a great body and even men and boys watch her. Yep, it will be an unboxing, and viewers will have the opportunity to win gifts from her sponsors. Her sultry agent, Dawn (Heather Fisch) is about to get her a big contract with the lipstick company Juicy Lips. All is good...she begins the show not knowing her boyfriend Blake (Nico Candela) has been abducted by a psychopath. The same killer who offed Ria.

Now the live streamers begin responding and they love Laura. Uh oh, using Blake's phone, the killer pipes in. He shows Laura scenes of himself torturing Blake and sewing his mouth shut.  The deal is, do as ordered, or he will kill Blake. Now, in front of her audience, the killer orders her to humiliate and mar herself. Disobedience will have Blake stabbed, or worse.  The sultry Laura, who is not allowed to tell her viewers what is going on, will open boxes supplied by the fiend.  She will be ordered to smear feces all over her face, give  little boy trick-or-treaters books on the positions of the Kama Sutra, burn her own fingers with acid, and much worse. Where does this all lead? Yep, the killer is close by and will pay our darling redheaded babe influencer an in person visit.

Will the pretty Laura be pretty enough to earn our sympathy and cause us to pull for her? Just how far will the killer go to humiliate the nubile babe, and will he off Laura like he did Ria? Just how many live streamers would a live Vlog collect, and would we watch, if the babe doing it were tortured and humiliated in real time? Perhaps this film is a statement of the emptiness and phoniness of the idiots we allow to influence us.  Perhaps this is just a gratuitous exercise for all guys who have had to deal with shallow girlfriends.  Either way, see "Unboxed," for an over-the-line torture porn view. I do have to say, Katherine Bury is the sultry actress who will make you glad you watched.

  

Bikini Shark, The Best Shark Film Ever from England

Looks like we picked the wrong week to stop sniffing bikinis. No, not a random insane statement, but  a very real plot point from our film today.  Did Peter Benchley and Steven Spielberg envision, after Jaws, that a film about sharks attracted to bikinis instead of blood was to follow? Well, given the success, or lack of, of The Deep, Benchley may have wished he thought it up. English dames in bikinis? Pale and chubby. Sharks in lakes? Well, that is a common plot point even here in the States. A mad scientist who infuses bikinis with a parasite that eats skin and drives sharks wild? Now that is something that tops Fish and Chips and those weird Dr. Who phonebooths.  Let us take a look at 2025's "Bikini Shark," directed by E.J. Marshall.

As our film begins, two babes are eaten after they don bikinis that moments ago washed up in the surf. The sharks came on land and chased the babes down. Okay, Beth (Amber Olivia), a sultry blonde, is driving to her grandfather's house to clean it out. The old bloke went missing recently. Jenna (Jessie Vinning) and an uncredited babe, Kirsty, are also with her. On their way are the sultry Ginger (Alina Varakuta) and her beau, Danny (Christian Ndonda). A mad scientist, Truman (Tyler Winchcombe) is kidnapping babes, stripping them, putting bikinis on them, and feeding them to sharks. The sharks come on land to feast. Truman started a bikini line called bikini-net. He cut corners and the garments are infused with a parasite that melts skin and attracts sharks. Truman believes it is his divine duty to capture babes and adorn them in his bikinis and feed them to sharks.  I can see that.

Ginger and Donny won't make it to the house. Donny is eaten by a shark and Ginger is chased by the sharks and eventually captured by Truman.  Ginger is the best looking dame in this film and her fate will be so hard to watch. Enter Stephen (Jules Prudhon), a psycho drunk. He is Beth's old BF and little does Beth know, he has impregnated Janna. Drama!  The sharks, who live in a nearby lake converge on the house after Kirsty finds a bikini and dons it.  She'll begin melting and the sharks get excited.  Now Beth must get Kirsty to the hospital, but Truman and the fish will prevent that.  The sharks will feast some more and Stephen, being the psycho that he is, pulls a gun and orders the dames into the mouths of the sharks.

Got it?  I know, gritty reality right out of today's headlines.  Whether the sharks are a metaphor for the Biden Administration or Big Pharma, this film works so well as social commentary. Will Beth kill the sharks, Truman, and Stephen--and survive this film?  Is Truman onto a good idea as being eaten by sharks is quicker than skin cancer caused by excessive tanning? Will Truman be saved by men in black from the Military Industrial Complex?  For a low-budget shark film from England (something none of us asked for), that is totally cheesy, see "Bikini Shark."

Christmas Bloody Christmas, A Vulgar Holiday Tale

Now that we are out of the Christmas season, we can look at a film that has a vulgar view toward the holiday. A true slasher film with a behemoth kill count, and a babe final girl who only wants to drink alcohol, engage in steamy and deviant pre-marital sex, and smoke weed. Because she is quite the babe, we are inclined to pull for her.  This will be one of the bloodiest films you ever see and even if our final girl survives, she will be...well, you'll see. With a plot closer to "Terminator" than "A Christmas Carol," 2022's "Christmas Bloody Christmas," directed by Joe Begos, is our feature today.

The sultry, often high and inebriated Tori (Riley Dandy) owns a punk record store.  Her employee, Robbie (Sam Delich) is in the friend zone until alcohol is a factor...then he is her deviant sex partner. It is Christmas Eve and across the street is a toy store with a robot-Santa made with military grade technology that malfunctions.  Tori's bestie, Lahna (Dora Madison) and her husband Jay (Jonah Ray) are axed to death while they engage in sex after store hours. Now the robot Santa (Abraham Benrubi) is on the loose in the town with an axe. He'll follow Tori and Robbie to her neighborhood.  While Robbie engages in deviance on Tori, Santa axes his way into a neighboring house and axes a mom, dad, and little boy. Next, Santa comes to Tori's home, butchers her sister (Kansas Bowling) and her beaux and sets his robotic laser eyes on Tori and Robby.

Tori and Robby are now on the run but Santa is relentless.  Cops are called and massacred by the axe wielding robot as are paramedics. Tori makes it back to town and is arrested by the sheriff (Jeff Daniel Phillips). The arrest is short-lived as Santa arrives back to town in an ambulance and wreaks more havoc. The thing is a killing machine and destroys the town so fast there is not time to call for help. Tori runs and hides, grabs a shotgun, and runs and hides some more as Santa has put her on his naughty list, probably justifiably so. All-out war ensues and Santa seems indestructible.  He is impervious to bullets and fire. As the streets of the town are littered with body parts, blood, and snow, Tori continues her quest for survival. 

Will the nymphomaniac, high, and drunk Tori prevail against this Santa that was created by the defense department?  Is this film a thinly veiled metaphor of what our Department of Defense and their buddies in the Military Industrial Complex actually want to do to us?  Is pre-marital sex on Christmas Eve a sure recipe for dismemberment?  This is one of the bloodiest holiday movies you will ever see and because our final girl is so attractive, we do pull for her even though her favorite word is f***.  For a bloody, horrific, and poignant film for our times (with a lot of very gory kills), see "Christmas Bloody Christmas." 

Empire of the Dark, Bounty Hunter Tries to Save Sacrificial Damsel

I was going to say sacrificial virgin, but the babe was hardly a virgin. Not important. Today we have a film in which 40 or 50 ghoulish demons will either be decapitated or have their limbs lopped off by a holy sword. Babes in white sacrificed on an altar by a satanist. A 30 foot tall drooling monster demon hunting for babes to eat. Machineguns, swords, and other weapons used against the forces of evil.  No, not "Fried Green Tomatoes," but 1991's "Empire of the Dark," directed by Steve Barkett, and co-produced by Fred Olen Ray.

Angela (Tera Hendrickson), during grinding pre-marital sex with the oafish Richard (Steve Barkett), tells him she can't marry him. Whether this was a relief to Richard, or not, is debatable. She marries a satanist instead who will sacrifice her to Satan in a cave that is a portal to Hell. Happens.  Through dreams, Angela beckons Richard, now a bounty hunter, to come save her. He tries, but is only able to save her baby. The baby, Terry (Christopher Barkett) grows up and 20 years later he has dreams, like Richard, of his mom and Richard's former lover, pleading to be rescued.  Apparently she still lives and this satanist, who goes by the name Arkham (Richard Harrison), will make her his 20th babe sacrificed this year. See, every 20 years he must sacrifice 20 babes, though they don't have to be virgins. Now Terry and Richard enlist the help of cop Eddie (John Henry Richardson), and get good at swordplay, get the swords blessed by a nun, and plan a mission into this portal to Hell to save Angela.

Oh, the satanist guy sends hordes of demon ghouls topside to steal babes and kill their boyfriends.  The 30 foot demon thing follows and rips the boyfriends in two. Now Richard and Terry, armed with swords embark on a mission to save the skank Angela.  I guess she's been laying on a sacrificial altar for the past 20 years looking helpless and seductive. Into the entrance to Hell, our duo goes, and immediately fight these demon ghouls.  Demon heads will go flying, as will their arms, behemoth monsters will spring to the defense of the underworld, and the skank Angela will continue looking good unconscious on the altar.

Will Richard and Terry save Angela?  Will Arkham succeed in sacrificing Angela as the 20th babe thus winning the opportunity to rule the Earth, or something like that?  Will the swords be sufficient or will our would-be heroes ditch them for machineguns?  This is an ambitious one and would have been quite a find in the straight-to-VHS market in 1991.  For a film with sultry babes in danger (though not virgins), monsters, sword play, satanists, and machineguns...see "Empire of the Dark."