The Mirror, Kelly LeBrock in Silent Film Carnage

Who can ever forget the greatest quote in TV commercial history, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful." Yep, the 1986 Pantene commercial with Kelly LeBrock shampooing in the shower. She was beautiful and we did not hate her, probably because she was beautiful.  The sultry actress would soon be the first American to own a hyperbaric chamber, though the relevance of that is still debatable. So  more than 20 years after that declaration, is Kelly LeBrock still beautiful? Looking back in time is what this quirky murder mystery is all about, through the eyes of the sultry Erin Cahill...who is still beautiful. Our feature today is 2007's "The Mirror" (aka "Hidden Chambers"), directed by Stephen Eckelberry.

The lovely Nina (Cahill) is a film student, spoiled and fawned over by her seemingly wealthy movie producer dad, Nicholas Theophilus  (Thaoo Penghlis), and has been B Movie actress mom, Mary (LeBrock). The child of privilege, Nina, has a cocaine problem that has had her in rehab, and is now chronicling her life with her little movie camera. Her BF is the loser, drug pusher Paul (Devin McGinn), who gives her some bad coke in which she ODs on and dies for a moment.  Guess who saves her! Yep, pervert electrician Jeff (Shiloh Strong). Jeff, fixing the wiring in the old house, discovered secret passageways that could see into every room through two-way mirrors...and he happened to be watching when Nina overdosed. He brings her back to life with CPR and now Nina doesn't know whether to pepper spray him, or fall in love with him.

Wait!  Secret passageways behind every room with two-way mirrors? Yep, back in the 1920s, silent film star Johnny Rambova (David Zappone) put them in to film his sexual relations with starlets. Sadly, his own murder was also filmed from back there and Nina and Jeff find the old films. Poor Nina, she will also see the perversions of her mom and dad from these secret rooms...and also, more carnage. See, Nicholas is not doing well producing movies so he is making his income from a spank-o-cam, where the blonde bimbo Bambi (Sarah Farooqui) is filmed being spanked. Oh, Mary screws a phony producer, Harvey (Bryan Callen) who says he is going to put her in a softcore porn film. Nina and Jeff film it all...then...another murder.

Is there a future for the drug addicted, deviance plagued Nina and the pervert voyeur Jeff? Will Mary resurrect her B Movie film career even though she is 20 years removed from her latest "hit"?  What does the murder of Johnny Rambova have to do with the murder that will shake the Theophilus family and just who will be murdered in present day? It is so great seeing Kelly LeBrock and her and Erin Cahill play dysfunction so well.  For a quirky murder mystery with deviance and exploited vices, see "The Mirror." 

Cold Heart, Nastassja Kinski in Peril

Nastassja Kinski in peril? From a python? We all remember Nastassja Kinski in that poster from the 80s, wearing nothing but a...python. Not any babe could have pulled that one off. Then came her erotic horror thriller, "Cat People." We were all hooked after that. So today we look at a thinly veiled remake of 1979's "Tess (probably not)," the film that introduced our vixen to America.  Though our film today is actually a good one 2001's "Cold Heart," directed by Dennis Dimster.

The Callisto yell! Yep, you remember her, the blonde femme-fatale deity that Xena ended up kicking the snot out of in "Xena: Warrior Princess." That babe in the black leather gladiator outfit is in this movie! A catfight between her and Nastassja Kinski? Don't be cynical, it just may happen. Linda (Kinski) is a movie producer with a lovely assistant, Julia (Hudson Leick, the aforementioned blonde psycho-deity). Linda's husband is Phil (Jeff Fahey), a very successful psychologist. Enter psycho Sean (Josh Holloway). Sean, when we meet him has tied up and gagged the pretty Natalie (Janne Oliver Campbell), and then kicked the snot out of her and humiliated her by mashing food all over her just before trying to kill her. Fortunately for Natalie, she is saved by a miracle and Sean is sent to a prison for the criminally insane, where Phil becomes his doctor. Yep, Phil gets him out and Sean outsmarts everyone.

Now a bunch of plot points that seem just a little too improbably, until you see this entire film. Sean gets a job as one of Linda's assistants. He realizes she is in a loveless marriage and her husband is cheating on her. Now he tries to romance her and what follows is just what we want to see in erotic thrillers. A lot of scenes of deviant and wet sex between Sean and Linda. Linda feels bad about it but Sean is an expert at charming her. Linda has no idea Sean is a psycho and loves the sex she is getting from the younger man. Julia encourages this as she knows what a heel Phil is. See where this is going? No you don't. More steamy shower scenes, steamy scenes at movie screenings, steamy scenes in lady's rooms, steamy scenes in hotel rooms.  Nudity abounds! Then comes the knives, ropes, and gags, and what first looked erotic and steamy, turns to horror and surprise.

Don't be fooled, this is a 95 minute film and you will want to watch all 95 minutes.  Just who is the psycho in this one and is the blonde babe with the Callisto scream above a good catfight with her boss, the woman who wrapped a python around her?  Twists abound, and though any guy who has received mixed signals from a babe, will like Sean...to some extent. Passion, more passion, deviance, then blood will grace the silver screen, so do yourself a favor and enjoy this Nastassja Kinski erotic thriller, "Cold Heart." By the way, all three women mentioned in this review are pictured above, just so you get an understanding of Sean's misogyny.

 

Venom, Voodoo Ghoul Annihilates Hunks and Babes

Eden Sinclair was a character portrayed by Rhona Mitra in the film "Doomsday" in 2008.  In it, Eden was a British commando fighting off diseased-ridden Scots. However, Eden Sinclair first appeared in film three years earlier, then portrayed by Agnes Bruckner. Interestingly enough, these two characters, both portrayed by babes, had nothing to do with one another. Our feature today takes place in a Louisiana bayou, and concerns a resurrected tow truck driver who has souls of all the evil people ever to live in the swamp in him...or something like that. Our feature today is 2005's "Venom," directed by Jim Gillespie.

Eden (Bruckner) is a doll of a waitress who works at a diner with her babe buddies Rachel (Laura Ramsey) and Cece (Meagan Good). Okay, Ray (Rick Cramer) is a scarred and hideously looking tow truck driver that comes across Eden later on as she is telling her hunk BF Eric (Jonathan Jackson) she loves him but is not in love with him...or something like that. The old voodoo hag, Cece's grandma, speeds down the road, swerves to miss Ray's truck and Eden and Eric and crashes over the guardrail into the river. Ray tries to save granny but snakes pop out of granny's suitcase and bite him a lot. At the morgue, Ray is resurrected as a homicidal soul with snakes inside him and he goes on a murderous rampage.

Sadly, he murders babes and hunks, all of Eden's buddies, in fact. Even sadder, two of Eden's babe friends, Tammy (Bijou Phillips) and Patty (Davetta Sherwood) are slaughtered near Ray's garage. Now the ghoul, Ray, chases down more babes and hunks and Eden and Eric figure out what is going on and run to granny's house where Cece is keeping vigil.  Yep, Ray is on his way and he has it in his mind that he needs to rip Eden, Cece, Eric, Rachel, and Ricky (Pawel Szadja) frrom limb to limb. Don't worry about Ricky. Cece might know how to stop Ray using voodoo, but we know it won't work. Now Ray uses chains, crowbars, machetes, and other bladed weapons to take apart babes and hunks and Eden seems to be the only one with an attitude that can stop him.

Any chance of a third Eden Sinclair film where Ms. Bruckner and Ms. Mitra can engage in a sweaty catfight? Does Eden have a chance to rid her life of this voodoo ghoul of a tow truck driver?  Do any of Eden's buddies have a shot at surviving this film?  Ms. Bruckner and her costars do a fine job and are all fine looking.  Ray, as the snake filled ghoul, is perfect contrast to the sweaty and nubile babes and hunks he wants to murder. For some good voodoo horror, see "Venom," the other Eden Sinclair movie. 

Gobblefoot, Half Bigfoot Half Turkey

We've demanded it ever since we were little kids. Finally we have it.  A film that chronicles that horror that overtook New England 300 years ago and remains to this day.  The story of that hellion created out of witchcraft and lore, the half Bigfoot-half turkey creature.  In gripping horror, and biting reality, our film today is 2025's "Gobblefoot," directed by Matt Jaissle.

300 years ago a witch was burned at the stake in Salem's Bluff, Connecticut.  While beginning to burn, the hag cursed the town to be forever terrorized by a creature born in Hell. Now in the present day, Gobblefoot is back...half turkey, half Bigfoot. Initially he rips apart a hiker (Rogan Russell Marshall). But wait, this bloke was filming with his 8mm camera as he was being torn apart. Now the footage is mysteriously sent to a professor of New England lore, Dr. Holden (Chris Heikka). Also in the same package is a pentagram amulet. Holden gets out his map of Michigan and drives to Connecticut and Salem's Bluff...don't ask. There he meets some reluctant residents who seem hostile. Of note is Karswell (Jim Bunny Bundshuh), a trans-clown-crossdressing-weirdo (a character taken out of "All the President's Men"). Karswell steals the pentagram from Holden but offers him no information. With the pentagram, Karswell, who originally resurrected the creature, can now control it.

The big turkey monster strikes often and Holden's PTSD from some war paralyses him every time he hunts for the thing. Karswell orders pizza, Hawaiian (don't ask), and feeds more people to the bird. Now clad in high-heeled boots, a sequins sports jacket, and clown nose, Karswell does a few incantations. Holden is out in the cold as more and more residents of Salem's Bluff are torn to pieces by the thing. Where does this all lead? This is a very similar film to Kubrick's "Paths of Glory," but believe it or not, goes in a different direction at the ending. See for yourself.

Will Dr. Holden be able to keep his PTSD episodes in check long enough to successfully hunt the monster?  Is Karswell a thinly veiled metaphor for Kamala Harris?  Will Connecticut be ever cursed with the terror the Gobblefoot monster brings? A movie for our times, no doubt.  For a true understanding of the New England culture, see "Gobblefoot." 

Killer Content, Psychos and an Influencer

A sultry influencer who has millions of YouTube subscribers! She's hot! Her channel focusses on beauty, travel, inspiration, and style! I wonder if I did a blog about those four things instead of horror films, would I also have millions of subscribers. This begs the question...a sultry influencer?  If she goes against psychos...who do wee pull for?  Do we pull for the perfume, teased hair, and Botox...or do we pull for the guy with the rusty sickle and icepick? Even better...this one takes place in an isolated cabin in the woods!  Our feature today is 2025's "Killer Content," directed by Chris St. Croix.

Jexy D. (Katie Keene) is our YouTube vlogger with the millions of adoring fans. She's hot and stylish and as the film begins...well, you'll see.  Now she needs time alone to figure things out.  Off social media for more than a couple of weeks, her fans demand her back and she intends a comeback video.  Off social media?  Why?  You'll see. Uh oh...we get clues that the veil of glamour and happiness may be merely a ...veil.  Addicted to some kind of pills, and wine, Jexy D. secludes herself in a cabin and intends to film her comeback video. The sexy and stylish babe sets everything up and then a knock on the door. Jexy is not happy someone found her.  On the other side of the door is the beautiful but unhinged Megan (Casey Casmira). An adoring fan who begs Jexy to take some time with her and help her become an influencer. Jexy says no, and Megan goes psycho. A catfight later and Jexy is tied up and has her hands bound.

See where this is going?  Megan is apologetic about kicking the snot out of Jexy but desperately wants the world's foremost blogger on style and beauty to help her.  Then Kyle (Nathan Freitas) arrives...Jexy's agent/BF. He's useless, as Megan's psycho BF, Donnie (Diego Gomez) also arrives. Bloody murder ensue.  Now Donnie and Megan insist Jexy help her get a million subscribers.  There's a problem for the two fiends who killed Kyle.  Yep...Megan and Donnie are not the only bloodthirsty psychos in the cabin.  Even worse for Megan and Donnie, even though Jexy is bound and tied to the floor, she is sizing them up and waiting for a chance to...well, that's enough for now.

Just what is Jexy's real persona and why did she step away from social media for weeks?  Are Megan and Donnie psycho enough to ward off what Jexy has planned for them?  After this is all over...who will get a million more subscribers?  Catfights, blood, gore, murder, torture, and beauty secrets will come at you fast.  For terrific influencer carnage, see "Killer Content."

 

Mutilator 2, Back to that old Fishing Closet

A sequel to 1984's "The Mutilator"? Kind of. Many of the original stars from the first one are in this one, and director Buddy Cooper makes a cameo. Like the first one, the final third of the film will turn your stomach.  The gory deaths will be almost too imaginative and in this new one, it will be shocking to see the sultry Eva Hamilton have her entire front scraped off by...barnacles!  I will say the attraction and allure of this second 'Mutilator' film isn't the plot but the gory kills. Yep, there will be fishing hooks, harpoons, meat hooks, fish gutting knives, etc. Today we look at 2023's "Mutilator 2," directed by Buddy Cooper.

Don't be scared off by the initial description of this plot. A movie crew assembles at that same North Carolina beach and same motel, the original "Mutilator" film was made. They are remaking the film. Also occurring, at the Oceanana Motel is a reunion/convention of the original cast of "The Mutilator." Yep, as the new crew wraps up filming, gory death occurs. Jon, the director, (Mark Francis) will be cut up by an industrial accident (not an accident) with a light. Oh, the new star, Olivia (Hamilton) looks great in a bikini, sadly, until her barnacle demise, she will not be in the film much. Of the new crew, we like the prop babe Sandy (Cody Renee Cameron). Rebuffing the advances of obnoxious producer Henry (Carl J. Grasso), she superglues the prop of a severed head to the pig's tally-whacker, where it will remain for the duration of the film. This plot device taken directly out of  James Cameron's "Avatar."

Okay, the film does wrap up and a wrap party occurs with adoring fans at the motel. Now the killer uses all sorts of fishing devices to pick apart fans and cast members one by one. Oh, incidentally, when I say cast, I mean casts from both original and remake. Sandy? It's not if she gets it, its when she gets it. Not a whole lot will survive the fishing shack carnage. Remember that classic meat hook from the first one? I'm afraid so. So who is the killer?  Could it be the killer form the first one?  That was Jack Chatham, which is played by Terry Kiser in this one. Lovelies who try to seduce him will all be pulled apart in horrible ways, as if there are non-horrible ways to be pulled apart.

A cacophony of gore awaits if you put this one on.  Stars from the 80s and present day will not fare well.  Deviant and pre-marital sex will be punished severely, a staple of these slasher films.  For a nostalgic mood, put on "Mutilator 2," and be patient...you will be rewarded by some revolting kills.

Unboxed, Influencers Humiliated and Tortured

I know, they're sultry, but we always cheer for the demise of sorority babes in films.  Why?  Who knows?  Maybe guys are reminded of former shallow girlfriends.  Today we also cheer for the demise of sultry influencers.  Those nubile babes who seem so happy hocking the cosmetics of their sponsors just seem to awaken homicidal urges in all of us. Why?  Who knows!  Maybe shallowness has a limit to what we ultimately tolerate.  Today we have a good one where the sultry babes are going to be humiliated, tortured, and ultimately murdered.  But will we be cheering at the end?  Our feature today is 2022's "Unboxed," directed by David Becerra and Eddie del Carmen.

As our story begins, the uber popular influencer is doing a live segment on her Vlog. She's demonstrating cosmetics from her sponsors when she pops a gummy into her mouth. Sent to her by a presumed sponsor, Ria (Paulina Sofia) is poisoned and dies in front of millions while frothing at the mouth. Okay, Halloween, the million-subscriber influencer Laura (Katherine Bury) will do a live segment in which she hocks the cosmetics of her sponsors this evening. She's a sultry redhead with a great body and even men and boys watch her. Yep, it will be an unboxing, and viewers will have the opportunity to win gifts from her sponsors. Her sultry agent, Dawn (Heather Fisch) is about to get her a big contract with the lipstick company Juicy Lips. All is good...she begins the show not knowing her boyfriend Blake (Nico Candela) has been abducted by a psychopath. The same killer who offed Ria.

Now the live streamers begin responding and they love Laura. Uh oh, using Blake's phone, the killer pipes in. He shows Laura scenes of himself torturing Blake and sewing his mouth shut.  The deal is, do as ordered, or he will kill Blake. Now, in front of her audience, the killer orders her to humiliate and mar herself. Disobedience will have Blake stabbed, or worse.  The sultry Laura, who is not allowed to tell her viewers what is going on, will open boxes supplied by the fiend.  She will be ordered to smear feces all over her face, give  little boy trick-or-treaters books on the positions of the Kama Sutra, burn her own fingers with acid, and much worse. Where does this all lead? Yep, the killer is close by and will pay our darling redheaded babe influencer an in person visit.

Will the pretty Laura be pretty enough to earn our sympathy and cause us to pull for her? Just how far will the killer go to humiliate the nubile babe, and will he off Laura like he did Ria? Just how many live streamers would a live Vlog collect, and would we watch, if the babe doing it were tortured and humiliated in real time? Perhaps this film is a statement of the emptiness and phoniness of the idiots we allow to influence us.  Perhaps this is just a gratuitous exercise for all guys who have had to deal with shallow girlfriends.  Either way, see "Unboxed," for an over-the-line torture porn view. I do have to say, Katherine Bury is the sultry actress who will make you glad you watched.