Rise of the Ghosts, Evil Nurse Shreds Coeds

From Canada we have a horror film devoid of humor, wit, or anything else that will provide a diversion to the ominousness and darkness that is thrown at us.  The film was made by Sv Bell, who was one of my first Twitter (now X) buddies.  In 2013 when I joined the medium to post reviews, he was my first moviemaker follower. He has been gone from the medium ever since, but I found one of his films!  Today we take a look at the grim "Rise of the Ghosts" from 2007.

Many years ago an evil nurse (Melantha Blackthorne) murdered a whole bunch of girls at an all girls school.  She tortured them, cut them up, made them do lewd sex acts on one another, and kept their souls. Sure, a metaphor for so-called higher education here in the States, today. Sarah (Christine Ghawi) is a babe who's sister Veronica (Alison Louder) was murdered by the nurse. Now Sarah wants to break into the school and free all the souls which are still in captive in the basement. To do this she relies on four friends, all useless, except for Jared (Robert Araujo)...who is a hunk. She and Jared, joined by bestie Liz (Kimberley Dawn Hugman) and her pal Jessica (Magenta Baribeau) go seek the assistance of paranormal idiot Ethan (Joseph Taylor). Ethan is an expert on the old school and the evil nurse who dwells there.  More important, he has a hot sister, Carol (Suzi Lorraine) who will join them.

Okay, do the names of these stars sound like stripper names? The newly formed gang follow the inept Ethan into the house and are immediately preyed upon by ghosts of the murdered girls, which are under the control of the nurse. The nurse appears and she is evil.  Her fingers are pointy syringes filled with something. Sarah and Veronica's backstory is revealed and it is relevant, you'll see.  One by one the ghosts get the team members. Sadly, the demise of Carol is extra gory...ick.  Veronica as a ghost is able to give Sarah a hint on what she needs to do.  Not being at all bright, Sarah is slow on the uptake.  More gory carnage results.

Will Sarah emerge from the haunted and condemned school building...alive?  Will someone give Ethan the best selling book Paranormal Investigations for Dummies?  Will Sarah be able to free the captured souls of the coeds, or will she become one of them?  Grim, and gory, all the way, see "Rise of the Ghosts," and check out more of Sv Bell's films.

Seance, Dorm Hauntings

Many say "The Exorcist" is one of the greatest horror films of all time.  The William Peter Blatty novel was equally, if not more, scary. Evil spirits...or the devil himself going ape with possession and carnage. So, here we are.  How do you spice up a tired plot, with predictable characters, and standard tropes? Exactly!  Make it a remake of "The Exorcist."  Except an adolescent Linda Blair is substituted by college babes doing pre-marital sex, and befriending entities they should have left alone.  When this film is done, you will see the parallels to the 1973 classic.  Our feature today is 2006's "Seance," directed by  Mark L. Smith. 

Many years ago, little girl Cara (Bridget Shergalis) is murdered by Spence (Adrian Paul) the maintenance guy in her building. Present day, that building serves as a college dorm. Thanksgiving is here and the dorm empties out except for three nubile college babes and two college hunks. Latin hunk Diego (A.J. Lamas) is banging sultry blonde Alison (Chauntal Lewis). The two nymphos are joined by roomies Lauren (Kandis Fay) and Melina (Tori White)...both major league babes. The three babes share a room that is haunted by benign ghost Cara.  All good, right? Just wait.  Also staying over Thanksgiving is Grant (Joel Geist). He's dashing, and Lauren is hot for him, even though he's on a dozen different psyche meds. Oh! Diego? A parapsychology major. Yep, Diego is not a good student and leads a seance to talk with Cara.  As you probably can tell...this won't go swimmingly.

The seance brings back the evil Spence.  Now the malicious maintenance guy, who was fried in the electric chair in 1975, has a new lease on life.  I'm debating whether to talk about the parrot...Nah! Spence resumes his homicidal activities.  Diego and Alison decide to have pre-marital sex and Spence joins in, you'll see...but this won't go well for Alison. With Alison now missing, you will just love what happens to her soon, all the others search for her. The surviving babes and hunks figure out Spence is back and rely on Diego's knowledge to do another seance and try to trap Spence. Alas, Diego is a C minus student and what he does is such a bad idea, we just wait for the carnage that follows. It is such a bad idea, some of you may begin pulling for Spence.  The babe-factor is impressive, and so is the hunk factor. Sadly, no one is too beautiful to die horribly in this film.

Will the babes and hunks get a clue and figure out seances are not a good idea?  Just how bad was Diego's idea?  Here is a clue...think poultry.  Just what does Spence do to the naked and aroused Alison?  Sound mediocre?  Perhaps...but when you figure out this is just an unambitious remake of "The Exorcist," and a far better film than the Richard Burton disaster "Exorcist II: The Heretic," you may enjoy "Seance."  

He Never Left, Vacancy Meets Halloween

For those of you who like their horror brutal and nightmarish, here's one for you.  A seedy no-tell motel harboring dark secrets is the setting.  A masked slasher with a really big knife.  Guests who need atonement.  You ever notice in these films that atonement is always given in gory fashion?  Our feature today is "He Never Left," directed by James Morris.

Gabe (Colin Cunningham) is on the run.  A three-time loser, at least, has the US Marshals after him.  He's wanted for murdering a 17-year-old boy. Gaben in a piece of work...he himself is a cold blooded killer with a short fuse. He needs help and the only soft-heart he can find is a former GF, the pretty redhead Carly (Jessica Staples)...she is also a piece of work, you'll see.  She smuggles him into a room at the Skyline Motel run by Bryce (David E. McMahon). He's too creepy and has a tendency to care too much about his guests. Carly secures Gabe in the room and goes off to get food.  Gabe needs to keep quiet and not turn the lights on.  Uh oh.  As Gabe keeps quiet he hears the women in the room next door being brutally murdered. Like, what is he going to do...call the cops?

Carly comes back and finds Gabe in a panic.  When she finds out that Gabe did not help a woman being attacked, she leaves him high and dry.  She is done with Gabe for good now!  Leaving Gabe to his own devices, Carly goes back to her putrid life but the Skyline Hotel is kind of like the Hotel California.  The real horror is about to follow Carly home.  Gabe?  Yep...the sins of his past will be addressed as the ghost of his 17-year-old victim beckons.  Who else beckons?  Pale Face (William McAllister), a killer who left the scene nearly 20 years ago who was responsible for lots of murders.  he's back and seems to have free reign of the motel.

There is a lot more but the last 40 minutes of this film, if described here, would give too much away.  Fear not, the blood will flow freely, many will die horribly, and the secret of the Skyline Motel will be revealed. Don't get too close to anyone in this film...they are all terribly flawed. For a great masked slasher film, see "He Never Left." 

Fortune Cookie, Final Destination Mandarin Style

Okay, I was going to say this film is "Final Destination" lite.  Never mind that.  I just tabulated the kill count and wow! We have hunks and babes...many will die so horribly in very twisted and impaling ways. The culprit? Right, fortune cookies.  Oh, guess what!  The detective in this one is...Dina Meyer!  Yes, the babe from the shower scene in "Starship Troopers."  Okay, I admit her role could have been deeper, but it is Dina Meyer, so we are happy.  A lot happier than the babes and hunks who will lose their heads or have their faces fried off.  Today we look at 2016's "Fortune Cookie," directed by Rob Pallatina, and made by The Asylum.

Major league babe Isabella (Morgan Obenreder) is opening a Chinese restaurant.  She's serious about culturally appropriating a once proud culture...worry not you woke leftists, she will pay dearly. On the eve of her first taste testing in front of food critic Bryce (Ryan Merriman), she and her main squeeze, Josh (Brent Lydic) and five more friends go eat at another Chinese restaurant.  A good amount of disrespect is shown to the Chinese staff at the place and as a result, some evil fortune cookies are served. The diners get fortunes that will eventually tell them how they will die. Seconds later, babe Bree (Roxy Sowlaty) chokes on a lotus leaf and dies after a gory tracheotomy.  Her fortune simply said, "Lotus." Danny (Anthony Ma), a Chinese guy, an hour later has vicious sex with Bree's lesbian lover, Kelly (Kaitlyn McIvor)...and she will die from a bee that gets in between her contact lens and her eyeball...hate when that happens.

Yep...one by one, weird and gory deaths befall the friends. We are not happy when the babe Claire (Ashley Doris) gets it in a gratuitous nude bath scene with cucumbers...don't ask.  Danny's grandfather (James Hong) offers guidance to the group on how to rid themselves of the curse.  Sadly, getting all these selfish cultural appropriators on the same sheet of music is nearly impossible. Enter Detective Emma Hoskins (Meyer).  She is useless, but knows what is going on.  Swords will impale, deep fried grease will melt faces off, wrecking balls will decapitate, and sawed off shotguns will do what shotguns do. Oh, wait, sawed off shotguns don't kill people...people do...or, I should say ancient Chinese secrets kill people.  Anyone remember the Calgon commercial?

Will Dina Meyer have a similar shower scene as she did in "Starship Troopers"?  Cucumbers in a bath scene with a nude babe?  Will any of the hunks or babes have enough guts to order the #69?  "Fortune Cookie" is a gory affair with an astronomical death count.  Also, Dina Meyer is is in it.  So, order in this Friday night, eat the chow mein with chopsticks, avoid cracking open the fortune cookies, and watch "Fortune Cookie."       

Killington, Wellness, Yoga, and Murder in Vermont

Four babes from Sarah Lawrence College! Ha! For those of you that don't know, the faculty, staff, students and alumni at and of Sarah Lawrence College have been on suicide watch ever since Trump threw Hillary into the trash heap of American history. So when our four protagonists are from Sarah Lawrence College... we cheer for the slasher!  To our credit, this slasher is a babe and a half. Not very likeable, but she probably plied her time as a physical education major at a community college. Today we take a peek at 2024's "Killington," as in Killington, Vermont, directed by Mark Duszinski and Frank Perz.

Our four aforementioned sophisticate-wannabes win a free weekend with their spiritual wellness guru, the glorified Yoga instructor Kali (Sophie Sumner). These four worship Kali, or at least two do, more on that later. Bride-to-be foregoes her bachelorette weekend to go spend a few days with Kali. The plan is to meditate, do Yoga, meditate some more, spiritually cleanse, eat right, and meditate some more.  You can imagine, after a few minutes of this, anyone would crave steak, potatoes, and beer. Emily (Sarah Faye Beard), is the bride to be and thinks Kali is God.  She watches her podcast regularly. Lulu (Nikki MacCallum) is also brainwashed by this ASMR Yoga fraud. Allegra (Brianna Cala) pretends she likes Kali, only to be with her buddies.  Then, actress and TV hostess Darcy (Sam Morales) goes along out of curiosity.

Kali believes she can save the souls of these four.  After the gals bore of her vegan diet, reliance on meditating, and yapping about souls, the quartet break out the alcohol, call a male stripper, do cocaine, drink beer, and bicker about materialistic things.  Kali is so disgusted she could...well, you'll see. Oh, yeah...the creepy caretaker develops a liking to Darcy. The gals start suspecting something is very wrong when the stripper mysteriously disappears...they have no idea.  The final half hour will be incredibly gory, but just like the Hillary bid for the presidency, the weekend will be ill-fated and quite messy.

Is Kali really an insaniac, or has she legitimately reached Zen or whatever Yoga priestesses do? Are any of the materialistic babes ripe for saving or having their souls purified, or has Sarah Lawrence College corrupted every fiber of their phycological make-up?  Will the toned, blonde, and Yoga pants clad Kali enter into some nice catfights with her four guests? This is a slasher film with big knives, gutting, pummeling, catfights, and meditation...eat your heart out John Carpenter! See "Killington" and celebrate the death of liberal college educations.

Alone at Night, Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson

Yep, they are in this. Pamela Anderson as a very playful sheriff with a sense of humor and a half.  Paris Hilton in the surprise role of...a reality show hostess!  Imagine that. It is so good to see Pamela Anderson as a cop instead of those Cagney & Lacey types.  Gimme buxom blonde any day over strong and "empowered."  What else is in this film?  A sexy cam-girl.  Pre-marital sex.  Drugs.  A crowbar-killer!  Yep, he splits heads open with a mighty whack from his trusty crowbar.  Our feature today is 2022's semi-annoying "Alone at Night" (aka "18 & Over"), directed by Jimmy Giannopoulos.

Vicky (Ashley Benson) is a cam-girl who gets thrown out by her jealous BF.  She heads to the mountains to stay in an isolated cabin of her bestie, Stacy (Sky Ferreira). Stacy leaves the film now, so don't get your hopes up. Vicky does her cam-girl shtick on the site 18 & Over.  Oh, a guy is murdering peeps nearby with a crowbar.  To her annoyance, Vicky keeps meeting people. Sheriff Rogers (Anderson) keeps checking on her...she's a hoot, and quite the babe. Max (Jon Foster) is the only neighbor.  Vicky likes him and wants to have pre-marital sex with him.  A hunk handyman (John Robinson) comes to fix her electricity and Wi-Fi. Then, Stacy's cousin, the hunk Jake (Jake Weary) arrives.  She wants to have pre-marital sex with him, too.  The little minx that she is, Vicky does indeed do those guys.

You know what else these guys are?  Yep, potential crowbar killers!  Vicky is slow on the uptake on this. All the guys are available.  Max is also vulnerable as his wife took the kids and left him six months ago.  Vicky performs every night for her customers. She'll don a blue wig, wear the naughtiest of BDSM attire, take sudsy baths, and satisfy herself to lonely and demented guys.  Meanwhile, Max seems to be interested and Vicky is fine with that, though she is busy screwing the others.  Wait!  Should we mention Paris Hilton?  No...yeah, probably not.  After all, did we not get enough of her 20 years ago?  So where is this all going.  Bloody murder, deviant sex, and someone getting kicked out of the house in Paris Hilton's reality show.

Is one of Vicky's new hunks the crowbar killer?  Will Sheriff Rogers and Vicky get it on in one of her cam-girl performances?  Pamela Anderson in a sheriff's uniform, tactical belt, cowboy hat, and a pistol...is there anything else we need in our slasher film? For a standard slasher film with reality show vibes, the glamour of Paris Hilton, the jiggling of Pamela Anderson, and a slut final girl...see "Alone at Night."

Spiker, A Slasher with a Supernatural Flair

Gotta love slasher films that are a throwback to the 80's Golden Era.  This 2007 film has its inspiration from those films. Sultry cheerleaders in full costume.  Their hunk jock BFs clad in their football jerseys.  An escaped lunatic killer who was put away 10 years ago for murdering 27 peeps...etc.  However predictable this plot is, we still have some nice cheese and beef.  Set on Long Island, pretty cheerleaders and the jocks that love them will die horribly.  Our feature today is "Spiker," directed by Frank Zagarino.

Yep, 10 years ago Adam (Zagarino), known as Spiker, was put away in prison murdering dozens of peeps with a railroad spike.  Today, authorities are still finding the bodies of his victims. Some Clinton appointed judge ruled him insane and mandated he be transferred out of prison to an asylum. Yep, during the transfer he escapes. Now Spiker, an albino with pink eyes, secures some railroad spikes and heads to the house where it all started.  Okay, Lisa (Giselle Rodriguez) is a sultry cheerleader and her beau is quarterback Mike (Matt Jared).  Her and two fellow babe cheerleaders, all in full cheerleader costume, Nikki (Ginger Kroll) and Erin (Linda Johnson), plus two other hunk jocks head to a cabin in the woods.  Lisa will someday inherit the cabin and the six deem it a perfect place to have pre-marital sex, drink beer, dance, and listen to bad music.  Sure, a creepy caretaker, Clive (David 'Shark' Fralick) will warn them to depart. 

So here is what is going on. During the night Lisa finds the boudoir of her aunt.  Her aunt was a spitting image of her.  20 years ago, the aunt was Spiker's first victim, and killed in that house. Enter babe cheerleader Erin!  She wants to do a seance and talk to the aunt...and Spiker. You can imagine how well this goes.  Thinking Spiker is dead, the cheerleaders and jocks are not worried about him just showing up.  Spiker does just show up...with a nice supply of railroad spikes.  Before he begins murdering sultry cheerleaders and hunk jocks, the kids engage in pre-marital sex.  A vicious and uncomfortable backstory is revealed, and the albino killer displays his proficiency with the spikes.  But wait, the ghost!  Yep, Lisa's aunt roams this cabin clad in her wedding gown.

Why is Spiker attracted to this cabin in the woods and why was Lisa's aunt his very first victim?  Will the cheerleaders engage in a shower scene, skinny-dipping, or inappropriate affection between themselves?  Will any of the jocks do anything remotely useful to fighting off a slasher?  The casting is excellent, from a creepy slasher, nubile and sultry cheerleaders in costume, and hunk jocks.  For an old fashioned slasher effort, see "Spiker."