Madhouse, Insane Twin Torments Her Sister

We have an Italian one, a Giallo, if you must. Shot in Savannah, this Italian shocker has babes in much peril, usually dying horribly.  Supposedly this film was so shocking that most European countries banned it. We should be careful with these claims. Many U.S. films, actors, and actresses claimed to have been banned, though none were.  Same in Europe. Still, the claim draws interest.  The myth of McCarthy-ism has perpetuated these claims, though finding a movie that was pulled or not made because of the so-called "Red Scare" is hard to do.  Europe is the same...but today's feature may be considered inappropriately exploitive, or some may say thoughtful.  Let us look at 1981's "Madhouse," directed by Ovidio G. Assonitis.

The sultry Julia's (Patricia Mickey) 25th birthday is coming up. She fears this day.  Growing up, her insane twin sister Mary (Allison Biggers), tortured her on this day.  She tortured her with needles, knives, a killer dog, and rocks. Eventually Mary was then put in an insane asylum.  Julia is a good soul, and her life is given to teaching deaf children.  Her BF is the hunk Sam, a doctor. Father James (Dennis Robertson) is a priest, and also is Julia's uncle.  He begs Julia to go visit her sister in the loony-bin.  After much coaxing, Julia agrees and the visit is horrific...Mary is quite insane and homicidal. Uh oh...Mary escapes and people in Julia's life begin dying horribly.  Oh, Mary's killer dog seems to be back and it mauls to death one of Julia's deaf child students...a difficult scene to watch. The kills are all gory and ominous...no one is murdered quickly.

Julia is horrified that Mary and the dog seem to be back to torment and torture her.  Fr. James tells Julia that she has nothing to fear, Mary loves her.  The priest then gives a sermon on the sin of neglecting one own sister. The bodies begin piling up and even a teacher at Julia's school, the very sultry blonde Helen (Morgan Most) will be turned un-sultry by the jaws of the killer dog...so sad.  Julia begs her BF to stay with her, but being an important doctor, he cannot.  See what's going on? A 2026 audience will figure out where this is going.

Is Mary the one murdering everyone in Julia's life?  Is Father James, and others like him 500 years ago, the reason why Martin Luther posted 95 Theses on the door of the church (insane priests would have been Theses 47)?  Will the sultry Julia stay sultry as the end credits roll?  This Giallo is filled with gore, insanity, and babes in peril.  For some twisted horror, with alluring babe characters, and complete insaniacs as villains, see "Madhouse." 

Nightmare, A Woman's Descent Into Madness

A woman going mad!  A woman going homicidal! A woman tortured by her own twisted imagination!  Which woman do I speak of? Good question.  You divorced guys out there have an answer...any woman! Our film today kind of affirms that. There will be insanity. There will be bloody murder.  There will be big knives, deceit, torment, and jealousy. Oh, we have a Hammer Film today.  Let us look at 1964's "Nightmare," directed by Freddie Francis.

Many years ago Janet's mom murdered Janet's dad on her sixth birthday. Little Janet saw the whole thing and her mom was then confined to an insane asylum. Now Janet (Jennie Linden) is 17 and at an exclusive boarding school. Her nightmares, generated by the memory of her dad's murder, send her into a screaming rage every night, so she is sent home. Her caring teacher, Mary (Brenda Bruce) brings her home and meets some very caring servants at the mansion Janet is from. She is looked over by her guardian, the handsome lawyer Henry (David Knight). By the way, he is married. Janet's doctor wants to confine her to an asylum but Henry won't go for that. Uh oh...indications are the 17 year old girl and the adult lawyer/guardian might be romantically involved. To keep Janet out of the asylum, Henry hires the beautiful nurse Grace (Moira Raymond) to watch over her.

Uh oh, again. Janet gets more and more unhinged and sees a mysterious woman with a scarred face prowling through the halls of the mansion at night. Even worse, Janet does get more insane and picks up a knife and...well, here's where it all goes weird. Janet loses it, as if she ever had any sanity. Her fate is one in which everyone had tried to avoid. Uh oh...movie isn't even half over. Madness?  Homicide?  Torment? That hasn't even really started yet. What happened to Janet? You'll see.  She got off easy compared to the fate of other women later in this film...you'll see.

Just what is the handsome, married lawyer Henry thinking by having an affair with a 17-year-old insane girl?  The pretty nurse, Grace...is she in mortal peril?  Just who is the mysterious scar-faced woman in white who prowls the mansion at night trying to drive Janet over the edge? You will see the twists coming and you will be right...but then the entire second half of the film occurs...and then you'll be shocked. See the Hammer film "Nightmare" and realize what can happen when a woman goes mad.

The Red Tide Massacre, Info-Babe vs. Red Tide Monster

Today we have the magnum opus of Susan Elle. Perhaps this isn't saying much, but she is matched up with Michael Pare and does go mano y mano with a hideous swamp creature born out of mutated algae. Take that, Scarlett Johansson! She'll even whack the thing with a frying pan a couple of times. Anyway, Info-Babes are always annoying and we always love to see them shredded, even in movies, but Miss Elle is kind of cute, so we do desire her to prevail against the monstrosity that emerges from the swamps. Our feature today is a film that demanded to be made, 2022's "The Red Tide Massacre," directed by John A. Russo.

Al (Rich Sands) is a cop killer who escapes from prison and is chased through the Florida swamps by the sheriff's department. Sheriff Fuller (Pare) shoots him a bunch and Al falls into the swamp which is laced with red tide. What is red tide? This movie won't tell you, so never mind. Yep, the red tide turns him into a twisted version of The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Rio Lee (Elle) is on the story and annoys Sheriff Fuller, even though the bait shop owner/deputy son of the sheriff, Tommy (Sam Schweikert) falls in love with her. The two romance as Tommy dumps his hot former GF, a marine biologist scientist, Kara (Gina Vitori).  Okay, Al, now a hideous creature, shreds babes in bikinis, their boyfriends, babes in short shorts, their boyfriends, county workers...well, let's juts say he murders a massive amount of Floridians in this one.

Rio Lee tries to get info for the newscast from Sheriff Fuller...who just puts her off.  The TV reporterette may have an annoying voice, but she is cute and Tommy and her get quite close as the creature kills lifeguards, wealthy couples in hot tubs...and just about anyone who lives in Florida. Sheriff Fuller continues his efforts to kill the creature.  Oh, to make matters more difficult, an old crazy guy (Duane Whitaker) is perpetuating a skunk ape (Bigfoot) prank on the community, which only throws the sheriff and Rio off track. No matter, the phony skunk ape will have an opportunity to meet the newest creature in the Florida everglades. 

Will Rio and Tommy engage in pre-marital sex, resulting in a catfight with Kara, and perhaps some skinny-dipping that lures the creature? Will Michael Pare wrestle Rio Lee away from his son, as he has more earning power?  Is there an Emmy for Rio Lee for her hard hitting reporting on skunk apes, red tide, and newly formed creatures borne out of mutant algae?  This is a fun one and if you loved those old made for Syfy-TV movies, you will love "The Red Tide Massacre."   

The Jolly Monkey, That Annoying Monkey Toy Reeks Terror

It is time we delve into the magnum opus of Courtney Fulk. I know what you're thinking, but perish the thought, even a babe who shines in a film by The Asylum is entitled to have a magnum opus.  This is no small feat, as our feature today is heavy on the gory kills, weirdness, and the taboo. To shine in a film like that is not easy, and Miss Fulk's allure keeps our eyes on her through the entire picture. Okay, the nemesis is a weird looking monkey slasher, but this is merely a metaphor for the Biden Administration, no doubt. Let us look at 2025's "The Jolly Monkey," directed by Ryan Ebert. 

The Jolly Monkey Motel, located in the middle of nowhere. The proprietors are a sweet old, but very psycho couple, Walter and Carolyn (Patrick Labyorteoux and Kathleen Turner). When a sweet family, with a sweet little girl (Aria Surrec) stop for the night, they are murdered and cut up, including the sweet little girl, Charlie. Fast forward 40 years, and the proprietors are dead and their daughters and their families converge on The Jolly Monkey Motel to...well, Debra (Jane Hajduk) wants to restore it and reopen it. Linda (Lisa Cole) wants to bulldoze it and sell the land. Debra's daughter Jenny (Fulk) and son Marshall (Neirin Winter) try to support mom but are creeped out by the place. Jenny finds old newspaper clippings about missing families back in the day and eventually will discover they all just happened to stay at the motel.

Linda an her family are eager to bulldoze the place but wouldn't you know it are one by one murdered by a big monkey who also cuts off their faces. Happens. Now Debra's family is on the run from a big monkey with bladed weapons. Uh oh, again, the ghost of that little girl, Charlie, seems to be trying to help Jenny and to tell her something.  Jenny is able to uncover the mystery of what went on when her grandparents ran the hotel and does not know how to tell Debra that her parents were serial killers. To add to the creepiness, those monkey toys with the cymbals and shit-eating grins are all over the place and all go spastic when someone talks about tearing down the motel. Jenny will  be put through the ringer and even end up tied up and at the mercy of the monkey. We get a sense early on who the killer is and it is quite the taboo plot twist.

Will the nubile Jenny have what it takes to save her family? Is the Jolly Monkey Motel somewhere where we can earn Hilton points?  Will the sweet and pure Jenny have to turn into a killer herself to save herself and her family? This is a creepy one and Miss Fulk's performance is dramatic and action-hero like. For a really creepy take on those old really creepy toys with banging cymbals, see "The Jolly Monkey." 

The Mirror, Kelly LeBrock in Silent Film Carnage

Who can ever forget the greatest quote in TV commercial history, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful." Yep, the 1986 Pantene commercial with Kelly LeBrock shampooing in the shower. She was beautiful and we did not hate her, probably because she was beautiful.  The sultry actress would soon be the first American to own a hyperbaric chamber, though the relevance of that is still debatable. So  more than 20 years after that declaration, is Kelly LeBrock still beautiful? Looking back in time is what this quirky murder mystery is all about, through the eyes of the sultry Erin Cahill...who is still beautiful. Our feature today is 2007's "The Mirror" (aka "Hidden Chambers"), directed by Stephen Eckelberry.

The lovely Nina (Cahill) is a film student, spoiled and fawned over by her seemingly wealthy movie producer dad, Nicholas Theophilus  (Thaoo Penghlis), and has been B Movie actress mom, Mary (LeBrock). The child of privilege, Nina, has a cocaine problem that has had her in rehab, and is now chronicling her life with her little movie camera. Her BF is the loser, drug pusher Paul (Devin McGinn), who gives her some bad coke in which she ODs on and dies for a moment.  Guess who saves her! Yep, pervert electrician Jeff (Shiloh Strong). Jeff, fixing the wiring in the old house, discovered secret passageways that could see into every room through two-way mirrors...and he happened to be watching when Nina overdosed. He brings her back to life with CPR and now Nina doesn't know whether to pepper spray him, or fall in love with him.

Wait!  Secret passageways behind every room with two-way mirrors? Yep, back in the 1920s, silent film star Johnny Rambova (David Zappone) put them in to film his sexual relations with starlets. Sadly, his own murder was also filmed from back there and Nina and Jeff find the old films. Poor Nina, she will also see the perversions of her mom and dad from these secret rooms...and also, more carnage. See, Nicholas is not doing well producing movies so he is making his income from a spank-o-cam, where the blonde bimbo Bambi (Sarah Farooqui) is filmed being spanked. Oh, Mary screws a phony producer, Harvey (Bryan Callen) who says he is going to put her in a softcore porn film. Nina and Jeff film it all...then...another murder.

Is there a future for the drug addicted, deviance plagued Nina and the pervert voyeur Jeff? Will Mary resurrect her B Movie film career even though she is 20 years removed from her latest "hit"?  What does the murder of Johnny Rambova have to do with the murder that will shake the Theophilus family and just who will be murdered in present day? It is so great seeing Kelly LeBrock and her and Erin Cahill play dysfunction so well.  For a quirky murder mystery with deviance and exploited vices, see "The Mirror." 

Cold Heart, Nastassja Kinski in Peril

Nastassja Kinski in peril? From a python? We all remember Nastassja Kinski in that poster from the 80s, wearing nothing but a...python. Not any babe could have pulled that one off. Then came her erotic horror thriller, "Cat People." We were all hooked after that. So today we look at a thinly veiled remake of 1979's "Tess (probably not)," the film that introduced our vixen to America.  Though our film today is actually a good one 2001's "Cold Heart," directed by Dennis Dimster.

The Callisto yell! Yep, you remember her, the blonde femme-fatale deity that Xena ended up kicking the snot out of in "Xena: Warrior Princess." That babe in the black leather gladiator outfit is in this movie! A catfight between her and Nastassja Kinski? Don't be cynical, it just may happen. Linda (Kinski) is a movie producer with a lovely assistant, Julia (Hudson Leick, the aforementioned blonde psycho-deity). Linda's husband is Phil (Jeff Fahey), a very successful psychologist. Enter psycho Sean (Josh Holloway). Sean, when we meet him has tied up and gagged the pretty Natalie (Janne Oliver Campbell), and then kicked the snot out of her and humiliated her by mashing food all over her just before trying to kill her. Fortunately for Natalie, she is saved by a miracle and Sean is sent to a prison for the criminally insane, where Phil becomes his doctor. Yep, Phil gets him out and Sean outsmarts everyone.

Now a bunch of plot points that seem just a little too improbably, until you see this entire film. Sean gets a job as one of Linda's assistants. He realizes she is in a loveless marriage and her husband is cheating on her. Now he tries to romance her and what follows is just what we want to see in erotic thrillers. A lot of scenes of deviant and wet sex between Sean and Linda. Linda feels bad about it but Sean is an expert at charming her. Linda has no idea Sean is a psycho and loves the sex she is getting from the younger man. Julia encourages this as she knows what a heel Phil is. See where this is going? No you don't. More steamy shower scenes, steamy scenes at movie screenings, steamy scenes in lady's rooms, steamy scenes in hotel rooms.  Nudity abounds! Then comes the knives, ropes, and gags, and what first looked erotic and steamy, turns to horror and surprise.

Don't be fooled, this is a 95 minute film and you will want to watch all 95 minutes.  Just who is the psycho in this one and is the blonde babe with the Callisto scream above a good catfight with her boss, the woman who wrapped a python around her?  Twists abound, and though any guy who has received mixed signals from a babe, will like Sean...to some extent. Passion, more passion, deviance, then blood will grace the silver screen, so do yourself a favor and enjoy this Nastassja Kinski erotic thriller, "Cold Heart." By the way, all three women mentioned in this review are pictured above, just so you get an understanding of Sean's misogyny.

 

Venom, Voodoo Ghoul Annihilates Hunks and Babes

Eden Sinclair was a character portrayed by Rhona Mitra in the film "Doomsday" in 2008.  In it, Eden was a British commando fighting off diseased-ridden Scots. However, Eden Sinclair first appeared in film three years earlier, then portrayed by Agnes Bruckner. Interestingly enough, these two characters, both portrayed by babes, had nothing to do with one another. Our feature today takes place in a Louisiana bayou, and concerns a resurrected tow truck driver who has souls of all the evil people ever to live in the swamp in him...or something like that. Our feature today is 2005's "Venom," directed by Jim Gillespie.

Eden (Bruckner) is a doll of a waitress who works at a diner with her babe buddies Rachel (Laura Ramsey) and Cece (Meagan Good). Okay, Ray (Rick Cramer) is a scarred and hideously looking tow truck driver that comes across Eden later on as she is telling her hunk BF Eric (Jonathan Jackson) she loves him but is not in love with him...or something like that. The old voodoo hag, Cece's grandma, speeds down the road, swerves to miss Ray's truck and Eden and Eric and crashes over the guardrail into the river. Ray tries to save granny but snakes pop out of granny's suitcase and bite him a lot. At the morgue, Ray is resurrected as a homicidal soul with snakes inside him and he goes on a murderous rampage.

Sadly, he murders babes and hunks, all of Eden's buddies, in fact. Even sadder, two of Eden's babe friends, Tammy (Bijou Phillips) and Patty (Davetta Sherwood) are slaughtered near Ray's garage. Now the ghoul, Ray, chases down more babes and hunks and Eden and Eric figure out what is going on and run to granny's house where Cece is keeping vigil.  Yep, Ray is on his way and he has it in his mind that he needs to rip Eden, Cece, Eric, Rachel, and Ricky (Pawel Szadja) frrom limb to limb. Don't worry about Ricky. Cece might know how to stop Ray using voodoo, but we know it won't work. Now Ray uses chains, crowbars, machetes, and other bladed weapons to take apart babes and hunks and Eden seems to be the only one with an attitude that can stop him.

Any chance of a third Eden Sinclair film where Ms. Bruckner and Ms. Mitra can engage in a sweaty catfight? Does Eden have a chance to rid her life of this voodoo ghoul of a tow truck driver?  Do any of Eden's buddies have a shot at surviving this film?  Ms. Bruckner and her costars do a fine job and are all fine looking.  Ray, as the snake filled ghoul, is perfect contrast to the sweaty and nubile babes and hunks he wants to murder. For some good voodoo horror, see "Venom," the other Eden Sinclair movie.