Gotta love non-woke westerns! We have brutes with guns (pistols and rifles). We have dancehall girls who dance and engage in carnal relations. We have stagecoaches. We have bank robbers and a tough U.S. Marshal bringing them in for justice. The men smell like dirty underwear and the dames smell like lavender. Today's westerns preach to us about racism and why men should take on a more feminine demeanor. Yuck. Today we look at a non-woke 2023 western. Oh! Did I mention the monsters? Our feature today is "Silent Thunder," directed by Isaac Medeiros. To you snowflakes out there, there are no forced plot lines containing social justice themes.
Tough U.S. Marshal, Spencer Sunday (Ted McGinley) is bringing in two bank robbers. Both Don (Jack Lucarelli) and Quinn (Jonathan Stoddard) will face the hangman's noose. On the way, they stop at an outpost for drink and to let the horses rest. At this saloon the trio is told about monsters in the nearby hills that snatch sultry dancehall damsels, rape them, then eat them after they give birth to baby monsters. Guess what! Also arriving is a stage with five sultry dancehall damsels who will ply their trade at a nearby saloon. Quinn and Don plot to murder Spencer and escape with their lives. Spencer is way ahead of them. The next day, the gals set off in the same stage only to be abducted by the aforementioned monsters...or dog men.
Yep, the dog men plan to either disembowel, and eat them, or rape them. In non woke movies, men are men. They see a babe damsel and automatically set out to save her. Thus our unlikely trio turns into a posse and follows the tracks of the dog men. What they find will be horrifying. I should talk about a couple of these dancehall dolls. Mary (Laura James) is sultry. She seems to be the boss. Quinn and her have a history but we're not sure if Mary wants him to be free or to be hung. Amethyst (Cassi Colvin) comes from a family of witches. She takes a liking to Spencer...and he, of course, to her. We take a liking to all five babes. The cheesecake in this film is off the chart. When the trio reaches the dog men and sees what they are doing and are about to do to the beauties, they act like real men.
Guns will be blazing. Garters and undergarments will get rough workouts. Gunfights will abound. Dog men will do what dog men do...and it won't be pretty. For a terrific western, with outstanding cheesecake, and no woke themes, see "Silent Thunder."
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