Lord of the Vampires, Vampires, Gore, and Gratuitous Blood Sex

We don't need originality or deep social messages from our horror. Sometimes just gore and slabs of beef and cheese will suffice. Today we look at 2002's "Lord of the Vampires." This Brad Sykes film is straight to video, B grade, and gratuitous in both the gore and nudity. The fangs will thrust, as will naked bodies, blood will spurt, and gore will accompany the demise of some stunning vampires.

Okay, as the film begins, sultry vampire Mercy (Vanessa Sweatte) lures schmuck Gus (Joe Myles) back to the California castle. She'll bite him and share his inner organs with her rival vampire Ravenna (Lianna Loggins) and master Viktor (Jack Wareing). Ravenna and Mercy are Viktor's vampire love slaves, and they hate each other. Viktor is getting bored with their bickering and a possible solution for his boredom is about to arrive. Meanwhile a convenience store robbery goes bad. Larry (Tom McCafferty) murders a clerk and he and his partners, the nubile Denise (Tracy Dillon) and Steve (Carey Manuel) are on the run. Oh yes, the trio take the beautiful Amanda (Kristen Lueck) hostage. Yep, their van breaks down.

New getaway plan. The trio decides to hole up in a nearby castle and eventually kill the occupants. They arrive and Viktor is quite taken with Amanda's beauty. Ravenna and Mercy are ready to tear her eyes out and very jealous. Viktor has a plan, too. Kill everyone and take Amanda as his new bride. Mercy and Ravenna continue bickering and eventually will eat Denise. Now Steve and Larry begin their robbery/murder plans...which won't go well. They soon realize their hosts are vampires and now are in a war for their lives. Amanda is in another war...to avoid becoming Viktor's undead bride. As Ravenna and Mercy get naked to seduce Steve and Larry, and to battle each other, Viktor prepares a sacrificial altar for Amanda's transition to vampire-babe.

Will we see a three-way, blood-soaked cat-fight involving Mercy, Ravenna, and Amanda? Do our two schmucks have a prayer of mounting an offense against Viktor and his two vamps? Does Viktor need to worry more about the two schmucks or his two increasingly unsatisfied brides? Gratuitous and alluring, "Lord of the Vampires" may not garner any critical praise from the elites, but you will so enjoy it.