Monday, September 29, 2014

Hard Ticket to Hawaii, More Playboy Playmates in Danger

Andy Sidaris won an Emmy for directing the summer Olympics, and went on to be the first director of ABC's  Monday Night Football.  Fortunately for us, he left TV and went on to direct action films which starred Playboy Playmates (see my review of "Savage Beach" on May 12th).  Today's film is Sidaris directed "Hard Ticket to Hawaii" from 1987.  This movie features the March 1984 Playmate, a bazooka, the July 1985 Playmate, a spear gun, the May 1984 Playmate, a killer razor Frisbee, the October 1985 Playmate, a monster snake (no double entendre here...), grenades, Sumo wrestlers, gunfights, gratuitous Jacuzzi scenes, a transvestite, two martial arts hunks, Chinese throwing stars and nunchucks, a fair amount of spurting gore, and nudity.
If you care, here is the plot:  Two Hawaiian cops are gunned down when they accidentally come across members of Seth Romero's (Rodrigo Obregon) drug gang.  Donna (Donna Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton), our heroines from "Savage Beach," are two undercover drug agents who get this case, with the goal of taking Romero down.  They fly to the island, with the cover of airline pilots.  Their passengers are two sexy honeymooners, and a monster snake (don't...I know what your thinking) which has been injected with cancer cells from rats.  Upon landing, they drop the honeymooners off not knowing that they will eventually be eaten by the snake.  On their way to their base, they accidentally intercept diamonds meant for Romero, and when Romero's men try to take them, Taryn and Donna use martial arts weapons to fend them off.  Now Romero wants our heroines dead.  Our damsels decide to plan a strategy in a Jacuzzi.  Meanwhile, two hunk agents are on their way to join Taryn and Donna, but get intercepted by an assassin on a skateboard, armed with a rifle and a blow up doll.  Our hunks dispose of him with a bazooka.  Hardly a fair fight.    
Romero's assassins get the jump on our gals (see picture above) and almost kill them.  Donna and Taryn manage to escape, pursue their assailants back to the getaway car, and Donna wounds Romero. Romero then orders his hit-woman to kidnap Edy (Cynthia Brimhall), who is Taryn and Donna's contact (see picture below).  As Romero and his hit-woman torture Edy, our gals join up with their hunks and mount a rescue operation which will also serve as a take-down at Romero's compound.  Unfortunately the monster snake is loose (get your mind out of the gutter).  Before planning this rescue, Donna and her colleague, Rowdy (Ronn Moss) have passionate pre-marital sex.  Rowdy is a charmer and coos to Donna, "One man's treasure is another man's lunch."  He could work for Hallmark, someday. Armed with all sorts of sharp things, grenades, guns, and things I don't know the names of, our quartet heads to Romero's compound.
Romero isn't going to go down easily (stop it!).  The final twenty minutes will have massive gunfights, air-raids, karate carnage, and monster snake attacks (don't even go there!).  As Edy is strung up to be a plaything for Romero's hit-woman, will our rescuers get to her in time?  What will our giant mutant snake (I'm not kidding, that's enough) have to contribute to the ending of this film? Sidaris interjects more gore than usual in this film ("Savage Beach" was gore free).  The introduction of a monster served two purposes; first, we all like monsters, and second, it provided plenty of opportunity for sexual metaphors.  All the males and females in this film are...shall we say "HOT." See "Hard Ticket to Hawaii," put your brain in neutral, and enjoy!

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