Trivial, Game Show Carnage

Game shows! I think they used to be fun.  "Match Game," "Family Feud," "Hollywood Squares," and even "The Gong Show." Now, I don't know...I have no interest.  Never saw "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire." You know what would might make them interesting? Right! Torture and carnage. Perhaps there are some of these on the Dark Web.  Our feature today is just one of those game shows.  Let us look at 2024's "Trivial," directed by James L. Edwards.

Contestants have been abducted, drugged, and manacled to chairs in a garage setting where they will participate in a game show of sorts. The host is the lovely and perky Laurel Edmonds (Sasha Graham). As the film opens, Dean (Edwards) is squaring off against Chris (Adam Scott Clevenger). These two contestants are reprobates, as we see in the film. Answer a question correctly and go to next round. Answer the trivia question incorrectly, and Laurel carves your face up. Miss three questions and Laurel hammers a spike into the top of your head. What we see unfolding before us will please the torture porn fans. It gets bloody. Each contestant is a social reprobate and their crimes are disgusting. Laurel seems to see herself as some moral avenger. 

One episode at a time, a reprobate is maimed and murdered. Web designer Brian (Drew Fortier) seems to have staying power.  What is his crime? You'll see, but it is the most personal of crimes as far as Laurel is concerned. Laurel's remaining sanity goes out the window as she gets more and more unstable.  Then, we get Janet (Shianne Daye)! She's a babe and her story pulls all the unanswered questions together and answers them.  Will Laurel maim a pretty blonde? Sure, it might be hard for us to watch, but Laurel is a brunette.

Just what do these contestants have to do with Laurel's plight?  Just who is Janet and what relation is she to Laurel?  Will the winner of this game get Turtle Wax, be set free, or merely a quick death?  This is a tough one to watch but those nostalgic for the old game shows will find this a worthwhile watch. See "Trivial" for a great Sasha Graham performance and some horror that will cause you to avert your glance. 

Candy Stripers, Babe Nurses in White Kissing Sultry Nubile Candy Stripers

Where has this film been all my life? Nurse-sploitation (if you also count young nubile candy stripers) galore! They are hot!  They are in need!  They French kiss one another, but for a good reason. See, they are, deep down, slimy aliens seeking to reproduce and conquer Earth. Yep, a story for our time. There will be gratuitous nudity, lesbian deep kissing, useless men castrated, and slimy things eating cocoon wrapped doctors from the inside.  No, not "We Are Marshall," but 2006's "Candy Stripers," directed by Kate Robbins.

The sultry Tammy (Sarah McGuire) has been brought into the hospital after a car crash. Janine (Deanna Brooks) is the hot candy striper left to stay with her in her room. Tammy awakes and implores Janine to give her a passionate kiss.   Janine does and a slimy alien moves out of Tammy's mouth into Janine. Janine lesbian French kisses her fellow candy stripers and even some hot nurses.  Meanwhile, three hunk high school basketball players are brought to the hospital after a brawl. Matt (Brian Lloyd) has a broken leg and his GF, cheerleader, the shallow Krystal (Nicole Rayburn) follows him there. Also following him there is babe Cherie (Tori White) who desperately wants to be Matt's GF. While at the hospital, Janine and her minions seduce doctors, attack, and wrap them in webs.  Now the doctors are being eaten from the inside by alien fiends.

Cherie and Matt figure out what is going on and figure they need to escape.  The candy stripers seduce with nudity, passion, and French kissing.  Now catfighting occurs between Cherie and Krystal, and the hot candy stripers.  The candy stripers feed solely on sugar, and love licking...lollypops.  More catfighting occurs as Cherie figures out a way to kill them, but by now, there are too many.  Realizing the babes plan world conquest, our trio realize that they must kill all of them and scrap the idea of escaping. 

Will Janine have passion with cheerleader Krystal or babe Cherie before trying to turn them?  Will Krystal and Cherie engage in a catfight over the hunk Matt? If nude candy stripers and hot nurses in white in heat were a plot device in the newest "Star Wars" movie, would that have revived that dying franchise?  This one is so gratuitous and will serve as a guilty and prurient pleasure.  For some steamy movie viewing elation, see "Candy Stripers."  

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Panic Button, Social Media War at 35,000 feet

I know!  I know!  Social media is evil.  This movie will point that out. Okay, allow me to put forth an unpopular view.  It is not evil!  Without social media we would all believe the government.  We'd believe the mad scientist known as Dr. Fauci. We would all have been poisoned by the jab.  We'd actually think Lester Holt was a smart man. We'd have elected Hillary Clinton. Nope! I'm not playing. You sheep can parrot the "social media is evil" propaganda, but not me. Give me X (Twitter) any day over Fox News, CNN, or ABC. Okay, our feature today is the social-media-is-evil film, 2011's "Panic Button," directed by Chris Crow.

Four lucky Londoners have won! Yep, a social media network has selected them for an all expense paid vacation to New York City on board a luxury charter jet. Single-mother Jo (Scarlett Alice Johnson) is sad because she will have to leave her daughter with her mom. She doesn't know this but shortly after she heads to the airport, her mom is murdered and her daughter is abducted. The other babe in the group is Gwen (Elen Rhys), a slut-wannabe.  The hunk Max (Jack Gordon) is there, but proves to be a bit of a mystery. Then the creepy Dave (Michael Jibson) rounds up the quartet.  He looks like a pervert... and is! The airplane takes off and the four are given champagne and asked to play an on-line game for expensive prizes.

The games begin.  The shock also begins as each is asked to answer questions about things they are not proud of. Yep, all have social media profiles that are hardly true, Jo is a manipulative alcoholic, Gwen is a virgin, David like vicious porn, and Max...well, he may not be Max. Uh oh, when the quartet try lying about who they are or what they have done, one of their on-line "friends" is murdered and the murders are all broadcast on livestream. More lies result in family members being tortured and cut-up into little pieces. Now the on-line master of the game has a secret task for each of the contestants.  Yep, you can probably guess what those tasks are. Uh oh...Jo figures out the chartered jet is not heading to New York City.

Who is controlling this game and what does that entity have against these four schmucks? With Jo's mom murdered, what fate will her daughter succumb to? Just where is this jet going? Oh, the ending?  Yep, then the true horror arrives as it will be a most unsettling one. So all you who hate social media, go ahead and keep believing the NFL is pure sport and good for this country while all us on social media have understood for the past 20 years that it is rigged. See "Panic Button" and ask yourself if social media is the true culprit. 

The Return of Doctor X, Humphrey Bogart Does Horror

Not a private eye.  Not a G.I. in the war.  Not a hoodlum.  Nope, Humphrey Bogart as a zombie like being, brought back from the grave, and seeking human blood. Yep, it is Humphrey Bogart as you have never seen him before.  White, pasty, and creepy looking. He is so creepy that he will never get a Lauren Becall, Katherine Hepburn, Ingrid Bergman or Mary Astor.  Let us take a peek at a really creepy film from 1939, "The Return of Doctor X," directed by Vincent Sherman.

Yep, after experimenting on babies, he starved them to death (probably a protege of Margaret Sanger), Doctor Xavier, aka Doctor X (Bogart), is executed in the chair.  Okay, an aggressive society reporter, Walter (Wayne Morris), lines up an interview with the international stage star, the beautiful Angela Merrova (Lya Lys). When he arrives at her hotel suite, she has been murdered, stabbed in the heart. Eek, by the time the police arrive, her corpse vanishes. Even worse, Walter insists he saw her dead, even though she shows up at his newspaper the next day wondering where the story came from. Uh oh, the sultry Merrova is looking pale. Walter is fired and he goes to see a buddy of his, the handsome blood specialist, Dr. Rhodes (Dennis Morgan).

Rhodes and Walter investigate and through their toil, Rhodes finds a blood sample. The sample is of a weird type and the duo soon figure out it is a synthetic blood invented by Dr. Flegg (John Litel). Flegg, just by chance, has a new assistant...yep, the pale Doctor X. Flegg brought him back from the dead after the execution and now the evil X controls Flegg. Even worse, X cannot survive long on the synthetic blood and needs human blood.  Now a pretty nurse (Rosemary Lane) is in peril as she has the same rare blood that X needs.

Will the pretty nurse be X's latest blood donor?  Just what are Doctor X's plans after his resurrection? Will the internationally renown Angela Merrova make a comeback and perform at Carnegie Hall?  This is a creepy one and even though Bogie received awful reviews from the critics for his role as Doctor X, he did a fine job and maximized the creepy factor for this film.  For a weird way to see Humphrey Bogart, and for a unsettling horror flick, see 'The Return of Doctor X."   

Dead in the Water, Sea Monster Chases Babes at Sea

We have a good one! Yep, a ship in the northern pacific manned by a crew of females! Yep, babes at sea. The ancient, and not so ancient mariners knew women aboard a ship was bad luck...and were they ever right. Of course, in defense of the babes, it doesn't help if a slimy, tendril and tentacled sea creature is also on board waiting to enter their bodies and eat them from the inside out. Oh, one of the babes is named Kat (Nicole Fortuin) and she will indeed get into a catfight...or should I say Katfight? Our feature today is 2018's "Dead in the Water," directed by Sheldon Wilson...a man!

Never mind why they are there, or what they are doing...they are an all women crew on a ship...it won't go well. Because they are women, their engine is shot and they don't know how to fix it. Kat and Rusty (Skye Russell) try but there are limits. Gwenn (Bianca Simone Mannie) is the useless captain, but her sister Dana (Nikohl Boosheri) is a bad-a** and this will come in handy when someone breaks out the harpoon gun. Erika (Tanya van Graan) is the very pretty professor who loves fish and hates boats. Michelle (Amy Louise Wilson) is the flunked out med student who will be called on to do a weird autopsy. Oh, Sparks (Christia Visser) will be the first infected. Infected? Yep. Unfortunately for the inept crew of babes, they pick up a stranger (Brandon Auret) in the sea, half dead...or more than half dead. Michelle and Erika try to save him but he goes spastic, grabs a scalpel, and tries to murder all the sailorettess.

The stranger yells "Kill me!  Kill yourselves!" Yep, a deadly parasite monster is inside the guy and when he finally dies, no thanks to the gals, the monster explodes out of him and into...well, you'll see. The thing has tendrils, tentacles, a small head, and is slimy and crawls through vents. Now the gals must fix the engine as a big storm is heading their way and if a rogue wave catches them, the dead in the water boat will capsize. Between fixing the boat and hunting the monster that is hunting them, the gals prove their incompetence. The thing infects the dames one by one and the surviving ones realize they cannot allow it to get to mainland. 

Would this 2018 film have been a box office hit if the dames were dressed in tight, shiny catsuits and stilettos? Would the fortunes of this boat have been better if there were a man aboard who knew how to fix an engine?  Will the monster kill all the dames and if it doesn't will the surviving dames be infected? This is a good one.  In fairness to these dames, the crew at Outpost 31 was all male and they did not fare well.  For some slimy sea creature horror, with catfights, and tentacles, see "Dead in the Water." 

The Golden Mistress, Love, Treasure, and Voodoo in Haiti

Our feature today is shot in Haiti using lots of Haitians in the cast. Haiti!  Was it ever a nice place?  By the looks of this film, it did have its beauty, at least in the 1950s, long before the Clinton Foundation got its claws into it and drained it of all its financial and natural resources. Before being raped by the Clintons, the island was a mess, but movies could be shot there. The real star of this film is bathing beauty Rosemarie Stack (she was married to Robert Stack for 47 years).  She'll have a number of gratuitous swimsuit scenes and a lot of lip-locking with hunk co-star John Agar. The allure of her performance alone is reason to put this one on. Now let us look at 1954's "The Golden Mistress," directed by Abner Biberman. 

Bill (Agar) is a loser treasure hunter trying not to have his boat repossessed.  Him and Carl Dexter (Biberman) both seek the statue of The Golden Mistress. Carl is a veritable thief whereas Bill is a good guy. Carl steals the statue from a voodoo ceremony and has the wrath of voodoo gods upon him. Yep, voodoo will win. Now Carl's sultry daughter, Ann (Stack), hires Bill after springing him from prison. The two have met before and hate one another and Bill ended up throwing her overboard. Now Ann needs Bill to find the treasure of The Untamed. The Untamed? A lost, maybe extinct, Haitian tribe that keeps a golden treasure. The Untamed, if they do still exist, hold the key to enormous wealth for Ann and Bill.

Bill and Ann? Yep...you guessed it. Ann hates him until Bill grabs her, forces a kiss on her, gets slapped for his effort, then draws her in tight and gives her an uber-passionate kiss. Bill knows dames and has just reminded Ann she is a dame. Now Ann will love Bill. So, take-that woke America! Men used to be men and women used to be women. The duo consult a voodoo chieftain who Bill has earned favor with, Iznard (Andre Narcisse). Iznard knows about The Untamed but does not want to endanger Bill by letting him in on forbidden secrets. When Bill saves Iznard's son from a shark, the voodoo chief takes Bill on a marvelous journey to Haitian ruins that reveal the location of The Untamed. This is a voodoo no-no, and Iznard will pay for his generosity.  Now Ann and Bill set sail to find The Untamed and the treasure that they seek.

Snakes, eels, octopi, barracuda, leeches, and crocodiles menace Bill and especially Ann throughout the duration of this film. Mrs. Stack is marvelous and so sultry in peril, in states of undress, all wet, and in swimsuits.  Bill is a perfect hunk that reminds Ann of her true role...a woman. For a non-woke voodoo thriller filmed in Haiti, see "The Golden Mistress." 

Red Sonja (2025), Sweaty Babes with Swords

Today we have a much maligned 2025 film that is a remake of a 1985 much maligned film. Truth be known, both are pretty good films. In the one 40 years ago, the film makers were so aghast at the performance of Brigitte Nielsen, they promoted this one as an Arnold Schwarzenegger film.  Today Matilda Lutz takes the title role and she is overshadowed by no one...except maybe Wallis Day. We have Ms. Lutz in a metal bikini wielding a sword and in several catfights with Miss Day, clad in white leather. Yep, this new one may be the best film of 2025.  The cheese factor is tremendous, there are beheadings, monsters, and even a mad scientist.  Let us look at the very ambitious "Red Sonja," directed by MJ Bassett.

In the days of swords and sorcerers, the sultry Sonja (Lutz) roams the forests communing with nature and animals. She has to as her village was destroyed by barbarians many years ago. Uh oh, the evil Emperor Draygan (Robert Sheehan) wants the forest. His desire is to cut down all the trees and kill all the animals. Red Sonja tries to stop him, but Draygan's bride-to-be, the insane blonde beauty Annisia kicks the snot out of Sonja and now Sonja is caged. Noticing Sonja's fighting ability, Draygan sends her to live in a cell with other frisky prisoners, for which Petra (Rhona Mitra) is one. They are used as fodder for arena fights with monsters and other brute barbarians. Sadly, Rhona Mitra will meet a bloody death here. Sonja and her mates will be put against a 30-foot cyclops. Uh oh, a mad scientist has invented a device that if put on the back of the monsters, their actions can be controlled by Draygan.

The prisoners escape and Draygan and his forces pursue them. In the woods, Sonja organizes her mates into an army. Draygan, knowing Annisia can kick the snot out of Sonja, tasks her with murdering the redhead. Another catfight looms and Annisia will again decimate our babe heroine. Now Draygan plots the extermination of all Sonja, her friends, all the animals, and the trees.  Sonja gets sweet on handsome Osin (Luca Pasqualino), but like all men, he is useless. Still, he's a hunk. Annisia continues humiliating Sonja, Sonja kills all others who she fights with, and the balance of good and evil is at stake in pristine forests.

The sword catfighting between the sultry blonde Annisia in white leather and Sonja in a metal bikini is alone worth the price of admission.  Babes and hunks will sweat and grunt as they wield weapons. Monsters will roar.  Swords will impale. Heads will be chopped off.  Oh, and yes, Rhona Mitra is in this. There is no reason not to see 2025's "Red Sonja," especially if you like sultry dames catfighting.