The Wolf of Snow Hollow, A Werewolf in Upstate New York

Yes!  You are right.  There's no doubt.  Everyone is stupid.  Everyone around you has been put on this Earth to mess you up at every turn.  To interfere with your success. How could everyone be so stupid?  Why don't they just listen to everything you say as if it were the word of God? Is there a limit to how stupid people can be?  Doesn't appear so. Beware, there is someone, or something, who is not stupid.  That monster that hunts you...you'll see.  Today we look at 2020's "The Wolf of Snow Hollow" (aka "The Werewolf"), directed by Jim Cummings.

John (Cummings) is a deputy.  He is covering for the elderly and sickly Sheriff Hadley (Robert Forster). Hadley was like a dad to John, but now his best days are long gone and he is in denial about his diminishing abilities. No time for drama, the lovely Brianne (Annie Hamilton), clad in a leopard print bikini, is eaten by a werewolf. Her sex organs are now missing. John will now have a weird murder case. John? He's at AA yelling at the other drinks.  Irate at his ex-wife, who he wants to drive a bulldozer through her house.  Trying, badly, to raise a lovely 18-year-old daughter (Chloe East), and putting up with incompetent fellow deputies. Now he has this weird case.  His lovely babe deputy, Julia (Riki Lindhome) is trying to tell him that his alcoholism and temper are skewering his own abilities. Still, John belittles the coroner, fellow deputies, the sheriff, the media, his daughter, his ex-wife, and waitresses. 

Might John need an attitude adjustment? This is an important part of the film as it chronicles a deputy/dad that is in the throes of a nervous breakdown. More sultry dames will be eaten by the werewolf. Parts of their bodies will also be missing. No clues.  John refuses to believe a werewolf is doing these awful crimes, though the evidence certainly points to that.  He maintains a man is doing these evil and perverted things. His deterioration continues at full speed. Even after we see the werewolf, John does not believe in monsters.  We see the werewolf?  Do we?  Even in a state of going insane, could John be right?

Could John, himself, be the monster?  Will the lovely Deputy Julia, or Jenna (the daughter) end up wolf food?  Is the 12-foot tall creature really a werewolf, or could John be right? This is a good one.  As John further delves into a nervous breakdown, he just may be onto something.  See this gory, quirky, and often heartbreaking horror film.  "The Wolf of Snow Hollow" will deliver surprises and a sad human commentary.       

Cannibal Corpse Killers, A Spaghetti Western Zombie Apocalypse Style

We have a dusty one, today.  You'll need a shower after it ends to get all the grit, dirt, and dust off.  Set in the old...actually, contemporary west in post-apocalyptic times, our feature today has a lot of zombies, demons, and five warriors of the wasteland. There will be eating of the flesh, tumbleweeds, and catfights. An added dimension is the demonic influence that has brought the dead back to life to eat the living. Our film today is 2018's "Cannibal Corpse Killers," directed by Joaquin Montalvan.

Pike (Dennis Haggard), a "Mad Max" type figure, prowls the wasteland after the zombie apocalypse with his trusty and ragtag gang. They go from ghost town to ghost town looking for zombies to murder. Ruby (Theresa Holly) is his big breasted right hand woman.  Scar (Katherine Norland) is the sultry blonde warrior with a backstory and a half.  Boots (Nate Philo) rounds out the quartet. But wait, the gang comes across cowboy, Slim (Chris Shumway) and has to adopt him as he has a working car. Okay, in a distant town called Jawbone, the Magistrate (Ron Jason) is a religious cult figure who is ready to sacrifice his entire congregation and make them into a zombie horde.  Why?  Demon zombie babe Ava (Charlotte Bjornbak), chained in a jail cell, tells him too.

These two groups are headed for a showdown.  The demons, unleashed by Ava, possess the dead and bring them back to life.  The now quintet has to be careful not to make eye contact with the demon zombies, lest they be entranced.  Meanwhile, throughout this entire film, we get flashbacks of the backstories of all these characters.  None of them are happy ones, as you can imagine in a demonic zombie apocalypse film. The ending will not disappoint and will be consistent with the gore and bloodshed of the entire film.

Will Ava, the babe demon/zombie enchantress seduce any of the quintet as they come to kill her?  What is in store for the magistrate that has conjured up, and now chains Ava?  Just what is there during a zombie apocalypse that Ruby and Scar can catfight over?  This is a gritty one that throws a lot of gore and internal organs at you.  For an atmospheric demonic zombie film with possession, gunfights, and dust (a lot of dust), see "Cannibal Corpse Killers."  

Creeping Death, A Halloween Slasher

This is a difficult one to watch. A gory slasher film that will pull at our heart strings. Yep, difficult because of the plight of the character played by Monique Parent.  Watching Ms. Parent go through what she goes through in this film will be so hard.  We love Ms. Parent and her contribution to horror film, and to see her...well, you'll see.  Oh yes...there are other reasons to be horrified by what happens in this film.  Other reasons to be heartbroken.  This is a fun slasher film, that takes place on Halloween, that will legitimately horrify.  Today we look at the 2023 Matt Sampere film, "Creeping Death."

No!  She's dying! Linda (Parent). Brain cancer is almost through with her. The awful disease has so eaten her up...but she courageously plods on, determined to live. Her son, Tim (Sampere) and her husband Fred (Scott Lee) are already mourning. Tim had to say bye to college as the cost of prolonged treatment for cancer is prohibitive. Horrific enough? But wait, there's more. Tim must stay with his mom on Halloween bypassing partying with his buddies. His buddies? Idiots!  They pull a boner and now have a Gaelic demon, Aos Si (Alan Maxson) after them. Before they know it, they all crash Tim's house not realizing Linda is so close to death. While Linda is upstairs dying, his buddies tell him what they did. Even worse, they stole Aos Si's spoils and now the demon is also on his way.

The good news, Danielle (Delian Lincourt) is with them. She and Tim love one another but are too shy to say it. No time, Aos Si arrives. He's ticked! He looks menacing with a pumpkin head, fire in the eyes, and a big foot to crush heads with. Some of Tim's buddies will have their insides pulled out, others will be skinned. Danielle? You'll see. As Linda coughs and continues to die upstairs, Tim figures out what this demon is and maybe how to get rid of it. Maybe. Then the most horrific point in the film.  A taboo element that we pray Tim won't do. You'll see. 

In a supernatural slasher film could Linda be cured of her cancer?  Will Tim and Danielle ever express their love to one another?  Will Aos Si prove ominous and invincible?  Warning...this is a film that prides itself on being a horror film...that goes for the ending. For a shocking, but fun, Halloween slasher film, with a sensational performance by Ms. Parent, see "Creeping Death."  

Science Friction, 3 Babes, a Hunk, and Something Else

Something else?  Indeed...but what?  A malevolent alien? Could be.  More importantly, in this quirky, hard to follow scifi/horror offering, we have three babes.  Four if you count Roxanna (Kristina Bond).  Why not include Ms. Bond?  Her role, though initially a throw-away appearance, proves to be quite important. Yes, hard to follow, but if you pay attention, it'll all make sense.  Even the ending. Did I mention the babe-factor? Today we look at 2012's "Science Friction," directed by Liam Kiernan.

Jack (Spencer Heney), a young hunk. He just got fired from his menial job and has exams tomorrow, which he is not ready for. Vulnerable and needing money he allows three skanks to seduce him into driving them into Mexico. The babes, Julie (Cristina Magirescu), Jill (Stephanie Kollmar), and Meg (Roubina Karina) are mules for a drug dealer. They need to get to a party across the border and deliver contraband. Jack hates them and they hate Jack. Still, Jack needs dinero. Jack is told to take a little known route. Oh!  Did I mention Billy (L. Paschal Tenet)? Insane weirdo. He lives in an underground cave, kidnaps babes, and tears them apart.  Whether the babes deserve this, who knows? Billy also serves an alien spaceman in the cave. With the aid of oral sex skills of the trio of babes, Jack is able to get across the border.

Now an evil force enters the plot. The force has them take a wrong turn onto a cursed sideroad.  There, the force plays havoc with the babes and Jack. Now, this quartet is on the run but they have no idea from what. Yep, they meet Billy and end up in the cave. Oh yes, the alien force is playing with their minds. Now the babes are terrified and suddenly love Jack. Smartly, Jack still detests the skank trio. In their undies, or in short, tight party garb, the babes are hunted by Billy, who seems to be controlled by the evil spaceman. No more plot. Oh, Roxanna!  The ultra-babe will be in the opening scene, but also in another very telling scene...we like her a lot.

Do the three party girls have a prayer at surviving to the end credits?  Can Jack put his morals aside and tap one of the skanks for pre-marital sex?  What does the alien want with these three babes?  Okay, this last question is a stupid one. Many may see this film as a long-awaited remake of Stanley Kubrick's "Barry Lyndon," but as a stand alone plot, it is actually a fine film. With a gratuitous cheese-factor, "Science Friction" is a film that you will want to add to your Friday movie night.   

30 Miles from Nowhere, The Anti-Big Chill

1983's "The Big Chill" is one of the most overrated films of all time.  It justified hatred of the University of Michigan. Narcissistic idiots come back together at the funeral of their friend who committed suicide.  This is the plot of the 2018 film "30 Miles from Nowhere," too.  Directed by Caitlin Koller, this film does a lot right.  For instance a mad scientist is introduced into the plot and a nefarious experiment looms in the background of the plot. Sure, there will be a shower scene, but there will also be a lot of blood.

Max (Andrew Rothenberg), a scientist, commits suicide. His experiment is being shut down by his university as his test subject, an 18 year old freshman, is missing. Now his college buddies are summoned by his wife, Sylvia (Carrie Preston) for the funeral in middle of nowhere, Wisconsin. Right! A cabin in the woods with no cell service. Of all of them we like Bess (Cathy Shim), a hot Asian babe who is quite the slut. She was Max' GF in college...and now will sleep with anyone with a tally-whacker. Larry (Rob Benedict) and lesbian Elaine (Seana Kofeed) arrive, too. Elaine will also get some action with the ditz Amber (Marielle Scott). Amber is Jack's (Pastell Pringle) GF. Don't feel bad, Jack will have sex with Bess in the shower. Then there is the pacifist Paul (William Smillie). Weird friends and all did Max wrong at one point or another in college.

Sylvia seems unstable. She cares after Max' dementia ridden mother. She seems a bit of a loon. The creepiness begins. Bess keeps hallucinating blood.  Amber and Elaine hallucinate big cockroaches climbing all over them in lesbian intimacy. Strange noises. A weird funeral in which Amber falls into the grave on top of Max' coffin. Sylvia is often seen digging in the woods and burying animal remains. Other guys try to get into Bess' pants. Then...Larry and Bess make a horrific discovery in the basement and then the duo see...Max!  So what is going on here?

What is Sylvia up to?  Will Bess have deviance with everyone in this cabin?  Did Bess and Larry really see Max after the funeral?  The answers lie in the experiment Max was doing before he died.  Surprises abound as all the characters are able to clear the air on how they treated each other back in their college days. For a witty and surprising mad scientist/slasher flick, see "30 Miles from Nowhere."   

The House on Laura Anne Drive, Poltergeist Lite

Yeah...about a tenth as scary as 1982's "Poltergeist."  Things moving around slightly. A dress falls off a bed. A short nightmare about maggots.  A hint that someone or something may be in the house. Yawn!  Minor league as far as horror movies go.  So why watch this low-budget film? Two reasons. This film stars Natalie Brienen...babe! She'll even give us a nice bikini scene, completely irrelevant to the story.  The second reason. Did I imply this film was not scary.  Ha!  Just stick with it until the horrific and taboo ending. Then all non-scary descriptors will flush down the toilet and suddenly it will be a film that may give you nightmares.  Did I mention Ms. Brienen in a bikini? Today we look at 2024's "The House on Laura Anne Dr.," directed by Joseph Mazzaferro.

Okay, we don't know what happened but cute couple Jay (Stephen Lewis) and Ava (Briennen) move into a nice Florida house after some tragedy. A house on Laura Anne Drive. What is the tragedy and who is Laura Anne? No spoilers, but the answers to those questions will make you cringe. Ava does not work. She sits home all day. Why?  You'll find out. Jay loves Ava and is trying to be a good and supportive husband. Then it appears Ava is going crazy, at least to Jay. She is hearing noises and responding to phantom knock on the front door.  I know...hardly the type of horror that will shock you. Just wait.

Then a couple weeks later Ruth (Jann Van Dyke), an elderly neighbor shows up. She seems friendly and even sent Jay and Ava a nice gift basket.  She also knows the history of the neighborhood and the house.  The history is icky and Ava is not happy to hear about it.  More creepy stuff...then some unsettling stuff... then the real horror begins. We like Ava, probably because she is quite a dish. Now we see she may be in danger from something hardly harmless.

Just why does Ava not work and just hang around waiting for strange noises? What is the deal with this house and just who is Laura Anne...and why name a street after her?  With a short bikini scene, if this film is ever remade with a bigger budget, would we get a gratuitous shower scene? Stick with this one until the end and you will be glad you watched "The House on Laura Anne Dr."  

The Model, Runway Models Behaving Badly

Every girl's dream.  Move to Paris and become the face of Chanel. Gag me with a spoon! These undernourished skanks deserve our scorn and ridicule. Our "protagonist" today is a sultry teen who does just this.  What follows is what I believe a pretty accurate character study of Paris' new top model. Today we look at 2016's "The Model," directed by Mads Matthiesson.

Teen beauty, Emma (Maria Palm), who we assume is 18, loves making out with her BF Frederik (Marco Ilso). She is a great kisser. She leaves all this and flies to Paris with a job in a modeling firm. She'll initially meet with humiliation and failure as Marcel (Virgile Bramly) finds her some good jobs. She moves into a weird flat with another aspiring model roommate, Zofia (Charlotte Tomaszewska). They will be naked a lot. Emma is a quick learner and rebounds to seduce an influential photographer, the hunk Shane (Ed Skrein). Poor Shane, he's infatuated with this psycho in the making. Poor Emma, she thinks he really loves her. Now Emma will succeed and quickly grace the covers of Vogue and Harper's Bazaar. Has anyone ever read those two mags? Uh oh...Shane gets bored.  Why do women expect their guys to be one-woman guys?  Well, the supposed 18 year old gets clingy and unappealing.

The relationship takes a hit when Shane has pre-marital sex with his old GF and Emma screws a Chanel exec in the pool.  Great scene, sure, but not activities that promise fidelity.  Now on Shane's bad side, Emma tries everything to get him back.  Catfights and knife violence follow...as well as some uncomfortable deviant sex with weirdos. Now Emma dives straight into depravity and her new plan is ultra-depraved. This supposed 18 year old is growing up fast, and she better if she plans on seeing her 18th birthday.  Oh!  The ending!  Horrific. You'll ask "what just happened!?" Please...you will know what just happened, don't be naive.

Will Emma succeed in Paris without Shane's help?  Will Shane and his new women survive Emma's coming wrath?  Would these Paris models benefit from finding a boob job surgeon and perhaps an occasional smile?  Ooh!  I didn't just ask that. Damn autocorrect!.  See "The Model" and feel really slimy afterwards.