Saturday, July 28, 2018

DOA: Dead or Alive, Deadly Vixens in Peril

The sultry blonde (obviously just out of a hot shower) sits in a chair naked, covered only in a loosely draped on towel. Her antagonists sit across from her gawking and tormenting. They will arrest this jewel thief and she acts as if her gig is up. With a seductive glare she asks the detective if she can get dressed. He agrees, but no privacy will be afforded her. That's okay, the show she will put on momentarily deserves an audience. Another favor, the vixen asks the detective to hand her bra (black and lacy). He does, but carefully. The detective picks it up with the nub of his pistol and hands it to her. Still wet from a steamy shower, Christie's shiny, well shaven leg bolts up, kicks the man's hand and sends her bra and his gun skyward. The towel covering her is also sent flailing. With another kick she takes out the other cops. Christie reaches toward the heavens as her bra falls gently in place and her tormentor's gun ends up in her grip. Now armed the beauty tells the detective to "do me up." He snaps the back strap of the bra just before getting knocked out by Hong Kong's number one fugitive. Hence 2006's "DOA: Dead or Alive."
DOA is a martial arts contest with a $10 million prize attached. Only the best are invited and Christie (Holly Valance) has been invited. Also invited is Princess Kasumi (Devon Aoki). To attend, the sultry princess must leave her compound which would disgrace her family. Kasumi elects to go as her brother attended last year and has been missing ever since. Bad news for Kasumi, her purple-haired servant Ayane (Natassia Malthe) is now charged with pursuing her and killing her for dishonoring the clan. Next up...professional wrestler Tina (Jaime Pressly). When we first meet her she is destroying a band of pirates as she guzzles a Pabst Blue Ribbon while clad in a patriotic bikini. Yes! These three arrive at a remote island run by Donovan (Eric Roberts) and are pitted against competition immediately. Our three ladies all advance.
Ah, but wait. Christie not only wants to win the prize money, she also has her eyes on the well stocked vault. After all, she is a thief. Kasumi finds indications that her brother may still be alive and Donovan is fibbing about his fate. Oh yes, Ayane arrives and will engage in some well choreographed sword cat-fights with the princess. More intrigue, Tina will have to advance by fighting her dad, also a pro wrestler. Donovan has plans for these ladies and the three rivals will have to begin working together in order to survive a maniacal plan by the evil Donovan. Donovan's motives extend beyond promoting this competition as hints of world domination enter this ambitious plot. The women will also engage in gratuitous bikini volleyball, hot tub action, rose pedal baths, and pre-marital sex with sweaty male fighters.
Exploitation and schlock all the way, but that's fine. Scantily clad women with swords and plying their martial arts are plot devices we need to see more of. What did Donovan do to Kasumi's brother, and is he still alive? What plans does Donavan have for these three lovelies? Can these three warriors set aside their cat-fighting and work together to foil Donovan's fiendish plot? There is so much right about this film and don't forget about the purple-haired beauty that has invaded this plot. Directed by Corey Yuen, "DOA: Dead or Alive" is some neat 21st century exploitation.

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