Wednesday, April 26, 2017

The Food of the Gods, Giant Rats!

A Bert I. Gordon epic from American International Pictures...need I say more?  Loosely based on a portion of an H.G. Wells' story, 1976's "The Food of the Gods" is another horror story of when nature rebels.  As was the theme in many 1970s films, pollution is the culprit here.  With an all-star cast (okay, Marjoe Gortner may not be an all-star), and big rats, giant chickens (and they are a hoot...or a cluck), gargantuan wasps, and over-sized maggots, our film today is a lot more fun than an episode of "The Love Boat."
Morgan (Gortner), a pro football player, and Brian (Jon Cypher) go to an island for some horseback riding.  While riding, their buddy is picked off by wasps...big wasps.  Seeking help, they arrive at a cabin occupied by Mrs. Skinner (Ida Lupina).  There, Morgan is very fortunate to get away from Skinner's chickens, which are as big as horses.  Skinner advises them that a pool, of liquid coming out of the ground, mixed with feed, makes animals bigger.  Enter the nubile Lorna (Pamela Franklin) and her boss Jack (Ralph Meeker).  These two want to buy the stuff, and make lots of big cattle to feed the starving third-world.  At least Jack wants that...Lorna, after seeing Morgan, only wants pre-marital sex with a pro-footballer.

Too late, the rats decide that humans taste better than the gunk coming from the ground.  Uh oh, Rita (Belinda Balaski) and Tom (Tom Stovall) also join our peeps.  Rita is in labor and doesn't want her newborn eaten by monster rats.  Now trapped, Morgan comes up with a plan.  It should be noted that Morgan's previous plans were dismal failures.  As Lorna makes her desire for pre-marital sex known to Morgan, he now seems invigorated,  Not all of our schmucks will survive, but the promise of a cheap hotel room on the mainland, and an amorous Lorna may just be the inspiration Morgan needs to come up with a competent plan to kill the rats.
So, for all you Marjoe Gortner fans...or fans of giant man-eating creatures, "The Food of the Gods" is the film for you.  Next time you throw your your Pepsi can into the river, beware...nature always finds a path to revenge.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Deadly Eyes, Ravenous Dachsunds Attack the Subway

After Robert Clouse directed several Bruce Lee films, he made a horror story for our time.  They may look cute, but underneath their playful and obedient demeanor are man-eating creatures waiting for opportunity.  Dachsunds!  Beware!  Okay, 1982's "Deadly Eyes" (aka "Night Eyes") may be a film about mutant rats attacking Toronto.  However, if you realize the rats in this film are actually Dachsunds, made up to look like giant rats, this becomes a very enjoyable film.
Several complicated and riveting plot lines will all come together in toothy carnage.  Here goes. Kelly (Sara Botsford), a health department official, condemns a feed plant.  The corn feed, meant for animals, is infested with rats and spiked with steroids.  The feed is blown up and burned...problem solved...yeah right.  The rats, who have been feasting on steroids, now scatter into Toronto.  Also, hunk high school teacher, Paul (Sam Groom)  has a problem.  His lovely, and amorous student Trudy (Lisa Langlois) has a mad crush on him.  Trudy will invade Paul's shower, apartment, and bedroom, with a goal pre-marital sex with him.  Kelly and Paul fall in love and they have pre-marital sex.
Back to the Dachsunds...er...giant rats.  They begin feasting.  They burrow into a house and eat a baby and his babysitter.  They invade the park, eat Scatman Crothers, and finally converge on a bowling alley, movie theater, and subway system. As Trudy sheds more clothes in an attempt to bed Paul, Kelly actually beds him.  As the mayor sets up a big gala opening up a subway line, the Dachsunds...er...rats head over there without invites. Now Paul must act to save his new love, Kelly, before the Dach...er...giant rats get to her first.  See, Kelly is one of the mayor's guests at the gala, hence, she is also a menu item.
If the rats get Kelly, will a grieving Paul turn to a nubile Trudy?  Will our cuddly little Dachsunds ...er...I mean...monster rats feast on the mayor and Toronto subway patrons?   Lisa Langlois is very seductive, though hardly necessary in this horror story.  Horror film fans will recognize Lesleh Donaldson, who portrays Trudy's BFF.  For all of you who have never trusted Dachsunds, "Deadly Eyes" is a film for you.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Deathmaster, A Groovy Vampire

Robert Quarry was on the edge of becoming the next Vincent Price.  His portrayal as Count Yorga in Count Yorga Vampire and The Return of Count Yorga was horrific.  Though he never portrayed Yorga after the sequel, you can be forgiven for calling 1972's "Deathmaster" the third Count Yorga film. Set in the L.A. area at the tail end of the hippy generation, the vampire in this film taps into the prevalent culture at that time.  When Charles Manson, Anton LaVey, and Jim Jones were amassing doomed followers, "Deathmaster" tells the tale of one such figure, who just happens to be a bloodsucker.
Khorda (Quarry), encased in a coffin, washes up on a California beach. Homicide follows as Barbado (LaSesne Hilton) acts as his Renfield and brings his coffin to a hippie commune. Meanwhile, Pico (Bill Ewing) is a Kung-Fu hippie seeking the true meaning of life. His babe hippie GF, Rona (Brenda Dickson) is more into the 'let it be' philosophy.  Well, soon it will be, as Khorda, and his Svengali like magnetism, takes over the commune.  Unbeknownst to Pico and Brenda, he has turned every hippie into a vampire, including the lovely Esslin (Betty Anne Rees).  Unfortunately for Esslin, Rona has bigger breasts and now Khorda desires Pico's GF as his new bride.
As Khorda goes through hippies like crap through a goose, he is biting his way to Rona's neck.  As Pico gets wise, perhaps too late, he devises a plan for escape.  This plan will hit some snags and now Pico must take on Khorda and his vampire hippie minions in order to save himself and the free-spirited Rona.  Far out, I know, but the plot turns groovy and grim as Pico seems over matched by his undead nemesis.  Their will be stake carnage, leech carnage, fang carnage, and free love, man.
Will Pico find the real meaning of life before finding the real meaning of death?  Will Esslin turn jealous of Rona's body and engage in a cat-fight?  Will Khorda seek to extend his dominion of influence into a population with earning power instead of flower power?  Directed by Ray Danton, "Deathmaster" capitalizes on several hippie-era fads like free-love, pacifism, and satanism.  Shortly after this film came out, satanism fell victim to Scientology as Hollywood's new fad.  So maximize your groovy and see "Deathmaster."

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Abominable, Sasquatch vs. College Girls

Actually, this isn't quite accurate.  The Sasquatch figure may be something far more vicious.  Unlike the real Bigfoot, the monster in today's feature is taller and meaner, perhaps more like the Yeti of the Himalayas.  The college girls?  They are hardly competition to the fury nemesis they will encounter. In 2006's "Abominable," we have a nice creature feature that many of us first saw on SyFy.  In our over sensitive culture, we have made Sasquatch into a lovable misunderstood mammal.  In this flick, he is a blood-thirsty beast who eats peoples heads and guts...now that's more like it.
Preston (Matt McCoy) returns to his mountain cabin after being paralyzed in a climbing accident that took his wife.  He is scared and confined to a wheelchair. His male nurse, Otis (Christien Tinsley) is his attendant, and he turns out to be quite a malignant force.  There is good news, four babes arrive in the cabin next door.  The beauties are there to drink alcohol and smoke marijuana.  Fortunately for Preston he has binoculars.
Enter the monster.  As Preston spies on the nubile women, he sees the girls fall victim to the creature. First Karen (Ashley Hartman) is carried off, then Tracy (Tiffany Shepis) is snapped in half during a gratuitous shower scene.  As the power is cut, and phone lines go down, Preston is unable to warn his objects of desire of their impending doom.  Worse, Otis doesn't believe him and tries to tranquilize him.  As our Yeti-like thing goes through the vulnerable, and sometimes naked damsels like crap through a goose, Amanda (Haley Joel) emerges as the only semi-clean cut babe.  Soon Amanda and Preston will have to match wits to survive the murderous abomination.
Will wheelchair bound Preston and semi-skank Amanda be able to fight off a legendary killer? Do Otis and Amanda's giggly friends have any chance here? Okay, that's an easy one. There are other plot lines that are very satisfying to horror fans. In one, a group of hunters that include Jeffrey Combs and Lance Henriksen try to hunt this being.  Warning...if you watch "Abominable," make sure you see the uncut version for some nice gore and gratuitous shower scenes. Oh yes, this film was directed by Ryan Schifrin, the son of Lalo Schifrin, who does the music.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Zombie Island Massacre, Public Corruption and Zombie Carnage

Okay, think back...Rita Jenrette!  Come on.  You remember.  Need some clues.  Friends with Senator Hubert Humphrey and Edward Kennedy.  With clues like that it will come as no surprise that nudity will slip into our little game.  In 1978 she married Democratic Whip John Jenrette.  During a break in an all night House session, she and John had sexual intercourse on the Capitol steps.  Unfortunately for John, the FBI came a calling and he was convicted of taking bribes from undercover agents.  And Rita?  She did spreads for Playboy in 1981 and 1984. In 1999 Rita sued a property company for failing to pay her a commission for the sale of a high rise to Donald Trump. This brings us to 1984's "Zombie Island Massacre."  Perhaps a fitting metaphor for the swamp that is Washington, DC.
A dozen tourists take a boat excursion to the mysterious island of San Maria,  The highlight of this all day trip is a voodoo ritual in which the tourists see a zombie brought back to life.  The carnage begins here.  A pair of newlyweds (Deborah Jason and Tom Fitzsimmons) go into the bush (no...not Jeb) for sex, but are bludgeoned to death by a smelly monster.  With the bus driver and tour guide also killed, our remaining tourists try to find shelter in a villa...not a good idea.  On the way, more of them get murdered, either spiked, drowned, or strangled.  Sandy (Jenrette) is one of the remaining survivors. As some voodoo monster penetrates the house, our survivors are once again on the run.
Uh oh!  There is more to the plot than originally thought. In addition to a smelly voodoo creature, and an irate voodoo tribe, our survivors are also caught in the middle of a multi-million dollar drug deal gone bad.  Machetes, decapitations, shotguns, and spears will rule the final half hour of this film.  Oh yes, don't forget about the snakes and lizards.  Will the beautiful Sandy survive and make it to Washington, DC to marry her congressman?  Is the voodoo in this film a metaphor for the inner workings of the U.S. Congress?
The film opens with a gratuitous nude shower scene of Ms. Jenrette. The nudity then gives way to the gory carnage.  Don't cry for Ms. Jenrette.  She later received an MBA from Harvard and married a prince from Rome...I'm not kidding.  She is the lady of a huge Italian castle now, living in filthy luxury.  You can't make this stuff up.  As for John Jenrette...not quite as happy an ending.  In 1989 he was arrested for shoplifting in the DC area.  As for "Zombie Island Massacre"?  Good or mediocre, our film today is a neat footnote to one of the nations most notorious political scandals, commonly known as ABSCAM.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

They Came from Beyond Space, Silver-Plated Hero

For all of us less than perfect film fans, 1967's "They Came from Beyond Space" is a flick we can identify with.  Our hero is a middle-aged scientist, recovering from an automobile accident.  His main squeeze is his fellow scientist, a frumpy and icy non-babe.  Sure, the plot may be way out there (...as the title suggests), but the brainiacs who will save the Earth actually look like smart schmucks.
Six supposed meteorites land in formation on a Cornwall farm.  Arden (Bernard Kay), a government space agency guy, tries to summon Dr. Curtis Temple (Robert Hutton) to investigate.  But wait!  Temple isn't a meteorite expert, but an authority on extraterrestrial life.  Because of the silver plate inserted in his skull after his accident, Temple's doctor refuses him permission to travel, so he sends the sultry...er...well, hardly sultry...frumpy  in fact, GF Lee (Jennifer Jayne) in his place.  Here is where the space excrement hits the propulsion system.  Despite asking his plain-Jane GF to keep in contact, Temple and his agency are cut off from communication with the team studying the space rocks.
See, the meteorites emit some signal that possesses the bodies and minds of all the scientists and townspeople.  Now the possessed Earthlings requisition weapons and heavy construction equipment. Worried about Lee, Temple heads to Cornwall.  He finds the entire place is hostile to him and has to avoid machine-gun fire.  As Temple picks up a few non-possessed allies, a mysterious plague wipes out all his friends and the remainder of the townsfolk.  Now, on his own, he spies rocket launches from Cornwall to the Moon.  Our middle-aged hero gets bold and will eventually find himself in a battle of wits with the Master of the Moon (Michael Gough).
Will Temple get his perfect 5 girlfriend back?  What is the deal with the rocket launches, the plague, and the Master of the Moon? Sure, Brad Pitt and Scarlett Johansson would have looked better in the starring roles, but they wouldn't have been as likable. By the way, have you noticed that Ms. Johansson looks more and more like Christopher Walken everyday?  For some spaced out fun and suspense, enjoy "They Came from Beyond Space,"  directed by Freddie Francis.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Mormozine, Friend of Zisi Emporium

New feature on my blog begins today.  Once a month or so I will highlight some talented individuals who have been great friends to  my blogging efforts.  In the realm of horror, I was happy to meet up with the very spooky (I mean that as flattery) Mormo.  Mormo has a dynamic YouTube channel Mormo on YouTube and webpage Mormo Webpage . My own bias is for Mormo's reviews on YouTube. If you are always looking for unique views on horror coupled with videos of original films, check out Mormo.  Also, follow Mormo on Twitter by clicking this link Mormo on Twitter .

Friday, April 14, 2017

Mary, Mary, Bloody Mary, Stunning Bisexual Vampire Attacks Mexico

Christina Ferrare may most notably be known as the wife of John DeLorean. The Italian/American beauty was a model for Max Factor before she signed on with the Ford Agency. After gracing the covers of several fashion mags, Ms. Ferrare began a film career.  This beauty was beat out by Jaclyn Smith, in 1976, for a leading role in "Charlie's Angels." The alluring actress turned in a very unusual performance in 1975's "Mary, Mary, Bloody Mary."  Is she a diminutive beauty victimized by monsters?  Or...is she the monster?
The beautiful damsel Mary (Ferrare) breaks down and finds shelter in an abandoned house on a stormy night.  Wouldn't you know it, Ben (David Young) has also hunkered down there.  Mary takes an immediate liking to Ben.  This may or may not be good news for our hunk, as Mary is a vampire. We see Mary seduce, and boy can she seduce, her prey, drug them, and then drink their blood.  These seductions usually come with much nudity and the promise of pre-marital sex.  Ben is different.  He has no clue, and doesn't realize that Mary looks at him, not only as an object of lustful desire, but also as a menu item.
Mary is an artist, prancing through Mexico...drinking the blood of the curious.  As Ben moves in with her, she needs to feed.  Enter Greta (Helene Rojo), a very sexy art agent who lusts after Mary. In a moment of carnal hunger, Mary accepts an invitation of an intimate bath with Greta.  During the bath, Mary drugs her and drinks her blood.  The Mexican police and the FBI are hot on the vampire's trail, as the body count is in the dozens.  Uh oh...a mysterious man in black (John Carradine) shows up and starts draining Mexicans.  This menacing vampire is also in pursuit of Mary.  As Mary stays one step ahead of the police, the man in black gets closer.  Oh yeah, Ben still has no clue.  This ignorance on Ben's part may indeed get him eaten.
Can Mary love Ben as something other than a juicy pork chop?  Who is this vampire in black, and what does he want with our nubile heroine...or monster, I should say?  Is being drained of blood by this beautiful vampire worth losing one's life over?  Ms. Ferrare turns in a very steamy performance as a bisexual fiend.  For some quirky, yet very steamy horror from Mexico, see "Mary, Mary, Bloody Mary" directed by Juan Lopez Moctezuma.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Fire Maidens of Outer Space, Dancing Spacebabes

La la la...Take my hand...la la la..I'm a stranger in paradise...la la la!  Yep, You'll be humming that for days after you see 1956's "Fire Maidens of Outer Space."  To give the lovely spacebabes credit, they do perform a very erotic dance number to that tune...in fact, several dance numbers that would seduce the most hardened spaceman. For gritty realism and thought provoking scifi, let us look at "Fire Maidens of Outer Space."
In the spirit of world peace and harmony a space expedition is put together to Jupiter's 13th moon. That moon is believed to have the same atmosphere as Earth.  We see the prep for the mission which consists of a very gratuitous secretary shot (including a peek up her skirt) and some neat product placement advertisement for Longines watches, and Coke. Forget about the buxom secretary, for our five-man crew led by Captain Larson (Paul Carpenter) and Blair (Anthony Dexter) are about to discover something even more nubile and seductive.  The ship is contacted before landing by a mysterious voice and guided to a landing zone.
Once on the 13th moon, our crew is beset by a lame, and ineffective creature. They rescue the very shapely fire maiden, Hestia (Susan Shaw) from the dweeby terror.  She brings Larson and Blair to a castle compound inhabited by the survivors of the lost continent of Atlantis.  The survivors consist of dozens of sultry spacebabes (fire maidens), all waiting for men to mate with.  Space travel can be tough, I know. Uh oh, Hestia is promised to Blair, who saved her life, making Duessa (Jacqueline Curtis) jealous. Duessa then plots Hestia's fiery demise.  As the creature breeches the compound walls, and Hestia is grabbed and put in mortal danger, Blair and Larson must act to save the nubile damsels.
Will our spacebabes put jealousy aside and help our crew fight the evil, if not lame creature?  Will all the crew members find mates in the ranks of the fire maidens?  Will the existence of the fire maidens push back gender relations, here on Earth, decades?  Okay, the creature is very lame, but the fire maidens, and their seductive dance routines are what make this film.  For pure B movie fun, ripped right out of today's headlines (...okay, maybe not), see "Fire Maidens of Outer Space," directed by Cy Roth.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Blood of Dracula's Castle, Vampires vs. Babes

Today we look at 1969's "Blood of Dracula's Castle." Made by Al Adamson, an icon of cheesy exploitation films.  Fans of this blog will appreciate Mr. Adamson's choice of a swimsuit model as one of the protagonists, and several scantily clad nubile women as damsels in much distress. One must give Mr. Adamson credit here, as modern films cast stunning twenty-somethings as leading scientists in their field...how realistic is that?  Besides, who do we, as an enlightened society, value more...the scientist or the swimsuit model?
Dracula and his bride (Alexander D'Arcy and Paula Raymond) are living in California under the titles Count and Countess Townsend.  As our film begins, their ghoulish servant, Mango (Ray Young), abducts the beautiful Ann (Vicki Volante). Ann is only the latest nubile babe imprisoned in the Count's dungeon.  He and the Countess feed off the blood of these girls and keep them alive and chained in that dungeon.  Uh oh, the Townsends' only rent the castle and photographer Glen (Gene Otis Shayne) inherits it.  Glen's fiance, swimsuit model Liz (Jennifer Bishop) wants to live in the castle with Glen.  The lovebirds head to the castle to evict the Townsends.
The Count and Countess eagerly await Johnny's (Robert Dix) arrival.  He is the psycho henchman who just escaped from prison and enjoys murdering women in bikinis.  He and the lovebirds arrive at the same time, and the Townsends set him on Glen and Liz.  As our protagonists find the chained women, Johnny gets the jump on them and chains them up also.  Oh no! Remember Ann?  She is a virgin.  This will doom her to a fate worse than death as the next full moon arrives. As Johnny sexually harasses Ann with a dagger, Glen plots escape, and the Count and Countess ready themselves for their next feeding.
Will the virgin Ann survive the vampires and Johnny?  Will swimsuit model Liz be unbitten in her next photo-shoot?  The vampire story meets drive-in sexploitation.  Scantily clad women are more prominent in this film than fangs.  As the beauties are gradually drained of blood by the Count and Countess, you'll be rooting for them to escape and turn the tables on their tormentors.  For some gratuitous and exploitative fun, catch "Blood of Dracula's Castle."

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Saturn 3, A Charlie's Angel in much Peril

Farrah Fawcett was, at best, a mediocre actress.  However, the first season of "Charlie's Angels" made her an A-list celebrity.  Interestingly enough, that hit 1970s TV show was sandwiched by two science fiction hit films, also starring Ms. Fawcett.  "Logan's Run" and today's feature, 1980's "Saturn 3."  With Ms. Fawcett, this much maligned film had a powerhouse cast, also featuring Kirk Douglas and Harvey Keitel...and a bloodthirsty killer robot.
Adam (Douglas) has it good.  He runs an experimental food lab on one of Saturn's moon.  This lab produces food for a famine plagued Earth.  His only companion is Alex (Fawcett). The two are quite fond of each other, and have lots of pre-marital sex together, take lots of showers together, and slap each other's naked bodies...and then more pre-marital sex.  Uh oh...Benson (Keitel) arrives.  He was sent by the company to help out...but how?  Immediately he hits on Alex and asks her for sex...understandable.  The gentleman that he is, he even offers Alex a date-rape drug so she wouldn't be aware of the ensuing intercourse.  She refuses, and Adam develops a dislike for his new rival.

Benson has brought a robot with him, which he builds in the lab.  The robot is fused with real brain tissue, and our third party infuses his own brain's thoughts into the robot's. Hector is the robot's name and it knows Benson is a lunatic.  With Benson's thoughts, Hector desires pre-marital sex with Alex, as well.  As Alex continues to thwart Benson's crude advances, Hector's advances are a bit more violent.  Uh oh...Benson turns out to be a psycho killer, but Hector proves to be even more dangerous. With two lovelorn intruders, Adam's life expectancy takes a hit.  Will Adam be able to save Alex from a fate worse than death?  With human brain tissue, will Hector be able to mate with the nubile Alex?
This is a snazzy looking scifi flick...and not only because of our stunning damsel.  Hector, the monster robot is menacing and the scenes of the Saturn moon are eerie. Whether nude, in white lingerie, or leather pants, Ms. Fawcett is a very capable spacebabe.  For some gratuitous fun and suspense, check out "Saturn 3," directed by Stanley Donen. Remember, in the future, not only are all men pigs, but all robots are also.
NOTE: If you can, find the scene, deleted from most cuts, of Douglas and Fawcett on Ecstasy as Ms. Fawcett is clad in a black leather dominatrix outfit.

Friday, April 7, 2017

I See You, Another Meosha Bean Shocker

She's sleek.  Sexy. Confident! ...and great at what she does.  Our leather jacket clad darling may be a heroine...or a villain.  See, she's a thief, you could say.  Breaking into places and stealing items is what she does.  As our short film (just under 10 minutes) begins, our gal (played by this film's director Meosha Bean) is breaking into a a dark house.  However good she is, Murphy's Law applies to her as well, as the electricity has been turned off.
Ms. Bean
Remember Francis Ford Coppola's "The Conversation," starring Gene Hackman?  A very weird suspense yarn.  Hackman played a guy who bad guys paid top dollar to bug rooms.  The creepy part of this film is when it was revealed that someone even more seedier and capable than Hackman turned the tables on him.  "I See You" is a film in the style of this Coppola near classic.  Soon after entering the premises, our gal realizes that a sinister force is in the house with her.
How does a smooth and talented young lady perform when the tables have been turned on her in a very dark and creepy setting?  As the lass begins to fall apart, her new nemesis is emboldened.  Will our heroine (or anti-hero) recover and prove to be a worthy opponent to an unseen force?  This short horror flick (many will term it a thriller) is filled with suspense and mystery.  The ending is a shocker, which is the norm for Meosha Bean films.  Also kudos to Kinter Ferguson, who wrote and co-directed this film.
To view "I See You" click on this link I See You

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Pinata Survival Island, More College Babes and Hunks Slaughtered

Hot sorority babes! Buff fraternity hunks! A deserted island! A scavenger hunt for underwear! A cranky monster!  Booze...pot...pre-marital sex...decapitations...disembowelment...and much more (...as if there needs to be more). Also, though not top-billed, this film includes a stellar performance by Lara Wickes (aka Lara Boyd Rhodes).  Ms. Wickes, as doomed Lisa, is a stunning blonde beauty put through horror and tortuous carnage throughout the entire film.
The doomed Lisa
Sorority babes and fraternity hunks converge on a deserted island for the traditional Cinco de Mayo scavenger hunt (...for underwear).  I know, don't those college kids ever watch these films.  The rules of the hunt are weird.  Boy is paired up with girl, and they are handcuffed together.  Tina (Jaime Pressly) and Kyle (Nicholas Brendon) are paired up, and are also BF and GF on the outs.  Oh yes, we learn of a backstory of a centuries old evil pinata (...yes pinata), which has just washed ashore.  The kids hit the island seeking boxers and other undies.  Lisa (Wickes) and Bob (Robert Tena) find the pinata, and foolishly try to break it open, releasing a very evil force.  Bob pays right away as his head is crushed, and the petrified Lisa is on the run.  Her torment will be bloody and fatal, I'm afraid.
The bickering Tina and Kyle
The evil panata is a demon with hooves, and it goes on a murderous rampage.  As Lisa runs, the fiend disposes of a very amorous Connie (Tressa DiFiglia) and Larry (Aeryk Egan) in gory fashion.  As the other babes and hunks start finding body parts, the survivors attempt to escape.  Not so fast, the demon has destroyed their boats.  A nice decapitation and disembowelment ensue, and Tina and Kyle must find all the survivors, and attempt to turn the tables on their evil tormentor.
The evil pinata
Will Kyle and Tina put their petty spat aside and team up to kill the monster pinata. In addition to shredding the fair Lisa (alas, her demise was hardly a quick one), does the pinata have any other plans for this nubile coed?  Is this film a mere metaphor for the carnage that the college Greek system inflicts upon the images of females in sororities? A far fetched plot and far fetched pinata monster are compensated by a party-like plot speed, with lots of gore and great looking characters.  100% enjoyable, catch "Pinata Survival Island" (aka "Demon Island" and "Survival Island"), and avoid the dull summer blockbusters coming out next month.  

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Squirm, When Spaghetti Attacks

Today we have a real icky one from 1976.  A warning for you all, some of the images presented in this gem will stay with you for a long time, especially if you enjoy spaghetti dinners.  Deep in plot and worms, "Squirm" will affect you every time a mysterious itch occurs or when dining at an Italian restaurant.  Perhaps a social metaphor about the theoretical carnage that occurs when cultures collide, "Squirm" is more likely a gratuitous attempt to maximize the heeby-jeeby level of the horror fan.
After a monster storm, a powerful power line falls sending billions of volts into the ground.  Geri (Patricia Pearcy), a red-neck babe, welcomes her city-boy boyfriend, Mick (Don Scardino) to town.  Uh-oh, Geri and her mom and sister Alma (Fran Higgins) live next to a worm farm.  Double uh-oh, the electricity in the ground causes the worms to go bananas and eat humans.  Oh yes, the half-wit Roger (R.A. Dow), a worm farm worker, has eyes for the red-neck babe and sees Mick as an unwelcome invasion to his potential courtship. Lots of preliminary action sees the worms popping out of milkshakes and shower heads, but the real fun is about to start.
As Mick and Geri try to get the town to believe worms are on the offensive, some gruesome deaths occur.  The little buggers burrow under skin and into vital organs, eventually leaving their victims as mere skeletons.  Meanwhile, Roger's failed attempt to rape Geri lands him with a faceful of worms He then seems to transform into a worm-man. As local red-necks are eaten, the sheriff and his skank GF engage in pre-marital sex.  Unfortunately for the gal, she realizes that it isn't the sheriff who is satisfying her, but those bloodthirsty worms...ouch! As billions of worms begin to cover the town in a five foot wave of ickyness, Mick and Geri try to survive.
This is a yucky one!  Written and directed by Jeff Lieberman, "Squirm" is an important film about the conflict between the big city and rural America...er...okay, perhaps it's just a fun film for hardcore horror fans. Next time you go fishing, and stop off at a bait store for some night-crawlers, be careful of the little fiends you intend to impale on a hook.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Shock Waves, Nazi Zombies

Decades before "Dead Snow," Nazi zombies were already on the prowl.  Unlike that film, 1977's "Shock Waves" is devoid of all humor, and quite ominous.  True, we are treated to the nubile and perky Brooke Adams running around, in much peril, in a nice yellow bikini through the entire film...however, the images put forth in this flick are quite haunting. In contrast to our bikini clad damsel, the antagonists are creepy, not only because they are Nazis, but they will give you the willies in so many other ways.
Ben Morris (John Carradine) is an incompetent captain of a boat cruising some privileged tourists.  He gets them lost, and his boat becomes disabled when a ghost freighter nearly collides with them.  After a weird solar storm, Ben goes missing (for good), and the first mate Keith (Luke Halpin) leads the passengers to an uncharted island.  Most of the passengers are of the throw away variety, and they will be, but the lovely and shapely Rose (Adams) seems with it...for now.  Our guests find a deserted hotel occupied by an old SS commander (Peter Cushing) who warns them to leave as a great danger approaches.
From a mysterious wreck emerges a horde of Nazi zombies.  These creatures are a failed Nazi experiment in which dead soldiers were revived to fight the allied forces.  Unfortunately, they killed everyone they met, including Germans.  Now the zombies, who live underwater, stalk our castaways.  One by one, as the zombies hide in shallow water, the saps get hauled under to their death.  As the bikini clad Rose and hunk Keith lead the survivors back to the hotel, Keith comes up with a really stupid idea.  Now the zombies converge on the hotel, and Keith's dumb idea starts to fall apart.
Will the sultry, and scantily clad Rose survive her new boyfriend's idiocy?  What is Peter Cushing's relationship with these fiends?  Is there any stopping these dregs of the Third Reich, or are they destined to make it to the mainland?  Directed by Ken Wiederhorn, "Shock Waves" has aged well. Unlike today's zombie films, this film delivers scares in a subtle, but lasting manner.  For a zombie film which will work on you in a psychological sense, and not so much a shock flick, see "Shock Waves" on YouTube.