Friday, January 18, 2019

Serial Kaller, Phone Sex Blood Bath

Wow! What an ending! Shocking, twisted, gory...and it goes places even the more extreme horror films of our times won't go. Hence the magnum opus of Dani Thompson (star, producer, writer, costume lady, etc.), 2014's "Serial Kaller." Forget about lines in the sand, this horror movie speeds  past them. Gratuitous in kinkiness and gore, with tons of some really imaginative kills, "Serial Kaller" might be the most graphic fright-fest you have seen this millennium.
Some of the most buxom and shapely women you have ever seen man an internet phone sex studio. The lingerie clad beauties are waiting for you to call in so they can talk dirty to you. The seductresses talk to customers while the schmucks watch them on the computer. Tonya (Thompson) and Claudia (Lucinda Rhodes) are buddies and and seem to have what it takes to be the final girl. Uh oh...performers will eventually start meeting gruesome fates. Two of the performers have set themselves apart and double team on the phones, Lucy (Suzi Lorraine) and Frankie (Jessica Ann Brownlie). The gals may seem amicable to each other, but deep down, they want to scratch each other's eyes out. As the sultry get sliced and diced, the suspects increase.
There is a weird caller (are there any other kinds in this industry?). There is a maniacal producer who is also a pervert, Jack (Stuart Brennan). Then there is Steph (Debbie Rochon). Though as sultry as the fetish gals, she is rejected when she tries to get a job at the studio. The other girls make fun of her age and are cruel. Steph, a cocktail waitress, must watch as the gals behave badly at her lounge. I haven't even mentioned the backstory that opens the film, but suffice it to say, it does provide a twisted motive for the butcherings. Electricity, big knives, disembowelment, drowning, pavement, and a BDSM whip are only a few of the murder weapons.
The trashier the gal, the more gory the death in this one. Is there a pervert caller or crew member responsible for the puree of the beautiful? Could one of the stunning sex-gals be eliminating her competition? Is whatever is contained in the backstory related to the massacre? Though none of the gals merit us pulling for them, we still pick favorites (mine are Claudia and Tanya). This film goes too far but for fans of this blog, that's all right. 50% allure and beauty, and 50% of spilled blood and guts, "Serial Kaller" (directed by Dan Brownlie) is a must for the hardcore (use that term how you wish) horror fan.

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

The 7th Hunt, Slaughter of the Annoying

Ominous...dark...without humor...gory...perhaps torture-porn...many will detest this film. Hardcore horror fans will find a gem. This is one of those movies that half who see it will be angered by it, and the other half will laugh and cheer. In 2009's "The 7th Hunt," don't get too attached to any one character as you might be disappointed. Will there be a 'final girl' here? You'll see. Survive or not, everyone will be bloodied and tortured.
Some wealthy criminal cabal has organized a hunt. The game? Great looking college aged hunks and babes...all with flaws, will be hunted. There will be Callie the Goth (Cassady Maddox), her sister Ariel the deaf athlete (Imogen Bailey), Ricky the misogynist (Matthew Charleston), and Sarah the spoiled and pampered rich girl (Olivia Solomons). They will all be abducted and preyed upon by an even more interesting gang of killers. My favorite is 'The Hand' (Tasneem Roc). She tortures with her martial arts and will be assigned to the misogynist. Our deaf sweetheart will be tortured and broken by 'The Sniper' (Jason Stojanovski)...this will be heartbreaking, be warned. The bloodiest is the 'The Knife' (Malcolm Frawley) and what he does to pretty young Sarah...eek!
As our abductees are bloodied and maybe'll see, we are let in on some weird dynamics. For example, the sultry Hand desires to kill another hunter, 'The Inquisitor' (Sarah Mawbey). 'The Inquisitor' is having sex with 'The Hand's' dad. The beauties are headed for a showdown themselves and the blood will flow even between the hunters. The hunt is more of a slaughter and the good won't fare well. Callie the Goth emerges as the one with the most fight, but beware, 'The Inquisitor' may just be playing with her. Knives, clippers, rifles, BDSM torture devices, and electricity are just a few of these torture and murder tools utilized on the beautiful victims.
Will any of these beauties survive the hunt and if so...what will be in store for them? The maker's of this film surely won't kill off a beautiful, clean-cut, deaf track star...will they? Will the sultry 'Hand' punish her rival 'Inquisitor' in a cat-fight to the death? I've left so much of the plot out but if you like your horror hardcore, bloody, and without mercy...see Jon Cohen's "The Seventh Hunt." This is one of the best Australian films of the 21st century.

Monday, January 14, 2019

Le Fear, A Werewolf...A Vampire...Beauty in the Swamp

A film noir take on the Yugoslavian take on werewolves! Yep, there is beauty in the swamp if you look in the right places. Jason Croot has crafted a film that shows us the importance of looking for beauty in the swamp. Today we look at "Le Fear," in which a bloke making a movie will need to find the beauty when everyone around him only sees swamp waste. What follows is hilarious, and what many of you filmmakers might see as biting reality.
Carlos (Kyri Saphiris) rents a warehouse to film a horror film. Interspersed with a casting call, our filmmaker sweet talks...and scams...a shady money-man (Fred Moss) to fund the project. Carlos isn't really into minute details and nailing down facts isn't a priority for him...and either is checking references. In several hilarious takes, we see Carlos choose his leading lady, Debbie D (Lucinda Rhodes) and leading man, Leon (Spencer Austin). These two will gel like Mentos and Diet Coke. In fairness to Carlos, a lot of us guys would be wooed by Debby D's adult-film experience. Also hired are the crew and they are something. Ilona Saic is Gabby the make-up lady, and her assistant, Pretty (Meaw Davis). As Pretty hawks pirated DVDs the entire film, Gabby talks non-stop about herself.
The filming begins and the talent appear as competent as a government funded health care program. The scenes get filmed with lots of takes and the egos and eccentricities of the cast and crew nearly tank production. Oh yes, the werewolf and vampire? You will have to see them. I'm not saying they're not scary and maybe a bit silly looking, but I have rarely have laughed so hard. As everyone turns negative and threatens to give up, Carlos keeps finding the beauty in the swamp of a production. Assuaging the egos of his talent and keeping his crew feeleing relevant, Carlos has taken on a herculean task.
Those of you have made films will recognize most of these scenes. As ridiculous as they may seem, the eccentricities of the creative do lend themselves to hilarity and weirdness. Sure, Jason Croot's "Le Fear" is a comedy about a schmuck making a horror film...but may also be a realistic chronicle of making a movie with slimy producers and the more...shall we say...creative elements of our population. For tons of laughs, see Jason Croot's "Le Fear."

Saturday, January 12, 2019

I Come In Peace, Intergalactic Drug War

"Peace" is a funny word. Like "love," no one's definition of it is the same. Your definition of "peace" may be my definition of "enslavement." The Peace (anti-nuclear) Movement of the 1980s failed miserably because anti-nuclear activists couldn't convince anyone they weren't Communists in sheep's clothing. In the world of malignant space aliens, their definition of "peace" may be our ruination. Hence 1990's "I Come In Peace" (aka "Dark Angel") starring Dolph Lundgren.
An undercover drug deals goes bad...very bad. Detective Jack Caine's partner is killed and a seven-foot albino space alien (Matthias Hues) shows up. This alien kills most of the bad guys with a space weapon before Jack can come onto the scene. A Houston drug cartel is ticked and blame Jack for ruining their business. Our alien friend is an intergalactic drug dealer and starts killing schmucks. The monster kills, then sucks out his victim's brain fluid and mixes it with heroine he stole from the dead cartel baddies. His plan is to feed off humans, stealing their brain fluid, make more drugs and sell the drugs on his home planet.
Enter Jay Bilas...Duke basketball star...but in this film, an intergalactic narc. He chases the albino monster through Houston as Jack does the same. Jack teams up with an FBI agent (Brian Benben) and successfully irritates the albino.  Some neat chase scenes and lots of kills by the monster...and gunfights keep this action/horror flick interesting. Everything points to a final conflict with Dolph Lundgren and the albino alien...but first there will be a great battle with those two, Houston cops, the drug cartel, and maybe another irritant or two. The final confrontation will be classic Dolph Lundgren and will include some neat one-liners.
Will Dolph Lundgren team up with Jay Bilas and perhaps make this ESPN commentator semi-interesting? Will the albino space creature or the FBI be more of an irritant to Dolph Lundgren? Will Dolph Lundgren's Earth-man weapons be any match for the albino's space weapons? I guess the "Just Say No" campaign did not take hold outside our solar system (...or inside it, either). For some neat 1990 scifi/horror, see one of Dolph Lundgren's best films, "I Come In Peace."

Thursday, January 10, 2019

6 Models in Hell, Torture of the Beautiful

Ahhhh...vanity! Not always a likable trait. Being beautiful is one thing...knowing you're beautiful can be downright ugly. In the cut-throat world of fashion modelling, beauty can be skin deep. This will be unfortunate for three babes and three hunks as an ominous presence will get below their skin with all sorts of cutting tools. Hence 2012's Simi Van Scoy film "6 Models in Hell."
Six models answer an ad and show up at a mysterious warehouse. Toni (Nikiya Palombi) is a Russian beauty. Sharon (Joale Norris) is a buxom egotistical slut. Tiffani (Jennifer Renee price) is a clueless blonde ditz. Joe (Krishna Tailor) is a GQ type steeped in vanity. Laura (Erica Saben) is a beauty of a tomboy. Mark (Jose Rosete) is a linebacker type who rapes women. Joining them is an actor, the mysterious Glenn (Tony Slade). As they all meet, several cat-fights brew and the guys throw around their testosterone. Insults are flung and cruelty rules the day. Exotic Toni and Glenn seem to be into each other and it appears Tiffani still isn't over Mark's humiliating rape of her. Uh oh...some mysterious women appear and they may be ghosts.
After a weird elevator ride, the models get separated and Glenn appears to all of them...not as an actor but as a tormentor. Glenn will oversee their torture and dismemberment. Hooks, castration, scalpels and other torture devices will be used. The beautiful and handsome are now facing their character flaws and justice is being meted out. Some of the beautiful will die quickly, others will undergo horrendous torture. But wait! Is there an escape? As Glenn emerges as a demon, at least one of the models may have a way out...and it won't be with weapons or keys.
Will Tiffani be able to turn the tables on her rapist, Mark? If Toni does get to have pre-marital sex with Glenn, will she ...well...forget I even went there. Just what is the way out and do any of these miserable sorts have what it takes to escape? Low budget all the way "6 Models in Hell" is a morality tale with some nice acting. Not always an easy film to watch despite the easy on the eyes actors and actresses, this film is a sleeper that is infinitely better than "Aquaman."

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Secret Agent Super Dragon, Even Better Than James Bond

A gym full of nubile college coeds playing basketball. Then, in an instant, the world's biggest cat-fight as all the coeds try to rip each other apart. This is what is at stake in this 1966 action/exploitation flick, "Secret Agent Super Dragon." As the James Bond franchise has gotten moody, dark, and irrelevant, we harp back to a more innocent time where nubile babes often ended up in states of undress and a square jaw hero was always nearby to have pre-marital sex with them. There will be nubile coeds, nubile femme-fatales, nubile secret agents, and nubile local skanks...all seeking carnal relations with the handsome protagonist.
Michigan college students are acting weird, violent, and sometimes homicidal. Okay, I know...but in 1966 this was mildly weird. Bryan (Ray Danton) aka Super Dragon, takes the case after his colleague is killed. He heads to the Michigan college where nubile babes flock to him before turning into vicious killing machines. Bryan finds out that a mysterious shipment from Amsterdam arrived at the college and was used to infect the students. Off to Amsterdam he goes where he is met by another secret agent, Charity Farrel (Marisa Mell). Uh oh...she's sultry and will have pre-marital sex with Bryan, but can she be trusted.
Charity and Bryan trace the mysterious drug to a mad-scientist (Carlo D'Angelo) named Lamas. Lamas, unbeknownst to Bryan, has hooked Charity on the drug. Uh oh, another beautiful woman has already died from the effects of the drug. Bryan calls his favorite secret agent colleague to join him, Comfort (Margaret Lee). Comfort arrives and after some pre-marital sex with Bryan, is a target of Lamas and Charity's jealousy.  As Lamas' men try to kill Bryan, Comfort gets all dolled up to infiltrate Lamas' mansion and laboratory...uh oh, they are ready for her. Both Comfort and Charity will be put in much peril and Comfort will be stripped to her undies in preparation for torture. Bryan, smarter than James Bond, might just be able to save them and also rid the college scene of the evil intentions of a twisted mad-scientist.
Will Bryan be in time to save the underwear clad Secret Agent Comfort? Will Comfort and Charity engage in a knockdown-drag out cat-fight? Are students at large American universities worth being saved? This one features a lot of cheesecake and beefcake, with much corny action and little devices that would make James Bond proud. For some fun action and visually pleasing characters, see "Secret Agent Super Dragon."

Sunday, January 6, 2019

Heart of Midnight, That Black Leather Night Club Gown

Ahhhh, the 1980s. Those of us who endured that magical decade remember browsing through Blockbuster and scoping out the neat box art on those VHS cases. Under the thriller section there was one that caught our eye...the sultry blonde with the bare-back leather party gown on the cover. Jennifer Jason be specific. Hence today's feature, 1988's "Heart of Midnight." Many compare it to a David Lynch film...I guess I could see that. I, however, saw it more as a Roman Polanski type film with Ms. Leigh as a similar sort as Catherine Deneuve in "Repulsion." Mentally unstable and fastly becoming more unstable...perhaps the same plight we all share.
She's totally insane but meds are helping her control violent outbursts and weird hallucinations. Carol (Leigh) is pretty though, so we pull for her. In a strategy to cure her insanity she arrives at a dilapidated nightclub (The Midnight) to take over its restoration and to re-open it. The place belonged to her Uncle Fletcher (Sam Schact) and he left it to her when he died. Uh oh...Fletch was a pedophile and much more and Carol dislikes to be touched...can you guess why? Immediately the spooky place affects Carol, strange visions and sordid memories of her and Uncle Fletcher start haunting her. Double uh oh, ghosts seem to occupy the place. It is unclear if the ghosts are protecting Carol or bent on her demise. The apparent ghosts enable Carol to be gang raped and also see to the destruction of the rapists.
As Carol is deluged with images of her uncle's pedophilia, BDSM lifestyle, and some snuff, the visions and haunting continue. Enter the apparent;y sleazy Larry (Peter Coyote). He knows all about Uncle Fletcher and he tries to romance Carol and also dive into the secrets of The Midnight. Those apparent ghosts? They are getting homicidal and some nice gore will enter the plot. Unable to figure out if Larry is a potential lover or someone to fear, Carol begins fighting unseen forces on her own armed with a revolver and her insanity. Oh yes, there will be a weird and twisted conclusion which will feature that backless, leather BDSM gown.
Could insane Carol be the malignant force causing much carnage at The Midnight? Are the ghosts merely the tortured souls of children tortured and killed by Fletcher? Would we be pulling for the bent Carol of she weren't pretty? This is a twisted and vicious tale of an insane woman and Jennifer Jason Leigh pulls off that portrayal magnificently. For some perverted carnage, some gore, and great acting see Matthew Chapman's "Heart of Midnight."