Nutcracker Massacre, A Bloody Holiday

Admit it.  You dread it.  Being pulled, against your will, to see (or watch) "A Christmas Carol" or "The Nutcracker."  Yet, you go without complaining.  You realize how evil you would sound if you raise an objection.  After all...every decent bloke just loves those two Christmas staples.  If you must endure this torture, treat yourself by taking in 2022's "Nutcracker Massacre," directed by Rebecca Matthews.  You will even see some poor sap's nuts get cracked by the evil Nutcracker. 

Clara (Beatrice Fletcher) is sad.  The nubile babe just dumped her worthless boyfriend Paul (Andy Dixon).  See, Paul cheated on Clara by having pre-marital sex with Bai (Chrissy Wunna).  Wait until you see Bai...how could we blame him? Unfortunately, she will die horribly at the hands of the evil monster nutcracker...no surprise here.  Sad as she is she accepts an invitation to do Christmas at her Aunt Marie's (Julie Stevens) place.  Marie is also a babe.  Also headed to Marie's is her daughter Mousey (May Kelly) and her hunk beau, James (Stephen Staley).  Oh yes...Mousey and Clara hate one another.  On her way to Marie's, Clara stops off at an old curiosity shop and buys Marie a gift...a nutcracker.  The creepy old proprietor, Dmitri (Patrick Bergin), has other intentions. 

Yep...you guessed it.  Paul will find his way to Marie's to try to woo Clara back.  Uh oh...Marie has an evil looking six foot tall nutcracker next to the tree.  Whatever Dmitri sold Clara brings this behemoth ornament to life...and it is angry.  One by one, each kill gorier than the last, our characters meet their demises at the hands of the possessed nutcracker.  Poor Bai...she was such a babe...but she'll get it as she is fileted by an ice skate.  Some of the characters deserve it...but not all.  Why is the fiend murdering Clara's kin and friends?  We eventually find out and the backstory, relayed by Dmitri, is horrific.  Now Clara figures out what is going on, but also realizes, she needs the two-timing Paul to mount a counteroffensive.

Any chance of Bai returning from the dead, this is a horror film, and engaging in a catfight with the nubile Clara?  Does the evil and possessed nutcracker have plans for Clara?  Will Mousey and Paul face extra gory deaths?  If you must endure the aforementioned Christmas classics, treat yourself and consider "Nutcracker Massacre" as some needed therapy.  

Cold Fusion, Lesbian Strippers Battle UFOs and Ukranians

The President, Congress, the media, our intelligence community...they are all lying to us.  Don't listen to any of them in trying to figure out what actually is happening in The Ukraine.  In 2014, the Obama Administration and the CIA overthrew the Ukrainian government and installed this Zelenskyy bozo.  Because of this, World War 3 looms.  Hence our film today, 2011's "Cold Fusion," directed by Ivan Mitov.  Alas, this film may shed some light on what is really going on.  As hokey as it is, the makers of "Cold Fusion" seemed to have it right.

In 1982 Soviet fighters shoot down a UFO near Kiev.  A secret lab is stood up to determine what made the UFO tick, with special attention to its weapons system.  Fast forward, present day...Iowa is blown up by an EMP...very sad...our government puts out a cover story that Islamic terrorists did it.  We know better and American army guy, Jack Unger (Adrian Paul) sends a sultry mercenary, Lila (Sarah Brown) to Moscow. She is told to hook up with Russian agent, Katia (Michelle Lee).  After killing many Ukrainians, don't ask, she reaches Russia and meets up with the sultry Katia.  The two are tasked to find the secret lab and figure out what this UFO is capable of and what the Ukrainian scientists and military are doing with it.  By the way, the Ukrainians then blow up Vladivostok with an EMP...very sad.

Katia has a plan.  A better one than Bush's plan to invade Afghanistan and Iraq.  Her and Lila will impersonate lesbian strippers, get hired at a Moscow strip club, and steal an access card to this secret lab from one of the customers.  Katia tutors Lila and teaches her some very sensual lesbian stripper moves.  The duo infiltrate the club and develop an erotic lesbian act, kill a bunch of Russians, don't ask, and get the access card.  Now they head to the lab, infiltrate it, murder a bunch of Ukrainian soldiers and eventually find the UFO.  They better hurry...whatever the Ukrainians have planned, several more cities in the middle east will be the target.  The U.S. is already creating cover stories to blame Iran and launch their own World War 3. 

Ivan Mitov and the creators of "Cold Fusion" are more honest than CNN, Fox News, our government, and especially our Intel community.  More importantly, Ms. Lee and Ms. Brown are incredibly sensual and convincing as lesbian strippers.  Why don't we have more movies about hot lesbian strippers saving civilization?  Okay, that's it.  Watch "Cold Fusion" and turn off the television news and ignore anything that comes out of the White House.

Track of the Vampire, Beatnik Artist Vampire Shreds Models

Straight out of the 1960s.  We have beatnik artist types.  More important, we have bikini clad babes, underwear clad babes, formal wear clad babes, and naked babes.  Don't get attached to any of them, they'll all die horribly.  Then we have a vampire...maybe.  In what ends up as a brutal and shocking horror film with a lot of cheese and gore, we have a Roger Corman-like film in 1966's "Track of the Vampire" (aka "Blood Bath"), directed by Jack Hill and Stephanie Rothman...and with a cameo by Corman.

Antonio Sardi (William Campbell) is a highly sought after artist.  Weird guy.  His studio is in a bell tower of an old church and he paints beautiful women in the agony of death.  His genre is labeled "Dead Red Nudes."  Models flock to him.  After a couple of babes have been murdered by a vampire in some erotic scenes, Daisy (Marissa Mathes) pleads with Antonio to paint her.  She even sheds all her clothes before being asked to.  Mistake.  Antonio murders her and paints her.  Two other babes of note, sultry ballet dancer Dorean (Lori Saunders) and Donna (Sandra Knight).  Dorean is a babe who prances around in a bikini the whole film and is really loved by Antonio.  Donna is Daisy's sister who investigates her disappearance and now follows Antonio.

The vampire hangs out at the beach and pool parties.  He finds babes, drags them in the water, undresses them, and bites their necks.  Is this vampire Antonio?  Maybe.  Antonio's ancestors were burned at the stake for similar anti-social behavior.  There also appears to be a vixen from centuries ago that he is trying to resurrect.  Strippers, models, and bikini babes will all fall in gruesome fashion as Antonio keeps putting out his Dead Red Nudes. Now Antonio is really falling in love with Dorean, who fills out a bikini like no other woman.  Uh oh for Antonio...Donna is smart and suspects him of her sister's disappearance. 

Is Antonio the vampire?  Why is Antonio murdering these babes?  Is this film a metaphor for the ultimate track of the hippie/beatnik existence, which is death?  The cheese factor in this film is superb. Sadly, the babes will all die horribly.  For a neat 1960s horror flick incorporating the beatnik scene, see "Track of the Vampire." 

Halloween Girl, The Complete Graphic Novel

Last May I reviewed the first two comic books of what would eventually be part of an entire graphic novel, "Halloween Girl."  Today, I am pleased to say, I am going to expound on the completed graphic novel by Richard T. Wilson.  Mr. Wilson has given us a heroine, Charlotte, and she is a babe...sadly, she is also a ghost.  The sultry ghost-babe faced so much peril from an evil cult/order, spider creatures, and other otherworldly dangers.  Alas, her perils will only intensify as the completed graphic novel adds about 75% to the story.  Mr. Wilson will take us beyond the evils he wrote about in the first two chapters and deliver us to into a world of deadly betrayals, more creatures, conniving demons, and the brink of our world's apocalypse.  Fortunately, the sultry Charlotte will take us by the hand and be our guide.

Charlotte won't be the only beauty gracing the pages of "Halloween Girl."  Meet Lenore Poe.  She'll befriend Charlotte and pull her out of the evils of the first two chapters.  Who is Poe?  Also a ghost.  Can she be trusted? You'll see...but we hope so, as she is very likable and a real dish, herself.  She also has knowledge that Charlotte needs.  Sadly, Charlotte died 10 years previous and now her baby (now 10 years old) is in mortal danger from demons that make up the Hollow.  The Hollow wants souls and currently they have Luke, Charlotte's son.  Poe can bring her to their lair...but this will put Poe's very existence in danger.  If Charlotte wants an opportunity to rescue her son from the Hollow, she will have to put Poe in mortal danger.

Now Poe and Charlotte are tasked.  Uh oh...we find out Poe's backstory and the backstory for the Hollow. This will be very disconcerting as we understand the peril Poe faces in helping Charlotte.  The Hollow lives in deceit and destruction and our two ghost-babes are, of course, walking into a trap.  This may not be such a bad thing as Charlotte and Poe have attitude, a sense of righteousness, and the ability to improvise when needed.  As the Hell-like lair of the Hollow beckons with razor sharp teeth, Poe and Charlotte press on in a quest to save the innocent Luke.  Little do they realize, a lot more is at stake than just Luke's life. 

Brilliant artistry conveys the beauty of Charlotte and the eeriness of her world.  Mr. Wilson's story is fast-paced and ominous.  As the pages turn, Charlotte falls deeper into the evil world of the Hollow and its monsters and deceit.  From Young Adults all the way to old adults, Richard T. Wilson's graphic novel "Halloween Girl" will captivate, terrify, and take you on a horrific journey.  Read "Halloween Girl" today!

To get a copy of "Halloween Girl" or find out more about it, click on this link HALLOWEEN GIRL 

       

Pep Squad, Prom Queen Hopefuls Dying Horribly

Yeah...one might call this film a bargain basement "Carrie."  However, while "Carrie" was a bit shallow, short on social commentary, and over-acted, 1998's "Pep Squad," directed by Steve Balderson is filled with contemporary social commentary and even has a bobbing for marshmallow orgy.  If you are looking for moviemakers to outline, pay attention to balance, and story board...stop reading now.  If you are looking for cheese, gratuitous nudity and violence, and a lot of homicide, stay tuned. 

Prom is coming up at Oak Hill High and hunk student president Scott (Adrian Pujol) will crown the queen at the conclusion of the prom.  He announces the eight finalists, which include the bisexual Julie (Summer Makovkin) and the clean cut babe Beth (Jennifer Dreiling).  Oh yes, bitchy conniver Terra (Amy Kelly) is also a finalist.  Who isn't a finalist?  Better question.  Psycho Cherry (Brooke Balderson) is not a finalist.  In a very homicidal snit, Cherry decides to murder all the finalists.  She'll embark on this quest mowing down beautiful high schoolers.  Uh oh...psychos aren't the only ones with issues in high school.  Beth is the new target for rape and molestation by pervert principal Mr. Anderson (Eric Sherman).

Julie, Scott, and Beth form a friendship.  Cherry continues arming herself and murdering.  Terra plots an angle to be named Prom Queen.  What ensues is more murder,  more nubile babes getting mauled, the aforementioned orgy,  schoolgirl rivalry, deviant sex...and a whole slew of other minor characters emerging as potential serial killers.  When Cherry joins Beth, Scott, and Julie in a weird and twisted plot of revenge, more bodies will fall and the fate of the new Prom Queen, whoever it is, is sealed in blood.

What will happen to the babe who is eventually named Prom Queen?  Will Beth, Scott, and Julie pay with their own blood for making a bargain with psycho Cherry?  Does Terra really know what she is in for by angling to be Prom Queen?  Perhaps a metaphor for what is really happening in American high school. Or perhaps this film is just a vehicle for nudity, deviance with marshmallows, and brutal homicide.  All good, whatever way you choose to view it.  Watch "Pep Squad" and see what might have been if Stephen King took a moment to think before penning "Carrie."  

Maniac Killer, Cult Tortures and Shreds Parisian Babes

Woke-ism is the new Puritanism.  Just like the religious zealots of the 17th century, the woke-masters of today will soon meet their reckoning.  Feminine beauty seems to be a target of Puritanism and woke-ism.  Today, ugly men are winning beauty pageants which used to be for beautiful females.  This is not sustainable and today we see woke-ism getting pounded and shunned...good!  So let us look at a piece of Euro-trash from France in which sultry Euro-babes get shredded by a Puritanical cult which objects to beautiful women.  Today we look at 1987's "Maniac Killer" (known on Tubi as "Mania Killer"), directed by Andrea Bianchi.

Loose Parisian women are being abducted by a weird cult.  Gondrand (Robert Ginty) is wealthy castle owner who has a torture chamber/temple in his dungeon, the Fixer Upper suggestion of a bonus room was rejected.  As our film begins, his henchman abducts nightclub hostess Rosalee (Isabelle Rochard).  She'll be chained up, stripped, fondled, whipped, burned, and humiliated.  Okay, talk about being miscast, enter Dr. Osborne (Chuck Connors).  He was expelled from America for conducting fatal experiments on beautiful women (he must have worked for the CDC). Now he is doing his experiments in Paris.  Also enter Count Silvano (Bo Svenson).  At his party he catches his wife, the beautiful Countess Silvano (Paulina Adrian) sucking face with Gondrand. The Count has Gondrand thrown out.

The torture continues and Rosalee continues to draw Gondrand's wrath.  Oh yes, Gondrand uses the beautiful Lysia (Suzanne Andrews) to do the whipping.  Lysia seems to get off on whipping and scalding other beautiful women.  The cult believes that beautiful women are Satan's tools and must repent, confess, and have their beauty marred (they must have majored in Feminist Studies at an American university).  Lysia and Gondrand seem to get off on marring the Euro-babes.  Now Gondrand acts on his anger and abducts Countess Silvano.  The Euro-babe is also strung up in the torture chamber and Lysia can't wait to whip her.  But wait!  How about our mad scientist?  Osborne is on the run and just might, in very ironic fashion, be able to help the Countess.

Will the Countess be rescued before Lysia's whip and branding iron mar her?  Are American beauties being teed up for similar treatment by the woke neo-Puritans in this country?  Exactly who casted Chuck Connors and Bo Svenson in this film (not that we mind)?  Erotic and very misogynistic, "Maniac Killer" is some neat Euro-trash with a very interesting cast.   

The Devil's Mistress, Vampire Babe vs. Cowboys

I admit it.  This film will probably only be liked by peeps who actually watch MST3K for the movie.  I'm one of those. Still, it is always nice to see the combination of a horror film and an oater.  The Old West is really a perfect setting for vampires...and especially vampire vixens.  That is what we have today as we look at 1965's "The Devil's Mistress," directed by Orville Wanzer.

Four cowboys are on the run after pulling off a deadly heist.  Will (Oren Williams) leads the quartet which features the clean cut kid Frank (Robert Gregory) and the evil duo of Joe (Douglas Warren) and Charlie (Wes Moreland).  They flee through Apache territory and must be low key so as not to be noticed by those Indians.  The cowboys come across a macabre cabin in a valley and approach.  Will is hesitant as it looks lifeless.  They are greeted by the weird puritan-like figure Jeroboam (Arthur Resley).  He invites them in for a meal.  His beautiful but mute daughter, Leah (Joan Stapleton) serves three of the men.  Will, spooked by the cabin and the duo that lives there, does not enter.  The three others have a too long and very gratuitous eating scene featuring bad manners, slurping, and burps.

The evil cowboys kill Jeroboam and rape Leah.  Joe and Charlie abduct Leah and catch up to Will and Frank.  Uh oh...Leah's turn.  Charlie will make Leah suck face with him and have his lifeforce sucked out.  Now Leah is on the warpath and the other three have no idea what is going on.  Leah turns on the seduction and tries to suck more face and swap a lot of spit with the other cowboys.  If they give in to her hypnotic beauty, it will be at their peril.  Uh oh...sucking lifeforce out of men is not Leah's only anti-social behavior...as many of you guys may have found out from your ex-wives.

Will any of the cowboys survive the seductive and homicidal tendencies of their new vampire friend?  Does Leah have one of the cowboys in mind for her mate?  How many men reading this have had their lifeforces sucked out of them by a sultry babe?  A fable about the evils that beautiful women can do to men?  A vampire horror story set in the Old West?  Either way, this film has some creepy scenes and plots and finishes with quite a bang.  See "The Devil's Mistress" today and never return to the clean cut "Bonanza" episodes on the western channel on satellite TV.