Sunday, December 5, 2021

Blood Orange, Iggy Pop and his Nude Trophy Wife

Kacey Barnfield (aka Kacey Clarke) is maybe the sultriest actress gracing the horror scene today.  You might remember her as she was ripped to shreds in one of the "Resident Evil" films, or as a nubile damsel in "Lake Placid." Now, we have her as a skinny-dipping trophy wife (or gold-digger) of Iggy Pop in 2016's "Blood Orange."  Iggy will emerge in this film old, tired, droopy, and gun-toting.  Ms. Barnfield will be nude a lot, clad in various bikinis and other revealing pool attire.  Oh yes...she'll also have a lot of deviant sex out of wedlock with the hunk pool boy.  Directed by Toby Tobias, this one will have plotting, revenge, and murder.

That's what she does...don't hate her for it. Isabelle (Barnfield) is a babe who marries rich old geezers.  She waits for them to die and inherits their money.  In the meantime, she has deviant out of wedlock sex with any hunk that comes her way.  Bill (Pop) is her current husband...he's on death's door.  The two really do love one another.  He lives with Isabelle in a villa on the Spanish coast.  He composes music, she skinny dips and has sex with the pool boy, David (Antonio Magro).  By the way, she has some nice bikinis, though they don't stay on long. Oh yes, Bill constantly carries a rifle around as rabbit hunting is another hoppy of his...watch out David!

Uh oh! The hunk Lucas (Ben Lamb) arrives.  See, Lucas' dad was married to Isabelle.  When the dad died, the old guy left his entire fortune to Isabelle.  Lucas is worthless and upset...he wants the inheritance ...Isabelle won't give him it.  Oh yes, while married to the old guy, Isabelle had a lot of sex with Lucas.  Now Lucas is bent on making Isabelle's life as unpleasant as possible until she gives him the entire inheritance.  Lucas is in way over his head.  Isabelle is smart and so is Bill.  Bill is not fazed by Lucas' sudden appearance...he just makes sure his rifles are loaded.  David?  He looks so terrific, you gals can attest.  David and Isabelle will continue their daily excursions into steamy passion.  Then bang!  Lucas' dirty tricks start...and so does murder.

With all her skinny-dipping and out of wedlock sex with the pool boy, does Isabelle have a shot at surviving until the end credits?  What are Bill's plans for Lucas?  Is Lucas' plan for wealth a sound one, or is he in over his head?  Ms. Barnfield delivers one of the steamiest performances you will ever see.  Fans of Iggy Pop will also enjoy seeing his tender relationship with the adoring babe.  For a steamy good time with murder and skinny-dipping, see "Blood Orange."

   

Friday, December 3, 2021

Crucible of Terror, Euro-Trash Horror

What makes this Euro-Trash?  There is no one set definition for this term, just trust me...you know it when you see it.  For me?  I'd say its plenty of scantily clad or nude Euro-babes...in much peril...and in many cases brutally murdered.  The perfect genre for the divorced man, let's say.  Or the discriminating man with some secret but prurient tastes.  Hence today's feature, from England, 1971's "Crucible of Terror," directed by Ted Hooker. 

Victor (Mike Raven) is an eccentric artist.  Years ago he did a sculpture.  Okay, it wasn't really a sculpture.  See, he believes beauty must be preserved forever.  Victor found a ravishing model and encased her in bronze.  Now the 'sculpture' has shown up in John's (James Bolam) gallery. John's gallery isn't making money and Victor's piece is the only thing drawing interest.  John befriends Vincent's drunk son, Michael (Ronald Lacey) and gets an invite to Vincent's country compound.  Vincent hopes to buy more works from the fiend.  Enter the babes...John will bring his sultry but dull girlfriend, Millie (Mary Maude) and Michael will bring his nubile blonde girlfriend, Jane (Beth Morris).  

After they arrive, Victor ignores John and tries anything he can to get Jane and Millie to pose for him.  Jane will die horribly soon, so we will not mention her again.  Oh yes, also at the estate is Victor's totally lunatic wife, Dorothy (Betty Alberge).  Oh yes, Marcia is his current babe model...looks great in a bikini and she tries to put the moves on Millie, too. Now the nubile Millie will prance around in a kimono or a bikini and felt drawn in by the spirit of a long dead cult-beauty.  Happens.  Victor will become more aggressive in getting Millie to pose for him.  He even gets the forge operating so he will he will have access to molten bronze.

                                    

Will Millie become Victor's new prized work of art?  Does Marcia, with her bikini and sensual lesbian tendencies, have any shot at surviving to the end credits?  Will any of the men in this film actually do anything useful to stop Victor from turning Millie into something magnetic?  This is a good one.  The beautiful will die so horribly and the performance by Mr. Raven will remind you of Christopher Lee in those old Hammer films.  See "Crucible of Terror," and get your fill of Euro-trash this holiday season. 

Wednesday, December 1, 2021

Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp, Hunks and Babes Felled by Slasher

Okay...so maybe this film is very similar to "Bloody Murder."  So what!  Its also very similar to most of the "Friday the 13th" movies!  At least its not similar to "Bridges of Madison County."  We'll have gory killings, gratuitous pre-marital sex scenes, gratuitous shower scenes, nudity, and Tiffany Shepis will have a hand in all those plot devices.  Today we look at "Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp," directed by Rob Spera.

A bunch of teen counselors, all hunks and babes, are closing down a camp as the summer ends.  A few years ago, Tracy's (Kate Woodruff) brother was murdered with fellow counselors at this same camp...while closing it down.  I know...don't you think she could've got a different summer job...maybe as a stripper...er exotic dancer, sorry.  Good news...Angela (Shepis) is a fellow counselor and she will be nude a lot, have a bunch of naked pre-marital sex, have some gratuitous shower scenes, and more sex.  The killer, with a goalie mask and machete, arrives and begins picking off the teens.  He'll use a chainsaw, a crossbow, and a machete.  Tracy has a beau, Mike (Kelly Gunning).  Mike is a hunk, very insensitive, and will emerge as a suspect.

Now the counselors are on the run.  The beautiful Sofie (Amanda Magarian) will endure so much abuse in this, and emerges as a favorite.  More suspects arise...basically any guy in this film will be a suspect.  Angela will get naked some more and even seduce Mike.  Tracy will look serious and annoy people as she keeps grieving for her dead brother...like, just get over it, babe!  The beautiful and handsome will die so horribly.  Gore and nudity will carry much of this film.

Is Angela too much of a skank to survive?  How about Sofie and Tracy?  Do either one of them have what it takes to be a final girl?  Will Tracy stop bringing up her dead brother as everyone has pretty much told her that hey couldn't care less?  Cheesecake, beefcake, gore, nudity, chainsaws and machetes...Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep couldn't make a film like this.  Do yourself a favor and see a gritty and traditional slasher flick, "Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp."  

Monday, November 29, 2021

I Drink Your Blood, Rabid Satanists and Machetes

Happens every spring.  Those damned Satanists come to town to wreak havoc. Wouldn't it be nice if we just forgot about their constitutional rights and gave them what they deserve?  Hence 1970's film, a Jerry Gross production, "I Drink Your Blood," directed by David E. Durston.  Not for those with weak stomachs.  One must wonder if this film influenced or inspired George Romero's, "The Crazies."  

A satanic cult headed by Horace (Bhaskar Roy Chowdhury) arrives in town after their van breaks down.  They perform a satanic rite and rape a local girl, Sylvia (Arlene Farber).  Sylvia was brought to the rite by one of the Satanists, Andy (Tyde Kierney)...he should've brought her roller-skating instead.  Sylvia escapes and reaches her granddad's house.  Pete (Riley Mills) is Sylvia's cute little brother who will grow up to be a serial killer.  Granddad goes to where the Satanists are dwelling, an abandoned hotel, to murder them.  The creeps overpower him and fill him with LSD.  Now Pete must act...the future Ted Bundy kills a rabid dog, collects its rabid blood and visits the sultry Mildred (Elizabeth Merner-Brooks) who makes meat pies at her bakery.

Pete arranges the sale of a dozen meat pies to the Satanists. Oh yeah...Pete took the liberty to spike the pies with rabid blood.  Now all the Satanists are rabid and foaming at the mouth.  You'll like Carrie (Lynn Lowry), a mute Satanist who goes crazy with an electric knife.  Now the Satanists grab machetes and pitchforks and attack the town.  Many of the townsfolk will be bitten in battle and become rabid lunatics themselves.  The pretty Sylvia, who has recovered nicely from her rape, has rejoined Satanist Andy, and the two try to survive the horde, along with Pete.  Mildred grabs a shotgun and does the same.  The horde is unstoppable, or so it seems.  Decapitations, pitchfork gutting, and self immolation will ensue.

Will anyone in the town survive?  Should we commend Sylvia for moving past her rape at the hands of the Satanists to begin dating them again?  How about the very pretty Mildred...do the Satanists have special plans for her?  This is a terrific drive-in horror film with much cheese and blood.  For a good old fashioned drive-in horror flick, see "I Drink Your Blood."

Saturday, November 27, 2021

Island Zero, Something Attacks Maine

Something has converged on an isolated Maine island at Christmas time. How do we know its Christmas Time? The weirdest Christmas carols keep playing...carols I've never heard before. They remind me of John Carpenter's synthesized Halloween score...only with a holiday motif. This is appropriate because the monster in this is just as eerie and uncomfortable. All this will play out to the detriment of grouchy New England islanders during an attack from the sea in 2018's "Island Zero."
As our film begins a weird old guy and his annoying dog are...well...its not good. We arrive at the island of misfit grouches only to find out their fishing nets are bare and no fish swim in their waters anymore. Why? Yep...something is in the water and it is closing in on them. With fish gone, a new source of food will be needed by the invader. We meet a lot of characters, none likable, but Sam (Adam Wade McLaughlin) is a biologist. He has come to the island after his biologist wife was eaten by a sea creature. Whatever got his wife...he has followed to this island...bad move.
Maggie (Laila Robins) is the town doctor and she has a lot of guns...smart. Then Titus (Matthew Wilkas) is a novelist...or is he? Oh yes...Lucy (Teri Reeves) is the only babe in the film and her fate will be so sad. With electricity cut off by the monster and no ferries on their way, most of the population crams on two boats headed to the mainland...they will all die horribly. Now a handful of grouchy survivors must prepare for an invasion from the sea. They are ill equipped. But wait! Titus isn't who he claims to be and when he lets the islanders (bait) know what they're up against, Maggie forms a plan...albeit, not a very good one. Whatever has eaten all the fish in the sea is now heading to meet the survivors...or sample the menu, if you will.
Just what is in the sea and why hasn't anyone on the mainland come to help? Who exactly is Titus and what does he know? What took Sam's wife and what was she looking for when it got her? Directed by Josh Gerritsen, this sea monster flick is eerie and almost hypnotizing. The final reveal will be wild and ambitious. Not the feel good film of 2018, but it is refreshing to see horror from Maine without Stephen King's name attached.

Thursday, November 25, 2021

Sympathy, Three Psychos in a Motel Room

What do you get when you add a beautiful teenage girl to two felons?  Right...three psychos.  Not a good combination, anyway...just picture two of the guys are hardened goons and the gal is a manipulative skank.  Hence much bloodshed and bad behavior.  Today we look at 2007's "Sympathy," directed by Andrew Moorman.

As it begins, Trip (Steven Pritchard) has just robbed a bank.  On the run he grabs the beautiful Sara (Marina Shtelen) at gunpoint.  Now Sara is a hostage.  Trip brings her into a seedy motel room and handcuffs her to the headboard of the bed.  You've met gals like Sara...very appealing until they open their mouths.  When Trip accidentally shoots her in the shoulder...we sort of understand.  Bad news for Trip... Dennis (Aaron Boucher) arrives.  He bursts in the hotel room, also on the run.  Dennis has just escaped from the state pen where he is serving a murder sentence.  The escapee gets the drop on Trip and now Trip is also a hostage.

Dennis shows some of that murderer personality and seems to be quite psycho.  Sara begins trying to manipulate both her captors by demeaning them and then trying to seduce them.  Now all three antagonists develop a hatred toward one another and the conversation between them isn't very edifying.  Wait!  What's going on here?  Just who is the psycho?  You won't believe what Sara, even handcuffed, does to her tormentors.  Ick.  Now the two males, fighting over their hostage, try to decide what to do and what to do with Sara.  Some of you might ask what plans Sara has for her two so-called captors. Oh yes...this will get really bloody...you'll see. 

Just who is Sara and how depraved is she?  Do either Dennis or Trip intend to have their way with the almost nubile Sara, and/or kill her?  Is Trip really a bank robber?  This is a gory and wild one and you never really know who the king (or queen) psycho really is.  Mr. Boucher and Mr. Pritchard are fantastic as the heavies, and Ms. Shtelen is beautiful and will capture your stares...even though you'll want to murder her, too.  See "Sympathy" and meet three losers who you will have no sympathy for.

Tuesday, November 23, 2021

Dr. Jekyll's Dungeon of Death, Insanity and Depravity

Wild! Vicious! Depraved! Weird! The elitists at IMDB give our feature today a 2.8/10 rating. Alas, the world has never appreciated a mad scientist, except for this Fauci stooge.  Dr. Jekyll may be one of the most famous ones...but imagine if his insanity and viciousness is ramped up ten times.  Today we look at 1979's "Dr. Jekyll's Dungeon of Death," directed by James Wood.

The great grandson of Dr. Jekyll is at it in his San Francisco mansion.  He's experimenting on kidnapped human subjects with a rage drug.  It works.  He has lobotomized his nubile sister Hilda (Nadine Kalmes). Now he gropes and shoves his tongue into her mouth and she doesn't complain...much. He also has chained up the lovely Julia (Dawn Carter Kelly). He keeps her heavily sedated so he can grope and kiss her.  Jekyll pits the kidnap victims against each other in fights to the death.  We are treated to some vicious cat-fights, and you'll enjoy the Kung Fu vixen  (Tes Luz). He also kidnaps Julia's dad, Prof. Atkinson (John F. Kearney).  He is disgusted at Jekyll's experiments and use of human subjects.

Jekyll will sadistically beat Hilda and his other servants.  As Jekyll has his 16th bloke kidnapped, he seems to enjoy pitting males and females against each other in these fights to the death. The mad scientist continues to sexually molest Julia, who laughs at his marriage proposal.  This makes Hilda jealous and now Julia must fear both Jekyll and Hilda.  The increasing lunacy and sadism of Jekyll foretells a bloody and deranged ending.

Is the Jekyll character in this film a foretelling of the emergence of Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx?  Is a cat-fight brewing between Hilda and Julia?  How about this Kung Fu babe...will she be able to escape her bondage and spar with Jekyll?  Yep, vicious and depraved...but with so much energy and sadism, "Dr. Jekyll's Dungeon of Death" is one for true horror fans.