Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Gimme Head: The Tale of the Cuyahoga Valley Bigfoot

He is elusive. The enigmatic beast has kept us guessing since the founding of these great United States. A weird skunk-ape? The product of an overactive imagination? Or a monster stalking campers and outsmarting hunters? Bigfoot! As secretive as this fiend is, there are no shortage of Bigfoot sightings.  All 50 states (...well, I'm not sure about Hawaii) have witnesses to this thing. Bigfoot has also captured the imagination of horror film makers. Many Syfy Channel films, and even "The Six Million Dollar Man" has used Sasquatch as the subject of their movies and episodes. Can you imagine what Ed Wood, or Maryland's own Don Dohler would have done with the Bigfoot legend? Wonder no more, hence Logan Fry's fabulous horror short, "Gimme Head: The Tale of the Cuyahoga Valley Bigfoot."
The beautiful Annie loses her head
Okay, picture Barry Levinson's "Diner" meshed with "Plan 9 from Outer Space." Sasquatch (Gary Moon) is terrorizing Ohio, pulling off the heads of anyone who roams too far into the woods. A group of five diner patrons are captivated by the legendary monster and seek to find him. This quest will have bloody results and the quintet will quickly shrink in number. Anne (Bailey Jursik) will be the first diner to lose her head.  But wait!  A plan...and it concerns breasts. Sonja (Meghana Lynn) has the largest among the group, so she is set up to take the point and lead the now quartet to the hairy thing. But will the rather large assets of Sonja soothe the savage beast?
The elusive Bigfoot
Campy, rough, and amateurish, "Gimme head..." is hilarious and fast paced.  If you loved "Plan 9 from Outer Space," or Don Dohler's "Nightbeast" you will instantly take to "Gimme Head..."  Still being fine tuned, Logan Fry's interpretation of the Bigfoot legend remains less preachy and stiff than that "Six Million Dollar Man" episode.  Furthermore, no slow motion in this one!  In the spirit of Ed Wood film-making, this horror short is not quite finished, but Mr. Fry will let you see his work just by clicking on the link below.  I have kept lots of hilarious plot elements up my sleeve to avoid spoilers, but rest assured, there is a lot here in this less than 20 minute short.
Gimme Head
Gimme Head on IMDB
Gimme Head Trailer

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

The Monster that Challenged the World, Mollusk Carnage

A snail? Yep...don't laugh. Take a half dozen of these mollusk things, add a bit of radiation, and...well...kiss the planet goodbye. Yes...when escargot goes completely mad we are left with 1957's "The Monster that Challenged the World." So remember, next time you dine at a ritzy French restaurant, as you sip on some Chablis and nibble on your little shelled friends, that if the radiation levels in the kitchen elevate just a little, the mollusk entree could be nibbling on you.
The monster reveals
An earthquake in California's Salton Sea opens up an underwater cave filled with monster, giant snails. Three sailors aboard a navy launch are the first to have their juices sucked out by the fiends. No nonsense navy commander Lt. John Twillinger (Tim Holt), call him Twill, is on the case. He is mystified and enlists the help of navy doctor Jess Rogers (Hans Conreid). With a heart of stone, Twill meets the pretty secretary of Rogers, Gail (Audrey Dalton), and now has two missions....find out what killed the sailors and woo this exotic widow. Uh oh, the sultry Jody (Barbara Darrow) and her BF decide on a midnight swim in the Salton Sea. Jody strips off her dress revealing a white swimsuit that would make Julia Adams ("Creature from the Black Lagoon") proud.  Yep, both this white clad bathing beauty and her beau will have their juices sucked out.
Jody, snail bait
As Gail tells Twill all about the hardships of widowhood, he intensifies his goo-goo eyes. A break! Divers recover a monster egg sack and bring it back to Rogers' lab. Also, while recovering the formerly stunning Jody, the monsters attack revealing themselves to Twill and Rogers, while sucking dry another diver. Now Rogers and Twill know what they are fighting. No matter, Twill takes a break from saving the world and takes Gail on a romantic dinner in Mexico.  After a cold shower, Twill enacts a plan.  See, the Salton Sea has hundreds of canals. If the sea beasts get into the canals and reach civilized areas...well...as Dr. Rogers says...the planet could be wiped out. As the deaths pile up, the monsters find a way onto land and a path to the vulnerable Gail.
Gail in much peril
Will our creatures make it to population centers?  Will Twill's plan succeed to kill the monsters and also hook the nubile but sultry widow? Is that last question a metaphor of the plight of most of the world's male population?  Just what is it about babes in white swimsuits that captured the imagination of monsters and horror film makers?  "The Monster that Challenged the World" is a good one and the acting is first-rate. Though made in 1957, the horror of the giant snails is ripped right out of today's headlines.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, Eroticism in the Amazon

There is no better way to do this than to just describe the opening scene. A sultry blonde nurse tries to rape a beautiful girl patient in an insane asylum.  The girl bites off the nurse's breast before she is strapped to a cot. Also in the asylum is Emanuelle (Laura Gemser) who is an undercover reporter doing a story on insane asylums. To get more information from the cannibal girl, Emanuelle sneaks into the girl's room, pulls off her hospital robe and satisfies her sexually.  Pure sexploitation Italian style. If this appeals to you...then read further regarding 1977's "Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals."
Emanuelle interviews cannibal girl
After her asylum assignment, Emanuelle recruits anthropologist Mark Lester (Gabriele Tinyi) for an Amazon expedition...then has pre-marital sex with him.  Off to the Amazon...no wait, Emanuelle has to have sex with Peter first. Who's Peter? Who knows?! Now off to the Amazon to have sex with...er...I mean, do a story on the tribe which the aforementioned cannibal girl emanated (...after more sex with Mark). Arriving in the Amazon, Emanuelle meets the nubile blonde Isabelle (Monica Zanchi). On the expedition, she'll have lesbian sex with her as a chimp smoking a cigarette watches (don't ask).
Emanuelle and Isabelle
The expedition, now underway, includes Sister Isabelle, a shapely nun and future cannibal food, and the McKenzies (Donald O'Brien and Nieves Navarro). Mrs. McKenzie will be ...well you'll see. As they trek through the jungle, one by one, they are eaten by cannibals.  Lots of pre-marital sex will dominate this adventure, as Emanuelle will satisfy male and female alike.  Lots of cannibal carnage will interrupt passionate sex scenes and in the end, Emanuelle and Mark will have to rescue the survivors from the cannibals.  Emanuelle's plan to rescue them from a deadly fertility festival will be unique and quite erotic and utilize her nudity and lesbian tendencies.
He had it coming
When last we met Emanuelle in this blog, Laura Gemser was being raped by male and female in Women's Prison Massacre . In this cannibal film, Emanuelle is the sexual aggressor and she uses her eroticism to conquer a jungle full of cannibals. There will be a lot of breasts bared in this film, though many of them will be eaten. In fact, every sex organ (male and female) is on the menu in this masterpiece. For sexploitation at its maximum, see "Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals."

Friday, June 23, 2017

Autopsy, The Naked Coroner

Remember the TV show "Quincy"? Jack Klugman played a medical examiner who went around solving murders. Fortunately Klugman kept his clothes on during that show. Today we look at 1975's "Autopsy" where the sultry Mimsy Farmer is cast as a medical examiner in Italy who keeps taking off her clothes to have pre-marital sex. When she doesn't take them off, some odd guy does it for her. Even the corpses in her morgue seem to be excited by her sex-appeal. Nothing says "Naked Raw Passion" like a babe with a corpse on her slab. Was "Quincy" inspired by "Autopsy"? You be the judge.
As our film opens we see several grisly suicides. It is August in Italy and sunspots might be causing these suicides. Simona (Farmer) sees many of these victims in her morgue and begins seeing visions of these corpses rising and either beckoning her or engaging in sex. Distressed, Simona goes home and has a chance meeting with her dad's young GF (Gaby Wagner). Simona next meets this vixen when she appears on a slab in her morgue with a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Simona becomes suspicious that perhaps these suicides aren't suicides but homicides. On cue Father Lenox (Barry Primus) storms into the morgue and announces that the girl on the slab is his sister and she did not commit suicide. Father Lenox was a former Grand Prix driver and was responsible for 11 deaths during the "Massacre at Le Mans" (...don't ask).
Lenox and Simona team up, but really don't get along. Simona's beau, Ed (Ray Lovelock) appears and the two try to have lots of pre-marital sex. Simona pulls away each time as visions of corpses invade her mind. In fact the only way she can have sex is to imagine it is with her new priest friend. As more of Simona's friends, acquaintances, and relatives commit suicide, Simona makes a startling discovery in her morgue which puts her life in danger. As the sunspots continue, our babe coroner becomes unhinged causing us to wonder if she may be responsible for the deaths.
Is Simona the killer or the next victim? Just how is someone able to make dozens of suicides appear as murder? Is this film a thinly veiled metaphor for humanity's subconscious desire to have sexual intercourse with the dearly departed? Wait...where did that come from!  Erotic and creepy, enjoy this horror yarn from Italy, "Autopsy."

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

The Strangeness, Sequel to The Boogens

I bet you didn't know The Boogens had a sequel. I guess it doesn't, in an official sense. However, when we speak of a toothy, tentacled, slimy creature dwelling in an abandoned mine which was closed a century ago because miners kept dying mysteriously...we think of "The Boogens." Today's feature, with similar plot devices, 1985's "The Strangeness." Much maligned and very low-budget, this feature has a really cool creature that grabs you, spits acid on you, then eats you slowly as the acid melts you down. Poetry!
America's newest widow...Cindy
The gold mine was abandoned after dozens of miners met with strange demises. Hemmings (Rolf Theison) buys it and accompanies a team to explore it and see if gold can still be mined. The couple he sent to open it?  Monster food! Joining the team is head miner Geoff (Dan Lunham) who has a penchant for leading his people to sure death. Dan Flanders (Mark Sawicki) is a writer chronicling the history of this cursed cavern. Cindy (Terri Berland), a sultry blonde, dressed in a very snug outfit, is Dan's wife and team photographer. Morgan (Keith Hurt) an English miner who drinks a lot and chews tobacco. And a few more that hardly merit a mention.  The team descends into the mysterious veins of this mine.
Hemmings meets the creature
Angela (Diane Borcyckowski), the team's geologist, will be the first team member, partially dissolved, ripped apart, and eaten. A cave-in then occurs trapping our team in this god-forsaken death trap. Still hungry the monster stalks the miners one by one. The survivors find the remains of their buddies and realize they are dealing with a monster. After tasting blood, the fiend gets really aggressive. Cindy screams a lot and is slapped around a bit after her husband gets it. Meanwhile, Hemmings grabs the now-available Cindy, leaving everyone else to die, and runs for an exit. Cindy fights back and gets her clock cleaned, but Geoff and the boogen-like thing pursue.
Morgan being digested
Will the shapely, and new widow Cindy find love in those mines? Will Geoff stop being a failure, save Cindy, kill the creature, and get him and the damsel to the surface? Directed by Melanie Anne Phillips, "The Strangeness" boasts of a cool monster, some excruciating death scenes, and a babe damsel...what more can we ask for. Instead of wasting your time on the newest "Wonder Woman" (Yawn!), see "The Strangeness" free on YouTube.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Spine, White Clad Victims

Nurses! Such noble souls. However, in the 1980s, these saints suffered unimaginable torture and carnage in slasher films. In "Halloween 2," the prettier the nurse, the more vicious her death. Who can forget when Michael Myers dunked Pamela Susan Shoop's face in a scalding hot tub? I'm sure this sequel to a slasher classic inspired the makers of the 1985 straight-to-VHS "Spine." Like "Halloween 2," we'll meet a lot of beautiful nurses, clad in white, who meet such bloody demises at the hands of a psycho with a knife....and a grudge.
Louise
 As our story begins, a pretty nurse (Kathy Rose) has been stripped of her white uniform and hogtied. A mysterious killer then stabs her 57 times, exposing her backbone and writing "Linda" in blood on the wall.  Who is Linda? Part of the mystery I'm afraid. The cute and perky Louise (Abby Sved) is next. She'll meet the same fate, I'm afraid. The cops are baffled as more nurses fall to this mysterious psycho. On the killer's radar is the beauty in white, Carrie (Janus Blyth). This pretty nurse has just invited another pretty nurse, Leah (Lisa Romanoff) to room with her. Now Leah is on the same demented radar. Both these ladies are spooked by the newspaper accounts of the killings.
The psycho and Carrie
Working his way closer to Carrie, our killer visits the hospital she's plies her trade. In the basement of the facility, our fiend grabs Lori (Marie Dowling), strings her up, cuts her clothes off with a knife, tortures her with the same knife, but is interrupted by Carrie before he can finish the job. Now the killer is determined to finish off Carrie and Leah and the police still have no clue. As Leah takes a shower (...oh yes, gratuitous is an adjective that describes this film well) and Carrie goes for a run in short-shorts, our fiend arrives for an orgy of blood. The two nubile nurses will soon be subjected to a very humiliating and tortuous fate...or will they turn the tables on our fiend? What does the killer have against nurses, and who is Linda?
The psycho and Leah
The killings are cruel and hard to watch and the nurses seem defenseless against this devil. The ending is weird, and many of you may not like it, but rest assured, it will be highly gratuitous. The acting? Well, it is straight-to-VHS quality, but better than any Megan Fox performance. For some vicious sexploitation and horror, take a look at "Spine" and remember not to discuss it in polite company.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

We Love Selfies, ...at our own peril

Do you ever wonder what the creators of those classic urban legends, or those creators of the classic 1980s slasher films would have done with the concept of selfies from smart phones? If Laurie Strode had an iPhone, would Michael Myers have acted differently? How about all those camp counselors at Camp Crystal Lake? Would Jason have had any goodwill toward the frolicking teens taking selfies of themselves in bikinis or making out? In Joseph Sorrentino's "We Love Selfies," those questions are answered. In gory and horrific fashion, the smart phone selfie is introduced into that old classic slasher film plot.
With a tip of the hat to "Halloween," and "He Knows you're Alone," and a few other memorable horror classics, we meet a very pretty babysitter, Dylan (Corrie Graham). Her charge is to tend to the very cute Brittany (Jordan King) as her parents are out for the night. Jordan's a good kid and the evening should be an easy one for Brittany.  Of course, in 2017, pretty babysitters have smart phones and don't only have to rely on UHF horror films for entertainment. Dylan has a smart phone in which she can still be connected to her boyfriend...or whoever is on the other end of the messaging stream.
No more of the plot, but "We Love Selfies" brings up a great questions for all of us in an age of texting and smart phones. Oh yes...there is a third major character in this short...Giggles (Barry Tangert). Yep, Giggles is no comedian, but an escaped serial killer who likes to...well...you'll see. Directed by Roger Glass, this 11 minute horror short will give you nightmares especially if you babysit. Fans of urban legends and 1980s slasher films will love the modern plot device inserted into those terrifying morality tales that keep us up at night clutching a flashlight.
For more information on "We Love Selfies" check out these links:
YouTube Trailer
We Love Selfies on Facebook
Twitter
We Love Selfies on LinkedIn