Monday, July 13, 2020

Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft, Vampire Babes and Sultry Witches

Cat-fights between sultry witches and vampire babes are an underused plot device in modern cinema. However, in 1998's "Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft," we have tons of them. Our sultry witch clad in leather, carrying a sword, will try to stake a number of vampire scantily clad vampire babes, and the two sides will often go hand to hand. Add in some babe and hunk Interpol agents, and an attempt to resurrect an ages old demon and we will have so much fun.
Sultry good witch Celeste (Wendy Cooper), who is also an Interpol advisor, is sent to London to prevent evil forces from...well, doing what evil forces do. Interpol has captured a Satanist leader, Hyde (Kerry Knowlton). Uh oh, bad vampire Raven (Eileen Daly) and her babe vamps will kill a bunch of hunk and babe agents and spring Hyde. Raven wants Hyde to help her perform an ancient rite to resurrect a primo demon...some schmuck named Morshenko. Enter babe agent Lucy (Stephanie Beaton) from L.A. She wants Hyde. She'll team up with hunk agent Chris (Sean Harry)...they'll have steamy pre-marital sex. Luckily for Lucy and Chris that Celeste has arrived as the two lovebirds keep getting pummeled and captured by babe vamps. army of vamps beset Celeste and her two lovebird agents. Dozens of rip-roaring cat-fights will ensue. Meanwhile, Hyde is tricking Raven and her vamps and intends to be the supreme evil ruler of all humanity...or something like that. More cat-fights will ensue as the babe vamps will wipe out all the hunk and babe Interpol agents. Now Celeste and her tow lovebird agents must infiltrate Hyde's lair and contend with him, Raven, and Raven's vamps. I didn't mention Celeste's lover who might be real or a ghost...and I won't. The final battle will see many beautiful, living and undead, fall, and Lucy get pummeled some more.
Will Celeste and her two lovebird agents defeat Hyde and Raven before Lucy gets pummeled into submission? Does the army of beautiful vamps stand a chance against the leather clad Celeste? Is IMDB's 1.9/10 rating of this film display the arrogance of artsy-fartsy reviewer wannabes who think Kate Winslett is a great actress? This is an epic that needs to be seen by B movie lovers. For a great time and a satisfaction of your cat-fight quota, see "Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft," directed by Elisar Cabrera.

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